you do have one (1111 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: blog
Rating: 1.78 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-01-09 23:07:05 EST
I was on the phone, getting directions to the "party". She was drunk, saying something about left and right and honking and lights. As her tinkling laugh echoed in my phone, I found myself questioning my decision, maybe I should have just gone home for the night.
It seemed like I had spent years in C.S. Lewis' closet before I finally figured out which road she was trying to direct me to. I felt like I was driving along a washboard; I was getting angry at the pock-marked road.
Then I saw him.
A tall guy, winter hat on his head, thermal shirt, courdoury pants... and I wanted him.
Now, I've wanted (and had) many men in my life. I've lusted over various co-workers, bosses, uberers, friends and strangers. I have imagined myself in many different arms, caressed and loved and wanted.
I don't even have to guess at why I was like this. I have always been insecure, and I've always treated a mans attention as truth to the value that was "me". I have always used attention as validation- He likes me, so I MUST be decent.
I have had a number of relationships, from the most innocent and pure to the most raunchy and rancid. I have cried over men I wanted, run from men I didn't want, and compromised with men that I could tolerate.
Having had the experience I have with men, I had a built in sense of discrimination. I would never make the same mistake twice- but after months of chastity, that was hard!
(I realize women aren't supposed to be sexual.)
I had chosen the pure road for months, waiting. I waited and waited, and then told myself that a "real man" doesn't exist. I'm too fucked up, or men are too fucked up, or the world is too fucked up... it'll never work.
I'll never find a man that I really want, who really wants me, so... I should just be with the best man who wants me.
That's a very immature outlook, don't bother telling me, I know. It's not so much immaturity as insecurity. I really didn't feel like I was capable of finding someone I'd be able to handle, or that was able to handle me.
Over the past few months I've grown a bit and lived a lot. I've come to realize that I'm okay with who I am, and if others aren't okay with it, it's most likely just a product of their own insecurity. I've finally, long past due, found peace with myself.
But, back to the story. I turned into the drive and went downstairs to the "party". One thing I realized as I got older was this: "I'm too old to party". Everyone there was at least ten years younger than me. I sat on the basement steps and sipped my beer.
I felt the vibrations of someone coming down the stairs behind me, so I scooted over to the right side and looked over my shoulder.
Of course, we all know, it was him.
"Hi, sorry..." I said as I tried to scoot over a bit further.
"No, it's fine." He sat down next to me, and I looked over to him, and quickly looked back to my beer.
We talked a bit about my finger (which I had scratched trying to open a beer without an opener) before Laurie came over.
"Do you guys KNOW each other??" she hollered with a drunken enthusiasm.
"Not really."
But now, two months later, I know him.
I know what he lives for, what he lusts after, what he desires, what he despises. I know him more than I've known men I've lived with or spent years dating.
People ask me to describe him, to describe "us", and I can't.
He's a part of me.
So, if you ever wondered...
yes, you have a soul mate.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm glad, very glad.
i'm sorry for being a cunt.
I want to get this off my chest in case you die too.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww!
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Corinne, I thought we were soul mates. I even bought you a purse dog like you asked.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats with your new man, although i would be leary of the pakistani looking guy on the left of you. He looks like hes up to something.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
take him camping, then see how he feels about ya...
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HiV... a soulmate is not constricted by time.
m-w.com:
Main Entry: soul mate
Function: noun
: a person temperamentally suited to another
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Two months, a soul mate does not make.
Fuck why, I write this way?
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wanted a fat, shoeless skinhead for my very own.
Thank you for giving me hope for the future.
(This was also a very good and honest post, particularly this bit: I don't even have to guess at why I was like this. I have always been insecure, and I've always treated a mans attention as truth to the value that was "me". I have always used attention as validation- He likes me, so I MUST be decent. )
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-10 13:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One too many beers for the camera person
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice pouffe
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Asian? The guy on my right is black.
And yes, he can walk up walls.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:58:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like tou need to re charge your asian.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are those shoes designed to walk up walls?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well hey. That's nice.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-10 09:32:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:) awesome. i'm happy for you!!
although i don't personally believe there is only ONE soulmate on this world for each person. i think there are many.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-10 08:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as you've found happiness...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-10 05:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why have you got a fruit machine in your house? That is some hard core gambling addiction, OR is it to exploit any visitor to your house?
Now, I really like the idea of this.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like tou need to re charge your asian.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:52:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. But imagined he would be more dapper.
Submitted by junyer (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
> One thing I realized as I got older was this: "I'm too old to party". Everyone there was at least
> ten years younger than me.
I would go clubbing more often, but there's a dearth of baby seals in Brisbane.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yar, there be processed cod!
HAhahahahahahaha
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the little skinny guy is MY soulmate
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:04:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:28:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah bless. Who's the weird skinny guy who looks like he shouldn't be there?
---
And why has he got suction cups on his shoes?
---
And dammit, why don't I?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-10 04:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:28:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah bless. Who's the weird skinny guy who looks like he shouldn't be there?
---
And why has he got suction cups on his shoes?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ah bless. Who's the weird skinny guy who looks like he shouldn't be there?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, that guy was on my box of fishsticks
yar, there be processed cod!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-10 01:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.publiceye.org/gallery/kkk/kkkgb_b.jpg
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-10 01:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:15:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know you were into KKK members.
===============================================
thus showing your feeble grasp on american culture.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-10 01:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yay nugs
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-10 00:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't see you cunt so good.
Next time, derobe and spread 'em.
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2006-01-10 00:12:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're dating the guy from Anthrax?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-10 00:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AM NOT!!
I'm mortified at the suggestion. Goodness. I think I'm going to go have a good cry.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82078
For you fuckface.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar is gay.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, your attention please? One and all?
I would like to have a threesome with Corn_nugget. And a girl. Let's call her "Steve."
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, this was really sweet.
Aww, shucks.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like he's drinking a Blue Moon.
That stuff sucks.
How can your soul mate drink beer like that?
Ew.
I'm kidding.
I feel good for you, because I think I might (still too early, but promising) have found mine.
And if you wouldn't have posted this, I would be writing about her right now.
So I'll wait.
It's cool.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lookit' you bitches coming out of the woodworks.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think my soul-mate sold their soul.
for a doughnut.
not that i blame them, but
fuck y'know.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, I had something really stupid to say here...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:21:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awwww..
now, where is he?
huh?
huh?
huh?
<sob> *runs away*
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know you were into KKK members.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-09 23:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
in this case, you have 2.
thats just creepy.