Women & Their Shit (3145 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Favorites
Rating: 1.68 on 97 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-01-05 17:11:51 EST
The Great Department Store of Life:
1st Floor - Women's Shoes - Casual
2nd Floor - Women's Shoes - Sports
3rd Floor - Women's Shoes - Career/Dress
4th Floor - Women's Wear - Casual
5th Floor - Women's Wear - Career/Dress
6th Floor - Women's Wear - Sportswear
7th Floor - Women's Wear - Swimwear
8th Floor - Women's Wear - Sleepwear/Slippers/Robes
9th Floor - Women's Wear - Lingerie
10th Floor - Women's Wear - Bridal
11th Floor - Women's Wear - Petit Sizes
12th Floor - Women's Wear - Special Occasion
13th Floor - Women's Wear - Junior
14th Floor - Women's Wear - Maternity
15th Floor - Women's Fragrances
16th Floor - Women's Jewelry
17th Floor - Women's Accessories
18th Floor - Women's Cosmetics
19th Floor - Women's Bath Accessories
20th Floor - Women's Hair Care
21st Floor - Women's Skin Care
22nd Floor - Women's Healthcare
23rd Floor - Women's Magazines
24th Floor - Women's Literature
25th Floor - Women's Videos
26th Floor - Women's Fitness
27th Floor - Women's Self Defense
28th Floor - Women's Legal Resources
29th Floor - Women's Counseling Center
30th Floor - Women's Support Groups
30th Floor Northeast Corner Annex- Men's Department (Under Renovation)
*
Why do women need so much shit?
It is said that the beetle is the most common insect in the world. Anywhere there is a niche in the environment that will support a beetle, you'll find a beetle. There are over 350,000 named species of beetle, and they live everywhere but the Antarctic. Surely the beetle cannot be beat when it comes to diversity stemming from a single source?
Well, have you seen women's skincare products lately? Or make-up? Or fragrances? Jesus, the varieties and requirements and specialties and the sheer bulk of products out there is horrifying, and if you want to enjoy a steady relationship with a member of the fairer sex there is nothing you can do guys, nothing, to stop all of that shit from slowly filling your home from room to room, from floor to ceiling until you and your puny man-things are crushed into one stifling corner.
I'm speaking from personal experience, and I'm sure every married and/or cohabiting guy reading this will agree with me.
Guys, look in the bathroom. Is all your shit, bath stuff, shaving stuff, hair stuff, piled on one dinky little shelf, and is that shelf out of the way of your significant other's necessities? I thought so.
And what about the closets. Go take a look. Look at the clothes closets. In the hall closet she has summer coats and winter coats and shawls and sweaters and hats and you have two coats. The slightly nice one, and the beater you wear when you are with the guys or just fucking around. And what about the other closets? She has hundreds of pounds of fabric hanging up or neatly folded. Some mornings you wake up and look at all that shit think you suddenly wandered into the garment district in your sleep... or you think that you must have gotten horribly shitfaced and married Imelda Marcos, because there is a vast expanse of shoes spread out at your feet. And where is your stuff, pal? You have a pair of beat-up Nikes that are your fun shoes, a pair of scuffed but presentable dressing-up shoes, and somewhere, dammit, a pair of boots, in case you have to do anything heavy-duty.
And your clothes. You poor bastard. Your wife's clothes can be measured in yards as they hang in the closet. Yours probably take up a few inches, right? And even though you have a whole chest of drawers, your underwear and socks are all scrunched into one corner, and her expanding bra collection is even encroaching on that tiny territory.
-Prehistory-
The reason we stopped wandering from place to place and became an agricultural society wasn't for safety, or for a reliable food supply, or because of our need to socialize. We stopped living as nomads when women began accumulating too much shit!
Since the stone age guys have been perfectly willing to leave behind all their shit and move on (well, except for a favorite club or that slightly stinky, worn out lion skin they liked to wear on weekends, or the lumpy old wheel handcrafted by Gramps, and even that stuff is usually too ugly and the first thing on the list that the mate wants to get rid of).
Women gathered up so much shit that we had no choice but to settle down. How the hell can you outrun a pride of hungry sabertooths when you're carrying a hundred pounds of stuff that is supposed to make her look and smell better?
So we settled down, and when the wild game got scarce we thought, man, maybe we can eat some of those roots over there, and not only could we eat the roots, but the little bastards grew back, so we started cultivating the stuff and later thought, jeez, if we can raise roots like this maybe we can raise animals like this too, and, you know, if we threw up a big wall for protection we could be really safe at night.
Before we knew it, we were civilized!
-Ancient to Recent History-
Every single military campaign to ever expand an empire was driven by the women and their shit principle. From the conquests of Imperial Rome to the taking of the American west to the Nazi's lust for lebensraum, we see men driven to find their own little space where they can enjoy a drink or a smoke in piece and quiet before being crowded out by feminine shit.
-The Modern Age-
The strange forces that drive a woman to accessorize led to the invention of the garage. If you think the garage was created to hold a car, you are wrong. The car was invented by a guy, and all guys are happy to park their car anywhere as long as it is within walking distance of a good drunk.
No, the garage was invented by a guy who got married and suddenly realized, goddamn, she has got loads and loads of shit! And then he saw his little pile of shit begin shrinking as she decreed this unacceptable and that too ugly and before you know it he had to find a place to put his few cherished bits of shit before they went to the Salvation Army or the local dump. So he built the garage and told his wife that it would be a great place to put the car, hoping that she wouldn't notice all the extra room at the back, and all that open space up near the roof, where he could hide his shit before it disappeared forever.
In fact, the garage was invented before the automobile. Back then it was called a shed.
This also explains the love men have for big machines. Earth movers and oil rigs and battleships and things like that. Guy love to look at big machines and think, 'If I brought that home, she would just shit.'
And that's why, once they buy a house, men always want to have a den and fill it with stuff that will keep the wife out, like stinky cigar smoke and stuffed animal heads. After having been attached for a while, they know that it is impossible to stop the insidious growth of female accessories, so they try to set aside one last bastion of freedom that will be all their own.
-The Future-
Guys, we've really blown it by letting women into space.
Think of all the boundless room we had to store our shit and the shit of our sons, and their sons. We screwed the pooch on that scenario though. We let women up in the space shuttle. You know how women talk. They all know about it by now and soon they'll be crowding out the vast emptiness of the moon or those potential storage lockers in space, the asteroids, with their ever-growing mass of girl stuff.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:48:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-06 11:59:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to put on my earrings today. Don't you just hate when that happens.
I don't take mine out.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-09 04:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Packing for holidays as well. I'm off to France in the Summer for a week, and I fully intend to take one item of hand luggage. Walk on the plane, walk off the plane.
No hanging about for ages to pick up items of luggage so fantastically dense that the very floor cracks under the wheels of the gigantic container.
It's France for fucks sake. Shorts, t shirts and a pair of shoes. Anything else you need, buy it cheap from Jean-Pierre and fuck off back to la plage.
Gimme a couple of books with helicopters or submarines (or in very special cases - BOTH) on the cover, a plentiful supply of beer, a towel and an iPod and I'm a happy tourist.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-09 02:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2006-01-09 01:43:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, don't knock it, you can learn a lot from dykes.
---------------
It's true, that's how I learned to cultivate a moustache.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2006-01-09 01:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, don't knock it, you can learn a lot from dykes.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tirannie (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:30:19 (#)
Ranking: -1
Some funny points... but really, why do chicks get all dolled up? It's for you, my penis-having friend. You'd hate it if she took care of herself like a dude did.
--
Ah, the bull-dyke contingent finally speaks up.
Submitted by Tirannie (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Some funny points... but really, why do chicks get all dolled up? It's for you, my penis-having friend. You'd hate it if she took care of herself like a dude did.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-06 20:55:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-06 19:02:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Why do hits mean so much to you? ... My point is, it's just childish bs.
--
Like they said in Schindler's List, "The list is life."
Look at it this way. I hit the MVA and never once posted pics of tits and ass.
A lot of the new guys got there with tittypost after tittypost.
Submitted by FannyGrady (user info) at 2006-01-06 20:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-06 19:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, that TMI is just taking Tiger streaking up the charts.
Mmmmmmmmmmm... Tiger streaking....... *drool*
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-06 19:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-01-06 18:44:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:15:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-06 15:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see you up on the MVA. Hopefully you will have removed Gibberish forever.
-
Tigerlilly is on her way to stomping me as dead as Gib.
-----------------------
Yes, but there are a lot of stagnant users on the bottom rung of the MVA. It should be no trouble getting right back up there.
**********
I start to get it. This site is like a video game for you guys! Why do hits mean so much to you? Maybe review ratings, that actually tells something about your talent or lack thereof, as far as the people on one website, but hits? People will click on anything that sounds enticing, throw something out everyday, they click more. Means nothing. Look at the average reviewer rating of the MVA, it's way low. My point is, it's just childish bs.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-01-06 18:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:15:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-06 15:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see you up on the MVA. Hopefully you will have removed Gibberish forever.
-
Tigerlilly is on her way to stomping me as dead as Gib.
-----------------------
Yes, but there are a lot of stagnant users on the bottom rung of the MVA. It should be no trouble getting right back up there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-06 18:17:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The reviews here on this post alert me to the fact that there's a lot of stinky broads that hang on Uber.
If chicks AREN'T going to "go to the trouble" of dolling up with all this stuff...you may as well date guys, ya cocklovers ya.
Shlongy's broads always do it up right.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-06 18:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you'll find me on the 9th floor.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:48:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:52:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Women do it because we expect them to be beautiful since forever. Now that we're pretty much equal, they're requiring the same care from men and guess what, men too are starting to buy more and more of that stuff.
-----------------------------------
Wow. That was actually a nice, well balanced, and fair comment. Way to go Caul!
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:47:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:21:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:19:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have any of that shit.
--------
neither do i.
sometimes i wonder if i'm actually female.
_______________________________________________________________
i don't own any makeup.. i finally threw away the rest of what i had from high school.
my ears have never been pierced. the only adornment other than twisted hemp around my wrists are nipple rings.
i do get my hair dyed though... never had a pedicure, but i did used to do the fake nails thing.
and my feet stink
and i have a hair that grows out the side of my neck that my loving boyfriend pulls for me every so often. :D
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen, brotha. Just Amen.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-06 15:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see you up on the MVA. Hopefully you will have removed Gibberish forever.
-
Tigerlilly is on her way to stomping me as dead as Gib.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-06 15:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see you up on the MVA. Hopefully you will have removed Gibberish forever.
-----
Gibberish will live again.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-06 15:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to see you up on the MVA. Hopefully you will have removed Gibberish forever.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i am completely fettered by my worldly belongings.
sigh.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Looks like someone's been using the Surrender lipstick, just a touch? Special night out? A Cisco disco Jacko? Hmmm. And out of all this grotesquerie of garish colors you don't even offer any matte sticks? Please.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You seem like the type of person that could win an argument that you know is wrong.
Not saying that this post is wrong.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:::grumble grumble::: she takes up the entire bathroom counter :::grumble grumble:::
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:51:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this trailer's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin..
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok.. so I'll enroll in beauty school post-haste.
Crystle's Nail and Hair Salon under the awning.
no hablos espagnol. Cash only. Liquor accepted as payment in full.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:24:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
But Jack! If I'm gonna live in a trailor, I'm damn well going to take advantage and start living like trailer trash...
--
Oh...my...God!
Trashy women, easy pickins! DAMN! Things are looking better and better!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But Jack! If I'm gonna live in a trailor, I'm damn well going to take advantage and start living like trailer trash...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:23:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:35:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you babysit the kid while I'm out on dates? And do you mind if I bring them home?
--
Did you hear that ripping sound? That was you pushing the envelope until you shredded the damn thing.
Did you hear that muffled yell? That was me hollering, "That tears it!"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:11:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What Apollo said but with more vitriol.
You should say more stuff Jamie.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-06 11:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to put on my earrings today. Don't you just hate when that happens.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-06 11:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is funny, I'll admit. I have a lot of shit. However, my boyfriend has just as much. He has more clothes than I do, but not because he's a metrosexual clotheshorse. He keeps his old ratty tshirts to wear under his uniform at work so he doesn't ruin nice ones. Some of his shirts are so old you can see straight through them. He has seperate work socks and non-work socks so he doesn't ruin good ones. All my clothes are banished to the guest room with the smaller closet. We have car parts all over the house, vintage musclecar posters and ads, model cars etc. We had an air scoop from a Viper sitting on our living room side table for 3 years because his boss had asked him to see if he could design a better one. Needless to say, he never got around to it and I decided to call it "art".
In the bathroom all our stuff is mixed together in the shelves. Granted, my grooming products greatly outnumber his, but I'm supposed to look and smell prettier. I'm careful to keep the majority of my stuff off the counter (except for toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush and Listerine) so he can't complain about my shit being everywhere. I rarely wear makeup because I'm lazy, I rarely use hair styling products & I don't wear perfume because it'll give me a migraine.
Bottom line: I think the car crap to girl crap ratio is pretty even in our house.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-06 08:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW!
it's like a wacky look at how men and women are different!
H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-06 08:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on the MVA.
I expect to see numerous wacky right-wing messages there.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-06 08:29:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We may have a lot of stuff however it comforts me to know that you can still whine just like a bitch.
Give me a second, I have a pill for that in my cupboard, amongst all my various potions and bottles....ah yes, here it is, Midol for that *special* time of month.
Still a well written rant.
Submitted by KatHunter (user info) at 2006-01-06 07:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, but: Am I'm the only female in the world who isn't like that?
I have a total of ONE hair product. A shampoo. Me and my boyfriend share the same kind. And then I have a deodorant, and a single perfume that has lasted for more than a year because I only use it for Christmas or Newyears or someone important's birthday. It's not even half empty.
I also have ONE pair of shoes, some all-round sneakers.
But I guess I'll just agree with all the men here: Why the hell do women think they need all that crap?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-06 07:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! I need to get myself a house with a garage ASAP!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-01-06 06:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's because women buy things because they are on sale where as men only buy things they need.
It probably also has something to do with moving shit. I know I hate accumlating crap because when I move, I have to take all that crap with me. Women sit back and watch men move their crap for them.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-06 04:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as anyone knows we're a nice, normal family.
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
I am reasonably proud to say that all of the makeup that I own can easily fit into a 4"x5"x2" area, I own two pairs of shoes (work boots and the most kickass fancy shoes in the history of the universe), and my clothing takes up a small dresser and a quarter of my closet. And I don't have to share with anyone, so that closet space is just empty. I don't own any purses, and my bathroom stuff consists of one thing of body wash, one bottle each of shampoo and conditioner, a loofah, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. I will admit to having a massive quantity of books, but those don't really qualify as 'girl stuff'.
So there.
-----------------------
Marry me?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-06 04:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen! You're preaching to the choir here Jack ol' boy.
Example
My missus in the bathroom: 5 shelves, medicine cabinet all full of her shitty lotions and potions.
Me in the bathroom: One bottle each of shampoo, shower gel, shaving cream and deoderant, and one razor.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2006-01-06 04:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:18:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as anyone knows we're a nice, normal family.
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
I am reasonably proud to say that all of the makeup that I own can easily fit into a 4"x5"x2" area, I own two pairs of shoes (work boots and the most kickass fancy shoes in the history of the universe), and my clothing takes up a small dresser and a quarter of my closet. And I don't have to share with anyone, so that closet space is just empty. I don't own any purses, and my bathroom stuff consists of one thing of body wash, one bottle each of shampoo and conditioner, a loofah, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. I will admit to having a massive quantity of books, but those don't really qualify as 'girl stuff'.
So there.
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Well, Im very fuckin proud of ya!
---
Holy crap. I'm proud of you, too!
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2006-01-06 02:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Run away!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-06 01:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-01-06 01:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
betcha didn't expect that
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as anyone knows we're a nice, normal family.
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
I am reasonably proud to say that all of the makeup that I own can easily fit into a 4"x5"x2" area, I own two pairs of shoes (work boots and the most kickass fancy shoes in the history of the universe), and my clothing takes up a small dresser and a quarter of my closet. And I don't have to share with anyone, so that closet space is just empty. I don't own any purses, and my bathroom stuff consists of one thing of body wash, one bottle each of shampoo and conditioner, a loofah, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. I will admit to having a massive quantity of books, but those don't really qualify as 'girl stuff'.
So there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, Im very fuckin proud of ya!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-06 00:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as anyone knows we're a nice, normal family.
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
I am reasonably proud to say that all of the makeup that I own can easily fit into a 4"x5"x2" area, I own two pairs of shoes (work boots and the most kickass fancy shoes in the history of the universe), and my clothing takes up a small dresser and a quarter of my closet. And I don't have to share with anyone, so that closet space is just empty. I don't own any purses, and my bathroom stuff consists of one thing of body wash, one bottle each of shampoo and conditioner, a loofah, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. I will admit to having a massive quantity of books, but those don't really qualify as 'girl stuff'.
So there.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-05 23:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, c'mon, Jack, be fair. This stuff was accumulated over the last 8 years.
Except the bathroom crap, because ew.
Submitted by honoursystem (user info) at 2006-01-05 23:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great, keep it up.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 23:06:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:56:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lip gloss - shimmery, clear, glossy, tinted, longlasting, flavored, doesn't matter. I'm a freak for the stuff.
I have right now in the bathroom 8 bottles of shampoo, 5 of shower gel.... 9 types of deodorant and three types of perfume.. about three pounds of face care stuff and an overnight bag full of makeup.
I have half the bathroom - three kids and my husband have the other half. I have so many clothes and shoes that I rent storage space in my husband's half of the closet.
I own at last count 42 handbags.
I'm who you're writing about.
Also, I use the cupboards in my husband's study to store bedlinen.
--
JEEZUZ.
Now we know why only those Arab oil tycoons can afford more than one wife.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lip gloss - shimmery, clear, glossy, tinted, longlasting, flavored, doesn't matter. I'm a freak for the stuff.
I have right now in the bathroom 8 bottles of shampoo, 5 of shower gel.... 9 types of deodorant and three types of perfume.. about three pounds of face care stuff and an overnight bag full of makeup.
I have half the bathroom - three kids and my husband have the other half. I have so many clothes and shoes that I rent storage space in my husband's half of the closet.
I own at last count 42 handbags.
I'm who you're writing about.
Also, I use the cupboards in my husband's study to store bedlinen.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:32:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart just called. The MVA is accepting no new entries.
Bwahahahaha!!
--
Okay, that's it. I quit.
Smurfs (5475)
Registered: 2004-01-29 12:11:13 Hits: 269775 Messages: 155 Reviews: 915 Reviewed: 4100 Avg Rating: 1.74
Jack_McCallum (11326)
Registered: 2004-08-16 18:09:01 Hits: 264734 Messages: 362 Reviews: 5542 Reviewed: 13453 Avg Rating: 1.27
gibberish (2557)
Registered: 2003-09-13 21:04:15 Hits: 264454 Messages: 39 Reviews: 1903 Reviewed: 2399 Avg Rating: 1.25
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart just called. The MVA is accepting no new entries.
Bwahahahaha!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:23:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:35:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you babysit the kid while I'm out on dates? And do you mind if I bring them home?
--
Did you hear that ripping sound? That was you pushing the envelope until you shredded the damn thing.
Did you hear that muffled yell? That was me hollering, "That tears it!"
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2006-01-05 21:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've grown up with all women since I was in 2nd grade. Reading this brought a tear to my eye.
Excellent job.
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2006-01-05 20:46:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its hardly a bad quality in women.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-05 20:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate everyone
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-01-05 20:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-05 20:04:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agree.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-01-05 20:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was among the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945.
Camp
I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and childen collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from diptheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own vomit because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating worms as they clutched a half loaf of bread purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity
Source: Imperial War museum
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:52:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This fucking made my day. Cheers, man.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you babysit the kid while I'm out on dates? And do you mind if I bring them home?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah.
hell yeah.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:18:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
jack - you would have a deal there if it weren't for the cigarette smoke. It's bad for kids...
--
Hell, if you'll wear the short'n'skimpies I'll start smoking on the ****ing porch and start watching my ********ing langauge!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jack - you would have a deal there if it weren't for the cigarette smoke. It's bad for kids...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth.
I could live out of a duffel bag. The missus is pretty low maintenance from what I'm led to believe, and she has closets upon closets of stuff that I have no idea what any of it is.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I own two cars and two motorcycles that do not run. Though they are all owned outright, they are currently in a storage area which costs us $500 per month to rent. My wife drives a new Honda Civic Si. I drive either a) my wife's 4 year old 4WD GMC pickup or b) my wife's 13 year old motorcycle. We're building a house. The house we're building will have (at her insistance) a 3-car attached garage and (at my insistance) a 3-car detached garage with a workshop, all to support my out-of-control car and bike hobbies.
If my wife wants cremes and oils and paints and sprays and potions and notions and oceans of lotions, I say "Gimme the brand and name and I'll frickin' deliver 'em to you, and I'll build you a nice cabinet to store 'em in, and I'll tell you how great you look when you've used 'em!"
Think about it before you complain.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 19:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:21:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
so - uh - you're saying you DON'T want to share a place with me, Jack?
Me and my daughter?
--
Hey, I'm all for it. I just don't think you'll be too crazy about a doublewide full of cats and cigarette smoke within spitting distance of the freeway.
You can stay rent free if you wear your short'n'skimpies around the house, though.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I do this too I think but only with lotions and shower gels. I have more than I could possibly use but apparently I'm convinced there will be some sort of shower gel/lotion shortage or something.
I'm very weird with my closet, cabinets, and drawers though but not because I need room for lots of shit. It's because I like for everything to be organized and in the specific order I put it in. Everything is either in alphabetic, color, or size order or a combination of the three. I'll let anyone put their shit amongst my shit so long as they stick to my crazy assed organization rules but if I find one thing out of place, I'll take all your shit out and throw it away or throw it outside in a bag.
Yeah, I know I'm crazy.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:32:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny...except when I started counting lipsticks and realized that I probably have more shoes than that. That's the only thing I hoard though. I'm pretty low maintenance beside the shoe thing.
Also, I only leave travel size bottles of bathroom stuff at my boyfriends place and nothing else.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so - uh - you're saying you DON'T want to share a place with me, Jack?
Me and my daughter?
Submitted by DrRobertHand (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Women do it because we expect them to be beautiful since forever. Now that we're pretty much equal, they're requiring the same care from men and guess what, men too are starting to buy more and more of that stuff.
========================================================================================
The major problem I have with this is it does not make them appear beautiful, it makes them appear superficial, self-conscious, and lost. I have always had a problem with makeup, I think it turns stunning women into finely-tuned crap.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:58:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is, we don't mind really. We aren't gonna stop trying to stick our dicks in your various places because you have the stuff, and lots of it. Deep down, we appreciate what all of you go through just to make us want to bend you over the sink in the bar bathroom.
Just get lotion that works for masturbation, please. I'm sick of exfoliating my penis twice daily.
------------------------------------------------------------
HA!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-05 18:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:58:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
all these girls are reviewing it and being like "Oh I'm not like that, I'm so low-maintenance"
BULLSHIT. Even the most low maintenance of you has at least 4 bottles of lotion lying around "just in case." And you all have your masks and your various makeup sets, Yes, sets. One or seven for daily use, twenty or so for more formal occasions.
===================================
Stupidest thing I've read today.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all these girls are reviewing it and being like "Oh I'm not like that, I'm so low-maintenance"
BULLSHIT. Even the most low maintenance of you has at least 4 bottles of lotion lying around "just in case." And you all have your masks and your various makeup sets, Yes, sets. One or seven for daily use, twenty or so for more formal occasions.
The thing is, we don't mind really. We aren't gonna stop trying to stick our dicks in your various places because you have the stuff, and lots of it. Deep down, we appreciate what all of you go through just to make us want to bend you over the sink in the bar bathroom.
Just get lotion that works for masturbation, please. I'm sick of exfoliating my penis twice daily.
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my entire house is a garage for my parents' stuff. i only wish it was full of lipsticks and clothes. oh woe is me.
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez, my other half just needs table space for her laptop, room in the garage for her bike, and a place to hang her leathers.
She tends to keep the 'girly stuff' to a minimum.
...Thank God....
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women do it because we expect them to be beautiful since forever. Now that we're pretty much equal, they're requiring the same care from men and guess what, men too are starting to buy more and more of that stuff.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never been one for lipstick but you could construct some sort of hoist large and robust enough to raise the titanic with my many and various tubes of liquid eyeliner.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:21:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:19:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have any of that shit.
--------
neither do i.
sometimes i wonder if i'm actually female.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only because I cohab...
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very true.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:33:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not like most women.
I have been to a salon about 5 times in my entire life.
I have had 1 manicure and 1 pedicure - in my life - and both were because other women dragged me along.
I hate to clothes shop and rarely try anything on unless it's absolutely necessary.
The only nailpolish I own is clear, and I only use it to keep my nails from splitting and causing me great pain.
I own about 10 pairs of wearable shoes, boots and sneakers - combined.
I own one bottle of perfume, and it's not expensive.
I wear earings about once a month. Bracelets and such, about 2 times a year. So I'm very low maintenence when it comes to jewelry gifts. Actually, I don't want any other jewelry aside from one day, an engagement ring, but at this rate, it may never happen.
Hmmm... what else....
I *do* spend a lot of time tweezing my eyebrows and I like my eye makeup and lipstick.
That's about that.
Anything more you want to know, tune into channel 5 news at 11.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I not only have that shit, I sell that shit.
My husband is always bitching about my shit. There's even some of my shit in his garage.
poor man.
On the other hand, I didn't loose all my shit in an ugly divorce from a self absorbed whore who wanted her shit and his shit too.
er...
What?!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's probably because a lot of women want to look appealing for the opposite sex.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's alotta lipschticks, says I.
The only real dealings men should have with lipstick is in the office bathroom, by accident:
Say there, Terrance! Is that "Iso-Taupe" lipstick I see there ringed around your meatpickle?
Negative, Murph. It's "Kismet!"
"Kismet," eh? I should have known. Stella just got herself a stick of that the other day.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true, we do have a tendency to amass tons of shit. I think it has something to do with the evolutionary nesting instinct.
Every surface in my bedroom is covered with bottles, jars, tubes, and random folded up garments. I have a three-tier floor rack and a 24-pair hanging rack for my shoes, and there are still 10 or 11 pairs just sitting on the floor with no place to go. It's insane.
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:19:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have any of that shit.
--------
neither do i.
sometimes i wonder if i'm actually female.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I'm always trying to get my hubby to get rid of his shit.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You think that because there's a finite amount of matter, we'd have run out by now because women have used it all up on their shit. I recall Jeff Foxworthy saying that guys buy their own shit, and women buy a fuckload more shit to make guys' shit smell "better."
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have any of that shit.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women's shit is everywhere.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts always manage to make me smile when I'm having a shit day. Thanks.
PS - There's a typo in your review too.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-05 17:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's gonna be a typo of my grave marker. I'm sure of it.
"Here Leis Jack McCalllum."
Something along those lines...