Revelations in the Wee Hours (1033 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.82 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fudgepacknuts (View user info) at 2006-01-04 12:32:23 EST
I haven't slept in 2 days.
In fact, I've been having great trouble sleeping lately. Not because of depression or stress (well, maybe some of it is stress-induced), but I've been in the air a lot recently for both personal and business related reasons and the time-zone jumping is really fucking up my mental clock. My days are turning into lethargic, Starbuck-fuelled marathons where my mission is not to be productive, but rather to avoid passing out at my desk.
But I am not looking for any sympathy here. I actually feel that I have benefited from this lack of proper REM cycles.
While trying to get some decent shut-eye last night/this morning, I found myself awake and listening to Jack Johnson on my Ipod at 4am. I find his music soothing to the point where I am able to find peace in otherwise hectic places. But sleep, being the elusive bitch that she is, would not find me last night.
Try as I might and toss and turn ever which way, my mind kept on moving and sleep would not come. Thoughts of business plans and wedding toasts and driving directions and football statistics and lyrics to Beatles songs slowly scrolled through my mind.
Eventually, my though processes made their way to the grandest and broadest of all topics: my life, and where it was going. I found myself struggling to pinpoint my place in the world. Have I led a good life so far? Have I ever accomplished anything noteworthy? Is my plan for the future a good one? Or rather, do I even have a plan for the future? Do I need one? And if so, how do I make it? And how will I know if it's right or wrong? And foremost, what do I want to do with my life?
I opened my eyes as question upon question piled up. My digital clock read 4:34 am. Turning on my light, I winced as the 75 watt bulbs slowly enlarged my pupils. I had a lot to figure out.
The epiphany I had didn't strike me suddenly, though. It came slow at first, then gained momentum; quite like when one pours honey from a jar. What struck me first was my place in the world. And it came to me in the form of a movie quite of all things: "I am a fingerprint on a window of a skyscraper." I am insignificant and will most likely go unrecognized in the grand scheme of life.
Am I ok with that? Yes, I suppose. So then what matters in life?
I think what matters most in life is that you are a good person to the small number of people you know. I think 'a loving family' is by far the most important entity or product anyone can ever have. While people can certainly live and thrive individually, humans are, by nature, social beings who tend to enjoy the company of others. Who other than a family can provide consistent, loving, and nurturing support?
But what about my path for the future? You know, I've spent years wondering about my future. Years worrying about being successful in life. But what really determines 'success.' Money in the bank? Perhaps, to some. 20 inch rims on my blinged out H2? Again...perhaps, to some.
But not me. To me, success is equivalent to happiness. If I have a consistent smile on my face, what else should matter? If I am enjoying my life, aren't I successful? Yes.
I only have one life, and I've spent years worrying about being successful. I've sheltered myself from harm by sticking to a plan that I thought would lead me to success. But no plan will ever work if time is only spent worrying about the plan itself. So fuck the plan. Fuck it. I know where I want to be in the world and no excel spreadsheet will ever tell me how to get there.
So what do I want to do with my life? Well, I'm glad to say that I have no idea, and I'm happy about that. I know I'll be going back to school in September for my MBA and I know that new opportunities will be waiting for me on the other end.
I have one life. Just one. And I've been wasting it so far. First off, what the fuck am I doing with cigarettes? Those things are fucking pointless. I need to get healthy again. I don't want to have all this new found motivation for life and have it be wasted by lung cancer. So fuck cigarettes from now on. The most important individual thing I can do for myself is stay healthy. In a few years, my life will be over and I do not want my life truncated by some disease that could have been prevented.
My family is the most important thing in the world. My mother and sister are my two rocks in life. I need to tell them how much they mean to me more often.
Ubersite is pointless. Really...it is. It is a killer of time and a temporary cure for boredom. But why be bored when there is so much to do in the world? Why waste away in front of computer when I live in the most vibrant city in the world. I could be out chatting it up with store owners in SoHo or looking at the beautiful buildings on the upper West Side or just walking through all the beauty of central park. I just don't want to waste my life any more
I am content now. And this new found motivation, vague as it may seem to some, has filled my heart with joy and a great new appreciation for life.
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-01-05 06:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Relocate.
Best thing I've ever done.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-04 21:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-04 19:37:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no plan for the future.
im just gonna hang out, and watch lesbians do it.
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This guy cracks my shit up.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-01-04 19:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're going to waste your time talking to store owners, staring at buildings, and walking through central park, you might as well waste it on Ubersite.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-04 19:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no plan for the future.
im just gonna hang out, and watch lesbians do it.
Submitted by Tubabuhst_01 (user info) at 2006-01-04 19:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good, and very thought provoking. I like it.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2006-01-04 19:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ubersite is pointless. Really...it is."
Couldn't have said it better myself.
SO WHY THE FUCK AM I BACK HERE??
FUCK YOU I'M LEAVING AGAIN.
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2006-01-04 17:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it came to me in the form of a movie quite of all things: "I am a fingerprint on a window of a skyscraper." I am insignificant and will most likely go unrecognized in the grand scheme of life.
did you end up in the Total Perspective Vortex?
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-01-04 15:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHA...tim, i completely brainfarted over that. nice catch. you're good like that.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-04 14:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree.
while i may be 'successful,' i'm not particularly happy. and no offense to your home, my current location is a part of it.
"Turning on my light, I winced as the 75 watt bulbs slowly enlarged my pupils."
congratulations, you're unlike everyone else in the world. most people's pupils constrict (opposite of enlarge) when exposed to light.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-04 14:31:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:25:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhhhh, hey Beavis.
Heh-heh mmm hehe-heheh. What?
He said "Wee".
Huh-huh huh-huhhuh-huhuhuh huh huh-huh huhuh huh huh-huh huhuh huh-huhhuh huhuh huh huh-huhhuh-huh
Yeah. Yeah. Heh heh-heh hehheheh mmm heheh.
=================================================
Get out of my head, Bob!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhhhh, hey Beavis.
Heh-heh mmm hehe-heheh. What?
He said "Wee".
Huh-huh huh-huhhuh-huhuhuh huh huh-huh huhuh huh huh-huh huhuh huh-huhhuh huhuh huh huh-huhhuh-huh
Yeah. Yeah. Heh heh-heh hehheheh mmm heheh.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What they all said. Minus the assfisting part.
I get myself to a point where I'm ready to take the leap, make myself better, make the world better, and I find myself backing down so much of the time...it's fucking shameful.
Good luck.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<insert poignant words of wisdom here>
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ASSFISTING???
You got the wrong guy, toots.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-01-04 13:03:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as she can make you dinner on a Wednesday, it'll all work out.
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another essential component right there. it's funny though, out of the two of us, i am the better cook. which is scary.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's too easy to stay up all night and be existential, thinking about a million different things and worrying and wondering ad nauseum.
Trust me, I know.
Thanks for writing this. Maybe I'll finally be able to sleep tonight.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:49:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
and bob, i agree. she lives in queens and i'm in brooklyn...kind of difficult to see each other every day, but when i do, it's a good time
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As long as she can make you dinner on a Wednesday, it'll all work out.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:46:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with you 1000%.
Although, I have to add, that a bunch of money in the bank and in your 401k certainly helps KEEP a smile on one's face.
==============================
No, cockwash, it's the daily assfisting that keeps the smile on your face.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fisty, i've already cut down on ubersite drastically and am now weening myself off it....like crack.
and bob, i agree. she lives in queens and i'm in brooklyn...kind of difficult to see each other every day, but when i do, it's a good time.
i agree that a loving person beside you is also an essential component in life.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with you 1000%.
Although, I have to add, that a bunch of money in the bank and in your 401k certainly helps KEEP a smile on one's face.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I said that because you could give her a roll, and then probably fall asleep within 5 minutes afterward.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
girls are trouble. get a dog and a hooker.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So does this mean you are leaving Uber then?
I agree that happiness = success.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:41:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
an interesting response, bob.
i am actually seeing a girl now. time will tell if it works out, but for now, it's going great.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What Bob said. Find yourself a nice girl who cares for you and loves you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-04 12:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need a girlfriend.