Viking Jameson Pt. 4 (451 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Banga3386 <tanzia682.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-12 06:03:29 EST
Over the past couple months I entered what I will call the Viking Jameson days. It has something to do with my two favorite ingestibles. These entries are what came of those long nights. None of these will be proofread or edited.
I wish to be killed
I wish to die
I want something to end the pain that I live with
After the death of my only beloved, I have only the thought of my Ashly keeping me alive.
Not because I want to live for her, because I don't want her to live beyond my death.
I'd rather live an eternity with my small grief than have my relief after she is gone.
She will die soon, brain cancer has no friends. No one is kidding themselves with that.
All the things that make my life worth living are no longer. The more I live the more I want it to be ended. I don't like it anymore, I can't find reasons to go on; other than causing grief to those that will care about me.
Other than Ashly; who looks for strength from me out of spite, my mother is the main one to be bothered by my passing. Worth mentioning is that if/when she goes, I GO! No doubt about that.
I just want things to stop hurting. I want my physical pain in my back to stop and I want my mental pain to stop. I don't care what happens as long as I don't hurt anymore and I don't hurt others around me anymore.
I'm sick of faking it, I don't want to act anymore. I know my family can't handle the truth, I'm sure as shit that my friends couldn't either. If they knew the surface of it being that I'd rather bleed than talk, that I'd rather be cut than orgasm, or that I want to die so much.
The same goes for my family: they have NO IDEA about any of the above, no matter how much I scream about such issues.
No one really knows the damage that can be done to a child given these specific circumstances (barring everything else that a person experiences):
A mother who with her own emotional pain who picks who she (druggenly) picks who she thinks is the best candidate for a "father" fucks said male who naturally has nothing to do with the son she bares. That of course leaves the son to desperately want to know/ and to kick the father's ass incredibly.
As for the mother, it just so happens that she is the best friend he has/will ever have. Kinda fucked huh?
I just want release from the hurt. I don't want anyone to be pained by me, and I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want a fair release.
Please let it end
I want it to NOW
User Reviews
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2006-02-16 11:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your wish is my command:
The complete "Late Night Delivery" series up until now:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45183 Part 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49806 Part 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61087 Part 3
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69323 Part 4
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84048 Part 5
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84109 Part 6
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-12 10:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that sucks. but i mean hey if you're that determined to die i guess give it a shot. bad advice i'm sure, but just remember if you're going to do it pick something you'll be ok after if you somehow survive, or a sure thing. and leave a note. think of that as a final courtesy.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-12 06:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd help you like but I'm not a woman. I can only suggest heroin.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-01-12 06:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why can't i be helped despite all the good will i've given to everyone i try to