The Cardboard Box Adventures - Part 10 (875 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: cardboard_box_adventures
Rating: 2 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-03 12:39:20 EST
Part 9 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/81673
We worked hard and fast, trying to harness the true source for the harvest but I could already feel Ben searching for me. It was taking a lot out of me to cloak myself from him so I let up a little, giving Ben just a glimpse and then I flipped. I felt Ben pop into the space I'd been before and I flipped once more trying to end up in the castle. I actually saw bigs inside and thought I'd made it but when I finally focused I found myself outside the castle walls. As my being focused there it was literally repelled to the outside. Before Ben could lock on my location again I cloaked and started calling out to bigs.
Bigs came to the window and looked down at me. "What are you doing here? What are you doing to my son?"
"I need your help! Ben is in danger!"
"You're part of the danger Pickle, what are you doing to him?"
"I don't want to hurt him, I want to help? I found a friend in Ben. Please come now, Ben needs help!"
"I know all about your desire to help Pickle, that's why you left Ben to be taken to the Big Man right? That's why you'd allow the guard to take him? No, I can't come with you, Ben is powerful here I don't think he has much to fear from you."
"Fine, screw you and Ben then!"
I was so pissed; they knew or were close to knowing. I flipped out of there and back again this time taking on the appearance of Ben. Using so much pure imagination was risky, if we couldn't complete the harvest we'd be trapped here forever, but it was the only way I could think that I might be able to salvage the harvest. I could have called it off, we could have moved on but this one would allow us to take a break for a long time and I was angry and frustrated that we might lose it. I've never lost one before, hell I've told some exactly what I was doing and pulled it off. I wasn't going to sit idly by and let some snot nose and his dad ruin it.
"Dad!'
Bigs came back to the window to see me being attacked by other bangers and immediately disappeared from view only to reappear, opening the door to the castle and stumbling out.
"Wait until he gets away from the castle and closer to us then grab him!" I continued struggling against the bangers until Ben got close enough then I shouted; "get him!" dropping the Ben façade that was costing me so dearly. Oh, man! Bigs' face was priceless! If I could have gotten a picture it would surely be won for the trophy wall. He looked up seeing it was me and skidded on his heels and tried to run back to the castle. I thought of the net that he was snagged in a second later. "You're going to cooperate or you will die."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Ben, we need to find Pickle and figure out what they're up to. Can you find him?"
"I don't know let me try dad"
I started looking as I'd looked for dad before. Now that I knew what I was doing I could almost see myself looking as though my fingers were walking through this land and feeling for an object. I felt something that I couldn't identify and kept looking. As I continued to look I kept coming across the one object I couldn't identify and then suddenly it was Pickle. I flipped there to catch him and found myself standing alone. I started casting for him but couldn't find where he'd gone. Frantically I looked trying to find where he'd gone but I couldn't feel him anywhere.
I looked back to dad and saw him sitting, not in the castle anymore, in a chair tied to what looked like a big bonfire. All around him bangers were dancing and chanting. I looked for Pickle there and found that I could faintly see him, as though I was seeing him through a fog. Dad must have felt me then because in my mind I heard him cry out to me; "Ben go home! Go home now! It's a trap!"
"Dad, how can I leave you? I have to save you and stop them."
"Ben, just go I don't know what they're up to but I don't think they can do it without you here. They need you to come to them so just stay away."
I stopped thinking about dad letting him fade from my mind. I felt stupid and little. I was eight years old but that's so young. I didn't know what to do. I thought they'd hurt dad and I don't want him to get hurt but I don't want to hurt either. I sat down and cried wishing I had someone to help; someone who knew what was happening and how to stop it. I thought of my grandfather and suddenly felt a familiar arm around my shoulder.
"Ben?"
"Grandad! How'd you get here? Oh, I need help, please, dad needs help too. What are...."
"Ben, slow down son, where am I?"
"Dad thinks this is my imagination."
"Oh, I've visited a similar place before. What seems to be the problem?"
I told him everything I knew ending with dad's thoughts to me. Granddad sat silent for a while and then looked at me with a smile on his face. "The bangers eh? They haven't changed that name. I was big man once; I think I was thirteen when they came to me. I'd be willing to bet if your dad wasn't such a stick in the mud he could probably figure out when they came to him too. They're here for your imagination Ben. I know after they left I did not have the wonderful imagination that you obviously do still have."
"What do you mean? You know them?"
"No time right now Ben, first we have to get out of this, if we do I'll tell you everything I know. We've got work to do so let's get to doing it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-04-12 03:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll finish tomorrow. I've been meaning to red this series since you did it and I have to say that it's fucking awesome.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Most of the 8-12 year old kids I ever meet have filthy mouths. "Screw you" is mild.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-15 20:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 06:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so now we have an inter-generation mindfuck
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-01-11 20:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
you could always make up a word.
"throg off"
"Smag you"
Submitted by Smithens (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thorpe Both of those books were made into TV shows here in the UK for childrens networks when i was a kid. Using an australian cast! really strange! Not as strange as Pugwall though :)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me a little of a two book series I read as a kid, "Finders Keepers" and "The Timekeeper" by an Australian children's author, Emily Rodda. I don't know if you'd be able to get them from any libraries in the US, but if your kid's around 9, they are bloody excellent reads.
What I can remember is that some kid is pulled through "the barrier", an invisible, patchy barrier which no-one knows about on our side, but is clearly visible on the other side. He is pulled through by the operators of a game show on the other side, who get people from our side to go back and retrieve items that have fallen through to our side.
If you get my drift.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-08 02:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto Cardboard +2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-04 14:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree regarding the screw you and pissed off to a degree. I would probably change it if I were to rewrite it only to keep the cleanliness intact but as I wrote it it seemed the most appropriate way to convey the seriousness of thier feelings, I mean "I'm super duper mad at you" just didn't really do it for me and "Fine! you and ben can take care of yourselves" seemed to lack the emphasis I felt. Ulitmately that is why I end up using "less than desireable words". I also tend not to find "swear words" to be offensive, I mean, who got to decide what words were naughty and what words were not? I happen to find words offensive that I hear all the time, like authority, or work, or bills. Where's the sensitivity toward my sensibilities?
I do appreciate the feedback and will continue to try to keep this story clean. Thankfully using an eight year old helps me do that cause I know my nine year old doesn't talk like I do and I don't talk like I do around him. Thanks for reading. B
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The 'screw you' and 'pissed off' stuck out like a sore thumb. The no swears route makes it all the more magical, don't compromise it with words phrases that are on the fence. I flipped from +1 and +2 15 or so times.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-04 11:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-04 09:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-04 09:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How old is your nephew? I've thought about reading this to my son, for a change I've kept it mostly clean. thanks all for reading.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-01-04 08:44:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fantastic, I've been reading it to my nephew and he is enthralled by it! When it's finished get it published!
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-01-04 08:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NICE twist- the generations idea is cool
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-03 19:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna try out this whole cardboard box thing tonight.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-03 17:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-03 12:56:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, obviously
Submitted by the_thorne (user info) at 2006-01-03 15:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
keep it up
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-03 14:53:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-03 14:38:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you see the bouncing souls? they were one of many favorite bands of mine in the early ninties (sp?).
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I've seen them five times. Once in Rockford Il., on the maniacal laughter tour, thats where I got my shirt. Once in Chicago, once in Ohio, and twice in St. Louis.
I saw them twice after the good the bad and the argyle came out, and after maniacal laughter the other times.
Awesome shows every time. Really high energy crowds, great mosh pits.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-03 14:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not terrible.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-03 13:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More more MORE!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-03 13:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Grandpa WOO!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-03 12:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, obviously
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-03 12:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-03 12:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not many series give me that jolt when I see a new one posted.
I hate it that the end is..um...nigh.