Top Reasons I'm The Worst Friend Ever! (plus camwhore) (1504 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.1 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BadAssJulie (View user info) at 2006-01-06 20:48:05 EST
I've compiled a list of the top reasons why I'm probably the worst friend anyone could ever have. I've done all of these things more than once so it's not like it's just a one time fuck up on my part. I'm not quite sure why I do these things, I guess I just don't think before I act or speak. Maybe I'll try that someday but until then, in no particular order, here are the top reasons I shouldn't be allowed to have friends:
1.) I'm brutally honest and if you ask me, I will tell you the truth about whether or not that outfit makes your ass look fat or if it's just your ass that makes your ass look fat.
2.) I will probably bring up stupid and/or embarrassing things or events that happened to you when I'm drunk and talking to a large group of people that we both know or someone you like. Don't worry, I do this to myself too.
3.) If you are ever feeling sorry for yourself, don't start bitching and whining to me about how your car broke down, you stubbed your toe, and you're getting sick again because you'll get no sympathy from me. I'll get irritated and tell you to "shut the fuck up and be glad you're not dying from cancer or AIDS, you self-centered, inconsiderate bitch."
If you ever say you wish you were dead or you should just kill yourself, I'll say the same thing but I'll add "If you want to die then do the rest of the world a favor and fucking kill yourself already so we don't have to hear you bitch anymore."
4.) If you are ever upset about something legitimate, please don't come to me to console you. I'll end up saying something completely stupid that will upset you even more. For example, my friend's cat (she had it for 18 years) recently got hit by a car and I didn't know what to say so of course the first thing that popped into my head was "Well, at least it wasn't your mom. Besides, that cat was mean anyway. Remember when she bit you?" She burst into tears and ran out of the room. Sorry Karen!
5.) Unless you're extremely tall, I can and probably will end up kicking you in the head at least once during the length of our friendship. If I don't kick you in the head, you will most likely end up with some sort of injury anyway but it will almost always be an accident. This will usually only happen when we're drunk unless you actually deserve it.
6.) I will forget your birthdays, anniversaries, and any other important days to you unless you remind me fifty times a week and superglue a note to my hand. I will remember to buy you a present but you probably won't get it until a year or so later because I'll forget to bring it or I'll forget where I put it.
I'm sure there are more reasons but I don't feel like typing them out.
Here's a picture of me from New Year's Eve that my friend took with his phone at the end of the night.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-12 17:21:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
actually you sound really cool. especially this part:
"4.) If you are ever upset about something legitimate, please don't come to me to console you. I'll end up saying something completely stupid that will upset you even more. For example, my friend's cat (she had it for 18 years) recently got hit by a car and I didn't know what to say so of course the first thing that popped into my head was "Well, at least it wasn't your mom. Besides, that cat was mean anyway. Remember when she bit you?" She burst into tears and ran out of the room. Sorry Karen!"
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-10 13:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love being copied and pasted. xoxo
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:14:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
1. You are full of shit
2. You believe that acting like a cold bitch makes you especially *badass*
3. You are full of shit
4. Your "friends" verbally bash you behind your back at every opportunity
5. You are full of shit
6. You are an insecure little girl who never had a daddy
7. You are full of shit
8. You look like a wax puppet
9. You are full of shit
10. I'd get great joy out of kicking you the head. Repeatedly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
One thing I wish Loren would do is just be a little more honest. She holds things back.
Ahahahaha..I love that girl.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:14:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
1. You are full of shit
2. You believe that acting like a cold bitch makes you especially *badass*
3. You are full of shit
4. Your "friends" verbally bash you behind your back at every opportunity
5. You are full of shit
6. You are an insecure little girl who never had a daddy
7. You are full of shit
8. You look like a wax puppet
9. You are full of shit
10. I'd get great joy out of kicking you the head. Repeatedly.
====================
Wow. Just wow.
Plus, I don't believe that is you. Take another pic in that hat, with some sort of witty sign. Like "I was just PWNED by Loren1 and she didn't use lube" and we might believe you.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1. You are full of shit
2. You believe that acting like a cold bitch makes you especially *badass*
3. You are full of shit
4. Your "friends" verbally bash you behind your back at every opportunity
5. You are full of shit
6. You are an insecure little girl who never had a daddy
7. You are full of shit
8. You look like a wax puppet
9. You are full of shit
10. I'd get great joy out of kicking you the head. Repeatedly.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2.) I will probably bring up stupid and/or embarrassing things or events that happened to you when I'm drunk and talking to a large group of people that we both know or someone you like. Don't worry, I do this to myself too.
=================================================================
That sums up my new years eve.
Submitted by kan1729 (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Top 3 Reasons why you think you have friends:
1) All of your friends are fat, hence the need for you to tell them so all the time, and are actually sticking with you for whatever wingman action they can slop up.
2) The people who you are actually talking to either (a) don't exist, or (b) are mindlessly shaking their heads to everything you say, while planning a quick escape from your absent-mindedness.
3) The people you think are talking to you are actually talking to the person behind you.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-08 07:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You look just like an ex of mine.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-01-08 00:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
suck my cock thanks in advance
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-01-07 22:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are hot but you'll need to make a list of reasons why you'd make a good girlfriend if you want a shot with me.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-07 15:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 silly hat
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-07 15:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4.) If you are ever upset about something legitimate, please don't come to me to console you. I'll end up saying something completely stupid that will upset you even more. For example, my friend's cat (she had it for 18 years) recently got hit by a car and I didn't know what to say so of course the first thing that popped into my head was "Well, at least it wasn't your mom. Besides, that cat was mean anyway. Remember when she bit you?" She burst into tears and ran out of the room. Sorry Karen!
_________________
aaaaahahahhahahaha.
no +2 until i see a bigger picture.
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-01-07 04:36:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Appart from the fact I'd rather be gang raped than wear that fucking hat we seem to tick the same boxes.
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2006-01-07 02:56:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-06 22:33:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.) I'm brutally honest and if you ask me, I will tell you the truth about whether or not that outfit makes your ass look fat or if it's just your ass that makes your ass look fat.
this would be number one on my list too. it gets me in trouble much too often.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-01-06 22:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, I don't think it's any of those reason. It's just because you're too ugly to be a good friend.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-06 22:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4) I lit your cat on fire
-------
That was you?!?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-06 21:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I believe what you are saying here is that you are a worthless
piece of shit with a cunt. So what's your point? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-01-06 21:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-01-06 21:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
These things make you the worst friend ever? Here are my reasons why I'm the worst friend ever:
1) I fucked your mom
2) I killed your dad
3) I punched your dog in the face
4) I lit your cat on fire
5) I accidentally curbstomped you 13 times within the past month.
6) I hate you
I think those are much better reasons why I'm a shittier friend than you are.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-06 21:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1.) Cool with me.
2.) It'll be funny. Go for it.
3.) I don't feel sorry for myself. And I sure as shit don't consider suicide.
4.) No problem. I'll go somewhere else.
5.) Accidents happen. I play rough too.
6.) Remembering dates is for people with nothing to live for in the present.
Where you from? Wanna have dinner, cutie?