My Father is a Badger - the importance of proper research. (2056 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.96 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-10 10:24:53 EST
"Okay. And this is the second card."
I take it and look at it. I've already seen what it is, but there's no way in hell I'm saying that to this perfectly groomed woman with her helpful, inviting smile. Confide in me, that smile says. I'm here, not to judge, but to engage in frank and open discussion of anything you want to talk about.
It's a good smile and I wonder if they taught it to her in Psychologist school. I wonder why her office is so spartan, why her clothes are so tailored and restrictive, why her hair is always away from her face. The cards are thick, weighty - they feel very professional.
"What do you see, Lyn?"
"The wrong answer."
"There are no wrong answers."
It really is a good smile, great, in fact - even when she's frustrated it's indulgent, goodnatured. She has lovely hair.
"It's a face that's been chopped in half with an axe. See, there's half a nose over here, and the other half here. Mainly because it's got red in it, and so, you know.. blood.. and this big hole is where the mouth used to be."
This appears to be the correct answer, because she smiles and nods and writes that down. Emboldened, I put the card down and reach for the next one.
"Wait - you didn't see anything else?"
"Uh, no... just that one thing."
"Okay." And so we go on.
I felt pretty damned confident, I can tell you. I came home tonight and just for a laugh, looked up The Rorschach Inkblot Diagnostic Test.
I should have done that yesterday. I was supposed to see clowns, butterflies, and people. Not a depressed frog, a chopped up face, a morose cartoon bat walking away after being rejected, "ooohhh it's like a swirly pretty color cloud, isn't it?", and two angry silky terriers ignoring each other. Even the one I said was female genitals was the wrong fucking one.
I see my father as Badger from Wind in the Willows, apparently, which goes a long way towards explaining "Put on this animal mask and spank me, baby." Of course, the badger I saw was "Kinda spreadeagled there, on the road, possibly he's been run over? He might be dead. That's not a healthy position for a Badger." And I see my mother as two freakishly malformed rabbit-eared twins playing on the seesaw.
Apparently giving the cards history, emotions, a plotline and future predictions is uneccessary. She should have said, you know? I need clear directions on things. The test is inherently flawed. You don't just give someone a blotch and say "Tell me what this means to you." You give it to them and say "Look at this. Tell me what, if any, pictures are in the blotch. Don't give me the life history of the blotch, because quite frankly you're not paying me enough to sit here and listen to War and Peace as it applies to a black splatter on a bit of card, mmmkay?"
Research, people. It cannot be overstated. Now I need to find out what a personality profile is so I can study for next week. If anyone knows any good answers, pass them on.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-11 09:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup, it's an evil elephant
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 10:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's two collies, back to back, guarding the beetle in the middle.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2006-01-22 03:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It had to be done
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:11:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-01-17 10:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:10:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:30:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
An evil elephant.
---
Demonic elephant was my first thought.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-13 18:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good one lady..
not heard from you for a while..
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:38:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
As a psych grad student, lemme tell you, I have ALWAYS been suspicious of non-quantifiable psych tests.
I want numerical values, dammit!! Tidy numbers that I can crunch. Mmmmmmmm......numbers!
Ink-blots and other such tests are often interupted by the test giver, which means SUBJECTIVE analysis.
Who is to say that they're correct?
I like the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory).
I remember I had to take an ink-blot just so the other grad student could practice giving it to someone.
I kept saying it looked liked squashed bugs.
---
It's fascinating that people still persist in the notion that the human psyche can be broken down to 15 values. The reason that people love Quant so much is that it makes pretty pie charts, lovely graphs and goes into a spreadsheet oh so easily.
The truth is the human psyche is immensely complicated, changable and awkward. If I had some nachos and beers last night, woke up with a grumbly stomach and shat out brown liquid THEN you gave me this test, I may be inclined to be a touch grumpy in my answers. Just as asking a hungry person what they see tends to give food answers.
Numbers are artificial constructs of the test procedure.
I'm not defending this ink blot bullshit, but I think the answer 15 questions along the lines of 'which would you rather do - go down the pub with your friends, or work alone?' are retarded.
What are you a loner who can't work in a team, or a work shy gobshite? Answer on a scale of 1-5 - many thanks.
Submitted by darkspoon (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see a couple of blackbirds trying to rip a beetle in half. Poor beetle.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i see a devil walking between to pine trees with mountains in the background.
btw never say you see dragons, i heard something about alot of sociopaths see dragons in certain blots, you don't want to be diagnosed as a sociopath.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:17:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pelvic bone. Definitely a pelvic bone.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-11 10:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2 witches dancing around a cauldron.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-11 08:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-01-11 06:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Evil Elephant. All the way. I asked my mum, all she said was 'I don't know, some kind of creature maybe... I guess... it's just a shape...' I asked what kind of creature... that lost her.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-11 05:38:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire thread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...
... and I'll look down, and whisper "No."
-----------
Rorsarch gave me wood. He's the ultimate nutter hero type charachter. If I was a hero I'd be like him.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-11 05:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading Circe's post, I went ahead and did one of those online personality tests, which came to this SHOCKING conclusion:
"The world is a sexy place for you — your erotic self leads the way. Whether this is because you're presently in a great physical relationship or simply want one, you are much more aware of the sexual undertones in situations than most people.
This heightened focus, coupled with your vivid imagination, can make you more likely to have original — at times risqué — interpretations of things that other people might see as innocuous.
Your subconscious is telling you that you are very much alive, and have a great deal of passion to bring to life. "
In response, I have this to say: Well DDDEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR! No shit Sherlock. And so on.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-11 02:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can clearly see you're nuts.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-11 01:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Rorschach test is a fucking piece of bullshit.
"Here, look at my malformed left testicle. What do you see?"
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-01-10 22:50:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm...a facile psychology assessment .... I think I'd go this way:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/79248
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-10 20:59:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"That's not a healthy position for a Badger."
----------
I laughed so hard I accidentally threw the cat on the floor.
Ace man, that's ace.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a bobcat
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny girl.
I see two seagulls fighting over a fries carton when I park at the beach and toss them food. {They float at the window surfing the wind. One drifted into my car through the moonroof, I tried shooing him/her out, but more came. I panicked and kinda punched him. {At least I blew the horn first.}
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"OK, but I gotta warn ya, they're all gonna be vaginas."
- Drew Carrey
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:30:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
An evil elephant.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see Caulaincourt's Rotting Oyster
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
two big nosed giant-chinned witches holding between their faces a devil-horned baby baby releasing a giant shit
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see two bees while, in flight, are tearing apart another bug that doesn't have wings, something like an ant.
I was attacked by bees as a child.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a pumpkin carved into the shape of a fox's head. To argue anything else would be idiocy - look at the ears!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:47:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I see an elephant. An EVIL elephant. Hell's elephant. Is there any worse type of elephant then hells' elephant? I think not.
I'm so glad I wasn't the only one to see that.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As a psych grad student, lemme tell you, I have ALWAYS been suspicious of non-quantifiable psych tests.
I want numerical values, dammit!! Tidy numbers that I can crunch. Mmmmmmmm......numbers!
Ink-blots and other such tests are often interupted by the test giver, which means SUBJECTIVE analysis.
Who is to say that they're correct?
I like the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory).
I remember I had to take an ink-blot just so the other grad student could practice giving it to someone.
I kept saying it looked liked squashed bugs.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-10 13:25:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it an angry fox with an elephant nose?
probably not
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just think of "The Watchmen"...
___
"A live body and a dead body contain the same number of particles. Structurally, there's no discernible difference. Life and death are unquantifiable abstracts."
___
"Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire thread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.
The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...
... and I'll look down, and whisper "No."
____
"A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The doctor says "The treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears. He says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
__
NOVA: ... you've often been referred in the press as the world's smartest man. Is that true and does it bother you?
VEIDT: No, that isn't true, but it's very flattering and I don't mind a bit... No, no, I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one.
___
that is all...
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two clowns being impaled by the arms of Satan, while he also manages to stick each foot up each clown's ass.
I win.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never knew you were a bit nuts!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason I see two silhouettes of Wiley E. Coyote facing away from one another adjoined by the silhouette of an ant.
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:47:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I see an elephant. An EVIL elephant. Hell's elephant. Is there any worse type of elephant then hells' elephant? I think not.
..............................................
Thats what I saw at first but now that I look at it I see a kuala bear with funny ears and a big nose
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see a weird shaped crustation in between two Alf heads
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tis a monster
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 12:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:59:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Two klan members dancing over a huge, mutated insect.
I worry about if I ever have to take one of those tests.
----------
OK. At first I saw two birds over a big ant.
Now I see the Klan members too. Bad Bigmike, bad.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i see.... a woman getting torn to shreds by dancing polar bears.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a shitty jack-o-lantern with two pumpkin hatchets in it's jack-o-lantern head.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see an elephant. An EVIL elephant. Hell's elephant. Is there any worse type of elephant then hells' elephant? I think not.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:59:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Two klan members dancing over a huge, mutated insect.
I worry about if I ever have to take one of those tests.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, I see Klan members, too.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno. For that one, I say spider hanging on some web. Does that mean I'm a nutter? I should know, I studied this shit in school. Oh well. I'm off to rape another banana.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They all look like tumours to me
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If that's a butterfly, its wings are being slowly and painfully pulled from its body.
That's all there is to that!
Looks like some sort of Mardi Gras mask to me.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-01-10 11:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do not ever second guess yourself on those profile things... I did that once, the outcome did not get me the job I wanted.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two klan members dancing over a huge, mutated insect.
I worry about if I ever have to take one of those tests.
Submitted by el_em_en_oh (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Splayed nigger vagina?
(Contrary to popular belief, they're NOT all pink in the middle)
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Evil wolf.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew posting this was a good idea.
I thought to myself "I need to encourage responses from people crazier than me."
And look! I feel so much better now.
God bless the Uber.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its ruburb from rubarb and custard
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:34:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, it's two klansmen dancing hand-in-hand around the negro they're about to lynch.
_______________________________
They're clowns!
Like this:
http://clipartreview.com/_gallery/_LG/30158.jpg
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:33:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This picture is card 1. This is what http://www.angelfire.com/magic/blots/ says about card 1:
answering fairly quickly shows the psychologist that the subject can easily adapt to new situations. The subject should also give more than 1 response. Good answers to give are a woman or girl (in the center of the blot), butterfly, moth, or bat. If the shrink asks "Is the butterfly moving?" the subject should say no. Indicating movement is usually a bad thing. The well-adjusted subject will keep responses appropriate and "normal" sounding (don't talk about blood oozing, decapitation, missing limbs, etc.) Responses involving sex are not beneficial either.
go look at these things. It's not MY fault they're all weird.
And ozzy, you're right, I DO blame Uber. *shifty eyes*
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, it's two klansmen dancing hand-in-hand around the negro they're about to lynch.
===
HAHAHHA I see it
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
two witches sucking on an insect...they already remove it's legs!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, it's two klansmen dancing hand-in-hand around the negro they're about to lynch.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're in therapy?
Meh. It figures.
Uber is such a powerful tool in mind corruption.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
An evil elephant.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. Wait a minute. It's the guy from TV. My kid's
hero...Cruddy...Crummy...Krusty the Clown!
-- Homer Simpson
Krusty Gets Busted
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see anything, just a splodge.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I said it was a sad frog. He's sad because he's been run over.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
two clowns dancing.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-10 10:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a grinning wolf.