Sympathy for the Dutchman (1830 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.97 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-09 10:27:15 EST
He handled Easter well. That's the holiday where we get drunk and sunburned while watching the kids gorge on chocolate until they vomit and pass out.
He handled Christmas well - that's the one where we get drunk and sunburned while we sear chunks of raw dead flesh on a hot metal plate and give each other gifts.
He did really well on New Years - that's the one where we get drunk and sunburned for the whole afternoon before we watch a man in safety gear set off explosives.
But I'm a little worried about Australia Day. That's the holiday where we get drunk and sunburned while we listen to Cold Chisel and get maudlin and weepy about How Much I Love Being An Aussie. Then we sear chunks of raw dead flesh on a hot metal plate and watch a man in safety gear set off explosives.
I'm just not sure how my adorably cultured (like yoghurt) European (like most animal porn) husband (as in, we'd get divorced but we're too lazy) is going to cope with the joy and hijinks of Australia Day.
What's he going to do when my sister and I are hugging, weeping tears of national pride, swigging warm beer out of tin cans and bellowing the words to "Working Class Man"? Or, God help and guide us, "Last Train Out Of Sydney"?
When it's 11.30 at night and we're WELL beyond drunk, babbling meaningless patriotic incoherencies into our beer, how's he going to respond to being threatened with death if he DARES take Gangajang's "Sounds of Then" off repeat?
Is he going to maintain that polite "Look at the primitives, aren't they funny" smile when we've just spent three hours linking arms and singing EVERY JOHN WILLIAMSON SONG EVER WRITTEN??
Hey True Blue, don't say you've gone
Say you've knocked off for a smoko
And you'll be back later on
Hey True Blue, Hey True Blue
Hey True Blue, can you bear the load?
Will you tie it up with wire,
Just to keep the show on the road?
Hey True Blue, Hey True Blue
I'm tearing up just copying and pasting the lyrics, I have to tell you. The heart of a horse thieving family sent here 200 years ago beats strong in my chest.
We were sent as prisoners, but we claimed this land and tamed it and made it our own! We are proud! We are free! We are...
And so on.
And it goes on like that until we all pass out in the living room, spare room, or guest room, at 3 in the morning, sunburned and happy - every member of my immediate family and all our kids.
Should I:
A) explain this to him in advance?
B) just let him find out himself and giggle as he tries not to cry for the farce his life has become?
C) send him back to Europe for a week so he never has to know?
GIS for Australia Day Drunk
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 10:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-12 11:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:16:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, Caul, what happened to us? Where's the love?
Also, a note to pedantic australians (iddqd, probably) who are going to rip me a new one about misquoting the lyrics to "Khe Sahn": Yes, I know. I know it's called Khe Sahn. I know it's the last plane out of Sydney, not train.
But when you get drunk and you want to hear that song, every fucking person in the country calls it "The Last train out of Sydney." THEY DO AND DON'T YOU DENY IT, ASSPIRATE!
---------------------------
Lucky. I was gonna call you on that one.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to find your lowest rated post to +2 for the "Wazza post riddle solving," but you don't have a low rated one, not on the first page. This one will do. Anyhow, I'm copy/pasting this from Wazza's post since I wrote it sorta to you. {Also I was 9 and no pc when I met her.}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:30:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:28:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wisher - "poets, priests of nothing" - [Regarding the line, 'Poets, Priests of Nothing, Legends'] It means all of the rock and roll stars in the world that I know. They're all poets and they're all priests of nothing and they're all legends.
It's like, they are poets. But they don't push themselves to their limits. 'Priests of nothing' means they don't try hard enough. They don't do with what they have what I feel they could do. And so whenever I get involved with any of them, I tend to become like their manager and their agent. You know, 'Why don't we get out your piano and plug it in and write a song or something? Or arrange this for me.'
http://www.inherownwords.com/hasanyone.htm
She gives out the meaning in interviews... yeah, I'm sure she was real impressed with you. :)
~~~~~~~~
I don't recall if I phrased it as a question, but what I said to her after bringing it up, {paraphrasing myself}: "A poet is a lover of all things because they find the beauty in even horrible things in life. Since they're lovers of all things they can never be completely devoted to any one thing. So they're priests of nothing."
She was separating teddy bears {that fans had thrown to her}from a pile of stuffed animals she was letting a roadie take away. {I guess he was taking them to the Island Of Misfit Toys}. She looked at me in a cross between Who-let-this-strange-kid-back-here and You-think-too-much-where'd-you-get-those-boots} then said, "That's the way I meant it, not many people understand that line."
I suppose she's smiled and nodded to thousands asking about diff songs and their lines, but the way her eyes lit up when I said that... well, probably she was thinking about the humongouloid line of coke being chopped for her in the limo. {Gold Dust Woman.}
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-01-11 06:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As I'm sure has been explained a few times, you can sing the Aussie anthem to working class man.
'wooaaaooooooaaaaooo our home is girt by sea...'
Are you coming up to Perth for Australia day Lyn, or are you staying down in Mandurah? We have better fireworks up here. I think me and the bf are gonna be up at King's park. Apparently that's his place for the cellebrations. Go figure.
I love Australia day. Do you remember last year when the cops said there was to be no public drinking?I saw a pair of cops walk by two girls with about 15 cans on the ground near them probably about 8 times. Nothing was said. I love Australia.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sympathy for the Dutchman"?
Isn't that a Rolling Stones song?
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-10 07:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:12:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:57:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Aussies
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
_________________________________________
its funny - the religious puritans from England came to America and then 200 yrs later the convicts were sent to Australia... yet we have virtually no crime compared to the U.S and hardly any guns...
What happened?
====
They didn't kill their niggers
====
BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAAHHAAAAA
I'm sorry, now God's going to kill me for sure but that was fucking funny right there
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2006-01-10 07:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:01:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
In Celebration of Australia day why dont we all sing the Australian national anthem.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
-------------------------------------------
I bet we'd all know the words if Barnesy sung it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:17:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark - "I'm not married anymore"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuckin' Canadians.
"We are the beaver.. we're furry and we're free"
------------
I'm listening to that right now. What are the odds?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark - "I'm not married anymore"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuckin' Canadians.
"We are the beaver.. we're furry and we're free"
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hit number 666 was me by the way...
Go figure.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:34:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
fried green potatoes - Nope, I get shitfaced and recite the entire poem "The Man From Snowy River" by Banjo Patterson.
=======================
I used to get drunk and sing this to my wife...
Stompin Tom:
Hello out there we're on the air it's hockey night tonite
Tension grows the whistle blows-& the puck goes down the ice.
The goalie jumps and the players bump and the fans all go insane
Someone roars "Bobby scores!" at the good ole hockey game
Chorus:
Oh the good ole hockey game is the best game you can name
And the best game you can name is the good ole hockey game
2nd period:
Where players dash with skates aflash the home team trails behind
But they grab the puck and go bursting up and they're down across the line
They storm the crease like bumble bees they travel like a burning flame
We see them slide the puck inside -It's a "1-1" hockey game!
Chorus:
3rd period: last game in the playoffs, too...
Oh take me where the hockey players face off down the rink-
And the Stanley Cup is all filled up for the chaps who win the drink-
Now the final flick of the hockey stick and a one gigantic scream-
The puck is in! The home team wins! The good ole hockey game!
Chorus:
repeat
3 times
He shoots he scores
==========================
I'm not married anymore.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IF Austrailia were there, think of the implications...
Columbus most certainly wouldn't have been the first to discover America.
Australia would get an awful lot of hurricanes.
The British Isles would be a frigid ice box (due to the the Gulf Stream not reaching them.)
Plane tickets to Australia wouldn't cost so much.
We would have at least 50 military bases on your continent.
You'd all be speaking Spanish right now.
Atlantis would have never been lost in the first place.
THe world would be severely lopsided, and would wobble when it orbited the sun, leaving the entire world vulnerable to cosmic radiation.
We would all be mutants.
We might have colonised Mars by now seeing as our mutations might actually have been beneficial and more likely to survive on Mars' harsh terrain.
What the hell am I talking about?
Oh yea...Atlantic Australia...
You'll never come between us and Europe.
You're like the cousins we're sort of ashamed of, and never acknowledge.
If Australia had been where it lies on that map, you'd all be "Indians".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:57:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Aussies
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
_________________________________________
its funny - the religious puritans from England came to America and then 200 yrs later the convicts were sent to Australia... yet we have virtually no crime compared to the U.S and hardly any guns...
What happened?
====
They didn't kill their niggers.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Aussies
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
_________________________________________
its funny - the religious puritans from England came to America and then 200 yrs later the convicts were sent to Australia... yet we have virtually no crime compared to the U.S and hardly any guns...
What happened?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And perhaps take a nap.
Incoherent rage is taken to new and hilarious heights when you do it, Caul.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to eat, I think
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:39:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh PLEASE it's not like they're people!
*deafening silence and the sound of crickets*
I'm sorry. That was a bad thing I just did.
===
IT'S ALL RIGHT! I'M USED TO THE ANGLO DENIGRATION AND CALUMNIES! REST ASSURED, SOON, THE PASTY WHITE ENGLISH VIRUS WILL BE TOPPLED OVER BY THE FLEUR-DE-LYS, STARTING WITH THE AUSTRALIANS! AND THEN, BEAUTY SHALL RAIN DOWN UPON US AS WE EMBARK ON A NEW REIGN THAT WILL LAST A THOUSAND YEARS!
FURIA FRANCESE!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh PLEASE it's not like they're people!
*deafening silence and the sound of crickets*
I'm sorry. That was a bad thing I just did.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:26:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul - we don't do that anymore!!
===
OF COURSE YOU DON'T YOU IMPERIALISTIC SECOND-RATE BRITONS! WHAT ABOUT THEM LEBANESE, HUH?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*munkey, sorry.
Shandy - DON'T YOU DARE MOCK THE LOVING HAPPY JOHN WILLIAMSON TAINTED MEMORIES OF MY CHILDHOOD
DON'T
YOU
DARE
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mukey, we have summer Dec-Feb
Yes, Christmas is in summer - and yes, when we have those Carols by Candlelight outdoor things, sons are sung that involve snow, reindeer, holly, sleighbells, and other things we don't have here.
Caul - we don't do that anymore!!
We mostly killed them all already.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
john williams?????
shame on you
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 22:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-09 21:57:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean...
Do you guys sing the christmas carols about snow and one horse
open sleighs?
===
Australian don't sing...they slaughter aboriginals
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-09 21:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean...
Do you guys sing the christmas carols about snow and one horse
open sleighs?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-09 21:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So let me get this straight...
You guys have summer, like oct-march, or something? Christmas is
in summer?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 18:13:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-09 18:05:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:57:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, your flag is the stupidest flag of the Commonwealth. What were they thinking? "Hey guys! I have an idea...how about we throw in some stars on the Union Jack...huh?!" Cheers and drunken bizarre english ensued and Australia had a flag...wow, really.
----------------------------------
Check out NZ.
When we become a republic we should change our flag to this: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1105667095630214891/1/repflag3.gif
===
Are you serious?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-09 18:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:57:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, your flag is the stupidest flag of the Commonwealth. What were they thinking? "Hey guys! I have an idea...how about we throw in some stars on the Union Jack...huh?!" Cheers and drunken bizarre english ensued and Australia had a flag...wow, really.
----------------------------------
Check out NZ.
When we become a republic we should change our flag to this: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1105667095630214891/1/repflag3.gif
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-09 18:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd suprise him.
Just for the pictures.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:49:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:29:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, yes, have your little day.
GET YOUR FUCKING STARS OFF OUR FLAG!
---------------------
OH FUCK YOU APOLLO! FUCK YOU TILL YOU FUCKING BLEED!
I'm very touchy about our flag.
===
Seriously, your flag is the stupidest flag of the Commonwealth. What were they thinking? "Hey guys! I have an idea...how about we throw in some stars on the Union Jack...huh?!" Cheers and drunken bizarre english ensued and Australia had a flag...wow, really.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Incidently, Saxon and I have decided to get married.
We'll be adopting Thorpe and Williamson too.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:29:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, yes, have your little day.
GET YOUR FUCKING STARS OFF OUR FLAG!
---------------------
OH FUCK YOU APOLLO! FUCK YOU TILL YOU FUCKING BLEED!
I'm very touchy about our flag.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Come on dude, he needs no sympathy. You have given him the gift of being able to walk up hills. No longer must his calves remain untested by stairs and slight inclines and other things of a non-completely-fucking-tediously-flat level.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's just going to remind you that the whole shooting match was once referred to as "New Holland".
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:04:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
-------------
God loves everyone. Technically it's akin to bragging about sleeping with a whore.
----
Yeah, but we are the whores FAVORITE client. I mean shit, we certainly can pay more.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds awesome
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell me the truth, there isn't really such a thing as vegemite is there? You guys just make that up to frighten tourists away so you don't have to look at pasty white fat Americans.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fried green potatoes - Nope, I get shitfaced and recite the entire poem "The Man From Snowy River" by Banjo Patterson.
There was movement at the station, for the word had passed around
That the colt from old Regret had got away,
And had joined the wild bush horses — he was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted riders from the stations near and far
Had mustered at the homestead overnight,
For the bushmen love hard riding where the wild bush horses are,
And the stock-horse snuffs the battle with delight.
There was Harrison, who made his pile when Pardon won the cup,
The old man with his hair as white as snow;
But few could ride beside him when his blood was fairly up—
He would go wherever horse and man could go.
And Clancy of the Overflow came down to lend a hand,
No better horseman ever held the reins;
For never horse could throw him while the saddle-girths would stand,
He learnt to ride while droving on the plains.
And one was there, a stripling on a small and weedy beast,
He was something like a racehorse undersized,
With a touch of Timor pony—three parts thoroughbred at least—
And such as are by mountain horsemen prized.
He was hard and tough and wiry—just the sort that won't say die—
There was courage in his quick impatient tread;
And he bore the badge of gameness in his bright and fiery eye,
And the proud and lofty carriage of his head.
But still so slight and weedy, one would doubt his power to stay,
And the old man said, "That horse will never do
For a long and tiring gallop—lad, you'd better stop away,
Those hills are far too rough for such as you."
So he waited sad and wistful—only Clancy stood his friend —
"I think we ought to let him come," he said;
"I warrant he'll be with us when he's wanted at the end,
For both his horse and he are mountain bred.
"He hails from Snowy River, up by Kosciusko's side,
Where the hills are twice as steep and twice as rough,
Where a horse's hoofs strike firelight from the flint stones every stride,
The man that holds his own is good enough.
And the Snowy River riders on the mountains make their home,
Where the river runs those giant hills between;
I have seen full many horsemen since I first commenced to roam,
But nowhere yet such horsemen have I seen."
So he went — they found the horses by the big mimosa clump —
They raced away towards the mountain's brow,
And the old man gave his orders, 'Boys, go at them from the jump,
No use to try for fancy riding now.
And, Clancy, you must wheel them, try and wheel them to the right.
Ride boldly, lad, and never fear the spills,
For never yet was rider that could keep the mob in sight,
If once they gain the shelter of those hills.'
So Clancy rode to wheel them—he was racing on the wing
Where the best and boldest riders take their place,
And he raced his stock-horse past them, and he made the ranges ring
With the stockwhip, as he met them face to face.
Then they halted for a moment, while he swung the dreaded lash,
But they saw their well-loved mountain full in view,
And they charged beneath the stockwhip with a sharp and sudden dash,
And off into the mountain scrub they flew.
Then fast the horsemen followed, where the gorges deep and black
Resounded to the thunder of their tread,
And the stockwhips woke the echoes, and they fiercely answered back
From cliffs and crags that beetled overhead.
And upward, ever upward, the wild horses held their way,
Where mountain ash and kurrajong grew wide;
And the old man muttered fiercely, "We may bid the mob good day,
No man can hold them down the other side."
When they reached the mountain's summit, even Clancy took a pull,
It well might make the boldest hold their breath,
The wild hop scrub grew thickly, and the hidden ground was full
Of wombat holes, and any slip was death.
But the man from Snowy River let the pony have his head,
And he swung his stockwhip round and gave a cheer,
And he raced him down the mountain like a torrent down its bed,
While the others stood and watched in very fear.
He sent the flint stones flying, but the pony kept his feet,
He cleared the fallen timber in his stride,
And the man from Snowy River never shifted in his seat—
It was grand to see that mountain horseman ride.
Through the stringy barks and saplings, on the rough and broken ground,
Down the hillside at a racing pace he went;
And he never drew the bridle till he landed safe and sound,
At the bottom of that terrible descent.
He was right among the horses as they climbed the further hill,
And the watchers on the mountain standing mute,
Saw him ply the stockwhip fiercely, he was right among them still,
As he raced across the clearing in pursuit.
Then they lost him for a moment, where two mountain gullies met
In the ranges, but a final glimpse reveals
On a dim and distant hillside the wild horses racing yet,
With the man from Snowy River at their heels.
And he ran them single-handed till their sides were white with foam.
He followed like a bloodhound on their track,
Till they halted cowed and beaten, then he turned their heads for home,
And alone and unassisted brought them back.
But his hardy mountain pony he could scarcely raise a trot,
He was blood from hip to shoulder from the spur;
But his pluck was still undaunted, and his courage fiery hot,
For never yet was mountain horse a cur.
And down by Kosciusko, where the pine-clad ridges raise
Their torn and rugged battlements on high,
Where the air is clear as crystal, and the white stars fairly blaze
At midnight in the cold and frosty sky,
And where around the Overflow the reedbeds sweep and sway
To the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide,
The man from Snowy River is a household word to-day,
And the stockmen tell the story of his ride.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He should count blessings: At least it's not a drunken rendition of "Where the Murray meets the Darling."
(Enjoyed this.)
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole getting sunburned (at Christmas)thing throws me. You crazy upside down people with your backwards seasons are always good for a laugh.
But don't warn him...... takes some of the fun out of it.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole getting sunburned thing throws me. You crazy upside down people with your backwards seasons are always good for a laugh.
But don't warn him...... takes some of the fun out of it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
-------------
God loves everyone. Technically it's akin to bragging about sleeping with a whore.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-09 12:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In Celebration of Australia day why dont we all sing the Australian national anthem.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww, look at the little Aussies, all drunk and trying to make themselves feel better about the fact that they live in Australia!
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Post.
In other news I'd love to know what the official stats are on the number of people who pay the ridiculous cost of a plane ticket to Down Under mearly to be turned away at customs for being unable to resist the
Q "Have you got a criminal record"
A "I didn't know you still needed one" joke.
I think that would be one of the most rewarding bit's of job satisfaction ever.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aussies are some of the oddest people I've ever met. What are you so damn proud of? Don't you know god only loves America? ;-)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title, baby.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:28:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:55:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
MistressFist scares me... and I don't scare easy. It's actually kinda hot.
Ozzy - Oh you poor dear. Does it make you feel better to know that it was 36 here last week and we all almost fucking died?
forensichoneymuffinpunkinbutt - we're stuck on a prison island. In 200 years, we haven't figured out how to fucking leave. You'd spend a lot of time drunk, too. Maybe if we could sober up for longer than a week, we'd work out how to build boats.
-------------------
Ahahahahahahahaha!
You know, when I chat with Saxon, I call him a criminal all the time.
He likes it.
Says it turns him on.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ash, Ash, Ash.. you're never on MSN and I don't have your phone number... how am I supposed to seduce you away from He Who Must Not Be Prodded With A Sharp Stick if I cannae talk to ye?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Send him to Illinois, I'll gift him to the cow farmer's pretty son and return to the land down under in his place at which point you can do with me what you will.
<packs naughty clothes, vibrating things, whip cream and bratwurst>
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, Caul, what happened to us? Where's the love?
Also, a note to pedantic australians (iddqd, probably) who are going to rip me a new one about misquoting the lyrics to "Khe Sahn": Yes, I know. I know it's called Khe Sahn. I know it's the last plane out of Sydney, not train.
But when you get drunk and you want to hear that song, every fucking person in the country calls it "The Last train out of Sydney." THEY DO AND DON'T YOU DENY IT, ASSPIRATE!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
we don't need more anglos surrounding québec...keep your prisoner island where it is.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-09 11:04:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's from Holland, not Mars. They have holidays in Holland. He'll do fine.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MistressFist scares me... and I don't scare easy. It's actually kinda hot.
Ozzy - Oh you poor dear. Does it make you feel better to know that it was 36 here last week and we all almost fucking died?
forensichoneymuffinpunkinbutt - we're stuck on a prison island. In 200 years, we haven't figured out how to fucking leave. You'd spend a lot of time drunk, too. Maybe if we could sober up for longer than a week, we'd work out how to build boats.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:53:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:29:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, yes, have your little day.
GET YOUR FUCKING STARS OFF OUR FLAG!
_____________________________________________
Shut up imperialist yankee pig-dog.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:50:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit Woman! That Australia Day sounds like a hoot!
As far as the Dutchman...........hahahahaha (shakes head in sympathy)......meh, surprise him! It'll be more fun that way.
Why do the Aussies get to have all the fun?!
It isn't fair.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The land down under......oh how I miss her climate right now, as I freeze my pasty white-as-a-Brit arse off.
It fucking SNOWED in London last Australia Day. SNOW. In January.
<weeps>
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for Australia
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. Love it.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds fun. If it wasn't a 100 hour flight and $18,000 to fly there, I'd come there, hover and stalk, then rape you with a pickle. Dill, not bread and butter style.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Prides for poofs.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just get him good and drunk. I don't think he'd mind it then.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No land down under on repeat? No Fosters?
Damn TV for lying to me again!!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you guys sure get drunk and sunburned alot
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
never was much good at multiple guess.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 10:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, yes, have your little day.
GET YOUR FUCKING STARS OFF OUR FLAG!