I’m going to be a father, oh shit. (1026 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.13 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Jimmo> (View user info) at 2005-12-29 05:46:06 EST
I had split up with my ex girlfriend (for 1.8 years) because I realised I could not live with her and worried about her temperament if she were to be a parent.
We managed to split up amicably, we still spoke on the phone and met up, she still loved me but understood my reasons.
She had a few other short-term boyfriends and I got with the love of my life, then she said her breasts were growing!
"Get a test immediately", says me, "don't worry, I would know if I was", says her.
This dragged on and on.
Then last week, on a routine visit, I discover that she has not had a period for four months. "Get a test immediately", says me, "don't worry, I would know if I was", says her.
"Get one M*$&$£%^^ now, dammit".
The afternoon before my current girlfriend's Xmass party, where I will meet all of her African cousins and friends, I get a call.
"Sorry"
Now at that time it still might not have been mine, so I went to the party and told no one.
Three days later, she is 4.5 months gone, probably conceived the week before we split. Her family knows and is delighted (most of the women of that family conceived before they were sixteen), she will look after it with her mother.
I could not tell anyone, though never see/know the child or acknowledge the nipper and have him/her round when he/she/other is old enough and stuff.
It's time to man up and face some responsibilities, shit I knew it was a mistake to be happy.
Still it could all work out and the idea of a little person stomping around calling me daddy is appealing. I nearly crashed on the way to work whilst considering infant exercise regimes.
I need opinions on a few things:
1) Current girlfriend is contender for best woman ever, she might stick around or not citing that I should concentrate on my child. I'm playing/Djing at New Years Eve; everybody is going to be there.
Do I tell her now or wait till after New Year?
2) Two people thought that I was going to marry the ex for the child, now she has a decent boyfriend who seems happy at the prospect of her having some other man's baby, but she would have me back.
She does, however, make me miserable, we have discussed this and she can't help it. Current girlfriend's very presence removes all trouble and strife.
Should I be marrying my ex?
I pretty much know my answers but could do with other opinion.
Please help
User Reviews
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-30 23:25:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for being a pussy and asking if you should marry the thing. gee I wish my dad married my mum out of obligation.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no no NO! Klll her and get rid of the evidence by eating her!..what, thats how I solve ALL my problems, what?!
+2 for nae luck Jimmy.
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DON'T marry her, no good can come from that.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
where do you live? why don't you move to another country. get a vasectomy. then just find another woman to fuck. forget all about this love, marriage, family shit.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Congratulations.
Pending the positive paternity test, you must now filter every decision for the rest of your life through the filter of "Is this what is best for my kid?"
That means decisions about your current future ex girlfriend, the mother, men in her life, women in your life, money, employment, everything.
And don't think you fulfill your obligations as a father by writing a check.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd say don't marry the ex.
Tell the current before New Years.
Meet the guy she's happy with, and talk.
Whatever happens, happens.
Oh, and Vegas, baby, Vegas.
March 3rd, anyone who wants.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81666
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
don't marry her. Nothing worse then bringing a child into a bad marriage, and if you two don't work together that is all it will be.
Far better for you to step up and be a father. Pay your bills. Sacrifice everything you have for this kid, since you decided to be stupid and forego birth control, he/she is your fuckup and it is your G_d given responsibility to bleed yourself to death for this kid if need be. Anything less makes you a shitty parent and an even worse human being.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
"It's like asking a magician or a ninja for a cancer biopsy result. "
Yeah, but I've known him for six years, I have trusted him with my life on more occasions than I could count, he is never worng. He can predict injuries before they walk through the doors.
Will get a test though.
For this alone - actually, not just for this...for your whole stupid post - you should be neutered and NEVER allowed to reproduce, God help us all.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
do they have late term abortions in england?
she didn't even bother taking a fucking pregnancy test for 4 months. if you don't get your period on the pill, something is wrong. unless she is mentally retarded she should know better.
so she was taking the pill aka INGESTING HORMONES for the first four months of the fetus' formation.... great. was she also smoking and drinking?
she wasn't taking prenatal vitamins or doing any of the other things you should start as soon as you know you are pregnant.... which should NOT be 4 months into it.
dumbass, she is. that kid is fucked.
and for the love of god don't marry her!
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks everybody for their replies, it has been helpful. I must now leave the office, goodnight.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Loki.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"4) And for the love of GOD, stop having sex unless it is done within the confines of a loving, church sanctioned marriage and done in the missionary possition with the lights off for the sole purpose of begetting children. I don't think that's too much to ask. "
this made me laugh
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what XFile said
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob- Eat a dick. Would Doctor Phil tell you to eat a dick Bob? I don't think so. I'm waaaaaaay edgier than Doctor Phil. I'm liek, "Doctor Phphil TO TEH EXTREME!!!!11!!!"
Actually, I just give a shit about kids and I get pissed off when they get fucked over because some broke chav had to get a nut.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1) Maintain the level of "horror" you have going in your last couple replies. Scared is okay, so long as it makes you take the situation seriously and NOT BE A FUCKING MORON.
I have dealt with serious shit before, I compartimentalise and I am treating this very seriously.
2) Tell your girlfriend. This has less to do with her right to know that it has to do with the fact that YOU are going to be a FATHER (unless you sign away your parental rights, which will make you a complete shithead and renew all animosity I originally had toward you) and as such your FIRST priority MUST be to be there FOR YOUR CHILD. That means that you WILL NOT have as much time for your girlfriend or yourself. No matter how great your relationship with your girlfriend was, it is different now (unless you're a shithead. Don't be a shithead.)
Agreed, I'm going to do the best I can.
3) You are going to need to get close with your baby-mama and her boyfriend. You guys are going to be spending a lot of time together. It will be better for everybody if you learn to play nice.
I was allways nice to her, she doen't bear me any animosity. Her boyfriend will be there at the scan.
4) And for the love of GOD, stop having sex unless it is done within the confines of a loving, church sanctioned marriage and done in the missionary possition with the lights off for the sole purpose of begetting children. I don't think that's too much to ask.
At least you could have avoided this whole mess.
Mmmmn dissagree, see your point and very pertinent though it is it is not workable. I am working on the financial situation, the child will get first priority.
I will not marry anybody without having slept with them first, once finances sorted will resume quest for wife.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Teeph is really Dr. Phil.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't really belong to any stereotype. But feel free to label if it makes you happy.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Flippant? I'd say more like "Jerry Springer."
Your last two responses are the most reasonable things I've seen you put out, so I suppose we're making progress. And in light of that progress and the good feelings that it engenders I'm not going to attempt to touch on the scary "age gap" you mentioned and how she couldn't fit in with your friends who were all "older graduates." Nope. Not even going to ask.
Moving on, I feel the need to clarify that while I do not generally suggest suicide as a solution to problems that does not absolve me from the Uber tendency to use it as a rather hyperbolic example. I did not and do not REALLY think that your situation (or that of your child, baby-mama or future ex-girlfriend) will be made better if you take your own life. Don't kill yourself.
What you do need to do is:
1) Maintain the level of "horror" you have going in your last couple replies. Scared is okay, so long as it makes you take the situation seriously and NOT BE A FUCKING MORON.
2) Tell your girlfriend. This has less to do with her right to know that it has to do with the fact that YOU are going to be a FATHER (unless you sign away your parental rights, which will make you a complete shithead and renew all animosity I originally had toward you) and as such your FIRST priority MUST be to be there FOR YOUR CHILD. That means that you WILL NOT have as much time for your girlfriend or yourself. No matter how great your relationship with your girlfriend was, it is different now (unless you're a shithead. Don't be a shithead.)
3) You are going to need to get close with your baby-mama and her boyfriend. You guys are going to be spending a lot of time together. It will be better for everybody if you learn to play nice.
4) And for the love of GOD, stop having sex unless it is done within the confines of a loving, church sanctioned marriage and done in the missionary possition with the lights off for the sole purpose of begetting children. I don't think that's too much to ask.
At least you could have avoided this whole mess.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're one of those... what do you call it... chav people aren't you.
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are a walking stereotype
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Having read my post again, it comes accross as a little flippant. That's just my way of dealing with the horror, please forgive.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Teephphah, what you have said is mostly true, though from one perspective.
My ex is a nice descent person, it was no one night stand without protection, it was a long relationship, we were using contraception. So what if she went a bit of the rails after we split, she is only human. I did and still do love her, I just couldn't live with her(a long story).
When I met her, she was looking for someone who wasn't a chav and I after having my heart ripped out of me by a cold intelectual New York Bitch was looking for love.
And we were happy for a good long while, however she had problems mixing with my friends (mostly older graduates) and I was getting frustrated by the age gap.
At several points I thought that she was the person I could spend the rest of my life with. But that changed and when that changed I thought it best to get out before anything happened.
Just a bit too late.
Do I have regrets, yes, do those help, no.
And yes I am worried about my current girlfriend, she does not deserve this. And yes I do want to keep her and I as I still have three months before it arrives, I can spare some thought about her.
If suicide would remove the problem I would have done it, but that's hardly being responsible. it will have enough to worry about without a suicide as a father.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Paternity test. Wear a fucking condom next time.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If she isn't going to make you happy, don't marry her. You'll probably have to pay child support or something, but don't marry her for the kid, whatever you do. He/she will just have to grow up having 1 mommy and 2 daddies.
Reminds me of my favorite Urbandictionary.com definition of bukakke: "Bukkake is when a Mommy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy and a Daddy all decide that Mommy needs some special facial moisturiser"
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:34:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell is a Chav?
------------------------------
Niggers of england, except instead of 40's they drink cider.
And they believe in Reike.
Jimmo, you have been had. How could you have a degree in biology and believe this?
If he can prove this why is he not a millionaire? Why is he not on TV?
Because he will be subject to more scrutiny and proven a fraud.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sort of a White Trash/wigger blend, Bob. Near as I can tell. Hard to say for certain when you're dealing with these limey types.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell is a Chav?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ninja I've seen him beat that. Must admit though I'm not in the right frame of mind for that conversation though.
And it is straying of the topic of the post.
Would you like to host a discussion on it?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jimmo - you will find that *I* very rarely suggest suicide as a solution to problems. It is a card I don't pull very often. In this case however, where you are clearly a moronic dipshit who had no business breeding but yet has gone ahead and DONE IT, it seems appropriate.
Her family is chavvy? ARE YOU GOING TO ACT FUCKING SURPRISED THAT SHE IS TOO? WHY WERE YOU FUCKING HER?
The stupid bitch doesn't even know she's pregnant for FOUR FUCKING MONTHS. WHY WERE YOU FUCKING HER?
But really Jimmo, I could give a shit about you or EITHER of your chav skanks. The reason I think you need to die is, because YOU are an idiot. Some kid is now going to be born into a situation where his or her stupid chav whore of a mother is going to be hopping from guy to guy, daddy to daddy and you are going to sit back and selfishly wonder pitiful shit like "I really think my current GF could be the one, should I tell her about my baby-mama?" or "Man, this other guy seems willing to take care of MY kid, that's a pretty good deal, right?"
Fuck you Jimmo. Fuck you for doing that to a kid.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Simple test for your reiki master.
Give him a blind fold and ear plugs. Have someone stand behind a curtain/towel/blanket and see if he can detect their "life force". A few years ago there was a guy offering a million dollars if someone could do it.
Nobody could.
A few practioners (who knew there stuff is BS) said it wasn't meant for the circus. If they had this great healing power and could really help people, why wouldn't they prove scientists wrong so more people could be helped?
They are all charlatans, and snake oil salesmen. Some might believe their BS, but it is all BS.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"It is called a condom,"
The pill is supposed to be safer, I've lost count of how many condoms broke, you can only take the morning after pill so many times you know.
Do you use both?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Ninja for sparing the other post, we really should discuss this another time. I always hated the sound of Reiki, thought it was a good con.
Have a degree in biology, brought up rationally and that sort of stuff dribbled by hippies pissed me right off. So I know how you feel.
I've just seen and experienced too much to deny the evidence of my own eyes and body.
I will of course, be following western medicine throughout. I hate green tea.
I'm not a chav, though I do advocate chav tolerance. They are not as bad as people make out.
I hope....
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:12:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish, when will they produce a workable male alternative to the pill?
----------------------
It is called a condom, it has kept me from knocking chiskc up and probably getting the HIV.
YOu sure you aren't a chav?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:08:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"No, it was a mistake to screw with no protection. Condom that fucker, discuss birth control with your partner, don't get tied to a person for the rest of your life because you couldn't be bothered. "
She was on the pill, we discussed every option and I was very bothered. But past three months there is no option.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know. Just feeling a bit tender today, hard to feel like I've done anything wrong. I checked that she was taking the pill on a regular basis, I advised a test at the first sign of trouble.
We used condoms for the first four months, but that has hazards too.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"shit I knew it was a mistake to be happy."
No, it was a mistake to screw with no protection. Condom that fucker, discuss birth control with your partner, don't get tied to a person for the rest of your life because you couldn't be bothered.
I know this has been said, but be sure you tell your current gal as soon as humanly possible. She will be much more likely to support you if she doesn't feel that you are trying to hide what happened from her.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimmo- you will learn that 95% of uberers will suggest suicide as the soloution to most problems- don't take it personally.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Teephphah, bit too much coffee today? Lighten up will you.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Ninja, I can see how you have come to your conclusions and can respect that opinion. I normally wouldn't put that stuff on the internet, but I'm in a not giving a shit about anything not child related mood.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
More than anyone else I've ever encountered, you need to die.
I wish I could rip each of your teeth out of your head with rusty pliers. (Oh wait, you're English, assuming you have teeth in your head is a bit of a stretch, innit.)
Ali G is just a fucking show, man.
Get your reiki-healing, club djing (but privately educated) ass to the nearest seppuku center as quickly as possible for immediate treatment.
It pains me to know that your DNA will continue to exist on the planet. Why oh why did you have to repress your homosexuality?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Michelle, think that I should stick around though, don't want it to think that I've abondoned it.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
"It's like asking a magician or a ninja for a cancer biopsy result. "
Yeah, but I've known him for six years, I have trusted him with my life on more occasions than I could count, he is never worng. He can predict injuries before they walk through the doors.
Will get a test though.
-----------------------------------------------
Well you are obviously an idiot if you believe in his mystical power to predict injury or medical condition.
For the kids sake stay as far away as possible, anyone who believes in that shit is too dumb to be benificial in raising children.
As for th ecurrent girlfriend if she is cool as you say, do her a favor and kill yourself before your stupidity infects her.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't marry her if you aren't happy with her. If the other guy is content to raise "your" baby and everyone is happy, just let it go. I do, however, recommend a test of she goes after you for child support.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish, when will they produce a workable male alternative to the pill?
I swear men would never fuck this up.
Sorry for the misogyny, I'm upset.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1. don't marry someone that makes you unhappy.
2. wear condoms.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Chemical castration.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers Xfile, that's exactly my take on things. Phew still sane then.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, ex GF, is from a Chavvy background, I, however, have had a private education. He should have a good mix of social strata when he grows up.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops forgot auto thing
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
all seems a bit chavvy to me.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-12-29 07:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tell your new girlfriend immediatly. She sounds like a person who would admire your honesty and the fact you would come forth with the information so quickly.
Also, don't go back to your ex. You can admit to be the father, but living your life in misery because of the mother is not honest towards her, the baby and yourself. Besides, your ex is happy now with some other guy now.
Third: use a condom next time.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have considered it.
Might run of and become evil druglord, only to have dramatic future confrontation with sprog.
"Alex, I am your father"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:34:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
kill yourself now.
thats the only option.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers Grimm, she might say I should focus on the child, in that case I will.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"It's like asking a magician or a ninja for a cancer biopsy result. "
Yeah, but I've known him for six years, I have trusted him with my life on more occasions than I could count, he is never worng. He can predict injuries before they walk through the doors.
Will get a test though.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Definitely need a paternity test.
if it's not yours, fuck her.
If it is, then i think you should be involved with the child, but by no means should you go back to her. Sit your current gf down and be honest - if she's the woman you say she is, it shouldn't be a problem.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, I think you are right. Dammit, I hope so. I'm in love.
Still am preparing to spend grimm years procuring cash.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah just tell her- explain that you aren't even sure and that it happened before you were with her- It'll be fine.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When do I tell current girlfriend, several people reckon asap. Be dishonest if I didn't.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:06:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, will get paternity test at some point. Though on a freaky note we happen to know a Reiki Master (our martial arts instructor), who knew months ago, he reckons it's mine.
It's the only assumption I can go on.
----
Unless the Reki master is also a Biomedical Scientist- I'd get a real test before you start knitting booties. It's like asking a magician or a ninja for a cancer biopsy result.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, will get paternity test at some point. Though on a freaky note we happen to know a Reiki Master (our martial arts instructor), who knew months ago, he reckons it's mine.
It's the only assumption I can go on.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-29 05:59:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Paternity test.
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Just to be sure. Do not get back with her if she makes you miserable.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 06:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well congratulations...
INSIST on a paternity test before you part with any money. Please don't get back with her- kids don't thrive with unhappy parents! If the baby is yours... welcome to 18 years of fun!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-12-29 05:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Paternity test.