Things I've Left In Other People's Posts: Vol. 2 - Songs of Sex and Sluttery (1165 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: tiliopp
Rating: 1.67 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-01-10 14:05:44 EST
It's time to resurrect this little bitch of a series, because I won't have the next part of the Uberbury Tales done in time to post it today. As my great-uncle Ajax Orgasmatron used to say, "If you can't meet a personal deadline then you may as well just stroke yourself off publicly. Next best thing, really." And here we are.
I've decided to lump some of these together by theme, and today's batch is all about sex. Future volumes may be grouped by tribute reviews, reviews of hatred and mockery and, of course, potpourri.
It's actually the first half, or third, about sex really, because I've found that quite a few of my reviews have to do with the ol' slap & tickle. Mayhaps I have a problem.
Whatever. You savages love it.
Oh, and let me be the first to say: WTF I'm not reading all that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-10 15:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Once, long ago, back before you were born,
Your mother and I met a man,
He smelled like a cornfield and had thinning hair,
His skin - unremarkably tan.
Your mother and I were out walking the streets,
An evening spent under the stars,
We made a wrong turn
And at once we both learned
That we'd stumbled 'cross some gay bars.
Out flew this man all disheveled and grinning
Blood on one side of his face,
The bouncers had bum rushed him right out the door:
A drunkard's, or debtor's, disgrace.
I ran to him quickly to lend him a hand
He got to his feet and he mumbled
Out from his mouth came a Red Sea of sperm,
Unparted, as if Moses fumbled.
The jizz flood it poured down his chin and his shirt
And gooped all across his torn slacks,
When his mouth was emptied he looked at us both
"I'm sorry for that, please relax."
"My name is Herb Shlongmann, but please, call me Shlong,
I come to these parts now and then,
You see, I've a habit I can't quite control:
I glory hole anon'mous men."
Your mom's glance shot sideways, she threw me a glare,
And sidestepped the puddle of white
That sat at the feet of our brand new friend Shlong,
All sticky and slick in the night.
I hate to be rude, son, by now you must know,
So I offered Shlongy my hand
We hailed a cab and sped off toward the town
To drink at the MGM Grand.
Shlong cleaned up well, I swear, quickly to boot,
By the time we arrived he was dapper,
He left my sight once as we entered the bar
But I'd found he'd run off to the crapper.
I hauled him away from the hole in the stall
Out from which a stiff cock was a-poking,
We sat at the bar and got shots of Jack D
And the three of us started a-smoking.
The ringlets of cancerpuffs danced 'round our heads
Ol' Shlong had a mighty fine halo,
He stiffed the bartender on tips every round
His ass, it was tighter than J-Lo's.
Shlong, all at once, stood up from the stool
Pronounced himself done with his drinks,
He ran his rough hands through my fine, raven hair
And he kissed my lips softly, then winked.
"Let's head to your place," he said to us both
And your mother just laughed and agreed,
I didn't know then, but I know too well now
They'd been plotting while I'd gone to pee.
Up in the room Shlongy undid my pants
Your mom took a seat in the corner
He showed me the ways of that unspoken love
He bugled my boy like Jack Horner.
Your mother just watched with a drink in her hand
Taking notes on a pad in her lap
Your mom, bless her heart, was a wonderful gal,
But before then her blowjobs were crap.
Those oral attractions, those feats of the tongue
Herb Shlongmann, he blew with the best,
He sucked all the moojuice right out of my cow
And spit it all 'cross your mom's breasts.
I couldn't quite thank Mr. Shlongy enough
For showing my wife how to suck
So I gave him the only thing that I could:
My sister, your aunt - Shlongy fucked.
So now when you look at your cousin JoAnn
Pray that dear old Shlong rests in peace,
For not only did Shlong save your folks' dying marriage
But he also helped father my niece.
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 12:07:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
All around, the dwarves, they gathered, round the snow-white lass,
And watched her steady breathing as they cupped her bare, taut ass,
Doc had slipped a roofie in the cider he had served
(Courtesy of Sleepy and the pills he had conserved),
They waited 'bout and hour and they watched her eyelids drop
And then they dragged her to the shed behind the butcher's shop;
Her clothes their little hands removed, her garter belt remained,
And slowly each dwarf stripped the robe from off his little frame,
Dopey wanted to go first, the dwarves did not protest,
And while the big-eared freak slid in, ol' Sneezy grabbed a breast,
Happy took her mouth and stuck his two-inch dwarfdong deep
Grumpy wanted action, so he grabbed her soft, fair hand
And made her stroke his flesh bassoon and warm his marching band.
Bashful watched this from afar - far too shy to join
And watched as Dopey thrust himself again against her groin,
Bashful was a strange one, he had fetishes discreet,
He tip-toed to her bottom half and jerked off with her feet.
Doc said "lift her up, boys! Daddy Doc, he wants some ass!"
And twelve hands picked her supple body up at once, en masse,
Doc slid underneath her and he slid into her bung
He told the dwarves to let her go, for Doc was quite well hung,
He bounced her on his lap and said "Come, boyos, get a piece"
So Dopey, Sleeps and Grump all stood and triple-fucked her steeze.
Sneezy raped her little nose with his short, stubby dick
And Bashful started peeing on her legs, which made them sick,
Grumpy climbed up on her chest and fucked her heaving titties,
The sounds of rutting, thrusting dwarves, my friends, was not too pretty.
Eventually they came in turn, and filled her box with juice,
Except for Doc who shot his load in her snow white caboose,
They left her there and went back to the mining camp that night
But not before they left a note upon her back of white:
"Charming, let this be a lesson - don't cross little men
Or we'll be sure to kidnap her and do this all again,
Next time you'll think twice before you call dwarves unimportant,
Enjoy your half-sized baby, Prince - for our sperm is thick and potent."
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-08 19:44:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shemale, shemale, what can't you do?
You can fuck hot chicks while gay men fuck you,
Or you can get oral from bi-cur'ous twinks
While eating out drunk girls half-bent over sinks,
Men, knelt before you, their butts you can pierce
With flippy-flop hangdown that's hard, long and fierce,
And at the same time, from behind you, a man,
Can root-toot your bung while your tits fill his hands.
You can pee standing while chicks suck your nipples
You can give facials till sperm from you dribbles,
You're free to pick either hole for the fillin'
But you've only got one that's meant for the drillin',
I could titfuck you while you filled my butt
And then Tera Patrick we could both double-rutt.
Shemale, shemale, won't you be mine?
You've got a cock, but that suits me just fine.
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-09 16:06:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
She said:
When fingers last deploy in pink-thin folds,
Disappearing like so much hair from Donald Trump's dome,
I look down and see that I've become a leper,
For my digits, once more, have escaped me,
Fled to the shaved, flushed Egypt of my loins.
Rock now the boat, fingertips!
Stir the honeypot - my bee is in the bonnett!
Make me quiver like bowled jell-o resting on a fat man's fupa.
Wait - I feel a stirring in the force,
Double your efforts, Tarkin,
For Lazarus will rise again.
He said:
When grip takes hold and flexing hand attacks the root
Of my trunk, my branch swings, sways,
Sashays through the room-temperature air of this bathroom stall,
Bare-leaf'd in the autumn, my tree neither rustles
Nor permits the lark to warble,
Instead, just the quick squishy cacophony of lubed-up palm on cock,
And the rip-rap of my naked ballsack pumping to and fro in time,
Echoing off the walls of this, my office bathroom.
I really do need to find a better place to do relieve myself.
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-09 11:29:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
With nog and hint of rum, imported, down'd,
The intern's inhibitions dissolve. Drawn
To dancing without a floor or beat, round
Twin bumps of taut ass a woody do spawn.
Beg her brace herself with tonéd arms, long,
Firmed from giving handjobs here at barside,
Watch her arch her back - spy the high-raised thong,
Her ass would make Mandela love Apartheid.
Beg her spread her legs, long, to shoulder width:
"Arch your feet, dear love, remove your heels,"
Hammer on her buttcakes like a swordsmith
But flatten not the curve, lest bubble yield.
A mistress plied with drinks and public spanking
Will surely give your dangle quite the cranking.
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-07 13:10:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Work that bitch good, Snake Eyes!" Duke said, watching from afar,
'Cross the floor he watched the man do Jenna 'gainst the bar,
He didn't think the pornstar would have liked the quiet type
But damned if Jenna J hadn't been humping Snake all night.
Duke looked down between his legs and saw his rainbow girl,
Her bright eyes looking back at him as her soft tongue enswirled
His mighty mule, but then her eyelids closed and her mouth dropped
And Duke let loose a heavy sigh and onto the couch he flopped.
Imagine, if you will, two Joes, a ninja and a grunt
Doing shots in shady spots in search of shavéd cunt,
And now, just picture Rainbow Brite and her friend the pornstar
Arriving at that very place that night, that very bar.
Jameson was scheduled to perform on stage and strip
And show all of the patrons her new, freshly-piercéd clit,
But she'd grown weary of the trade, of dancing by a pole,
Of drinking all the pain away and smoking many bowls.
Before she went backstage she let a man buy her a drink
Dressed head to foot in black - "He's trouble," did she think,
Was that a throwing star she saw positioned on his waist?
She gave it not a second thought when vodka she did taste.
The sandy blonde beside him looked her friend Brite up and down
And Jenna saw his eyes pop when he saw her rainbow gown,
They went off and made small talk - and Duke he bought her rum
And with her periph'ral vision JJ saw him grab her bum.
Cut to three hours later with the bar long closed and black,
Both Joes got their jollies off with these chicks in the back,
Snake Eyes went a-mountin' JJ, doing her but raw
And Duke tested the limits of ol' Rainbow's pliant jaw.
They swapped their partners round and round, a sexual dosey-do
And all four hollared as they came "Fuck Cobra! YO JOE!"
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-08 10:19:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
my indelible first love u remain as the memory of April
U touched me forever
I'll embrace the memories of our young days of innocence
my darling first love still
U r very much a part of me those eyes, ur scent
I know the feelings that have lived in me until now will always remain.......forever.
Forever, liek totally until I tremble in ur sweaty embrace
Ur fieldworker hands greedily running over my spare tire
Dirt covered and burly like newly-tilled earth in the springtime
O sweet memory of April, indelible first love!
I was just a skoolgrll then, and u were just a sk8ter boi
Spinning your wheelz on the half-pipe of my still-intact hymen,
Who says fingerbanging is just for fools?
I say dip them in, Monty,
Stir my pot and relish my scent - my musk potent with whiffs of relish, sauerkraut and mustard.
Eliminate your malcontent and serve me your Fenway Frank!
Break the frozen ground of my she-hymen with your rusty, fieldworker's spade!
My darling first love, still my first, and still my darling,
Touch me forever with your leathery, Indiana Jones hat-like, hands!
Slip a digit in me as I lay here,
Cold as newfallen snow lightly falling on the body of Hillary Clinton,
Here in this coffin of maple and hickory,
Wrapped in the bounty of cornflower and chicory,
Go on, my dear lover boi,
Poke my stiff lips, and watch how they'll still open for you.
No, really - no one's watching.
Just push past the stitches the mortician sewed into my folds to keep me shut for the afterlife
(There have been oh-so-many grave fuckings in these parts lately, you know)
With a little force, you'll slide right in
Of course,
And as you fill your Dockers with sperm my braindead body will be wrapped in memories of April.
---
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-01 20:57:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Grundle Jones the mountain man lived up on Knobschlob Hill
He lived a horrid, stressful life with his spouse Big-Ass Lil,
One day ol' Grundle Jones de-pantsed and walked inside his house,
He found his Lilly sleeping, she was quiet as a mouse,
Above her softly, Grundle perched, and squatted on her face,
His ass hair made a noose and held her big-ass neck in place,
His browneye touched her knobby nose and she woke with a start,
And as she woke ol' Grundle Jones let loose a fetid fart,
Lilly tried to get away, but ass hair choked her quick
And as her face turned red, then blue, he slapped her with his dick,
He batted on her chin and lips with his unwashed hangdown
The asshairs kept a-choking her, her fat face did tense and frown,
Grundle started laughing as his asshole touched her eye
And as his long, constricting asshairs slowly made her die,
He went to droop a teabag in her ope', relaxing mouth
He shifted weight and sat a bit, and then his nuts went south,
His balls they worked down past her lips and found her swollen tongue
His butthair kept on strangling as her nose popped in his bung,
He felt a touch of ecstacy as dying mouth sucked nuts
But when his Lilly breathed her last, she clamped her jaws tight shut.
Grundle Jones leapt up and screamed, his crotch a bloody mess,
And soon thereafter died from bloodless, laid on Lilly's breasts.
So kids, respect your women - grown men, shave your fur behinds
And learn this bit from Grundle Jones: thin women make good wives.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-14 14:18:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whoops, I meant this-
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/82296#1782874
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-14 14:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this-
http://www2.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19732
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:18:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jacko -- check out my unfoundedly-heated post "To minimumdino..." for more info.
The short answer: he's a douche of the highest order.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:31:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
you have a lot of online practice maybe one day you can have sex in real life! with something live!
-0-0
who's this tool?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have to negate his -2. and make sure his isn't the only name seen. the things i do for love. *sigh*
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you have a lot of online practice maybe one day you can have sex in real life! with something live!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY MINIMUMDINO: FUCK YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID FUCK YOU.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-11 13:21:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh yeah this so does it for me. oh oh oh yeah. right there. ahhhhh....
more.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-11 13:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-11 09:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ryan5012 (user info) at 2006-01-10 21:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your grandpa has the greatest fucking name of all time
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:36:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why a plus +2? Because you kind of remind me of Dr. Seuss.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:49:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll admit, there's a fair amount of "omg! look at me!" at play here. But I'm in no way attempting to show how my reviews rule all and I am Teh Best.
-------
Really? That's what I'd be trying to do. But I love myself an awful lot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:40:55 (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah yeah, we get it, you're great, y0u rule, best reviewer evar, etc.
---
That wasn't really my intention. I imagine I'm probably a fairly annoying reviewer.
It was more that I didn't have the time or inspiration to churn something out today, so I figured "hey, most of my reviews could be posts unto themselves" and off I went.
I'll admit, there's a fair amount of "omg! look at me!" at play here. But I'm in no way attempting to show how my reviews rule all and I am Teh Best.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah yeah, we get it, you're great, y0u rule, best reviewer evar, etc.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, that Blakeford. What a little coke monkey.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but I just saw this on the other post and I laughed out loud:
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:57:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
The last line wrecked it for me. Otherwise I'd have given it a two.
---
You'd rather it end with "Because frankly?"
**FOLLOWED BY**
----
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:20:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're very convincing, O-tron.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 17:04:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:38:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:35:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I beat you in the blakeford rating game today O-man. A lovely -2. How sweet it is
---
I really wish he'd post more.
His poetry...it moves me.
----------------------------------
Indeed. This is going to be "our" thing. To see who can draw down the ire of that warrior poet the mighty Paul Blakeford.
I read one of his poems to my wife and she instantly orgasmed. So did the cat who happened to be walking through the room at the time. True story.
Auto fellation? Who hasn't tried to do that? It is indeed the sport of kings, and success is sweet.
Or maybe salty.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not everyone's as up-to-date with my offerings as you are, Shlongette. I need to think of the general population here. Chances are some of these are new to someone.
I almost threw in a second Shlongy-inspired poem, but didn't want it to be overkill.
Maybe next time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I hated them the first time...Now I have to read them again???
(The answer to that is "no", but since you occasionally come up with some real gems - usually when I see a Shlongy name drop - I won't -2 your ass)
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-10 16:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best reviewer evar!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Like I whispered to you the other night: go ahead and fuck away, mofo.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that's really you?
White and delicious, just as I thought.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, I just wanted to fuck your rating.
I'm feeling lonely and prickish
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:43:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Doesn't the rest of Uber fellate you enough, you have to stoop to Auto-Fellatio?
---
Is there any better kind?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn dude. Nice.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Doesn't the rest of Uber fellate you enough, you have to stoop to Auto-Fellatio?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so you must tell us more about yourself orgasmatron.
now that i know you are not a black latino woman!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:38:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:35:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I beat you in the blakeford rating game today O-man. A lovely -2. How sweet it is
---
I really wish he'd post more.
His poetry...it moves me.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't mock my artistic choices. See, I removed my mouth so as to suggest that the poet's power comes not from his lips - as does the balladeer's or the mistrel's - but rather from his hand and his mind's eye. By deleting the sexual component of my face, I also stand in stark contrast to the erotic and graphic content of the above poems. This 'lack' echoes the feminine 'lack' of the vagina, with its need for fulfillment from the masculine 'prod.' As a man, by embracing this lack of mine, I balance myself with equal parts male and female. Additionally, I wanted to have it point to how all of us, in our own way, have had our voices removed by living in these oppressive, modernistic times. Death of the individual and all. You know...that old chestnut. "
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What a poetic, bullshit avenue of covering up your faux MySpace-esque pictures. HAHAHAHAHA
For an encour, please describe the artistic significance of your habitual masturbation to goatse. I believe there is plenty of ambiguity in the picture alone to lend you a wide range of a response. You think?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh poems
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:32:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought you were black.
---
I don't play bass.
So, to date, I've been mistaken for a Latino, a woman (multiple times) and now a black guy.
Interesting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:35:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:25:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, there it is.
Thanks for stopping by, Coleridge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:24:40 (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
---------
I beat you in the blakeford rating game today O-man. A lovely -2. How sweet it is.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought you were black.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:55:49 (#)
Don't mock my artistic choices. See, I removed my mouth so as to suggest that the poet's power comes not from his lips - as does the balladeer's or the mistrel's - but rather from his hand and his mind's eye. By deleting the sexual component of my face, I also stand in stark contrast to the erotic and graphic content of the above poems. This 'lack' echoes the feminine 'lack' of the vagina, with its need for fulfillment from the masculine 'prod.' As a man, by embracing this lack of mine, I balance myself with equal parts male and female. Additionally, I wanted to have it point to how all of us, in our own way, have had our voices removed by living in these oppressive, modernistic times. Death of the individual and all. You know...that old chestnut.
----------------------------------------------------
Oh..I see. I completely misinterpreted. See, I would have thought you placed emphasis on the top of the photo, in order to emphasize the often understated importance of the brow. The brow is crucial as it protects the eye from harmful foreign objects, yet it does not receive its due appreciation. I read it as an act of rebellion in these times of the Patriot Act, the FCC, and the like. Such institutions seek to protect us from what is perceived as harmful, yet by their very nature, they are actually blinding us. The brow symbolizes our individual liberty, and the ability each of us has to protect ourselves, without such governmental aid, and to choose what should enter our sight. I was on the money with the absence of mouth, though, as these 'protections' we are shackled by, in essence, place gags in our mouths.
But whatever. Mouth or no, I'd hit it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, there it is.
Thanks for stopping by, Coleridge.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-01-10 15:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:47:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
My work is going to keep me away from Uber for a good chunk of the next few months anyway. I'll mainly be here on the odd Monday or Friday, and that'll likely be just to review.
Fuck it.
---
You can always just come back as 'purgeofthepeas' or something.
We'll know it's you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:44:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s.- sweet camwhore. Though, I can't see your mouth. That's one of my favorite parts.
*hangs poorly reproduced photocopies on cube wall, gets stared at*
---
Don't mock my artistic choices. See, I removed my mouth so as to suggest that the poet's power comes not from his lips - as does the balladeer's or the mistrel's - but rather from his hand and his mind's eye. By deleting the sexual component of my face, I also stand in stark contrast to the erotic and graphic content of the above poems. This 'lack' echoes the feminine 'lack' of the vagina, with its need for fulfillment from the masculine 'prod.' As a man, by embracing this lack of mine, I balance myself with equal parts male and female. Additionally, I wanted to have it point to how all of us, in our own way, have had our voices removed by living in these oppressive, modernistic times. Death of the individual and all. You know...that old chestnut.
Actually, I was just giving a sarcastic grin at the time, and the effects I added kind of washed it out. Lame.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My work is going to keep me away from Uber for a good chunk of the next few months anyway. I'll mainly be here on the odd Monday or Friday, and that'll likely be just to review.
Fuck it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s.- sweet camwhore. Though, I can't see your mouth. That's one of my favorite parts.
*hangs poorly reproduced photocopies on cube wall, gets stared at*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If it was somewhat pertinent to your post you could always do a hideous MS Paint version of it.
Just make sure you get the chubby fingers right.
And spend like three hours shading the upper lip.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:25:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
In other news I'm going to do a post that may get me banned. I don't know the limits of bart. Will a picture of Urbanes naughty bits featured prominently get me in trouble?
----
I could be wrong, but I thought I read somewhere it was a bannable offense. Of course, with no FAQ, nothing I read is that reliable, I guess. Is it crucial to the post? We've all seen them 1000 times, and I'd hate to think that one lapse in judgment would subject me to that over and over.
ps- I'm not Urbane. Although, my name is also Valerie.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair enough. That means I'm next on the TMI bandwagon.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:25:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
These deserved to be catalogued like this. Makes finding them that much easier.
In other news I'm going to do a post that may get me banned. I don't know the limits of bart. Will a picture of Urbanes naughty bits featured prominently get me in trouble?
---
What, like her box hasn't been all up and over Ubersite before?
Just put NSFW in the title. You'll be ok.
Unless you've typed over her labia with real-life contact information for someone or something.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:28:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I loves me some Shlongy and Snow White poems!
Is that YOU in the picture? Creepy color use.
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Wait, what creepy color use?
Isn't your skin red or blue-hued throughout the day?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loves me some Shlongy and Snow White poems!
Is that YOU in the picture? Creepy color use.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:13:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the word Steeze.
======
Yup.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These deserved to be catalogued like this. Makes finding them that much easier.
In other news I'm going to do a post that may get me banned. I don't know the limits of bart. Will a picture of Urbanes naughty bits featured prominently get me in trouble?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the word 'Dangle'.
Try as I might, I just can't choose a favorite line, any more than one could choose a favorite child.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your reviews are second to none.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-10 14:13:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the word Steeze.