Jowly McJiggles Is Not An Appropriate Nickname For The New Intern (32691 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: b.at.w
Rating: 1.91 on 174 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Steve's IHOP: Bring the Pain (View user info) at 2006-01-11 23:10:05 EST
The new intern is so fat.
HOW FAT IS SHE?
She's so fat that when I first saw her, I thought some one cloned the 400-pound librarian from downstairs and during the cloning process, they slipped in some manatee DNA, creating a disgusting creature with two heads, cottage cheese thighs and a front butt the size of Prince Edward Island.
(For those of you unfamiliar with Prince Edward Island, it's the only province in Canada that can be rented for the weekend for office parties and high school proms. The people reside in giant underground peapods and come out only on Saturdays to watch Hockey Night in Canada and sacrifice small children and possibly goats to their Jewish god. It has an active volcano, named Mount Soliciting-Sex-From-A-Minor, but it has been out of work since the cod fishery shut down.)
The first time I spotted the new intern, it was from afar. I was aboard my whaling ship and thought I had just sighted my next kill. I was readying the harpoons when I was rudely informed that we're not allowed to dress like pirates anymore since 'Dress Like A Pirate Thursday' was banned after some one ripped up the new carpets with his hook. I'm not naming names but he sits at my desk and doesn't like wearing shoes while he's surfing the Internet for naked pictures of Natalie Portman.
"Now Steven, don't make fun of the new intern," said Corey, my imaginary boss. I've had to imagine a boss since my real boss is only in the office for twenty minutes a day, before going for a four hour lunch with the guy who wrote 'Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy.' I've heard rumors that they're working on a sequel to the song called 'All This Love In My Tummy Is Putting a Strain on My Spine And I'll Need Major Surgery Within The Year Or Else I'll Die.'
"But Corey....she's so fat. It's like high school all over again!" I said.
"So you're going to take her to the prom and leave her on the dirt road in front of the hall, while you go home to watch the hockey game in your underwear?" Corey replied.
Me: "I fucking hate you Corey."
Corey: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE FIRED."
Me: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE NOT REAL."
Needless to say, I spent the rest of the night imagining a new boss. I forgot to introduce myself to the new intern as well, out of fear that I'll be eaten and my bones will be used as fishing hooks by the pigmy people living in her back-fat to catch the mice that follow her around all the time. I haven't seen the mice. I've just heard them. Just like how my dad told me my grandparents used to live in our attic. I never saw them. I just heard their ghostly moans from above along with their ghostly music. My grandparents listened to a lot of Barry White. They sure had a lot of sex for dead people.
The next day my keen sense of timing brought the intern and me to the front of the elevator together. We then got on the elevator when it arrived on our floor because that's what people do when an elevator arrives. I was going to second floor cafetorium to steal some plastic spoons to melt in the new microwave and blame on the Dutch janitor. She was going home to devour several hams and cry. At least that's what I think she was doing. I can't read minds or anything.
"Hi."
At first I thought air was escaping from a large tire. Instead it was just air escaping her mouth. I'd escape from her mouth if I was air. Maybe I am air. Hmm...
"Sup," I replied. That's how I address people. That's why I'm such a charming young man with a full social calendar and plenty of friends.
"I'm the new intern. My name is Fakey McName," she extended her hand. It was like looking into the sun but without any of the fun after affects like temporary blindness or permanent blindness. Or partial blindness. Either way, I was praying for blindness.
"I'm four-time SuperBowl winner Joe Montana," I replied. "I'd shake your hand but my hands are my livelihood."
She raised an eyebrow. Or some pudding shifted place underneath her skin. Either or. "That's...nice."
"Some times I have to hang onto the walls to keep from falling off the Earth. My gravitational quotient is inverse to the Earth's polarity," I cocked my head and stared at her without blinking.
"I...um...I just started here."
"I can only see things in black and white. Right now, you look like a six-foot-seven, black guy named 'Toby.' Want to be on my basketball team? Right now it's got two people. Me and.....um...you?"
Then I got off the elevator.
"Goodbye, friend." I said, waving. "If you ever want an autograph or anything, you know where to find me, Joe Montana."
"Um. Bye."
The very next day, I got a threatening email from one of my real bosses saying that claiming to be Joe Montana won't be tolerated and to stop making fun of the new intern. She's a fragile young flower that must have her soul stomped slowly rather than quickly. Slower, he explained, causes lasting pain and guilt. And that the Dutch janitor has been warned about melting spoons in the microwave.
Friggin' Dutch janitors. I swear, if I hear him clogging on the second floor one more time, I'll dress like Hitler and hide in his garbage cart. I haven't had much use for my Hitler costume since 'Dress Like Hitler Wednesdays' were revoked after the Great Panty Fiasco of 2004. I won't go into details but it involved some one dressed as Hitler (most likely the guy that sits at my desk) shooting thongs off around the office while yelling, "I am the Thong Fairy! I am the Thong Fairy! All hail the Lord of the Thongs!"
So remember: It's okay to make fun of the foreign janitorial staff, but not the fragile, young, fat intern. She may save your life in the event of a large flood or when it starts raining cupcakes made of poison.
And if you're going to get drunk and sneak into a movie, make sure it's not Brokeback Mountain. Especially if you're with your dad.
User Reviews
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-09-04 16:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-06-19 22:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like you and this made me smile
have this +2, on the house
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 20:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And you haven't been on B@W in forever, that needs to change soon.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-19 20:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the post that interested me in this place.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-08-08 03:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-24 02:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Long ways to go til 10K
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-05-12 04:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hail, Gunslinger.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-05-08 20:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At first, I thought you had it. Then I rechecked and discovered that MichaelJackson beat you by two reviews.
I even had your award speech drafted and everything. You got the mysterious bag of wood on my balcony and my sixth grade science notebook.
If we're both still here for the 10,000 review, your prize will be killing me and then yourself because we'll both be in need of some murder/suicide by that point. Some sort of -cide anyways. Chocolaticide perhaps.
I WANT SOME ICE CREAM WITH GUMMIE BEARS IN IT. RIGHT NOW. FUCK.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-05-08 18:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN IT, I WANT THAT AWARD!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-05-08 18:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the award for my 5,000 review goes to....
MichaelJackson.
For his/her/its prize, MichaelJackson gets a can of clam chowder I found when I was moving and a wet ball of paper towel I made trying to clone a fish.
SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DREAMER
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-05-08 08:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I own a pair of clog slippers
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-04-10 11:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking great.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-03-11 11:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Pelvis alter, I'm supposed to be the one who spams stevie's posts!
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2006-03-11 11:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're mean, and you've got balls. I like you. I like balls...
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2006-02-06 00:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
T'was good, but I expected more coming from ya.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-02-04 17:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This really didn't do it for me.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-25 04:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve, your mama's so fat her blood type is Ragu.
{I just like practicing.}
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-25 04:29:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant i want more!! Now +2
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very Funny
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-01-23 17:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For Pete's sake, could you tone down the hilarity next time?
You made me laugh out loud at work, and I work in a library. And I can't control the volume of my laugh. Or the duration. In fact, I pretty much rave like a lunatic all day.
Good day sir.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-01-23 12:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-23 01:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats at B@W
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-01-20 01:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Front Butt = Fat Upper Pussy Area. Fupa. A term that is so much more fun.
Always take the opportunity to make fun of fat people.
Submitted by the_grendel (user info) at 2006-01-19 17:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-19 03:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no fonzie on waterskis.
Submitted by emxel (user info) at 2006-01-18 22:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hi."
At first I thought air was escaping from a large tire. Instead it was just air escaping her mouth. I'd escape from her mouth if I was air. Maybe I am air. Hmm...
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, B@W
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You damn better
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit, I would be on MVA if I posted every day...
I LOVE YOU DARKO
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHERE'S THAT FUCKER RAD? HE SAID I JUMPED THE SHARK! NO SHARK JUMPING HERE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Michigan Wolverines won the NIT in 2004.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I missed this
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome to the 10th degree. The pistons won the Finals in 2004.
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now THIS deserves B@W.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-18 08:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'll dress like Hitler and hide in his garbage cart."
Holy shit that was good.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-18 07:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I TAKE 74% CREDIT FOR GETTING THIS ON B@W. 20% goes to you for writing it and 6% goes to the actual people who nominated you for it.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-18 06:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very deserved B@W. Well done dude
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 15:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Tigers won the world series in 1984
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-17 15:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Rangers won the cup in 1994.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 14:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
la da da da da
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 14:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Bloodhound gang is very underrated
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 13:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
give it the remaining ten hits
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2006-01-17 12:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still fucking hilarious.
B@W
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 12:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
clooooose
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 11:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let's get this to 2k
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-17 07:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little more needs to be said
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-17 07:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 before this dies
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-16 23:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll be laughing all day...
Corey: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE FIRED."
Me: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE NOT REAL."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-16 11:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to go to that Island for research.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 14:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-15 14:12:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
====================================
Holy fuck you've heard of PEI. I live there. 135 000 folks, whole province. I never thought anybody else on uber knew of our little hell-hole.
------------------------------------
We know of you because it's where all those tasty mussels come from.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-15 14:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't have to be Jewish to fear the Jewish God!
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-15 14:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your description is, amzingly, fairly accurate. Just one thing: Islanders aren't Jewish. I don't think there's four Jews on the whole rock.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-15 14:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(For those of you unfamiliar with Prince Edward Island, it's the only province in Canada that can be rented for the weekend for office parties and high school proms. The people reside in giant underground peapods and come out only on Saturdays to watch Hockey Night in Canada and sacrifice small children and possibly goats to their Jewish god. It has an active volcano, named Mount Soliciting-Sex-From-A-Minor, but it has been out of work since the cod fishery shut down.)
====================================
Holy fuck you've heard of PEI. I live there. 135 000 folks, whole province. I never thought anybody else on uber knew of our little hell-hole.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2006-01-15 13:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People at work are wondering why I'm laughing. And I can't tell them. :(
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just woke up after sleeping for 16 hours.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-14 15:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dammit. I guess I'm gonna have to make my own waffles. Or go to IHOP>
I'm depressed today, so IHOP it is..
Submitted by Remission (user info) at 2006-01-14 14:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IHOP is for chumps or is that chimps? Quite possibly champs.
I love you
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-14 04:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm going to kill you rad.
whene my bones come backto my arms, that is
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-14 04:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-14 03:57:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking...fucking shit.
THERE ARE NO BONES IN MY ARMS
============
thats not funny.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-14 04:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WAFFLLEES
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-14 04:05:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY WAFFLES YET!!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-14 03:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking...fucking shit.
THERE ARE NO BONES IN MY ARMS
Submitted by douglar02 (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not sure what i just read, but i liked
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2006-01-13 23:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2006-01-13 23:11:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap my sides hurt from laughing. Gold, pure gold
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-13 23:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, you'll get your waffles...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-13 22:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still want waffles
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-13 22:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love it when a post breaks 100 reviews.
Makes me happy inside...
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 21:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
101
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-13 19:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, this post is going nuts.
WOOOO!!!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tonight I have to go on a "staff night out".
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad used to call eggs chicken farts.
They really have a club for seals? Like navy SEALS?
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 07:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bump
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-13 04:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man i have a shitty day every day,ha ha ha h thats why i keep laughing,maybe it will go away.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 03:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I slept from 1 pm till midnight.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-13 02:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a shitty day today.
That is all.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 02:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-13 02:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here, have a +2. :)
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-13 02:13:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man...title = + a bajilion
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-01-13 02:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality randomness. Just what I needed.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-01-13 01:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid!
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-12 20:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY CANT EVERYONE BE STEVES IHOP?
WHY WHY WHY?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-12 18:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2006-01-12 18:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Instead it was just air escaping her mouth. I'd escape from her mouth if I was air."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-12 17:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It has an active volcano, named Mount Soliciting-Sex-From-A-Minor, but it has been out of work since the cod fishery shut down.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:30:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I giggled the whole way through.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
another!
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 16:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Jowly McJiggles
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:06:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
That is so funny.every time.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Darko, if you ever need a kidney, I owe you one.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit, Skippy.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:06:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is so funny.every time.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haaaaahhhhllllealuiah
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know who you are but this made my insides giggle.
Submitted by EvilGav (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've read loads of good stuff on Uber, this is the first one thats had me crying with laughter.
You, sir, are a comedic genius.
Or possibly deranged.
Either way it's goooood!!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are.... no.... words.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and steve, I mantain my little break for uber is the single reason you are not on the MVA
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And how the hell is this not on heated yet?
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVEN'T SLEPT YET!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and..
mmmmmmmm - waffles.
That is all
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:05:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading your stuff is like watching a great episode of Seinfeld for the first time.
All I can think is, "Where does he come up with it?"
Well done.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Some times I have to hang onto the walls to keep from falling off the Earth. My gravitational quotient is inverse to the Earth's polarity," I cocked my head and stared at her without blinking."
I'm imagining Joe Montana cocking his head to the side and staring at me, and it's making me giggle like a little school girl.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"She raised an eyebrow. Or some pudding shifted place underneath her skin. Either or."
WOW. nicely done. What more can I or need I say?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're back on the drugs!
Hooray!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding ramble
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:33:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh holy hell i can't stop laughing.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Some times I have to hang onto the walls to keep from falling off the Earth. My gravitational quotient is inverse to the Earth's polarity," I cocked my head and stared at her without blinking.
"I...um...I just started here."
======================================
B@W
Fucking classic line.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading your stuff is like watching a great episode of Seinfeld for the first time.
All I can think is, "Where does he come up with it?"
Well done.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha I liked the elevator conversation.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-12 09:55:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
classic...
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 09:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just got out of my class about the history of videogames. One of our course homework assignments is to play an online game, and we will have to write videogame reviews also. I fucking love college.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-12 09:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still one of the best posts I've seen on Uber in a long while.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-12 09:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantasticles
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-12 08:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*takes break from sucking cheese out of hot intern's colon to rate with +2*
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could be as fucked up as you without the aid of large doses of hallucinogenic substances.
B@W!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
And I don't believe you have a whaling boat either, you lying bastard!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-12 06:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 05:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you said you had other accounts before this one, Are you in fact Wazza?
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 05:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stevie Wonderfull is the writter!he is the Man!
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's not underrated, just easily forgotten by some.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHA!!
You are the king Steve. I swear you are the most under rated writer on this site.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is another.
=C
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew you didn't mean it.
Peace be with you, my son.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-12 04:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH no! I meant to. I swear to God. Please dont harpoon me.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then why didn't you +2? Why? WHY?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:05:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's how we protect our igloos from polar bears and orca whales.
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Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:02:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone knows every canadian has their own whaling boat.
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Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:01:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
And for your information I DO have a whaling boat.
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Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:59:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
I do believe that you are a cunt. Die, cunt. Die.
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Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:52:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
THis isn't nice. my mum has a fat ass.
you should be more respectful to people and I don't believe you even have your own whaling boat or even a job
This is the greatest set of replies I have ever seen on this site.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Besides fat arses are pretty hard to get your hans around when your pullin them up to ya.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm itchy and smelly.
I need to take a shower.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:43:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Baby powder
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Man I'm itchy.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Diane: I'd love to go with you, but I've got a class right now.
Thornton Melon: Well, why don't you come and see me some time when you have no class.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:14:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll never question your wisdom, Wazz.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I WISH I HAD CLASS.
....In both senses of the word.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVE CLASS IN 5 HOURS
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll never question your wisdom, Wazz.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll never question your wisdom, Wazz.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Luv ya Stevieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha ha ha , i like it man ,yeah well fat arses? mmmmthey keep your balls outa the frost when ya havin a fuck in the bush!ha ha ha
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The seals burn in our river of hate
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that was a club for the seals they had.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:05:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's how we protect our igloos from polar bears and orca whales.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone knows every canadian has their own whaling boat.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 03:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And for your information I DO have a whaling boat.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I do believe that you are a cunt. Die, cunt. Die.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
THis isn't nice. my mum has a fat ass.
you should be more respectful to people and I don't believe you even have your own whaling boat or even a job
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 02:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
READ THIS!
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-12 01:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2006-01-12 01:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fatty math: Front butt + Camel toe = a "Gunt"
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You = teh fucked in teh head
Submitted by SiddleyHawker (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for many things, namely the Hockey Night in Canada reference, (even though I hate the Leaf's)
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:35:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and the fatty dub has chicken, steak, cheddar, swiss, potato, sour cream, peppers, and onions in it.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:34:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a dub by the way is a hybrid sandwhich burrito.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because of this I ordered a fatty dub
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't do this much, but....
B@W
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...you win at life.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Corey: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE FIRED."
Me: "FUCK YOU, YOU'RE NOT REAL."
---------------
This is the point where I thought, "fuck yea, I'm going to read this entire post before I rate it."
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-12 00:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B-E-A-utiful.
(I hate fatties.)
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Fat people should be harrassed and belittled
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
too funny
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And you haven't been on B@W in forever, that needs to change soon.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha too awesome.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:32:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Friggin awesomeness as usual. The random-ness is fucking brilliant.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just love your weird and fucked up thoughts. They equal mine in depravity.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-11 23:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhh... Yeeeeeah.
I'm kind of confused as to what I thought of this. I'll be safe and give you a -2.