My dad is a moron (719 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MrDurden24 (View user info) at 2006-01-11 18:18:15 EST
My dad is insane. Literally. He has spent time in numerous mental institutions and has even had shock therapy back in the day. He takes massive amounts of pills that have left him a braindead zombie. If he were to stop taking these meds his body would go into convulsions and he would probably die..But wait it gets funnier..
Years ago I used to grow weed in my closet. Had the Light on a timer, timed watering system the works. My dumbass dad also smoked weed like a chimney. I used to sell him some but then he started stealing from me when I was not home. This is intolerable. That shit is worth its weight in gold, thats like stealing cash straight from my wallet. So one time after catching him in the act, I installed locks on my doors and told him to fuck off and get his weed somewhere else.
ok enough background...One morning after me and a friend had been out gambling at a indian casino all night, we arrived back at the house at about 6 in the morning. we are just looking forward to smoking a bowl and crashing..
I immediatly noticed my window screen to my room was busted and hanging halfway off. Instantly I knew..For the umpteenth time that motherfucker has broken into my room and stolen from me! Its like a game to that fucker..The more locks I get the more tools he gets to get in.
I storm into the house ready to unleash hell my friend chuckling and following behind me. And there on the couch is my dumbass dad.
He is passed out with a big bloodstain drying on his face. He has a three inch gash on his face and is lying at a fucked up angle.
"Fucker!" I yell pushing him awake.
"huh?" he grunts and blinks his eyes.
"How many motherfucking times have i told you to stay out of my room? what the fuck happened to your face?"
he touches the gash on his head and winces..
"uhhh I uhh fell of the roof." he mumbled Apperntly he hit his head as well as fucking up his knee. "fucking idiot." i say and and me and my friend head to my room.
Im angrily packing a bowl and fuming. My friend thinks I should take him to the emergency room.
"you take him. Fuck that thieving asshole." After a couple of hits and a simpsons episode later I'm calming down and realize my friend might be right..
We go back down stairs and hes passed out again on the couch..
"dad, do you need to go to the hospital?" I shout at him.
"uhh yeah I think so..My knee..I cant walk."
This post is getting way longer than I thought so I'll hurry it up..
Me and my friend get my dad in the car and my friend bounces. On the way to the hospital I get the story from my dad.
As soon as I had left for the casino(at about 6pm the previous night) he had taken the ladder from garage and put it against my window. This ladder is broken. it really can't hold any weight and he knows this..
But he somehow manages to get up to the roof and into my room. I keep my money and drugs in a safe which this also went macguyver on and purchased a lockpicking gun! he gets into my stash and takes some..
Now any normal person would pocket it, tidy up and after making sure everything was away, then smoke your ill gotten goods.. But not my dad he grabs the nearest bong and rips up..On his way out the window( keep in mind he is high and out of his gourd on pills) he gets on the ladder and just falls right off. He hits his knee but is still somewhat ok..But he forgot the window screen.
He knows I will see it so back up the ladder he attempts to go..three fourths of the way up the ladder collapses sending him falling to the pavement yet again..this time he really fucks up his knee. badly. but still he better get that screen in or i'm gonna beat his ass.
So he limps up the ladder one final time. This time when he falls off he lands right on his head..knocks him out cold he wakes up hours later and crawls in the house only to have me find him later..
Long pointless story short He had a concussion, had to have a fucking steel rod inserted into his leg. I hope that moron realizes how truly stupid he is every time he sees that four inch scar on his knee.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
entertaining
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Im sure he realizes how stupid he is everytime he sees you. Just my 2 cents fucknut!
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A better ending would have been....
"and then my dad stabbed me to death with a dried up turd he found under the couch."
That at least would have helped my constipation, fucker.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-11 22:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
umm...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-11 21:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, this apple didn't fall too far from the tree, dipshit.
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2006-01-11 21:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
other than the formatting i dont have anything against this post. and im not gonna be a little bitch and complain about my precious eyes losing sight because of a few oddly configured non-paragraphs.
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow, you're a real prick.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-01-11 19:40:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he doesn't sound like a mormon
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dysfunction with a capital D. Mildly distracting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ENTER key motherfucker. Use it. Like
this.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So, you illegally grew a controlled substance under your father's roof, which could cost you both prison time, and you CHARGED him for weed? He might be insane, but he can't control that. You, however, have the choice not to be an asshole.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
words... acres of words...
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You smoke too much of that shit and you'll be in a rubber room right next to him.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How sad.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Life in the South.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't read it. Try again.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This post probably has potential, please double space and resubmit, I'm too sick to try to dig through it.