The Legend of Zelda: Gay Propaganda? (3809 hits)
Category: PoliticsLabels: humor
Rating: 0.86 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Serious Melvin (View user info) at 2006-01-07 18:27:12 EST
In this dark age of terrorism and corporate corruption, it is curious that the mainstream media would have failed to impart the greatest danger of all. I speak of The Legend of Zelda, a video game franchise that has been left free to fester in our living rooms, and corrupt our youth for two decades.
Just what is this "Legend" and why is it of Zelda? Even the most novice of gamers will tell you that it is Link, not Zelda, who should hold claim to legend. Simply put, one does not become legendary by getting kidnapped. Famous, maybe, but not legendary. No, the only thing "legendary" about Zelda is her missing Y-chromosome, quite a rarity among the inhabitants of Hyrule if I do say so myself.
As the nimble elf strives onward, clad in green tights and a pointy hat, in his endless search for more triangles, one has to stop and wonder: is he really looking for the princess? It seems he would have found a way to keep her safe by now. But no, she continues to get kidnapped, time and time again. The reason is simple: Link is repulsed by women and needs a way to keep his bedroom free of them. It would only make sense, then, that he would arrange to have her kidnapped on a yearly basis!
What Nintendo doesn't want you to hear is that the so-called "Legend of Zelda" is a tool, designed by the Gay American Youth (GAY) Foundation, to recruit our children and convert them to a life of hedonism and soullessness. The GAY Foundation is powerful and united, and will stop at nothing to turn an entire world on its stomach.
It should be noted that the Foundation was not always so harmonious. Reports have surfaced concerning a turmoil prior to the release of Link's 64-bit manifestation, in which several senior-level staff members argued against the merits of equipping the main character with a flute as his weapon of choice.
"We've come too far just to ruin it all! Sure, in a perfect world we would give him the ocarina. In a perfect world, we would apply his entire face with makeup and give him a boob job! But we must not get greedy."
The senior staffer's protests were overruled, and his makeup idea has since been applied to later Zelda games (see image below). If we do not fight now, it may be too late.
User Reviews
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-05-22 21:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So very sorry.
Submitted by tarnation (user info) at 2006-04-15 02:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gay American Youth (GAY)
Auto + 2!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-24 01:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-02-15 06:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The ants are coming!!!!!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It's a sad day in T Day of Internet Dorks when one seriously insults another by saying "You prolly couldn't get past teh first lv in teh original Zelda!"
everyone goes silent......then a few go
"oooooooooooooOOOOOHH!"
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You stirred up an ant nest .ha ha ha
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:19:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So that's what happened to me . . .
WHAT?!
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-09 08:49:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:18:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
The Legend of Zelda is one of the biggest video game series ever made. Just because you couldn't get past the first boss in Ocarina of Time doesn't mean you have to bash the games.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He probably couldn't get past the first level in the original 8-bit NES version either.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-01-09 07:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:18:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
The Legend of Zelda is one of the biggest video game series ever made. Just because you couldn't get past the first boss in Ocarina of Time doesn't mean you have to bash the games.
Mario, anyone?
Submitted by ShotgunMessiah (user info) at 2006-01-09 07:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Windwaker kicks ass too, douchebags.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-09 06:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:44:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck? I love The Legend Of Zelda, all of them except Windwaker were awesome. In fact, A Link To The Past was one of the first video games I ever had.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:18:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
The Legend of Zelda is one of the biggest video game series ever made. Just because you couldn't get past the first boss in Ocarina of Time doesn't mean you have to bash the games.
==--=-=-=-=-==--==-
Congratulations on taking this way too fucking seriously douchers.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what was needed to make this perfect was some homemade Link porn...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-08 09:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
there should be more propaganda in the world
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-01-08 05:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We at Meinhoff inc used to be tappin bitches front an left untill we got on Occorina of Time, Ever since then Is a been all up in some other dudes shit......damn.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-01-08 05:06:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People are already freaking on this, that is funny as hell.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-08 04:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:10:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you.
next you'll be saying that solid snake, or even master chief are both queer.
-----------------------------
Master Cheif huffs dong.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-08 02:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the title.
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Simply put, one does not become legendary by getting kidnapped."
Hahahahaha. Historically, my thoughts exactly.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was funny.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-01-07 23:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't say Snake was gay, I don't even know who he is. And people are getting WAY too worked up over this post.
But speaking of the game franchise itself, Zelda games are overrated. All you do is push blocks and play flute music. If you want a real game, try Secret of Mana for the SNES.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-07 22:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82010
proof Snake aint gay.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:10:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you.
next you'll be saying that solid snake, or even master chief are both queer.
________________
I heard the were in a gay pron together.
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was always a little curious about Link, but hey the game franchise is still the kicker of all ass
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck? I love The Legend Of Zelda, all of them except Windwaker were awesome. In fact, A Link To The Past was one of the first video games I ever had.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-07 21:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you.
next you'll be saying that solid snake, or even master chief are both queer.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-07 20:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Start watching Comedy Central's "Drawn Together." It features a flamboyant openly gay spin-off of Link named Xandir, a video game hero with +5 sensitivity who, despite being on a never ending quest to save a "girlfriend," would really prefer to date The Genie from Disney's Aladdin.
"After the fight, things got *super* uncomfortable! You could, like, totally cut the tension with like a...a +6 sword!"
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pretty serious melvin. And better than most crap posted here.
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:18:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The Legend of Zelda is one of the biggest video game series ever made. Just because you couldn't get past the first boss in Ocarina of Time doesn't mean you have to bash the games.
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anime is funded by terrorists.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-01-07 19:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for GAY Foundation
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Link a'int no homo. (I skip away giggiling)
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:32:11 (#)
Ranking: -1
nope
---
Some things sound funnier in my head than they do on paper. Maybe this was one of them.
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
nope
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-01-07 18:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
it made me smile, but that was the extent