His Bright Light (955 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (View user info) at 2006-01-06 12:35:20 EST
"If you do this one thing for me, I'll do ANYTHING you want..."
I let out a laugh and some teenage girls on the other side of the street shot me funny looks. My bare feet squished into the rough sidewalk and the sun warmed my shoulders. I half wished that he could see my shoulders now, the angles of my clavicles and the graceful muscles that had taken shape. The time for such things between us had certainly passed and it was better that he didn't see my body, better that our friendship remained a matter of hearts and minds. Yet when he said things like that...well, I couldn't help but think about it a little. Once I love someone, I never really stop.
"I'm sending you a book," he continued, "and I want to know what you think about it. And, if you feel like it, if you wouldn't mind, I would like you to write a review of it on Ubersite."
My voice became unintentionally patronizing, "well, we'll see about all of that..."
"It would mean a lot to me if you'd do this. You're a great writer and I know that you could do it justice. Besides," I could hear the devilish smile, "I'll do ANYTHING you want if you write it!" He started laughing in that particular way of his, as if the joy was still caught in his throat.
About a week later a package arrived in the mail containing a copy of "His Bright Light," by Danielle Steele. He'd warned me not to judge the book because of its author, that it wasn't a work of fiction but a biographical account of the famous writer's son who lived with and ultimately died from Bipolar Disorder and substance abuse. I flipped pages past pictures of a handsome young guy and read snippets of sentimental prose. I shoved the book under my bed.
"Have you started the book yet?" I was breathing heavily and sweating my ass off on the Arc Trainer, being one of those assholes at the gym who talks on her cellphone while working out. I just couldn't bring myself to end one of our conversations. When I confessed that I hadn't really had the chance yet he once again insisted that it was very important that I read it, that he wanted nothing more than to know what I thought of the book and that he hoped I'd write up something on the website.
"I really mean it, Melanie. I'd do it myself but you'd do a better job."
"You know me so well, my dear. Flattery will get you everywhere."
On my next trip to the gym I brought the book along and read while I ran. Truthfully, it wasn't the flattery that compelled me but the intuition I had about his real reasons for wanting me to lend my voice to this issue in some oblique way. His pride would forbid him from even thinking what I suspected his deeper motivation was: he wanted me to use my voice to cry out about the sorrow of it all, about the kinds of struggles people suffer, about what it's like to play with medications, to consider and attempt suicide, to have such brilliant gifts that can never be given because the mind gets in the way. He knew that I understood something of both sides of the story and he was giving me a vehicle to talk about it, a tool to help make it all less personal and less private. Surely I could talk about a stranger's son...after all, she put it all down in a bestseller. His life was now in the public domain.
"I don't know," I confessed to him, "It's not a bad book, certainly, but I feel like it's much more useful as therapy for this grieving mother than it is as a piece of writing with much merit. She's very sentimental, which I can hardly blame her for considering that she's writing about her son who killed himself...but I feel as though she's too close to the situation to really be able to write about it in the way she's trying to. She's trying to be objective in some way, trying to hold it together and sound like a reporter rather than the grieving mother that she is, and that makes it all confused. If she'd written more honestly, really let herself go and left behind the need to strive for objectivity, I feel like the book would have been more of a success."
"I knew you wouldn't like it," he said. "Well, I liked it, but I guess it's just not sophisticated enough for you."
I sighed. "That's not what I'm saying at all," I told him.
I couldn't say what I really wanted to say. I couldn't bring myself to say that every incident in the book felt like a message from him saying, "this is what I live with and I just want you to understand." I couldn't tell him that I already understood as much as I was ever going to, that no amount of reading was going to provide much of a supplement to my experiences and that no book could bolster the strength of my resolve to love unconditionally, to attempt to understand. It wasn't about Danielle Steele's son. He sent me that book as a way of saying something that neither of us were willing to find words for. I find myself keeping that secret even now.
We stopped talking about the book after a while, and it's been months since he last requested this review. I don't know if it's met the goals that he had for it, most notably that it would somehow raise awareness or understanding of mental health issues. I don't know. I'm a fan of lofty aspirations and am often the one who finds hope in the least likely of places, but I just can't imagine that anything I'd write would have much of the effect he was hoping for.
But it's not my place to judge, is it, my friend?
Now, like you promised, you have to do ANYTHING that I want.
Love,
Melanie
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-04-06 20:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-09 21:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you would write about the book.
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-07 00:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:18:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
-------------------------------------
Ignorant fucking cocksucker.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-06 20:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent review.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-06 16:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello, Mel.
Well done. I know what it's about..I think I do.
I hope you are doing well and feel free to drop me an email sometime if you wish
rockfishrock.at.rock.com
~nicole
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:33:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting approach to a book review.
i liked it
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-06 14:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All I have to say is, a little less self-aggrandizing. I don't know why but when people use flattery on themselves it irks me, unless it is done with obvious sarcasm. But I enjoyed this.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:45:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:45:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, you may always email me
aradiasdaughter.at.yahoo.com
but i don't know what you want to ask about, and i make no promises to disclose certain things. leave your email address so that i can write you back from my 'real' one, not my stalker-shield account
-----------------------------------------------------
Well, there goes the whole "stalker" idea...
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2006-01-06 13:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, my reply is on the way.
that wasn't at all what i expected you to ask about! call on me anytime for that kind of thing and i'll always do my best to be of help.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sent.
Mine is musicbug23.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, you may always email me
aradiasdaughter.at.yahoo.com
but i don't know what you want to ask about, and i make no promises to disclose certain things. leave your email address so that i can write you back from my 'real' one, not my stalker-shield account
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Spike - I want to pick your brain a bit if you don't mind... can I email you?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-06 12:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment