Gas Ain't All She Guzzles (SPT) (1221 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.88 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-01-05 13:03:21 EST
I drive a car that's quite unique, it's slick just like Scott Boras,
My ride of choice these days: my lovely Ford C.L.I.Taurus™,
There's no sunroof to speak of, but she's got a lovely roof
A pinkish thing of terrycloth that flaps about the rustproof
Cartop, either prominent or hidden from plain sight
Depending on its stimulation and if it's handled right,
If you keep her oiled and primed she'll treat you like a king
I swear sometimes the RPMs' vibrations make her sing,
She doesn't run on gas or diesel, liquid's just too thick
Instead to make the engine hum just give a little flick,
A nibble of a tongue will do, or stirring of the fingers,
The scent of her warm motor's sure to please your nose and linger
On your skin, but, unlike oil, won't stain your hands or pants,
I'd really recommend you give this vehicle a chance,
She gets good mileage, never tires, sits on spinning rims,
Cheaper drivers - get yourself her sister car, the Quim™.
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-02 17:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Zing below.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-02 17:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
With optional Poon roof.
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2007-03-02 17:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
why is there ice cream on that car.
that wont sell well...
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-17 19:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ford C.L.I.Taurus™,
----
That's the high-performance one
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Voltage drops in to pay a visit to the little boys and girls.
HERE'S A +2 LITTLE ONES! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! HO HO HO!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your poetry reads like a bathroom stall
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
Reminds me of an excellent song by the Bluetones- hang on, i'll find the lyrics... http://www.go2lyrics.com/B/Bluetones/279832.html
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-06 10:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For bashing honey
I can't give money
but this is for you
a big fat +2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<slightly aroused>
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to try to do more of the "Things I've Left in Other People's Posts" line to take care of that very issue, fluff.
And, you know...stroke my own ego, flash my goodies and shout "Look at me! Look at me!"
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for quim, a word rarely heard these days.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your reviews ought to be archivated. A seperate and unique category is what they deserve.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i read this earlier and didn't rate it.
bleh.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-05 15:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass (+2)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 15:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Solid.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 15:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Were they filthy whores or attractive whores?
==============================================
A little from column A, a little from column B
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:01:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
OR they could be done for (insert really good point here). They could be the part 2 of Tigers TMI. Do it O. Give into peer pressure. You know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it.
---
Oh, I'm not opposed to it. I've just got a lot of different things on my plate, is all.
What's another helping, really?
I could always just do one big post, an Ubergraveyard or something, with sets of couplets for each of the deceased.
Raped by whores? Really? I thought I'd go out in a blaze of glory with a stick of dynamite in my ass.
Were they filthy whores or attractive whores?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:10:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse me, but I believe there is a ginormous clitoris on the roof of your vehicle.
======================================================================
Impossible. The clit doesn't actually exist. I've looked.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:20:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha Ford Tore-ass.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse me, but I believe there is a ginormous clitoris on the roof of your vehicle.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like it's wearing a jaunty hat.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 14:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OR they could be done for (insert really good point here). They could be the part 2 of Tigers TMI. Do it O. Give into peer pressure. You know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it.
Here lies Orgasmatron
Poet, prohpet, and sage
His lyrics amused us daily
His poems were all the rage
My words do him no justice
It's silly to even try
But when I pass, may I go like him
Drunk and raped by whores until I die.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr a_reader, this was good as gold, just like the color of my Taurus...
This gave me a glimmer of hope that I could one day be cool again, even though I'm married with child and drive a Ford Fucking Taurus. This gets a +2 just for the very small boost it will give my esteem to rate something Taurus-y as a kicker of all ass.
The Boy's going to stay an only child just so I don't have to go further down the walk of shame and buy a mini-van.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good lord...Ubergies, What's in a Name, the Uberbury Tales.
When would I have time to write my long, long overdue "Ode to My Ex-Wife the Whore," the greatest emo poem of all time, and the continued adventures of Supplebutt and Vaginass?
I'll keep it stashed away as an idea, though. Part of me thinks it'd be something better done in prose, but then again they could always be devotional poems composed for the recently deceased or something.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
splendid sir..
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could be the start of a killer series, Otron. Uber eulogies. Ubergies, perhaps?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Though I don't know how good of a eugoogalizer I'd be.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:24:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
O'tron, when I die, I hope you do my eulogy.
---
Funny you should mention that.
Leilani asked me to write her a themed epitaph yesterday: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81862#1768667
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:24:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
O'tron, when I die, I hope you do my eulogy.
===============
Forkin' A.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:20:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
And why is your car wearing a scoop of ice cream? This makes ne sense!
-----
It's the clit from the South Park Movie.
DAMN I'M GOOD!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O'tron, when I die, I hope you do my eulogy.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And why is your car wearing a scoop of ice cream? This makes ne sense!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
C-L-I-Taurus
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No no...I kid.
It's a little bumpy. And short. And blah.
But then again, it IS Thursday.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I prefer vanilla.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:11:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno. This one just didn't do it for me. I hate to say it, but you've turned me into a meter nazi, and there was a hangup or two in there.
---
Sure, it's got some bumps. But so does a clit.
See how the poem resembles the subject matter?
SEE WHAT I DID THERE???
WHY CAN'T YOU APPRECIATE MY ART!????!?!
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Licked it....I mean LIKED it
Submitted by nappingninja (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a huge clit...
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno. This one just didn't do it for me. I hate to say it, but you've turned me into a meter nazi, and there was a hangup or two in there.
Also, a version of the clitoris joke was used on the Bob and Tom show (syndicated radio show) a long time ago.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 13:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<geek mode>
You have a Ford Command Line Interface Taurus? Is it hard to figure out her API?
</geek mode>
<cries>