Sassmasterr's Ode to:The All-American Car (876 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.78 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (View user info) at 2006-01-09 13:43:40 EST
Since the dawn of civilization, man has sought for the fastest, most efficient means of transportation. Whether it was in a gondola in Venice or a crazy rickshaw in Chinaland, mankind got around from place to place. Sometimes, it was via the most pristine, technologically advanced mechanizations...other times it was a simple, primative machine that barely got the job done.
Each generation has had its defining car. I'm too lazy to do any research and I'm not smart enough to know this on my own, so I'm going to venture a guess that the VW Beetle was one of these cars. If not, I don't care...that wasn't my generation. I'm 22 years old and my entire life has been centered around one familiar automobile.
I present to you:
User Reviews
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.
Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to
buy a pony.
Lisa's Pony
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-03 19:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My first car was a 1980 Chrysler Imperial - an entire Vietnamese family could live in it!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-10 22:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn thing cost me $200...2 years and 20K miles ago.
i think if i sell it/give it away/leave it somewhere, i should siphon the gas out (the only thing of value related to that car)
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My parents had one of those things for years. I think the good Lord finally called it home when it was going to cost $1800 for some repair or other the details of which escape me.
that and I wasn't really paying attention when they told me about it
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww your car's kind of "special" but I love it. It's the kind of love we all shared for the retarded kid in class.
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-01-10 00:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awes, I like that car.
My first car I just recently got rid of. My pretty little 1992 Hyundai Sonata. My Peppy Car. Something about driving along and the transmission fell out. After that, it was pretty much dead. Poor thing.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was goddamn brilliant.
I love you Sass.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-01-09 20:11:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for not mentioning xhibit or a need to have your ride pimped
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-09 17:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
american cars are shit.
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Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-09 16:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, MTV, pimp sassmaster's ride!
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2006-01-09 15:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the memories...
<weeps emo tears>
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-01-09 15:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome1!!1
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2006-01-09 15:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was hoping for the Powell Motors Inc "Persephone" -- the myth becomes a legend!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:44:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain.
My first car was a 1992 Ford Tempo.
We called it "The No Limit Tank" because the cd player I had in it had broken/frozen with "Ghetto D" in it. And the only track it would play was "Make em say ugggghhh" or whatever the fuck that crap was called. No radio, no other cd's...just Master P. Welcome to hell.
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bwahahahaha!
man, this ain't no muthafuggin' P!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Spook- O think your right cause that is exactly how my tempo looked on its last ride...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think that smoke is from the tires. I think it's just on fire.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
though I do have to say that this car rocked in the winter cause it weighed about 4000lbs...
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain.
My first car was a 1992 Ford Tempo.
We called it "The No Limit Tank" because the cd player I had in it had broken/frozen with "Ghetto D" in it. And the only track it would play was "Make em say ugggghhh" or whatever the fuck that crap was called. No radio, no other cd's...just Master P. Welcome to hell.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
flamingly Ghey red... just noticed that too, I'm enjoying this post way to much.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another cause I went to this post thinkin it be some badass truck or something. saluté Sass.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TEMPO, ahh my Mom's red tempo ages my first car I got to drive regualarly.
the stories that have come out that car.
My proudest moment I think was that I was the last one to drive it.
+2 Tempos
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My classic, shittastic ride of choice would be a 1990 Dodge Omni.
I had the only one on the road without a dent for years and years before I finally succumbed to an accident.
It's been lost to the ages since I left college, but I still have a spare key with me. I swear if I ever find it again I'm stealin' that bitch back and bringing it on home.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That car puts the y in classy.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once owned a 1970 Dodge Coronet. It was like driving a steel boat on wheels. I knocked a couple fences down with the front end but not a scratch in sight.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
american cars are shit.
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For the most part. But those English know how to put together a....do you guys even make cars?
German cars are where it's at. I loved my BMW. Had almost 400K on the odometer when it died.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my buddy bought a used BMW with his life savings (at 19)...the first week he had it, he flipped it a few times and the top got crunched into the body...sucks to be him.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by the_cole_guy (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:53:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's got nothing on the Dodge Aries/Plymouth Reliant
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Totally true.
Gosh this makes me feel bad for driving my Benz C230 for my first care. Though I learned that if you spend every cent on BUYING the car, you can never FIX the car.
Can someone spare me 3k to fix a fend bender I had?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
american cars are shit.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:55:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
my first car was almost a chevette...almost.
i wish i wasn't poor.
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Pretend that you choose to live that way. It worked wonders for my self esteem when I was still shit poor.
You get to act haughty because the people around you are so materialistic. Great fun.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm... sexy
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im not even into cars and i can tell you that the car you were thinking of is most definatley the chevy cavalier
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my first car was almost a chevette...almost.
i wish i wasn't poor.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:54:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
One day I'm going to do an ode to my many past cars. '76 Plymouth Volare, '78 Chevette....I was a man of style in those rolling bitch grabbers.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:53:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was built Ford Tough.
Submitted by the_cole_guy (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's got nothing on the Dodge Aries/Plymouth Reliant
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Koreans make a car like this, it's called a Hyundai.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!!!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:48:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
That is one sweet machine you've got there.
I had a black one that I bought wrecked. I cut the roof off and made it a convertable. This one had AWD, so it made a sweet bush-buggy.
Is it me, or do the new Fusions look like a Tempo with a safety razor for a grill?
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when i actually start making good money, i want to take my old beater Topaz out and do some serious off-road driving...then just leave it.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is one sweet machine you've got there.
I had a black one that I bought wrecked. I cut the roof off and made it a convertable. This one had AWD, so it made a sweet bush-buggy.
Is it me, or do the new Fusions look like a Tempo with a safety razor for a grill?
Submitted by gallowayveer (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel sorry for you driving round i that piece of shit
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, i almost forgot...
the guy before me put some Jesus fish on it.
apparently it was sealed with a space-age adhesive, as it will not come off. i've tried prying it off with filed-down flathead screwdriver and i even tried beating it off with a hammer (huh huh i said hammer).
long live the magnetic Jeebus fish.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 13:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHHAHAHA my brother and I refer to the Tempo as the ultimate shit car.
On to read now.