Flinky™ V: The Truth About Squeegee (551 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: series
Rating: 1.6 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2006-01-04 15:01:01 EST
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/78587
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/78727
Part 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/79200
Part 4 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/81830
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There I was, lying on the living room floor of Harry's house with my paws behind my back. I barely maintained control over my bodily functions. The horse I thought was my friend was nothing but a two-timing crook--or so I thought. As I soon found out, he was much more.
"Alright, squirrel. Where's Squeegee?"
"What's it to ya, mon?"
"Wait--stop. I know you're from Chicago. Drop the accent or I forget about the goods and blow your brains out right now."
"Okay, okay. Jeez...still, I don't know anything about Squeegee. I mean, I got home one day and she was just gone. She took all her stuff with her."
"Mmm hmm...and what kind of 'stuff' did she take?"
"Look horse, I don't know what you're getting at--"
"You know VERY well what she took! A little bit of 'green magic?' 'Super grass?' 'Wacky weed?'"
"How do you know about that? We created all that stuff by ourselves from scratch..."
"From 'scratch?' You really think that stuff was your creation? Are you insane or did you just smoke more than you sold? Where do you think Squeegee got the special fertilizer? Surely, you didn't think you two did anything innovative."
It was odd seeing Squirmy with watery eyes. He usually projected such a fierce image. Of all the things to break down that tough guy exterior, the revelation of his marijuana secret seemed quite odd. Harry realized this as well and pounced on the opportunity.
"So she never told you about her business with me, huh? I bet she didn't tell you about the 60% cut I'm supposed to get from your sales. Well guess what? It's all true. You weren't her boyfriend, you were her business partner. Aside from my fertilizer, your high quality product required the kind of anal retentive cultivation that you are more than happy to deliver. So you see...she used you. She took advantage of your love and broke your heart. Let's get back at her, Squirmy. Tell me where she is."
With tears streaming down his cheeks, Squirmy stared at the ground for a while, probably contemplating his thoughts. I thought he might just snap and try taking Harry one-on-one. Instead, he spoke up, sounding defeated, but still defiant.
"I...you really don't know where she is? I mean, what kind of operation are you running here?"
"I'M A BUSY HORSE! I have many business 'associates,' so I don't have time to keep track of every one. Through my sources, however, I know she must be in one of a handful of places, but I would rather not waste the time searching for her. I'd even be willing to spare your life. So tell me, please--now or never--where...is...Squeegee?"
"She's..." Squirmy closed his eyes tight, making a painful face, as if his decision caused him physical pain. "She's in Jamaica...I'm not sure where, exactly..."
"HA HA HAAA!!! Of course!! Of course...so you were planning on catching her there by yourself with that bad accent, were you? BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!! This is too good. I guess I won't shoot you after all..."
Squirmy and I briefly made eye contact when Harry's deep voice bellowed.
"Ninja squirrels--ATTACK!!!"
Sure enough, at least ten squirrels in ninja garb jumped or backflipped out from behind various items in the room. I darted to Squirmy's side to avoid getting beat down by myself. As Harry exited the house, he called out to me:
"Sorry, Flinky. It's not personal, man...just...well, you know."
As you would guess, that comment didn't really make me feel any better as the ninja squirrels closed in on Squirmy and me.
User Reviews
Submitted by SoftlyBeforeIScream (user info) at 2006-01-05 00:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Ry U fu-
you are a decent human being!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-01-04 17:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M BUSY HORSE!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-04 16:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually meant *fucking*
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-04 16:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck squirrel.
yea.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-04 15:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
I notice the characters don't curse in this series. Cute, cuddly, deadly, eloquent.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-04 15:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got problems.
I like it.