Loss (19 and 20) (520 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.87 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jeveux... (View user info) at 2006-01-10 02:00:02 EST
This one should be good for the regular readers.
19
I can feel panic coming on and it makes me sick; self doubt, anger, and despair. The doctor said that it wouldn't happen anymore, but what would he know? He said if I took the pills each day I would stay happy but I'm not taking the pills and I'm not happy and I'm spiralling right down.
Two months ago I walked out of the last exam I will ever sit in the beautiful old school hall. Now I'm sitting in an apartment and I have drugs and money but I don't even know if I'll be alive next year. There is a significant chance that I am very sick and my last fifteen minutes of innocence were spent finishing an essay. The question; "What is History?" My answer; "Whatever you make it." I strung it out over ten pages and seventeen textual references. I got up from my desk and walked out the door, past the Doric columns, and around the sandstone hall. Down, to my get my books and pens, then out of the wrought iron gates, and just like that, I finished school and my real life started. Today I want to panic because I haven't done anything in two months. I haven't even made real friends.
All I really have is contacts. I feign happiness and I sell it in little coloured pills. I am a loner but that's not what bothers me. I am anxious because I don't know what I want. Marcus has university and education ahead of him. What about me? I'm pissed off about my pre-ordained private school life. It starts at Grammar school, then University and too soon it's an office job. Pretty girlfriends will become a gorgeous wife. Big nights of excess when we are young will become years; lunches, wines, expensive clothes and watches. We have a boisterous pride in possessions but we have none. This is what I reject. But it is the course I follow, slowly but surely, down a river of doubt.
**
20
The party is bursting with people. They spew out of the double size glass doorways and on to the balcony. There is a crowd outside the front door. There are people on the couches in the living room and there are people on the chairs. Everyone is talking, everyone is having fun, and everyone knows that tonight is going to get loose. Alyssa has just arrived.
Marcus is with her in half a minute. He kisses her theatrically on the cheek and drags her off to meet people. Her friend stays with her, feeling forgotten, as if Alyssa came alone. Marc introduces Alyssa to the cool kids; the ones with the big muscles and tight tops and cans of beer or Woodstock. They greet and smile the pretty girl appropriately until, inappropriately, Marc announces her; "This is Alyssa, guys, Jake's bitch." Alyssa's smile is a smirk and the boys all have a laugh. It was a joke, everyone is friends here. They assure Alyssa that they think Jake is a "good guy." They put all the emphasis on good.
The drinks are free at the party and Marcus is looking after Alyssa, because he's Jake's best friend. She goes to the bathroom and chats with her friend Kate. The two girls start meeting guys from other rich schools. Marc hones in on them; he offers Alyssa and Kate some punch, encourages them to try his special brew. The boys they are talking with assure them it tastes more alcoholic than it is. The one Marc gives Alyssa is stronger but she doesn't know.
By the time it's totally dark in Sydney, in summer, most of the teenage guests at teenage parties are intoxicated. That night was no exception. By ten past ten Jake was halfway through his horror movie and Alyssa was looking for another guy; these ones were cute and boring and she wasn't looking to score. Not since she was with Jake. She knows Marc as a friend and he finds him with a group of boys she know. She thinks that they are the ones Jake hangs out with from school, and she knows some of their names. She smiles at all of them, kissing the each on the cheek when she is introduced or re-introduced, she doesn't always know which. By this time her arm is around Marc's shoulder and his arm cradles her size eight waist.
Alyssa isn't drinking any more but she's enjoying the party now. She is very aware of the heat from Marc's body and she pulls him onto the dance flaw and he begins to move to the music in a drunken bob. Alyssa has been dancing for years; Latin, Jazz, Hiphop and Tap. She feels like he is awkward so she moves closer. They move in sync for half a song and with every second Alyssa wants to lean in to him even more. She wants his hand back on her waist and she figures there is no harm in that. The dance floor is almost empty and she puts a hand on his chest, and slides it down to his taut stomach. In a moment something in him flicks and he kisses her on the lips. It is a stab of a kiss and he can see that she is surprised. She looks at him, for a half-moment, puts her hands on his shoulders and kisses him back. Long, slow and passionate, she pushes her mouth onto his. She breaks off, biting on his lower lip and looks at him. A mischievous smile plays on her lips. For the second time in a minute Marc feels overcome by desire. He moves his body towards her, looking straight back into her eyes and in a moment her arms are around him and she is against a wall. And then her hands are in his hair, and a few people have noticed they are kissing. Alyssa and Marc are oblivious, and soon they are pulling each other up the stairs. When they get to the bedroom Alyssa kisses Marc again and closes the door.
**
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/80825
Part 2 and 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/80892
Parts 15 and 16: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81843
Parts 17 and 18: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81989
User Reviews
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-03-12 18:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeeeeeze. Skank. Traitor. Perfect for each other.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-03-07 09:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More please
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-26 13:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-01-23 10:27:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just read through chapter 20 and it was a good chapter, shittily written.
Apologies.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-01-23 10:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-20 14:39:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
i keep waiting for a new one of these. i want to kill the whore.
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super.
sorry its been so long since i did a new one, i'm on holidayin SE-Asia. Too hot to write.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-20 14:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i keep waiting for a new one of these. i want to kill the whore.
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
me likey
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-14 20:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still a winner.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-01-10 08:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the first portion is really well done and very true.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-01-10 05:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-10 03:34:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
+.5 because you are committed to writing
+.5 because its almost well written (admittedly better than I could do)
+1 because I used to live in the cross and I know most of the places your characters go to
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But would you still enjoy it if you didn't?
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-10 03:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+.5 because you are committed to writing
+.5 because its almost well written (admittedly better than I could do)
+1 because I used to live in the cross and I know most of the places your characters go to
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-10 02:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-2 kamaya maya die