Filthy Nose-picker that I am (34878 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.85 on 112 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2005-12-29 11:37:21 EST
I love days when it rains and stays dark pretty dark outside. That is until I realize that it's Thursday, 8am and I need to be at work at nine. That's when I pull out all of the stops and rush to shower, neglecting the cleansing of my hair and asshole. I just take another shower when I get home.
When I oversleep it's like cutting my sack while shaving my balls. It throws off the rest of my day and I bleed in the crotch area. Luckily, I knitted these really cool gauze underwear for just such occasions and I heal like Wolverine.
This is a story about a sea otter. Otto the loveable sea otter. Wait a minute. No it's not.
This is about me getting pulled over on my way to work.
I hop in my car at about half past eight, which meant that the half hour drive wouldn't permit me time to stop for coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Wawa is heaven and their staff of barely intelligible personnel is its choir of angels. Alas, Wawa would not be in the itinerary this morning.
I drive at reasonable speeds for the most part, but when running late I tend to speed up a bit. Nothing outrageous, I just increase my average speed of 65mph to about 72mph. Cruise control set and away I go.
I also pick my nose when in my car if I don't have a tissue. I don't wipe it on the seats or anything like that. I crack the window a bit and flick my prize out the window. This has gotten me many a disgusted look over the years. I don't care. If a stalactite is jutting outwards in my nasal cavity and I can feel the root tickling my brain, I will harvest it and flick it out the window.
I am going to bring it all together. Don't worry.
I guess that on rainy, foggy mornings, there are certain factors that need to be taken into account when speeding. One, it's slick and dangerous. I have all-terrain tires on my truck and it does well in the rain, so no worries there. Two, you have limited vision due to fog. This factor should have been adhered to as I did not see one of Maryland's finest in my rearview. Three, you shouldn't speed when you cannot see Johnny Law.
He wasn't riding on my butt and I wasn't going that fast. I didn't notice him. I think that was because my finger was so far up my nose, that I may have pinched my optic nerve. I am still seeing things a bit blurry.
I don't think that he would have pulled my over for speeding, necessarily. People were passing me and I was in the middle lane. I guess that when he moved up to pass me was when the detainable offense occurred.
I was knuckle deep. I have had a bit of a cold. The air is very dry in my house. Thinking that I was grasping a crispy booglet, I pulled with all of my might, unsheathing the most unholy of all boogers. The camo-booger. Disguising itself as a crispy, you think that your ordeal will be wiped clean with a breeze. No chance for this hearty, slimy fuck. These kinds of boogers can tap into your memory.
Pre-occupied, I cracked the window to prepare for my ordeal, unaware of the police officer behind me, about to move to my left. It took four hard flicks and on the fourth, as my finger reached full-force extension, I saw what was about to occur. That cop was going to get a windshield full of booger. Things happened in bullet time.
I saw in my side mirror as the officer's face went from paying attention to the road, to paying attention to his windshield, then to paying attention to me. He slowed and turned on his lights. He thought that I did it on purpose. Thoughts of fleeing this embarrassing situation filled my mind. What the fuck was I supposed to say?!
I pulled over.
He approached my truck and asked a question that I will never understand.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked.
Struggling for the correct answer, I said, "I uh know uh I was speeding, sir but I was uh running..."
He cut me off, "You flicked a booger on my cruiser. Any particular reason you would do that to a police officer?"
I managed to stammer these words, "The fog, I couldn't see, I pick and drive, when no tissue..."
I cannot remember what I said. He asked for license and registration, went back to his car and began writing what I thought was a dissertation on the effects of a booger ridden police cruiser. He came back with his little hat condom on.
"Here's a ticket for doing 71 in a 55, please sign at the bottom. It's a $170 fine or you can show up to court. If you decide to go to court, you can bet that I'll be there. You may want to buy some Kleenex and grow up a bit. Have a nice day."
Fucking cops. How can he insinuate that I'm immature because I pick my nose? Everyone does. That's why a person's fingers perfectly fit into their own nostrils.
User Reviews
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These kinds of boogers can tap into your memory.
AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-11-22 15:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was gonna -2 this because you flicked a fuckin booger on a cop car (and I'm a cop), but two things made me change my mind: 1)it's fuckin hilarious, and 2)"pick it + flick it = ticket" That's priceless. Hopefully you still made it on time to work.
Submitted by Lianne260987 (user info) at 2006-08-15 08:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny but gross
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 09:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Deyve (user info) at 2006-06-07 02:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear hear!
Nose pickers unite!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-06 13:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahaha!
Glorious.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-01-31 19:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking hilarious...how did I miss it?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-24 19:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-06 05:41:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 10:08:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2006-01-15 23:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:14:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
When I oversleep it's like cutting my sack while shaving my balls. It throws off the rest of my day and I bleed in the crotch area. Luckily, I knitted these really cool gauze underwear for just such occasions and I heal like Wolverine.
^
|
|
That bit was brilliant.
---------------------------
not really.
its just as brilliant as stabbing the inbetween of your toes while clipping your nails but luckily you're a duck and are always in water so it'll heal faster, or you're a human who owns red socks, big deal.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I oversleep it's like cutting my sack while shaving my balls. It throws off the rest of my day and I bleed in the crotch area. Luckily, I knitted these really cool gauze underwear for just such occasions and I heal like Wolverine.
^
|
|
That bit was brilliant.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot dang beauty.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:38:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
MD love
Submitted by the_grendel (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-01-06 09:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-06 05:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 10:08:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-05 15:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:44:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
In Georgia, one of the traffic safety commercials for seatbelts is "Click it or ticket," so the pic really hit it for me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maryland has the same thing.
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In Georgia, one of the traffic safety commercials for seatbelts is "Click it or ticket," so the pic really hit it for me.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 10:08:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-03 18:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, fucking genius.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-01-03 16:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! You made Bored at Work!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-01-03 16:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I use my pinky and grind it up against my palm. Then I let the pencil-eraser boogers fall to the ground and I pretend they disappear from this plane of existence.
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2006-01-03 10:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 of empathy, coming from another filthy nose picker. Thank god I don't drive.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-03 08:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit. I made bored at work!
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-03 04:26:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good as usuall Bart you a funny fucker +2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-03 02:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-01-03 02:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Katelyn (user info) at 2006-01-03 00:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Holy kleenex Batman, they were right under our noses and we blew it.'
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-02 16:09:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am a whore beast.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-01-02 11:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2006-01-02 10:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If a stalactite is jutting outwards in my nasal cavity and I can feel the root tickling my brain, I will harvest it and flick it out the window.
I am going to bring it all together. Don't worry."
-------------------------------------
Fucking GOLD. I very nearly pissed myself when I read that. "I will harvest it". Oh brilliant.
Actually, the whole post was an absolute ripper. Excellent work, Iago.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-01 08:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-31 00:21:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:59:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I will pay that ticket if you go to court and video tape the proceedings.
==================
I'll go in on that.
==================
I'll be a part of this as well.
==================
I'd like to express my agreement with the sentiments, but if it comes down to it I'm not going to actually fork over any money.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-31 00:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:59:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I will pay that ticket if you go to court and video tape the proceedings.
==================
I'll go in on that.
==================
I'll be a part of this as well.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-30 22:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're going to linkwhore and not give me a +2? You suck. I am going to go play with my albino pigmy marmoset.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-30 19:16:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
WHos up for vegas then? http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
btw remind me not to shake hands with anyone in maryland while i'm down there just in case one of them is you just getting out of your vehicle.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish that I could go to court for this. I would play the video for the world.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I will pay that ticket if you go to court and video tape the proceedings.
==================
I'll go in on that.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:50:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Man I knew I shouldnt have been eating guacamole while reading this
________________________________________________
HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Wow.
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man I knew I shouldnt have been eating guacamole while reading this
Submitted by snagglepuss (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.......Ah yes, an epic a tale of tragedy and stubborn courage- the grim saga of human folly and heroism, environmental madness, riveting prose, telling incidents, resplendent empathy, and a brazen disregard for the law..........In all, a classic Snot Story.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62758
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-12-29 18:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I will pay that ticket if you go to court and video tape the proceedings.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-29 16:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting read
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-29 16:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yummy
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ew
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#3 heated in 3 hours. 2 heated posts in one week. I feel special in my tingly area or vice versa.
Submitted by baby_yn (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
lol..interesting
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Merry vacation to you.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:52:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because this bullshit has helped me pass the time before I leave for vacation. Your story actually was pretty funny, but I just wanted to start some shit and see what happened. Good luck with the comedy.
In closing, be gay on your own time.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:45:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping we could be gay. Together.
----------------
Damn you Terry, I thought you wanted me.
Mutherfookin Whore.
-Dave
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god -2's only count once...
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping we could be gay. Together.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:42:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're so cute.
--------------------------
I knew you had a mancrush on me and just didn't want to admit it.
You Homo.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm glad you wasted a dollar or whatever the fuck they charge for that shit.
Who's the true fucktard?
Bart's got some of your money to prove its really you.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're so cute.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That didn't work out too well. I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
It was terrible, this idea.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
K
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
C
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
S
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
U
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
O
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Y
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm glad you haven't quit your day job just yet Chief.
I'm not retarded, I'm special. And your insults suck more than your comedy, which I didn't think was possible.
Fuck you and have a nice day.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:31:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:20:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:55:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Boondock
User id: 22160
Registered on or around: 2005-09-22 17:16:41
# Messages posted: 19
# Reviews written: 182
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 317
# Hits: 7897
Average rating of all messages: -0.68
----------------------
Fucktard.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Davros
User id: 6614
Registered on or around: 2004-03-08 05:41:53
# Messages posted: 89
# Reviews written: 2854
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 2509
# Hits: 59377
Average rating of all messages: 1.49
Look, I can do that too. Now both of us are special.
Asswipe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You see that Dave? He signed his asswipe.
-------------------
Mwahahahahaha.
-Dave
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:20:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:55:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Boondock
User id: 22160
Registered on or around: 2005-09-22 17:16:41
# Messages posted: 19
# Reviews written: 182
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 317
# Hits: 7897
Average rating of all messages: -0.68
----------------------
Fucktard.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Davros
User id: 6614
Registered on or around: 2004-03-08 05:41:53
# Messages posted: 89
# Reviews written: 2854
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 2509
# Hits: 59377
Average rating of all messages: 1.49
Look, I can do that too. Now both of us are special.
Asswipe
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You see that Dave? He signed his asswipe.
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do what I do. Eat the damn thing.
I love the slimy ones with the crusty knobs. You get a hardened piece for leverage and can extract so much gooey goodness from your sinus cavity. Plus, they taste better.
What?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't flatter yourself there, champ. I'm sure that you do what you please at all times, just like the little retarded children that masturbate in Sunday school. If I were really that worked up, I would make lame internet threats, etc.
As far as telling me not to quit my day job: I haven't.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
next time see if you can piss on a passing cruiser, I dares ya, I DOUBLE dARES YA!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure you missed the point there shit stain or maybe you really are that stoopid but you're definitely not special, well not like you think anyway.
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:03:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor - Annapolis.
Boondock - You suck. Keep your suckiness to yourself. Seriously, this was a joke and part of some standup that I'm working on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will do as I please and fuck you if you have a problem with it. I love to fuck with you people because you get so worked up over it.
And if that's truly your attempt at stand-up comedy I really hope you haven't quit your day job.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you!
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:55:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Boondock
User id: 22160
Registered on or around: 2005-09-22 17:16:41
# Messages posted: 19
# Reviews written: 182
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 317
# Hits: 7897
Average rating of all messages: -0.68
----------------------
Fucktard.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Davros
User id: 6614
Registered on or around: 2004-03-08 05:41:53
# Messages posted: 89
# Reviews written: 2854
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 2509
# Hits: 59377
Average rating of all messages: 1.49
Look, I can do that too. Now both of us are special.
Asswipe
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! I thought it was gunna stay gross til the second half. HAHA!!!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor - Annapolis.
Boondock - You suck. Keep your suckiness to yourself. Seriously, this was a joke and part of some standup that I'm working on.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just don't know what to say.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:57:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Razor, YOU up for Vegas?
C'mon man.
Seriously.
I'm gonna be pimping and pushing this until the middle of February, so save yourself the pain and say yes now.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey EatMe, where in Maryland do you live?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Boondock
User id: 22160
Registered on or around: 2005-09-22 17:16:41
# Messages posted: 19
# Reviews written: 182
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 317
# Hits: 7897
Average rating of all messages: -0.68
----------------------
Fucktard.
-Dave
Submitted by Boondock (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for flicking boogers out the window.
Keep some kleenex in your car you filthy bastard.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the WaWa
as for your boogers, please stop flicking them out the window. No telling Whose vehicle they could land on next time. Get yourself a little container to put your boogers in, then when you get to work, take them out and put them on a desk, a chair, or a coffee mug of someone you don't like.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
might have helped if you picked another one in front of him, and used the same hand to sign the ticket with his pen...or wipe it on the back of the ticket book.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:54:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
And the moral of the story is- no- not 'don't flick boogers at cops', but 'ALWAYS make time for Wawa'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess that you're right. A coffee would have helped me at work early this morning.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And the moral of the story is- no- not 'don't flick boogers at cops', but 'ALWAYS make time for Wawa'.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah that's pretty unlucky!
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahhahaha no effing way.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:49:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well at least I've already eaten lunch
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:46:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pickin' just feels right.
You goin' to Vegas again?
We can get Tim black-out drunk again, and take pictures of him in bad positions with the jester at harrah's.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81666
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm a talented picker, if i may say so.
it's such a good feeling.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So have a +4
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:17:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha. i like maryland cops, they pull over vehicles that i'm passing instead of me.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+3's should exist for stories like this
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha. i like maryland cops, they pull over vehicles that i'm passing instead of me.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just 'cause I hate the CHP here.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it's pretty gross indeed.
I used to work in a group home for the mentally ill, and we had a guy that would pick his nose and wipe it on the wall behind his bed. The only way to make him stop was to make him buy cleaning products with his own money and clean it himself. Totally nasty, but behavioral mod's were needed for this cat for sure.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:49:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stick it to The Man.
__________________
This also made me piss myself.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-29 12:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've sneezed on him, then said "0h noes i has t3h bird flu!"
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw "Johnny Law" on my way into work this morning. Where in the world did the Colorado State Patrol find funding for BMW Motorcycles?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why a person's fingers perfectly fit into their own nostrils.
it's more of a press fit...the nostril is a bit smaller than most fingers, but when you stick the finger up there, it expands to fit even the chubbiest thumb.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:51:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably not true, but very funny.
Naysayer! Naysaying everything I create!
The story is funny and the reviews are awsome too.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking pigs
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Solution: Carry a box of Cheez-Its with you and simply spread your nose cheese atop your favorite snack cracker.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:49:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stick it to The Man.
Niiice.
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably not true, but very funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:49:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stick it to The Man.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For now on, eat your nose children. No evidence that way. And you build your immunity up. That's why kids do it. Plus cause it's salty and all like a potato chip.
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They go great with paste, from what I hear.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:46:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I'm kind of grossed out by that, too. I watched a little kid at Chucky Cheese's eat his boogers and puked a little in my mouth. A vurp, I tell you!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to learn to stop doing this when I started driving a bus.
-Dave
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for "Johnny Law" reference.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For now on, eat your nose children. No evidence that way. And you build your immunity up. That's why kids do it. Plus cause it's salty and all like a potato chip.
The last bit of that kind of made me throw up a little in my mouth, booger flavored potato chips. mmmmmmm.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For now on, eat your nose children. No evidence that way. And you build your immunity up. That's why kids do it. Plus cause it's salty and all like a potato chip.
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. . . I . . . ? . . . you? . . . % . . . no words.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For now on, eat your nose children. No evidence that way. And you build your immunity up. That's why kids do it. Plus cause it's salty and all like a potato chip.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am going to go to court for this. I really just want to see the look on the judge's face. That and I can't afford 2 more points on my license.