The Americas and why the entire Western Hemisphere should belong to the USA (1076 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.42 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FryBender (View user info) at 2006-01-08 16:14:55 EST
I am tired of the anti-American sentiment coming from the north and south of the United States. Canadians bitch and moan about us, meanwhile they depend on us for their national defense. Central and South American countries are quickly becoming socialist states that spew hate to anyone who will listen. I say we get the hell out of Iraq and invade our neighbors.
First we handle up on our neighbors to the south. For starters we kick the shit out of the ballsy narco terrorist who actually have machine guns, and if the remaining machete weilding natives want some we introduce them to good ole USA ass-kickery. It would take all of a month to have these assholes reciting the pledge of allegiance through their rotton fucking teeth. Then we have cornered the market on Americas 2 biggest vices......dope and cheap labor....wooot! Every redblooded American is now the proud owner of all the marijuana and coke he wants, fuck it if we are gonna do a 180 on foreign policy we may as well repeal drug prohibition.
Now since Canada is mainly comprised of French and generations of draft dodging Americans, I seriously doubt we will have to invade their soil. In fact the Canadian parliment will probably high tail it as soon as we invade Mexico. Now I know alot of Canadians dont want to live under American rule, even though you kinda already do. So we would offer you bastards a one way plane ticket to France, then you can go be second class citizens in the motherland so to speak.
Now we have all the oil we will ever need we can tell OPEC to eat our collective ass. Since we now have increased oil we can increase oil consumption and production...FUCK YEAH. In an effort to appease the greenpeace fuckers who will no doubt have a caniption fit about increased greenhouse gas we will turn Mexico into a giant fucking rainforest to absorb the extra carbon dioxide. Everyone wins, we now have extra carbon dioxide, extra trees, extra oxygen and now every fucking Mexican is a legit citizen of the greatest fucking nation ever. Also now that we have an entire hemisphere we can ship all of our vegan, PETA, hippy motherfuckers to the wilds of Canada so that they can bond with nature *or be eaten by grizzly bears, I dont really give a fuck as long as they stop whining*.
That shit got me excited, time to go rub one off.
User Reviews
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ouch. You really pwned me there, noodles. I'm going to sit my fat ass in the corner and cry.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The word hemisphere is a geometric term that literally means 'half ball' and in geography the term is used when dividing the Earth into two halves. The most obvious dividing line is the equator, creating the northern and southern hemisphere. These hemispheres are based on the unambiguous reference points North and South Pole, which are defined by the Earth's axis of rotation and in turn define the equator. But any definition of eastern and western hemispheres requires the selection of an arbitrary meridian (plus the corresponding meridian at the other side of the Earth). Usually the prime meridian is used, which runs through Greenwich, London to define the international date line at the other side of the Earth at the 180° line of longitude. One might argue that this is a eurocentric choice, which would make the more common geopolitical meaning of 'the Americas' eurocentric as well.
The term eastern hemisphere is not commonly used in a geopolitical sense. """
just because you spastic americans have started using it doesn't make it fact.
Plus wikipedia isn't really a suitable reference guide.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you own a gun? Make sure you put it away. I don't want you to get confused and stroke the wrong thing.
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 05:38:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no western hemipsphere you retard.
southern and northern are the hemispheres.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Hemisphere
Note GEOPOLITICAL term.......tard.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:17:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Canadians bitch and moan about us, meanwhile they depend on us for their national defense."
I'm sorry, who does Canada need defending from? As far as I know, the rest of the world is either cool with or indifferent to Canada. The only country that doesn't like Canada much is the states.
This doesn't even qualify as a rant. It's a hissy fit from a dissatisfied kid that clearly needs a bit of a history lesson. And if talking about invading South America and Canada gets you so hot and bothered that you need to jerk off, you also clearly need a girlfriend...or some porn.
Be quiet you super-sensitive cunt, before I kick you in your cottage cheese ass with my clubfoot. The whole post had nothing to do with making people laugh, it was simply a hate post because my girlfriend left me for some Canadian dude with a huge schlong. So now instead of having sex I fantasize about world domination, write my thoughts on an internet site, then furiously masturbate until I pass out.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:17:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Canadians bitch and moan about us, meanwhile they depend on us for their national defense."
I'm sorry, who does Canada need defending from? As far as I know, the rest of the world is either cool with or indifferent to Canada. The only country that doesn't like Canada much is the states.
This doesn't even qualify as a rant. It's a hissy fit from a dissatisfied kid that clearly needs a bit of a history lesson. And if talking about invading South America and Canada gets you so hot and bothered that you need to jerk off, you also clearly need a girlfriend...or some porn.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your depiction of Canada is so stupid I couldn't help but laugh.
Submitted by KatHunter (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 05:38:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no western hemipsphere you retard.
southern and northern are the hemispheres.
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Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 05:38:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no western hemipsphere you retard.
southern and northern are the hemispheres.
==========
For once, I agree with Apollo. But +2 because I enjoyed your rant.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I though this was fucking funny!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 05:38:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
there is no western hemipsphere you retard.
southern and northern are the hemispheres.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2006-01-09 05:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kind of funny i suppose. Just wanted to check that you know that there are more countries in South America than Mexico? Venezuala, Peru, Chile, Brazil etc etc?
America, Mexico and Canada do not comprise a hemisphere.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-09 04:24:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-09 03:05:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
The greatest Empires have fallen because of two reasons:
1) They let themselves be overrun by lesser nations (read: Mexico)
2) By over-conquering themselves to death (read: Defending ROK, holding Iraq, Afghanistan and soon Iran)
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Enfeeblement of the imperial machine and all that. Do a post about it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-09 03:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The greatest Empires have fallen because of two reasons:
1) They let themselves be overrun by lesser nations (read: Mexico)
2) By over-conquering themselves to death (read: Defending ROK, holding Iraq, Afghanistan and soon Iran)
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-09 02:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i honestly didnt finish reading it, but, hell-- "blame canada".
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-09 00:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That wouldn't work like that.
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 23:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The last time there was a war to end all wars, it just led to an even bigger war, which almost led to nuclear war, which led to the current state of events. So, unless you'd like to repeat the last 92 years of history, I don't suggest we have a war to end all wars.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:00:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Britain should invade America. We'd easy win. You're all on our stolen property anyway.
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You couldn't do it over 200 years ago when Britain actually could kick ass. Now that it can't, what would you do? Film Faulty Tower's in Kentucky and expect us to surrender? :-p
And to the dude who wrote this.....
Well I dunno. I would like a war to end all wars. Fuck it, I have no problem sending you to fight. Go ahead, we'll catch up behind you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:41:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:28:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me back not you, but America, up with this: You can't steal from a people who don't have property rights.
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Well blow me down, if it isn't d_prime.
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me back not you, but America, up with this: You can't steal from a people who don't have property rights.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your government makes me want to slit my own wrists.
Actually so does mine.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-08 21:02:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-01-08 20:38:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
If this is satire, you failed. If this is serious, your parents failed.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-01-08 20:38:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If this is satire, you failed. If this is serious, your parents failed.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you get a zero for the last sentence only
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:16:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you people are dumb, learn to take a joke.
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:02:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PRAISE DA LAWD
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:00:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Britain should invade America. We'd easy win. You're all on our stolen property anyway
Well as long as you guys dont kill our dentist and you leave your homely women, well at home then I am all for it ya limey bastard :D
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-08 19:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Britain should invade America. We'd easy win. You're all on our stolen property anyway.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was hilarious. Nice work.
Submitted by Mrdurden24 (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah I thought is was funny as shit...fuckin canadien whiners need to shut up..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Was it intended to be satire though?
I dunno. It's a bit... too much for my taste, you know? A nice subtle and sensible argument taken to an unsatisfactory conclusion and then carried on to the point of absurdity is always nice to see and a real riot to read. Chuck in a couple of witty similies and you've got something truly hilarious.
Well nevermind. I'm off to bed.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:45:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The CIA is a front for over 500 billion dollars annually smuggled into the States from Afghanistan and South America while the US Government itself is personally responsible for several programs designed to stupidify the American population.
Both systems seem to be working...
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I am tired of the anti-American sentiment coming from the north and south of the United States. "
We're tired of The American Government doing retarded shit to deserve it.
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:37:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:33:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks noodles. I've been meaning for some arbitrary idiot on the Internet to critique my sense of humor based on little to nothing. Besides, I wasn't even critiquing his sense of humor so much as how simply stupid this is. Not stupid merely in the 'not funny or clever' sense, but purely *stupid*.
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 17:22:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
As a Canadian who hates Canada, I was expecting to give this a positive rating but... your ignorance is beyond conception.
The same could be said for your initial critique of my intelligence, could it not?
PS. Berty...not an alt
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks noodles. I've been meaning for some arbitrary idiot on the Internet to critique my sense of humor based on little to nothing. Besides, I wasn't even critiquing his sense of humor so much as how simply stupid this is. Not stupid merely in the 'not funny or clever' sense, but purely *stupid*.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm guessing this is Caul's attempt at satire.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shut up
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-01-08 18:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 17:22:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
As a Canadian who hates Canada, I was expecting to give this a positive rating but... your ignorance is beyond conception
Well Dick, can I call you Dick? I have read some of your post and as an American who likes comedy I can honestly say........Your sense of humor is beyond non-existent.
Submitted by crx (user info) at 2006-01-08 17:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
for satirical value
Submitted by detective_mike_ohara (user info) at 2006-01-08 17:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
As a Canadian who hates Canada, I was expecting to give this a positive rating but... your ignorance is beyond conception.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-01-08 16:46:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck, i liked it!
Submitted by MisterMojoRisin (user info) at 2006-01-08 16:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn, I thought it was funny.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-08 16:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"good ole USA ass-kickery"
That's why people like you are simply disgusting.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-08 16:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Original.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-08 16:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I couldn't even get past the first few sentances.
Go to hell.