CSI: Maxim Editors, Take Note (1234 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.8 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (View user info) at 2006-01-03 11:06:01 EST
Let me start by saying that I LOVE CSI. Not the crappy spin-offs, but the real-deal, badass CSI that comes on Spike TV every night at 7 and 8pm. Sometimes it comes on at 9pm, too.
Jorja Fox. I love you. Hell, I wouldn't remember your name if it weren't for Davros, linking me to that Maxim spread. Nothing says lovin', like some fine penis rubbin'. Wait at work. No naughty thoughts may permeate this shield of undergarments.
Gary Dourdan is a cool dude. Well, I don't know him personally but he plays a cool dude on TV. Warrick Brown is like the epitome of the calm and collected officer that we come to expect in the world of cliché network television. If I were to want to be a black guy and a CSI, this is who I would to be. Of course, in reality I would be Greg, the nerdy awkward white dude, exchanging his unexpected introspective views on the world matter-of-factly. I want to be the black guy, dammit! I never get to be the black guy.
George Eads (Nick) is always mocking me with his porno mustache. I hope it gets caught in a zipper somewhere along the line. Cursed with a baby-face, I walk this fine line of fan-dom, bordering stalking.
This is just another CSI post. While just another CSI post, this one will pose an interesting question.
CSI has been pissing me off lately as I have noticed an interesting trend. Why are the hot girls always dead?
I know that the show cannot add a new character every week. Sometimes, there are hot chicks that manage to survive through some flaw in that week's script. But for the most part, the show follows this formula, in the opening moments of the show:
Hot chick lies in bed / goes to car / leaves for work / gets newspaper / is taking a shit, when stalker / creepy guy / amputee midget / alien warrior prince sees hot chick. Culprit then rapes and or murders hot chick with a soldering iron / wooden leg / piece of gravel. Then, we as the viewer are forced to see said hot chick on the cutting board. With the short attention span that I was cursed with, 15 minutes into the show I have forgotten whether or not said hot chick had a nice rack. I think I have AD... what was I talking about?
Maxim should do a spread of all of the hot chicks that have died on the show. You hear that Maxim? You can use my idea if you haven't already. I know I thought of it first and there's no sense arguing with me. I refuse to search and see if anyone else thought of it. So, before I am accused of plagiarizing, let me refute that claim by saying I don't care.
So the next question is posed by reversing words in the previous question. It's a disturbing question and I think that you, my wonderful audience, may know where I am going with it. Five minutes after I asked my question, my roommate came up with this one. Hell, it's good for a laugh, especially out of context.
So at your next family reunion, Christmas dinner, bridal shower or funeral, please ask this:
Why are dead girls always so hot?
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2006-01-03 18:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CSI rocks.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-01-03 18:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
never sceen CSI -2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-03 17:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Jorja Fox. I love you. Hell, I wouldn't remember your name if it weren't for Davros, linking me to that Maxim spread."
You are more than welcome. Spread the love, that's what I always say.
-Dave
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-03 15:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I love you. Two hours of CSI every night on Spike. I never miss it. George Eads is my future husband and I plan on finding him when I go to Vegas and stalking him for the three days that I'm there.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-03 15:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why are dead girls always so hot?
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Can you imagine if they had some fat 350-lb dead girl on the autopsy table - they'd have to use a chainsaw.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2006-01-03 13:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go to google's video search and look for top gear... I spent all my downtime last week watching episodes. I'm hooked now.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
www.bbc.co.uk/topgear
Greatest. Show. Ever.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:47:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's Top Gear? Please indulge as I believe that you're both down under, while I reside stateside.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:33:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
My missus fucking loves David Caruso, the ginger headed jackass on CSI Miami.
As long as I get to see Top Gear, I don't give a shit what she watches.
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Thats the same for men up and down the country.
Amen Brother!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are dead girls always so hot?
Because they can't say no.
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Greg rocks
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My missus fucking loves David Caruso, the ginger headed jackass on CSI Miami.
As long as I get to see Top Gear, I don't give a shit what she watches.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hit!
Your B@W post will help with the hits- you'll get 10,000 or so off that I rekon.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmm Warrick.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One of my New Year's resolutions is to get 100K hits.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CSI started pissing me off when i began watching csi:miami. horatio is a smarmy know it all git, but now i cant watch the proper csi cos it annoys me just as much, which also annoys me as I now have nothing to watch on tuesday nights (uk terrestrial TV: channel 5)
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cindy, I knew you would see it. I remembered your post.
CSI is badass.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70360
+2 CSI
Submitted by U927 (user info) at 2006-01-03 11:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because they don't struggle when you make sweet statutory love to them.
What?