The Cardboard Box Adventures - Part 9 (971 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: cardboard_Box_adventures
Rating: 1.96 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-12-29 14:17:29 EST
Part 8 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/81624
I ran past the guard signaling that they should take the kid. I doubt they'll actually kill him, I'm not even sure any of us could now. The guard will take Ben to see the Big Man. I don't think either realizes yet that they really are each a part of the whole that is Ben. Time is short in other words, things are going to come to head really quickly now. If we're going to be able to take any of this harvest we're going to need to move fast.
I ran past the guards and back to town. I immediately set to work organizing the final harvest. Usually the host helps with most of the actual drain, playing the games, officiating, and watching them gets the imagination flowing and makes the source apparent. Ben's has been difficult. As such a young child his imagination doesn't seem to have one specific source which makes it harder to harness. The other problem we've been having with this harvest is that Ben is not ready to give up any of his imagination.
I've never had a host bring an outsider in; usually they're not strong enough. I don't know what it means that he was able to bring him, over and over to a place of his own imagining. Scarier still is that he's so strong that when he retreats the big one was able to find him again, maybe that's partly from coming here so often. Whatever the case may be I think I can best ensure a good harvest by getting bigs under my thumb, I'm pretty sure Ben will do anything he can for him.
"Dad!"
"Ben, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm the Big Man dad."
"I know Ben. I think I know where we are now too. Are you really ok? What happened in town? "
I told dad about running away from the guards and Pickle's escape and the fight with the Big Man and how I made him part of me. Dad sat and listened, nodding occasionally and scowling at other times. After I was done telling him all that'd happened my dad sat and thought for a few minutes. Finally he turned to me.
"Ben, I have a hard time believing this, I don't know how it's possible, but I think this place is in your mind. I also think Pickle is doing something that might hurt you or cause you problems. I don't know what it is or why but I don't think it is coincidence that he got away and you didn't. There are oth....."
"Dad, Pickle is my friend. He wouldn't hurt me; he was trying to help me."
"I'm sorry Ben but people aren't always what they seem. I think The Big Man was your internal self and that it's ok that you took him into you, he is you. Pickle was trying to play that part of you, the Big Man, against you, yourself. I also think he had something to do with me being attacked in the forest. I think Pickle wants to take something from you, we need to figure out how to stop him."
"I'm tired dad, can I go to sleep?"
"Yeah Ben go ahead, for a little while. We have to find Pickle when you wake up.
I lay my head in my Dad's lap and drifted off. When I woke again dad wasn't in the room and I was glad. I had to think about this. Some of the things dad told me made sense but I still thought Pickle might not be so bad. I was trying to figure out what all this was about when dad came back.
"Why do you think we're in my mind?"
"I have a lot of reasons, some of it is the way the world looks like some of your drawings, some of it is the way things have come alive the longer we've been here. When we first came here Ben, there wasn't a moon and a sun, there wasn't a forest, every day it seems as though something new springs up. The main reason though that I think it's yours is that you can create and remove things. I've seen you do it, the cat thing I was attacked by, this castle, the description of your fight with the Big Man, all makes me think this is your mind."
"What does it mean then?"
"I don't know Ben but we need to be sure that you're not going to be hurt."
"What happens after all that?"
"I don't really know Ben."
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-15 20:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 06:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What thorpe said
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-08 01:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing really happened in this one, I didn't think it was necessary but it appears as if some others did. So +2.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Cardboard +2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:26:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2006-01-03 22:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The stories seem like they've been summarized.
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2006-01-03 15:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know where this one poped up from, must have missed it in all the new year hussle. On ward to pt. 10.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-03 12:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Missed this one...now onto part 10.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2005-12-31 12:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i believe that i can smell a happy ending based on your comment, but i think it woudl be okay in this context. really good series; i'm sad its almost over.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-30 21:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2005-12-30 21:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Edge of my seat!
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-30 15:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kthsgoodgrl (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really enjoying this story. It's had me hooked from the beginning.
Keep it coming!
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry for linkwhore, but Whos Coming To Vegas??? http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-29 16:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's not dumb man, the story writes itself as much as you do.
I didn't have the ending to Necro until 2/3rds through, and I was writing two versions with two endings, and fuck, I'm bleeding out my eyes and ears again just thinking about it.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah alright.
man im slow
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actaully I don't know how it ends yet. I know there has to be a showdown and would like to think that Ben and Dad are able to return to life but I really don't know for sure. Is that dumb? I don't know it's just how I write.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let me guess - it ends as with an austistic kid holding a snowglobe...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-29 15:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wisher, I just never feel comfortable writing dialogue, I think I'm getting better but so many times it sounds contrived and forced to me. I too hate excessive and overwrought dialogue tags. I can follow along if you keep the voices clear.
Shecky, thanks. This is the second series I've written like this and I really enjoy doing it this way.
Thanks all for reading. B
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:34:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see this coming to an end which is bad.
But the series still has me gripped.
-Dave
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emu tears when that happens
Submitted by sheckynecky (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool story. i think you're writing the different perspectives very well.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see this coming to an end which is bad.
But the series still has me gripped.
-Dave
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:20:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I know dialogue is not really a strong point with me but I had to try. It's time to air out some of the backgroundstuff to set up the end.
********
I thought the dialogue was good. Way better because you didn't use all the "he said" "he replied" stuff that readers don't need anyway. Worst of all is when people use impossible dialogue tags, like, "he growled" or "he barked". God I hate that.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tie it up.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another winner.
Shorter than the others, but necessary for the whole.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am really enjoying this.
bad pickle.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-12-29 14:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know dialogue is not really a strong point with me but I had to try. It's time to air out some of the backgroundstuff to set up the end.