no climax, no punch line, no meaning (661 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.62 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by whataefag (View user info) at 2006-01-11 11:37:01 EST
It's time for us to have the talk. You know the one. Where I tell you icky things you aren't quite comfortable with, so you don't get hurt later on. Yes, it's time for the Anime talk, I'm afraid. Yes, we all vaguely know what it is - 'Japanimation' in vulgar white-boy parlance. Pointy chins, huge almond eyes, squealing, and thinly thought through messianic iconography. We've all heard the - spurious - 'No Akira no Matrix' adage, too. But still, sometimes, if we watch Anime without the proper precautions, it can all go horribly wrong. Horribly waking up in a cell, crying into the tattered remnants of a Cardcaptor Sakura costume wrong. Oh speak to me not of ManFaye, you cry, but kiddies, that could be any one of us.
I'm going to keep this brief, and warn you in the main by way of what I'm calling for now "The Yaoi recommendation: a Cautionary Tale." From which we might infer that the cardinal rule is to never, ever, ever, take an anime recommendation from somebody you haven't met in person and judged worthy of survival. It is, if anything, more dangerous than meeting slathering internet perverts who list their interests as heavy BDSM and fluffy little kittens.
Now, Anime comes from Japan, which is a strange and mystical place full of giant robots. This is reflected in their visual culture, most prominently in Anime. All anime involves either incipient schoolgirl sexuality or giant mechanized battlesuits. Frequently both. Very little of it makes sense, but it is often quite stylish. More importantly, it isn't really a genre. It's a broad category, almost as wide as saying 'television'. So any old shit can get made. Aye, there's the rub.
So, as part of my program of gay cinema evaluation, and knowing of the gay anime sub-genre known as Yaoi, I asked around for a recommendation. (I later learned that the term is an acronym of sorts ( yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nasii), meaning "no climax, no punch line, no meaning." Whoops. I was referred to something called Legend of the Blue Wolves, which sounds kind of cuddly and folkloric. No. It's a far future dystopian thingummy. Heap of shit, yes, that was it. I can only really explain it by imagining the production meeting
NETWORK EXECUTIVE
Well ladies and gents, Mobile Suit Gundam was pretty popular. Can you do us one of those? Only make it a bit more cyberpunk, yeah?
MANGA ARTIST WITH SILLY HAIR
I like badly lit body horror!
MANGA ARTIST WITH ANNOYING SQUEAKY VOICE
You know what would have made Gundam even better? Ass sex. Lots of as sex. With fat men.
MANGA ARTIST WITH SILLY HAIR
I draw non-consensual fetish porn!
MANGA ARTIST WITH ANNOYING SQUEAKY VOICE
La-la-la butt-sex. La-la-la giant robots.
NETWORK EXECUTIVE
We can't fail! Especially if we spend nothing on the animation. Here, take four Yen and a half-chewed hob nob, and come back next week with a show.
I thought I was strong enough. I thought I knew my crazy Japanonsense. I was wrong, and now I need to spend the rest of my life scrubbing my dirty, dirty, brain blood. Learn from my folly, my children.
User Reviews
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
La-la-la butt-sex.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-11 12:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
I like Hentai.
And kittens....
__________
don't we all?
Submitted by evolved (user info) at 2006-01-11 12:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
isn't that the kid from Escaflowne?
wait.. gay anime? holy fuck
..holy fuck.. i bet that's the name of the gay anime..
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I embarked on an ill-advised journey in search of information regarding Ultra Gash Inferno.
I feel your pain, good sir. I feel your pain.
Submitted by subtastic (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh my god. what's the most powerful way to say 'who gives a fuck'?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You forgot "no interest".
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 11:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like Hentai.
And kittens....