Marriage (730 hits)
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Submitted by Jinky Williams (View user info) at 2006-01-05 00:50:31 EST
Thought I'd pop on and drop a line. I've been researching marriage a lot as of late. I plan to get married in my lifetime, I'd prefer sooner to later, but whatever.
What follows are just the thoughts of one man at one point in his life. Take what you like, leave what you will.
You'll find I quote the Bible a considerable amount. I'm not posting this to defend the Bible or to discuss its authorship and validity. I quote it here as a source of wisdom and insight, and because I understand it to be a book authored by the creator of the universe and humanity, and therefore the ultimate source on such topics.
It is absolutely critical that we understand the origin and functions of marriage. This one concept and institution serves humanity in an incredibly powerful fashion and is far more important than many--Christians included--give it credit for. This is because marriage is not just a contract, not just a legal agreement that allows those parties involved to benefit from pre-established governmental concessions in an attempt to foster safe and beneficial foundations for families and to better develop society.
If one takes the stance that this is the extent behind the meaning of the institution of marriage, there is no issue with terminating the contract once it appears to be burdensome to one or both of the participants.
Mark 10:6
"But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female."
Genesis 2:23-24
"The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh'; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man. 24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
Marriage has been an integral part of God's plan from the beginning--so the institution of marriage was initiated with the inception that plan. It has been deeply and irremovably woven into the tapestry of humanity from the beginning. It serves as a corporeal analogy of the spiritual relationship between the Christian church and God, between us individually and God--it allows us to more fully comprehend His heart toward us. "Marry" means, "To unite in a close, usually permanent way". Marriage is a union, a fusion. And it is most assuredly permanent.
God could have chosen to make woman the same way He made man. Swirled around some dust, some clay, breathed life into the form, and lo, there would be woman. He chose against this, however. He chose to create woman out of man, and specifically out of his rib--close to his heart, near the center of his being. Make no mistake: It was not coincidence, not chance, that woman was formed in this fashion. It was done with purpose and specific intent. It was a symbol to show His plan for man and wife. That the wife is a completer and a compliment to the husband. That there is a part of a husband's being which is held captive in the woman whom God has chosen to be the man's wife, a part close to his heart.
Genesis 2:25
"The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
From Adam and Eve we can observe something interesting about God's original plan for marriage: There was no legal agreement. No signing on the dotted line. So how did a man and a woman become married? What "sealed the deal"? Physical union. This is the consummation of a marriage relationship between husband and wife. That act is what truly signifies, in God's eyes, the commencement of a marriage relationship. A wedding event is the public proclamation and celebration of that union and allows a time to legally observe said union.
Mark 10:7-8
"But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. 8and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one."
Malachi 2:15a
"Has not the Lord made them one?"
The joining in the physical signifies the joining in the spiritual. A bond is created at this time. It runs deep and is multi-threaded, and it cannot be broken. It weaves both lives together in ways we can't fully comprehend. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. And there's no turning back; as it is in the physical, so it is in the spiritual.
Matt 19:8
"Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."
Because marriage is not simply some contractual agreement, it cannot be simply ended by a termination of that agreement. A marriage cannot by terminated by divorce. All a divorce can do is nullify the legal agreement, defined as "marriage"--it can do nothing to dissolve the true marriage bond. As legal marriage adds a legal thread, legal divorce cuts it. But that still leaves the three others.
Malachi 2:16
"'I hate divorce' says the Lord God of Israel."
Consider, for a moment, something you hate. Or something that you would hate should it exist. Truly hate. Something that you abhor and loathe with the core of your being. God hates divorce that much--and more. There are very few things that God says outright that He hates. Divorce is one of them. It was only because of the absolute stubbornness of the hearts of the Israelites that Moses allowed it at all. But it still was never, and has never been, condoned.
Mark 10:9
"Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
God hates divorce because it serves to divide that which He has brought together--the marriage, the building block of society and life. Divorce is so damaging because it attempts to sever bonds that cannot be severed. It attempts to unravel the tapestry that woven with those threads between the husband and wife--yet it is powerless to do so. It can, however, tangle, knot and discolor that tapestry. Rend the fabric, tear holes, leave what was once beautiful as a tattered cloth. And it can weaken and fray those once strong bonds. And with a re-marriage, more threads are forced into it that weren't there before and were never meant to be there. They try to cover up the torn parts with the new fabric, but the tear is still there.
Mark 10:11-12
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
This re-enforces God's view on the permanence of marriage. The bonds are there, the marriage is solvent, even after a divorce or any kind of human separation, be it distance, emotional, etc.. We can now begin to contemplate the depth of devastation rape and extra-marital relations can cause. They are, in effect, marriages. The bonds are created, but the piece has only begun to be fabricated, and then it is left unfinished and untended. As a result, especially for (but not in the least bit limited to) the women, there is deep pain and confusion about why they hurt so much. It cannot possibly be understood (and therefore cannot be properly dealt with) without knowing what marriage is and how it was meant to function. Only by allowing the Master Surgeon to do some incredibly delicate heart surgery can one hope to get beyond a situation like that. Only He knows where all the threads go, and only He has the tools to sever them. And even with the most skillful surgeon on hand, removing something will always hurt and will always leave a hole that needs to be filled.
God will honor second marriages. There is grace. But what a price it costs. Even with grace there is consequences. A parent can forgive their child for driving drunk and getting the car into a wreck, but that forgiveness won't repair the car or fix the broken limbs and cracked ribs. Parents of two close friends of mine have divorced and since remarried to others. Their current marriages all function well, some more than others. But I know there was a lot of pain for each one. And unless they have let God do His surgery, those threads are still there and present.
Ephesians 5:14
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 25to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife lives himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church--20for we are all members of His body. 31'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' 32This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
With power comes responsibility. Oft heard is the whole "wives, submit to your husbands" bit, but is is almost never accompanied by the husband's responsibility: "In the same say, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies... he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church." Husbands have the tremendous responsibility to be a covering for their wives. To be their king, their warrior, their mentor, their friend. They are to be the roof of the house.
Submission does not denote weakness; rather, it shows great strength. Submission to any authority does. When you have a desire that opposes that of an authority over you--be it a teacher, boss, whomever--it takes strength to acquiesce to that authority. And an interesting thing about authority: It can only be given, not taken. I can say I am the King of Sweden, but no one will heed my proclamation. I can't take the title. It must be given to me. Or take Saddam Hussein. He still believes himself to be the leader of Iraq. Yet no one gives him that authority.
A benevolent ruler is praised and obeyed without question because his subjects know his word is good and he has proven himself worthy to be followed. Sure, he has made some mistakes, but he is, after all, only human. And some times, his orders come from completely left field and his subjects don't understand it--yet they still obey because they swore fealty to the king, swore to follow his commands. It is the kings responsibility to provide for those under his stewardship. Yes, the king has the power, but only by the submission of those under him--his support. Without support, a roof falls. 100%. Every time. So it is in a marriage. The husband may be the roof and the leader, but that roof will fail to protect and cover without support.
Marriage is one of the most powerful tools that God has provided us with. A tool to understand life, to understand Him, to enjoy life. However, like any tool, it can be misunderstood and misapplied. A power saw is a great tool. Building a fence? Repairing something? In the right hands, it's an incredible timesaver. But it is necessarily complex and is dangerous, so without proper instruction, understanding of proper application and safety procedures, disaster can result. What would happen if you tried to use it to shave with, or attempted to use it to vacuum?
Why should it be any different with marriage? What a powerful tool. The power to repair and to destroy. To do untold good and incredible damage. Anything with so much power should be wielded with the utmost care and respect, and should be understood as best one is able before they use it. How can we hope to construct a proper marriage without consulting the instruction manual? How can we make a solution when there's no understanding of the problem?
Stay orange.
--JW
User Reviews
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-05 15:01:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that
girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and
foxy boxing and such and such.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
...and I think there's still laws in that dusty old book that says we're supposed to throw rocks at homosexuals and women get divorces to be with other men.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I would have been fine with one or two quotes... and them some decent discussion on their relevance to modern day living, but a myriad of quotes with only a handful of words relating to today gives me the sense that I was going to church again.
Don't give me instructions on how to live based on conflicting ideas from a book that wasn't written by god. Morals should only be interpretted on a personal basis with your god and the meaning of your morals is useless if they don't apply to different situations.
That being said, aren't we all forgiven for everything anyway?
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-05 12:26:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
By Solomon I mean the king not the ski bindings.
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That's hurt :dd
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 09:28:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
I quote it here as a source of wisdom and insight, and because I understand it to be a book authored by the creator of the universe and humanity, and therefore the ultimate source on such topics.
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I stopped reading here. No need to read on.
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I'm with my Mistress. God didn't "author" shit.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-05 12:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-05 12:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't Solomon have like 500 wives or something? Seems like that may violate the one to one relationship just a tad bit.
By Solomon I mean the king not the ski bindings.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2006-01-05 12:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 09:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I quote it here as a source of wisdom and insight, and because I understand it to be a book authored by the creator of the universe and humanity, and therefore the ultimate source on such topics.
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I stopped reading here. No need to read on.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-05 09:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT!!!!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-05 08:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Staying orange.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-05 06:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
An excellent SPT post. Would have been a +2 if there was juuuust a bit more rape.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-05 06:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Good work +2
Bible -4
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Total -2
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-05 04:42:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My (somewhat misguided) take on the marriage thing:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74177
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-05 02:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-05 01:40:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Marriage did not originate with the Bible.
The concept of marriage exists in other cultures and in other areas of the animal world. While the Biblical opinion toward marriage may be relevant to some philosophically, it has no bearing on either the origin or function of marriage.
I think at a very primitive level creatures that have at least temporary monogamous relationships have survived longer because each party is willing to try their hardest to survive knowing that the other will do the same. Those are the peers with which one wants to associate and will guarantee the best chance of survival for offspring.
Human beings have perverted the concept of marriage with social, religious, and financial meaning when in fact its origin has nothing to do with any of those.
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WTF, man, you musta been bored as hell...
at least no clifowned....
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-05 01:40:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Marriage did not originate with the Bible.
The concept of marriage exists in other cultures and in other areas of the animal world. While the Biblical opinion toward marriage may be relevant to some philosophically, it has no bearing on either the origin or function of marriage.
I think at a very primitive level creatures that have at least temporary monogamous relationships have survived longer because each party is willing to try their hardest to survive knowing that the other will do the same. Those are the peers with which one wants to associate and will guarantee the best chance of survival for offspring.
Human beings have perverted the concept of marriage with social, religious, and financial meaning when in fact its origin has nothing to do with any of those.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2006-01-05 01:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
holy crap i have to go poo. at least that will be more interesting than this post.
fag
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-05 01:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...ok?
your point?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-05 01:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mawwage...
mawwage is what brings us here today...