Vintage Porn, and its Fucked Up Plot Twists (NSFW) (12141 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.96 on 91 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali <Pughtrid75.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-12-29 20:48:05 EST
I consider myself to be quite the connoisseur when it comes to porn. Sure, I have a girlfriend whom I find absolutely stunning, and she is never hesitant to take care of my needs. But men love porn, and to deny them that pleasure is near inhuman.
When it comes to my collection... I have it all. Asian, interracial, BBW, and yes, even that Japanimation stuff with the tentacles.
I don't necessarily get off on all of it, but I feel if you are to be well known about a subject, you should study and observe all of its aspects.
A few days ago, I came across some vintage porn. This genre was a bit alien to me. After downloading numerous movies, I realized a few things...
1) Europe had the porn industry on lock down back in the day.
2) Vintage porn follows the same flow as modern porn
... actually, that's about all I learned. Oh, and vintage porn has the ability to shock the fuck out of you.
I am about to share one such film with you. It is pre-WWII and French. I have no idea what the subtitles mean, and to be honest with you, I don't really want to know.
So, without delay, here is the glory that is vintage French pornography...
User Reviews
Submitted by crazynewt (user info) at 2009-11-05 23:53:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
suprise
butt
sex!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-03-10 13:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i remember this. it's still hilarious.
Submitted by Sidivan (user info) at 2009-03-10 12:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya know, I saw the ghey buttsecks coming. You can just tell by the way he's looking at him in the previous frame. I DID NOT see the rusty trombone FROM THE GUY coming. That's more twisted than the shit that I watch today!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2009-03-10 12:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vintage.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-03-10 10:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This one was a gem.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-02-27 00:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-10-03 14:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YIKESq!
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-01-08 23:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ALL ABOARD THE ANAL TRAIN!! WOO WOO!
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-08 22:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2006-01-03 09:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What
The
Fuck?
Submitted by Micky_Ficky (user info) at 2006-01-03 07:28:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't know grandma ever worked.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2006-01-01 09:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that was wrong.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2006-01-01 08:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that rocks!!!
the vintage french porn i have starts off with a maid cleaning a room with an early vacuum, then she hitches her skirt and starts rubbing the vacuum all over her fuzzy ladybits. the master of the house comes in and theres a frame which basicaly translates as "you shouldn't use the vacuum for that purpose, here try some proper equipment" , she starts sucking him off. his wife comes in and starts playing with the maid. the boke then takes both of them, one at a time. the one not being shagged just kind of sits there playing with her nipples.
I love vintage porn.
hell, I just love porn.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-01 08:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"and the lord better keep his damn mouth shut"
funny
bitch mouth would ahve been funnier.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-01 07:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Good fucking lord...
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-31 04:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You people do realize that because of the response to this post, I'm going to have to do a series of them...
...and will fail miserably at it.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-12-31 04:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This would be teh awesomer if I had some movie-rag time music to listen to while watching this, complete the experience. Maybe a flash version?
The bang
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-31 02:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see nothing wrong with this porno.
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2005-12-31 02:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-31 00:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:17:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the part about the porn.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-12-31 00:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhh!
This post is so creapy I think it scared me straight!
DAMN YOU TOO HELL!!!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-12-30 23:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-12-30 18:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the award for best alter of the year goes to....
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-12-30 18:19:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Asians are the best. My hat's off to you for putting so much effort into studying your subject. It's important to be well informed on your subject matter.
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2005-12-30 16:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love gay buttsex as long as I don't have to actually do it
Submitted by Tormencha (user info) at 2005-12-30 16:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best fucking way to end such a shitty year!
Bravo...you porker!
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2005-12-30 14:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is going to be part of classic Uber lorn.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-12-30 14:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great work
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-12-30 13:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-12-30 13:14:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats Lucky Harry in English Jonny.
wow capital ltters.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-12-30 12:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
btw, the guy in the middle is referred to as 'Lucky Pierre', in case you're keeping score at home...
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-12-30 12:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahhahhaa!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-12-30 12:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic
Submitted by refusenik (user info) at 2005-12-30 11:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Priceless
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-12-30 11:24:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2005-12-30 10:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
still laughing, don't ever do that again.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2005-12-30 09:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck.ing Awesome. Wow. I thought DP, then..huh. HUH, whats that? Oh, GOD no nooo.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-30 09:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha, ATM!!!!!! The sweetest taboo.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-30 09:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rough.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-12-30 08:58:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-12-30 08:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-30 07:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is about a 20% chance she is sitting in a nursing home right now.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-12-30 07:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The presentation of this could not have been done better.
If this wasn't NSFW, it would be a shoe-in for B@W.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-30 07:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-12-30 06:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-12-30 05:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHA!!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-12-30 04:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-12-30 04:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As they say in French - Fuque.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-12-30 04:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally T&A posts are boring and repetitive, but your work on the title cards gives this a +2.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-12-30 04:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. thanks for watching that so we don't need to.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-12-30 03:31:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When the guy starts to finger bang the chick, it seriously looks like she's a corpse, freshly fallen out of the tree they are under and laying in an awkward dead finger bang-ready position. I was undoubtedly turned on and must now download a snuff film or kill the indian laundromat lady across the street and have sex with her face in order to satisfy these urges. Oh, look at me. Rambling on about how dead bodies get my dick hard!
Submitted by Havoc (user info) at 2005-12-30 02:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i just broke up with my girlfriend and this managed to give me a chuckle!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-12-30 02:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet!
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin french...
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-12-30 01:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking knew it.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you want to see fucked up, rent/download the french film 'Weekend'. Now THAT is fucked up shit. The whole first half hour is about a woman being raped by an egg. This is followed by an hour of random people KILLING each other...then having sex to this. This is followed by cannibalism, the slaughter of a REAL LIVE pig...on tape, and, erm, just in case I haven't sold it yet, lots and lots of french swearing and provocative talking. Remember...it's called Weekend...it's in color...made within the last 30 or so years, I'm positive.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
omg... atm. ew.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was beautiful.
BranDo, you're a Grade C twatwaffle. That's right, you don't even excel at being a nitwit. I suppose it was just too much work to learn to do *anything* well.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:15:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Excuse moi, Cracked_out_Cali for mixing up languages here. Merde!! Please accept my apologies.
I have to adapt to English only at übersite to prevent this from happening again I guess. That's what you get from working in a multi linguistic environment.
=======================================================
Its all gravy, baby. Let's just smash this bitch and go up on 'bout our business.
translation:
"No need to apolgize, fine sir. I was mistaken in jumping to conclusions. Let us now go our seperate ways in peace."
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Excuse moi, Cracked_out_Cali for mixing up languages here. Merde!! Please accept my apologies.
I have to adapt to English only at übersite to prevent this from happening again I guess. That's what you get from working in a multi linguistic environment.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-12-30 00:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That might have just been one of the best posts I've ever seen on this website.
The pacing was perfect.
The subject matter was targeted.
The punchline was repulsive.
That was just brilliant.
Bravo.
I commend you.
You've got my vote if you ever run for president.
Good show, monsieur.
BTW.... B@W.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's probably the straightest porn I've ever seen. I'm dead serious. I don't know that I've ever seen two people of the opposite sex doin the nasty together in a porno. So, I have a lot of gay male friends.
Submitted by ChicoV (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
con·nois·seur (kŏn'ə-sûr', -sʊr') pronunciation
n.
1. A person with expert knowledge or training, especially in the fine arts.
2. A person of informed and discriminating taste: a connoisseur of fine wines
(alt. sp.- connaisseur...FRENCH! NOT ENGLISH BITCH!)
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey man it just added that little something extra for me. Wasn't trying to get you pissed!! I'm in über the first day and I will post but I'm at work now and down here it's almost the end of my nightshift.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChicoV (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:06:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, he used the word right... not that I would know anything about a language which sounds as if one is preparing to spit a lugas maximi...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So your not a connaisseur yourself and your Latin sucks too, by the way. He used the word right but not the right word. I'd like to get my hands on the script of the movie.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And if you say I used it wrong... again, go post something.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:48:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
Calling yourself a connoisseur is absolutely priceless and explains why you don't understand the French porn movie as you rape the only french word in your post. Merde!
========================================
Hey, ass... thanks for pointing out that I spelled the word correctly.
Please go post something...
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:10:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never clutched my crucifix harder in my entire life.
You can take that any way you want.
Submitted by ChicoV (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, he used the word right... not that I would know anything about a language which sounds as if one is preparing to spit a lugas maximi...
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's Entertainment!
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS MUST GO ON BORED AT WORK.
Submitted by ChicoV (user info) at 2005-12-29 23:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give this post a +3 if I could. Best this week.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Calling yourself a connoisseur is absolutely priceless and explains why you don't understand the French porn movie as you rape the only french word in your post. Merde!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:42:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How fucked up must someone's life had to have been to be into porn in black and white? You would have to have been doing drugs that weren't yet invented.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just +2'd GHEY BUTSEKS. Must be because I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have not laughed that hard in days.
Thank you.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No no no. Those French have the concept of the tag-team ALL WRONG!!
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-12-29 22:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah I've actually seen the first half of that one, before the gheyness came in
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:41:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
did you cut the scene where dude #2 used the shotgun?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's teh gheyest thing evar
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the part about the porn.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA you watched GAY porn!!!!! oh, wait...I just saw it too...nevermind
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:00:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, if after THIS, you're still curious... go to http://deltaofvenus.com
You can get a 3 day pass for like $5.
------------------------------
Ha! That site does look a little familiar. I'm not curious enough to pay for it, mind you, but I'm a bit of a strange woman in regards to what I'll find myself watching sometimes. I'll have to request some on the torrent sites.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why god why
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 20:55:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jealous, I can't seem to find any REAL vintage porn on the BT sites I frequent. You have done us a service.
=========================================
Well, if after THIS, you're still curious... go to http://deltaofvenus.com
You can get a 3 day pass for like $5.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-12-29 21:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aheheheheheh.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2005-12-29 20:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check out this vintage porn post then: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 20:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jealous, I can't seem to find any REAL vintage porn on the BT sites I frequent. You have done us a service.