Bored at Work? Nevar! (34555 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: work
Rating: 1.66 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2006-01-12 11:45:19 EST
For the most part my job consists of calling people who have sent in inquiries via the internet about mortgages. After I figure out what is it they need, I put together some numbers for them, review the numbers with them (showing how much they will save, etc), and ask for their business.
It's pretty repetitive. Most people act the same, are polite, inquisitive and interested. Most people ask the same questions. Most people make me think "Ah, humanity isn't that bad, after all".
Of course, there are a select few people that stick out, make my day amusing, and provide some fun fodder for the people who do nothing but listen to our recorded calls.
I work for one of the largest lenders in the States. I'm not going to name them, simply because... it just seems wrong.
Here's a short sampling of the Fun Americans:
"Hi, this is Corinne from The Mortgage Hut, you asked us to give you a call about your home loan."
"From where?" She asks, her voice seeping with annoyance and disdain that every stranger who calls her must receive. Maybe her family gets this tone, too. In which case, I wonder if she's the social-leader of her family, where everyone looks up to her and tries to project that same ignorant arrogance on everyone, or if she's the stigma of her family- the person who talks and doesn't notice that nobody is listening.
"From The Mortgage Hut. You sent in an inquiry asking us to call you about possibly refinancing your home."
"I've never heard of The Mortgage Hut!"
"Really? We're actually one of the largest lenders in the U.S. Perhaps you've heard of our software?"
"No." She sounds like she's trying to prove me wrong, trying to humble me.
"Wow, really? Have you heard of Our Other Software?"
"Nope." She has already marked this conversation down as "One win for me!!!"
"Really? So have you been living under a rock?"
-click-
Sundays were always the worst. Nobody wants to talk about their mortgage on a Sunday. I realize this, you realize this, and the other 3 million people living in America realize this. However The Company seems quite clueless on the matter.
My first call of the day was answered by an old man with a scratchy voice. The first thing I thought was, "shit, I should quit smoking before I end up sounding like him".
"Hi, this is Corinne from The Mortgage Hut, you asked us to give you a call about your home loan."
"It's Sunday!" he booms, which causes him to cough. I can picture him on the other end of the line, holding the phone as if it were posionous, drips of spittle covering the mouthpiece.
"Yes, I hadn't been able to reach you during the week, so I thought I'd give you a call on the weekend. Are you enjoying the winter weather out there in Montana?" Most people are pretty easily disarmed with a friendly voice and a chit-chatty question. I had the feeling this chap wouldn't work with my so easily, but I may as well try.
"It's the lords day, miss. How dare you call today!"
"Sir, I understand, and I really am sorry to bother you. I'd rather be home today, too... however I work for "The Man", and he is able to dictate my schedule. Should I make an appointment to call you tomorrow?"
"Don't you dare call me back, ever!"
"But don't you want to refinance your mortgage?" At this point I've already made up my mind to push his buttons a little bit. I keep my tone innocent and sweet, he still thinks he's in control.
"Not with a company who would call me on a Sunday and waste my time, no! You should be in church!"
"Oh, okay. I'm not christian, though."
"No matter!"
"Well, wouldn't it be blasphemous, on some level, for an athiest to go into 'Gods House', just to be socially accepted?"
"That's not the point. I don't have time for this today!"
"Okay. But, that is a serious question. Should I go to church?"
"Yes, you should. I believe that you should. It might teach you some morals!"
"But I don't want to go to hell for sinning."
"It's a sin to work on the lords day, so it's too late for you to worry about that, miss!"
"Oh, so I might as well not go to church, if it's already too late. Right?"
-click-
I always made a point to call my past clients and check in with them. Most of them like me, and they like chatting for a good half hour about the weather, sports, monster trucks, books... whatever. I don't mind it because it breaks up my day, and I'm always open for them to give me any referrals.
One particular guy had just retired from the Navy last month. We got on the subject of "good customer service", and how some companies just don't understand what it means, and why it's important.
He told me about a treadmill that he had purchased from Dicks Sports Supplies.
Apparently a week after he bought the equipment, it went on sale. He went in with the receipt and asked to get the sale price. After much ado, he ended up leaving the store without getting his money back.
We both agreed that he should have been able to get the sale price.
He went on to say, "At this point, I just hate Dicks." I laughed a little, thinking it was an intentional play with words.
It wasn't.
"Really, I'd never recommend Dicks to anyone. They are more trouble than they are worth!"
"I've felt that way for a long time", I replied.
"Who needs Dicks, anyway? There are other options!"
"Yes, absolutely."
"You can't treat people like that... you'll never get return business. I've liked Dicks for years. It's big, clean, pretty cheap... but now, I'll pay more to get equipment elsewhere. I don't care."
"How does your wife feel about that?"
"She agrees! She doesn't like Dicks, either!"
etc etc etc
_____
One particularly angry man kept arguing with me about everything. He was just one of those people who picked everything apart, and argued for the sake of a good debate (much like most mothers).
After about an hour of pointless arguing that wasn't getting anywhere (he was repeatedly telling me he was going to refinance with another company who offered a lower rate), I finally said, "Joe, I'd love to be able to help you with this, but if you've already made up your mind to go with someone else, I don't see the point in wasting both of our days arguing about incidentals."
"I'm not arguing!"
"Okay. So, at this point, what can I help you with?"
"Can you give me 5.875 with $3000 in fees?"
"No, I can't. As I've told you, I'd be taking a shortage to give you 6% with the same fees. I can't go lower than that. Remember, we'll also refinance you for free if the market turns in your favor, which, in the long run is going to save you more money than an eighth will save you right now. We both know it makes a ton of sense, so lets just go ahead and get your loan in process. Do you want me to send the documents through email or fax?"
"Quit trying to push me! I don't want to be sold. I will not refinance at 6%!"
"Okay, Well, good luck with the other company, and feel free to call if you need anything in the future." I say, obviously still trying to get off the phone.
He continues to argue with me about rates and fees and the population of the earth, and I continue trying to get him off the phone. Finally I just said it, bluntly.
"I have to go. We're not going to be able to help you, and as much fun as it is to bicker with you, it's not getting either of us anywhere."
"You bitch!" his voice raises two octaves, I try not to laugh.
"Excuse me?"
"You fucking self-rightous, fucking bitch of a woman!"
"Hey, fuck you." my boss is standing off to my right, and I see his head turn as he hears me.
"EXCUSE ME??"
"Listen, we both put our pants on one leg at a time, and if you think you can get through life arguing with people and calling women 'bitches' because you can't get your way, I'd advise you to sell your fucking house, and move back in with mommy."
"EXCUSE ME!???"
"You heard me. Now hang up."
"No, let me talk to your boss." My boss is standing right next to me at this point.
"No. Hang up."
"No, let me talk to your boss."
"No. Hang up."
"You bitch!"
-click-
So what did my boss say? "Who swore first?"
"The guy did"
"Okay"
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-18 19:56:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
So wait a second...
I just need to put "Bored at Work" in a title?
God damnit, I knew I've missed something.
Just kidding Corny, congrats. ""
i am so glad this cunt is dead
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2007-01-11 18:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to get a job at this place. I had a telemarketing job until I talked to one customer for a touch too long and they canned me. So what if it was a three hour conversation.
Submitted by piezod (user info) at 2006-11-27 06:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really hit "Who swore first?"
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 09:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-07-24 03:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being one of the few fun telemarketers left.
Submitted by Kirbage (user info) at 2006-07-24 02:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for getting him to hang up.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-03 06:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone in one of these jobs should just murder babies. You're doing practically the same thing.
Network 3 - The day they go bankrupt will be a fabulous day.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i personally have nothing but appreciation and the utmost respect for this product
http://host.exemplum.com/hasbro/supersoaker/videos/oozinator/oozinatorVid.htm
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor bastard. If it's a crime to cover children in bodily fluids then we should arrest all mothers.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea. i do know he was timid, bumbling, and rather nerd-like. so one's first impression would be DEFINITELY. but then again i wonder if he may have just been one of the many failures at life that plague Western society, so, what if he wasn't? one more failure under which to be crushed. in short i have no clue, but i do know that he was only there a few weeks because there were some people who would basically stalk him and prevent him from living his life in peace. basically he'd get a job and then they'd find out, call his place of employment, and tell his boss about the accusations(i think he was found guilty despite having pleaded not guilty, but either way the accusation itself is enough, really), whereupon he'd be quickly fired. personally, that makes me suspect he was innocent, that level of vengeance.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was he guilty?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i worked with a guy for a short while that was accused of child rape
:)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did mine for 8 months :~(
Still, I did get to work with a real life convicted rapist. They truly are heros like the firemen that died on 9/11.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lowest two or three weeks in my life as well
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-05-03 05:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a job where I bothered people at home once. I can honestly say that it was the lowest part of my life.
Seriously, selling crack to children is a nobler proffesion.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-05-03 04:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-05-03 04:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pelvis_Man (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You bi... I mean, B@W worthy.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-26 21:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny as hell.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-01-20 00:17:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
fecking brilliant
well earned b@w
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-19 19:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I constantly get calls from the motherfuckers, and they don't even speak English.
Submitted by the_grendel (user info) at 2006-01-19 14:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The phrase "The Customer is Always Right" is the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard. NO, the customer's not always right. Sometimes the customer is a fucking retard. They argue for no reason, they bank on always getting their way, and try to get away with as much as possible. Fuck you. There are human beings on both sides of the equation.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-18 19:56:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So wait a second...
I just need to put "Bored at Work" in a title?
God damnit, I knew I've missed something.
Just kidding Corny, congrats.
Submitted by A_D_Sweetmeat (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Guess what, bubblebutt?
If you got yourself an education, you'd have a real job and you wouldn't have to put up with this shit.
Congrats on being a loser.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I LOVE YOU BART! yay yay yay I've never been happier!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-18 08:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-01-18 08:02:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-13 14:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Joe... thanks for trying to teach me more about mortgages... umm.
Rates are not set in stone, but they ARE tied to fees. You can buy down the rate all you want, but you pay more to do that.
So FEES and RATES are interconnected.
If another company if offering 5.875 with 3k in fees (including points) and my rate is 6% with the same fees (3k, if you forgot), that's just the difference in what our companies choose to set the rates at, according to how much margin they want.
I could give him 5.875, but he'd have to buy down the rate a little more, therefore raising the fees above 3k.
And no, we don't do reverse mortgages.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fun with customer service:http://www.ubersite.com/m/69008
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-01-13 06:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-01-13 01:35:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your coolheadedness dealing with dickheads. I usually get all shirty with them.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-01-13 01:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
% rates are not etched in stone...and you probably provide reverse mortgages...but,
you seem to follow the FTC guide lines so i'll restrain myself and give you a.....0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-13 01:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also have never heard of that mortgage company that has that software, and also that other software.
I like it under my rock.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-12 23:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One particularly angry man kept arguing with me about everything. He was just one of those people who picked everything apart, and argued for the sake of a good debate (much like most mothers).
OMG yes! I hate those poeple.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2006-01-12 23:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate talking to those kinds of people!
Whatabastard. Biggie sized, too.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-12 20:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"No, let me talk to your boss." My boss is standing right next to me at this point.
"No. Hang up."
===================
That killed me.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-01-12 19:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesomely funny. Good job.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:56:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82271
You inspired me to write this QUALITY POST. You are like my muse now.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:12:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha I WISH I could do this. I work in mortgages as well, I can sympathise with Michelle having to deal with lawyers all day. It's amazing the magnitude of illiteracy in the legal profession. They call me all day (sometimes 6 times a day) to ask inane questions that could easily be answered by picking up the instructions I've sent them and READING THEM. Some days I feel like asking them how they dress themselves without injury in the morning.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or having to call their secretary to see what matches with what. Grey matches grey... it's not that hard.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:24:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dream of a job where I sit in a cube all day doing stuff.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG! You work at Mortgage Hut? I work at Mortgage Nut... What a small world!
*twirls hair*
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 because of
"Listen, we both put our pants on one leg at a time, and if you think you can get through life arguing with people and calling women 'bitches' because you can't get your way, I'd advise you to sell your fucking house, and move back in with mommy."
and the taking the piss out of the holy guy.
Submitted by Short-n-Sweet (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...I'd never recommend Dicks to anyone. They are more trouble than they are worth!"
*********
Comedy and truth all wrapped in one....BEAUTIFUL
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm starting to really enjoy shitfuck's work around here.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:16:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a job that would make me hurl myself through a window.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha I WISH I could do this. I work in mortgages as well, I can sympathise with Michelle having to deal with lawyers all day. It's amazing the magnitude of illiteracy in the legal profession. They call me all day (sometimes 6 times a day) to ask inane questions that could easily be answered by picking up the instructions I've sent them and READING THEM. Some days I feel like asking them how they dress themselves without injury in the morning.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-12 13:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't finance fun? Some of my customers are actually sloped forehead tards. More often than not, I don't even have the energy to fuck with them. Cheers to you for having the energy that I lack.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Fun with clients is always good.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Customer Service jobs by phone are always good for a few laughs. Once, for weeks on end, I had to survey males 18-34 about their choice of underwear, and all the details involved. And there was also the Sunday guy who, before I even got my name out yelled "Do you want to make a donation to Easter Seals?? Because this conversation is OVER unless YOU want to make a donation to EASTER SEAAAAAALLLSS!!"
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:25:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Had ;) I just didn't want to say it. I know it's fairly obvious. Some innocent part of my brain is saying, "If you don't say it, nothing can be done to you!".
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So you work for "Mortgage Hut" and also have a couple of pieces of software that most people should have heard of...
Sounds like the job is fun at Quicken Loans.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, call me!
I'll give you some material for your NEXT post about the fucking "Mortgage Hut".
Shlongy LOVES telemarketers.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if i'd been allowed to talk to customers like you do when i did customer service i think i would've stuck with that.
i <3 you.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-12 12:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:58:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have my Uber-banner ads turned on. I figure that if the Bartman gets 3/100ths of a cent for every page that I view, I'd go along with it.
Anyway, the banners for this post are advertising a 5.25% 30-year fixed rate. Can you beat that, huh?
====
Weird, mine's telling me to go to Tescos for a mortgage. Didn't realise they were tailored, although that would make sense.
I'm pretty boring aren't I.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have my Uber-banner ads turned on. I figure that if the Bartman gets 3/100ths of a cent for every page that I view, I'd go along with it.
Anyway, the banners for this post are advertising a 5.25% 30-year fixed rate. Can you beat that, huh?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't get enough of Dick's.
Dick's does it for me.
I heart Dick's.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that sounds like it was moderately fun.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was reading an article in The Times yesterday about the falling standards of customer service in the US.
Did they interview you?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Considering the subject matter, this was actually alright.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love stupid people. Unfortunately I hate the phone, so I'm forced to be entertained by stupid attorneys.... and they are pretty stupid for having gone to school for so long.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-12 11:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heehee.
A little long, but I won't penalize you for it.