Godless (2431 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.94 on 79 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wisher (View user info) at 2005-12-29 07:36:17 EST
When the wind weaves over fields to touch her, she feels a sacred swift love for something with no name. Something watching, waiting.
*****
Stained glass climbs in kaleidoscopic towers over the pulpit, like wings of psychedelic angels. Acoustic perfection: the preacher slams his bible and the pews tremble. An organ note swells with his uplifting hands.
Dazzled, Amy opens her fingers in imitation, secretly lifting them near her chest until her
father looks over. He pushes them down, "Be still."
She bumps her knees together, and her thoughts run away to her woodland trails behind her house.
She sees the tinkling waters of her creek. Limbs reach over the cool depths where fish
twist below. Propeller seeds spiral down in slow confetti.
Wonder and modest miracles overflow her eyes, suspending a sense of the infinite in the present,
as only a child can.
She hangs upside down from a limb in her daydream: God drug his hand across this land and made these woods long ago. So pretty he must be! She imagined butterflies tumbling from his opening hands. This is why the organ knows the secret notes of heaven's music, and why the preacher's
robe hangs just so.
He knows God. He tells everybody their secrets.
She swings up, sitting on the limb.
Her eyes narrow. Dark, frightening words intrude into her daydream:
"... certain death . . . fiery torment . . . eternal damnation. Come to God trembling in fear."
Fear. . .
But I go to God's woods 'cause they're beautiful, like love, free. Never in fear.
She remembers asking the snow-cone lady why snow-cones weren't free. The lady had replied,
"Nothing is free." Amy had told her she was wrong, pointing to the woods, but the woman had
turned away.
The congregation rises.
The birth of a new concept throbs its slow pulse up through the splendoring woodlands of her
dream, darkening, shadowing up behind her.
Lights fall from her eyes like stars.
Trees lose focus to her little shoes dangling above the church floor. They sway to a stop.
God cost something, too. If we don't love him, we'll get fire. If we'll get fire how can we love him?
She folds her fingers under her daddy's jacket. She wants to tell him that something is wrong.
Silver offering plates float down the aisles. Money unfolds. She squeezes her eyes shut.
A crinkle dents the smooth crest of her brow: the first scar of confused, indefinite bitterness.
Through her closing hands the miracle of her woodland world, her untainted delight, slips away
imperceptibly as a wayward wish.
******
Turning the corners in realms to swift for mortals, laughter rings out to the death of another child.
Hidden beyond the farthest star, tears fall in swift points of silence through Legions of Light.
Watching. Waiting.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-06 01:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You big slug-headed, tent-pitching Southern hemisphere-living bastard. You post all the time and you don't know if... Oh. OK, I get it, you're fucking with me. CAPS LOCK ALERT!
YOU DON'T KNOW IF UBER SHOWS ITALICS!? I DON'T BUY IT, BIG GUY. OVER AND OUT. ~WISHER
Danger= Wisher's B list.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I, um, don't rightly remember. Anyway I do all my stuff with crayons.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:49:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:41:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, jack. I'm an awesome author too. Want me to review it as well?
~~~
Danger, was about to email you. I almost fainted when i saw u you here. So is it caps or italics. D don't care anymore about the secrecy. Anyhow, {how can people still think I'm Jack} but more importantly, do italics show up in uber post?! Come on danger, think! Think! {PS to others: D = DanielH, now get outta here with all that jack stuff.} Where were we danger, italics..... Talk man. talk! I gotta post to...... post.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, jack. I'm an awesome author too. Want me to review it as well?
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:27:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quick questioon. Do italics show up on Uber, or do we ~ cringe ~ have to use all caps. Am about to post "Washed In The Blood" so, anybody. PS: KK, thanks for review on Godless, you're one of the most talented here, i never expected a review from you. Thanks, but, in upcomin, give real critique. When you get time. That woulld mean a lot to me.
Once again for the drunks, DO Italics show up in Uber's html, or should i use all caps?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:40:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks ghola, now I will post "Godless II: Washed In The Blood".
I'm surprised how many "literate" people don't even know what "Southern Gothic" means~ when I talk about lit when I travel. I feel you do. {You pretty much write in that style from what I've read}. The genre is hard to take, and is not everyone's cup of tea. I'm southern as it gets: {Dauphin Island, Alabama} and still find the style a bit much.
Strangely, Europeans love it. It's harsh, to say the least. That includes Canadians.
Anyhow get ready for a big dose of it. {I do need to find the Word doc I saved it in and look it over, mayby cut but not add. It was at least 3000 words, which now I remember is why I didn't post it here, too long for Uber.} But I will anyway. Thanks for your critique.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-05 22:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a really good use of the english language. Very descriptive.
These days I have trouble finishing a post on uber and I generally just give a +2 if it looks like the person tried. I finished this though.
I like the way it's unfocused and meandering to a point.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-01-20 22:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:20:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
VelvetElvis doesn't "camwhore" and Inbreakingnews can't, because she doesn't have a camera. baking_Lady is just some slut who pretends to be me, I always thought it was... well I don't know... c1ndy, she'll do - she puts out, but lately I've been thinking it's more moley, who is like a - well if you could be a super hero, and being a slut was like a super-power, and you needed to defeat some bank robbers or something with a massive.. you know 'SLUT!!, like when the camp batman and robin smash people and it goes all bam and wham on the screen, you'd call moley.
Wisher doesn't camwhore because she's Jack.
=========
I am now searching for all of the "moley" references and coming around to tell you to fuck right off, D_R. You know you love me.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-12-27 23:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
I liked it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-27 06:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:12:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
okay. Redskies is thorpe + photoshop + tom hanks + more photoshop in Philadelphia. It's totally brilliant.
---
*shakes head dolefully*
I am going to re-programme you Danger_ranger_can't_run_vista_update
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 06:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good nite, thankss anyhow.........gaaah
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 05:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger, D did me and said he loves me then left. Does that soound like real love. Be honnest he'll neverrr see. Youu know him,, tell me, there's aa russian girl he likes/lovees from Subway- i hate her
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 05:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Im not sleepig w Jack, you bitch whore, is there anyone more ooh shit check this bith out" at the airport? Bitch bend ovah and she gets busted for 300 poundss of crack
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
merry christmas guys.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's like a Chris Angel pilueeeu
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to go now, I am talking to my friend, who is a girl.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God dammiiiiit, Caul is, well, the devil, girls. Danger is the antiichhrrrrrisssst,.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I( boutht her a NEW transmission, think of the pice, a 5 speed, and everyhiing goes to hell.
Look. I have aboout20 crab traps,enouggh to feed feed me and my fam,and enuff oooyyssssters to live 3366 heaars. SO, Get out.
(See, I talk like Cartman, and all i say ruls.
{{yous guys are so scArd of whoo i am
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:17:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger call me: 251-661------3302
-----------------------
I like girls, Jack - I can't. Try Caul.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um, D? If you're sleeping with Jack I don't think we can be friends anymore. It's not about you being gay, being gay is fine, it's just that I'd rather not.... well, you know, communicate with you anymore. 'nancyboy'.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VelvetElvis doesn't "camwhore" and Inbreakingnews can't, because she doesn't have a camera. baking_Lady is just some slut who pretends to be me, I always thought it was... well I don't know... c1ndy, she'll do - she puts out, but lately I've been thinking it's more moley, who is like a - well if you could be a super hero, and being a slut was like a super-power, and you needed to defeat some bank robbers or something with a massive.. you know 'SLUT!!, like when the camp batman and robin smash people and it goes all bam and wham on the screen, you'd call moley.
Wisher doesn't camwhore because she's Jack.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will KEEL her for you all
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger call me: 251-661------3302
OMG wiherer alive, she is so laughinng.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and JonnyX is just random Sears catalogue pics, just in case you're wondering.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay. Redskies is thorpe + photoshop + tom hanks + more photoshop in Philadelphia. It's totally brilliant.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She is on her backj, breathing normally- carry on
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger, I dont give a fuckiing goddamn aboout jhonny xxx wisher is gone insane fuck this issn'''tt a kj joke. nGODFDAMMIR F
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and Redskies, let's not forget Redskies. He's my ghey alter. Nice job innit?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 04:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am Velvet Elvis. and Inbreakingnews.T.A.N.. and JonnyX. but not baking_Lady.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wisher has left the buildingg. -DanielH {{hgg--tied
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is going on here Jack? Call me.
Why is everything happening in triplicate?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is going on here Jack? Call me. again.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is going on here Jack? Call me.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jusst found this: Holy God
Wel jusst fuck everbb9ody, Ii was like, tryig to be nice too my ffffavvv mopbbbbviie, ppokkkkk thinnngs ar e movin gon 0nn 0n yyyh yy fucccccck vvu vvu vu v fuck oonnnn their oonn
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-27 03:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Theere wwwaaaas noooooooooooooooyyhiinngh oon yhidd nnssd basttarf/ gi ggifuuuvvkl fi ffuvvkk b ffuuuvvvkk iii lobrbbvv ddaniell
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-12-27 01:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look in the driveway.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-12-27 01:33:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.carlysimon.com/vain/vain.html
~~~~~~
Dretta, are you free tonight?
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-12-27 00:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+11
It is worth the charge to hear this voice. Trust me.
I thought I was Southern, but those lips never stop flapping, made my year. Find her email @ her first post.
She kept calling me Danger Ranger, thought that I was him and in league with her boyfriend, doing pretend Southern accent. Even though she saw my area code. Call her, holy fuck She's paranoid, but with a voice that could melt butter. You won't regret.
No, I don't know him, Dretta/Wisher.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-12-26 23:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Call me.
Number sent.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-11-23 22:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-02-15 04:40:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
A really beautifull post,and anyone that loves Vivaldi has to be a friend of mine .love and kisses,,, Whisher.
*******
Where are you Wazza? It's been months, and i need to see your face. Email me: if you forgot: dretta-love.at.hotmail.com
Tell me how things are going, AND send your latest poetry. ESPECIALLY the poetry.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-02-15 04:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A really beautifull post,and anyone that loves Vivaldi has to be a friend of mine .love and kisses,,, Whisher.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-10 05:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
please post again.
i don't want to make you feel pressured or anything, which is probably antithetical to this whole review, but you really should.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day Wisher, one day I will write again. Probably whenst I get my tax return.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-04 05:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
last line in my review should have read "knowledge is not bliss." Even corrected it's still a lousy play on a cliché.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-04 04:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was about to say amazing and leave it at that, then read your replies to others. That took it to a different level.
There was a "theology" post on here the other day, and I would like to have known about this post to link to. We were discussing the popular "version" of the bible that people take as truth, though it is just that, a version.
Truly exceptional post here. I understand that it has less to do with theology than the lack thereof. Knowledge is not always bliss.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-04 04:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sometimes a singular event in our lives leaves us changed forever, and all that follows is aftermath.
These defining moments, such a child losing her faith in God, are as important as 'taking the reader down the road' for a story, because the road, for instance, will never be the same again. All has changed. And that's a moment worthy of capturing in words, or at least trying to capture."
hearing this gives hope. it had never occurred to me to think of it in these terms, but now that i see them it makes perfect sense. never have i had trouble writing, particularly with imagery; but i always have had trouble forming a story that i personally found deep enough to temper, buff, and sharpen. it has forced me to wonder exactly why one should bother contributing anything at all, if he is unable to surpass his own limitations.
although this is/was, admittedly, largely due to the 'an-artist-is-his-own-worst-critic' syndrome, it has also been merely a matter of accepting those talents i do have. for in doing this, in accepting one's own strengths, one also realizes one's own natural limitations; cold is defined by lack of heat, darkness by lack of light, weakness by lack of strength.
so to stumble haphazardly upon such a point of view is... relieving, even enlightening. the choatic infinity of the internet is usually used for little more than staving off boredom and satisfying horniness, yet everything's full of surprises. your claim reinforces itself; it's caused the very thing it describes, at least in this human shell.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-04 03:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:18:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.
Just found review you left on my last post, one of the nicest compliments anyone's ever said in a review to me.
I listened to Vivaldi just now on Rhapsody, but he has so many concerti in Sol Minore Allegro, Adagio, largo, etc, that I just listened to them all. Rhapsody is so cool, any song by anyone, just type in the name, click and you're listening faster than you just read this sentence. {If you love music I highly recommend it.}"
no compliment, just truth. or even both. whether appreciation or awe is more valuable is too convoluted a thought to ever really decide.
few people seem to enjoy baroque music. too elegant, too refined. yet to me it has a very palpable sense of danger, as well. i always had an at-least-limited appreciation of classical music, but it was not until my junior year in high school that Vivaldi actually made itself familiar to me, not as a man but as a force of will. i have that red-haired bastard to thank for not only popping but smashing my classical-music cherry.
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
absolutely beautiful, something that occurs to all of us finally written down. very emotional piece.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-26 02:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're my new favorite.
E-mail me
patscheerlder.at.aol.com
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-25 07:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"God cost something, too. If we don't love him, we'll get fire. If we'll get fire how can we love him? "
I like that line. There's some good imagery in this (i also liked the pointing at the woods to the nothing-is-free ice cream woman part).
But the 'ending,' if there's meant to be one, confused me. She died in church? What the -- ?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-25 07:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-25 03:20:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
So, that's who started all this. Bart's way cute. {I still don't get why you guys call him BartBart, but all will be revealed in time} He reminds me of my boyfriend, who's one of y'all and showed me Ubersite~~~~~ if he'd taken the left road instead of the right, like Bart. Guess I'm a sucker for left road guys.
{I'm not allowed to review his posts, but he never said I couldn't link to them: http://www.ubersite.com/m/63525
**********************************
That actually makes a lot of sense.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-01-15 02:43:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i read this to Vivaldi's concerto in C minor, somehow it fit perfectly. you're excellent at this.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-01-11 01:21:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I met you first as a person of integrity. This well written post -- and I could care less whether it meets the formal definition of story... or poem -- shows me another whole side to you. I enjoyed it, start to finish; very well done!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whisher this is good i re read it ,and its very good.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wisher,
You're my only fan.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-01-06 20:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-04 01:41:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. Won't bring him up again, but it's for holidays.
----------------------------------
I love the purple hippos!
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-04 16:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Excellent imagery and juxtaposition.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2006-01-03 08:12:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You smoked Wazza out of the woodwork? And twice at that? Christ, he appears less often than Nikki Sixx at a Presbyterian covered dish dinner.
Seems he left you a 2 then an accidental O. That happens now and then when people's thoughts outrun their fingers.
I enjoyed reading this again, a beautiful little "defining moment." ++++
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-02 07:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The story is in the text,does not it have to be seen to be believed? the word is between the lines,although the lines are short,the story is long.Wazza.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-02 07:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant make any comment here, other than excellant work ,without fear of provocation,its good.well done!
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-02 01:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the constructive crit.
Sometimes a singular event in our lives leaves us changed forever, and all that follows is aftermath.
These defining moments, such a child losing her faith in God, are as important as "taking the reader down the road" for a story, because the road, for instance, will never be the same again. All has changed. And that's a moment worthy of capturing in words, or at least trying to capture.
Thanks again~~~~
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-02 00:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This may come off like me sounding like a dick, but here goes.
I'm much into a lot of the 'aspiring to great literature' stuff on Uber.
This is very well written, some really evocative imagery.
Now that you've got that down, tell us a story.
When it comes to writng, you can use a lot of fancy words, but if you don't tell a story, what's the point?
Give us something longer. Create a world. Take us down the road.
No matter what you do it'll be better than most of the shit here, that I'm sure of.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-31 14:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:35:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Some powerful imagery.
That works well in a short piece, such as here, but if you go for an extension of this or a longer piece with a similar theme try to avoid laying it on too thick as it can end up distracting from the overall tone.
This was good.
-Dave
__________________________________________________
Dave put it as well as it can be said...
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:29:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-12-29 20:57:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Heartbreaker. ++++
Amin mela lle, Muffin Head.
*******
That took some doing, to figure out. Thanks. {Likewise x10.}
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-12-29 20:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heartbreaker. ++++
Amin mela lle, Muffin Head.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
way not to suck!
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:53:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:35:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Some powerful imagery.
That works well in a short piece, such as here, but if you go for an extension of this or a longer piece with a similar theme try to avoid laying it on too thick as it can end up distracting from the overall tone.
This was good.
-Dave
***********
When I listen to music, there's words I think shouldn't be used {like rose, thorn, wings, heart, crazy, boulevard, forever and wind}. I'll keep that in mind when I write, and your good advise, next time around.
Thanks Dave. I heart you, forever; you're the wind beneath my wings on this boulevard of broken...thorns? Haha!
PS: Thanks Loki, also, you rose in the wind.
And Jeanneee, you...crazy heart?
And Teephphah, you, I'm-all-out-of-clichés... baby? ~~~~~~~~GOD I'm spastic!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The forest seems beautifully devoid of predators and rot I think.
I'd have some theological/philosophical differences with you, but this is a wonderful, lovely thing that you've created.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lovely
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:53:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice work
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some powerful imagery.
That works well in a short piece, such as here, but if you go for an extension of this or a longer piece with a similar theme try to avoid laying it on too thick as it can end up distracting from the overall tone.
This was good.
-Dave
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
reminds me why i refuse to go to church any more.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:13:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice imagery
She sees the tinkling waters of her creek. Limbs reach over the cool depths where fish
twist below. Propeller seeds spiral down in slow confetti.
****************
Thanks. I haven't tried writing anything "with substance" until this, and was concerned that it might come across as "religious," (if someone only read first half} while it is anything but, as you both understand. That means so much, that some people cared enough to tell me. {I'll be reading your stuff later today.) Bye for now.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
reminds me why i refuse to go to church any more.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 10:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice imagery
She sees the tinkling waters of her creek. Limbs reach over the cool depths where fish
twist below. Propeller seeds spiral down in slow confetti.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 09:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MissFlibble, i meant to say in reviewing your post, besides that I must have a cow shower cap now, that Baileys is something I can chug like chocolate milk. It should be illegal. I have a little left and shall put some in my coffee. And your family isn't weird in comparison to this 12 Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest I live in. THAT many live here. {Hope you spelled baileys right, I'm a terrible speller.}
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-12-29 08:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
has great potential.