Yellow Fever (903 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.16 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Astropath (View user info) at 2006-01-12 14:26:40 EST
I consider myself an educated man; a temperate man, fair and even of disposition, open-minded and worldly. There is, however, one dark smudge on my sterling veneer of sophistication: I am racist. Oh, I wasn't before. Having moved into the Chinatown of my city 6 months ago, though, precipitated this truly loathsome change in me. I don't want to be racist, but I can't help it now ! Asian porn is totally ruined for me now...not that I was that into it in the first place, frail, anemic-looking things that they are....see ?!? I just did it again. Let me tell you people that have never lived in Chinatown something: filth.
Filthy, filthy bastards.
Trash all over the goddamned place, as if those big honkin' aluminum bins are there just to further obstruct the sidewalks already crowded by their dirty, sprawling "markets". The "markets" themselves contribute in large part to this situation; boxes unpacked, wrapping removed, and sure, just go ahead and chuck that on the ground, never mind that there's a bin there, or that you could get a garbage bag, you slimy little rat man. Have another smoke, while you're at it (they all smoke).
Some of you will point to these charming "ethnic" neighborhoods as part of the "flavor" of a city...let me tell you something, any flavor that I'd consider sampling doesn't smell of decomposed donkey anus, feces-filled rhino scrotums basted with diarrhea, and simmering vomit, covered on low for 20 minutes. Chinatown is easily the dirtiest part of town, without even the John Woo shootouts between rival Triad members to make it cool.
So we've established that the place is dirty, and messy.
Sure....most people do onec in a while litter. Kinda normal; I do it with stuff that's biodegradable...
"Sweetie, don't throw that apple core/ banana peel out the window....you're on the highway"
"But it's biodegradable"
So whatever. City cleaners will get it. I think I'll walk on home, and enjoy the sanctity of my....what the ? Neighbors to the left and right of me are essentially composting in their front yards, except that this includes non-compostable materials, so I have to regretfully withdraw my hopeful theories concerning the eco-friendliness, replacing them with more vitriol-flavored hate. Crates, full garbage bags, 2 x 4s, piles of clothing, dead, non-economically viable female babies...you get the idea.
Filthy motherfuckers. At home and on the streets.
Ok, so fine, fine....you all don't want to keep your yards clean, and have no respect for your environment. Fine. Surely you must compensate with unheard-of levels of personal hygiene. WRONG ! Smokers, all of them (we've been over this), walking around in a perpetual miasma of that "dirty hair smell", with little white particles all up in there.
So wow....with all that uncleanliness (being the farthest extreme from cleanliness which is next to godliness, making Chinese people...Satan ? Think about it), you'd think that Nature would've bitchslapped them with some diseases of surpassing virulence. She has ! Hell yeah ! Teach them that's it not ok to incubate malignant organisms in your houses, or communities. Sweet...so we got SARS, Bubonic Plague, and bird flu. All from China, and arguably 3 of the worst epidemics to hit us in "recent times", ie: anno domini. Yeah yeah...bird flu isn't strictly an epidemic yet, but just you wait. Anyway, big-league illnesses, that should do it. Wait a minute....the beetle-browed, plague-hardened little fuckers aren't dying ! Must be some kind of immunity or built-up tolerance....but hang on...oh, look at that, North Americans, being unaccustomed to this Third World bullshit are actually suffering ! Yeah, so, way to contribute to our health and well-being, fuckers.
My next point is one with two main aspects to it...a two-pronged point, if you will. Canada has not one, but TWO official languages. Pick one; I don't care, I speak both. It then stands to reason that I should reasonably expect to make myself understood anywhere in Canada. Except Chinatown.
So yeah, that's cool....just, you know, c'mon over and don't worry about knowing how to interact with your adopted country; just go ahead and set up a little enclave that doesn't integrate with the entire city anyway. Kinda like a little country within a country. Don't bother bringing any valuable skills with you either; your irritating foot-shuffling walk, completely undeserved sense of superiority, and xenophobia will be just fine. (Prong 1: non-existent linguistic ability of any relevance, prong 2: uselessness, and unwillingness to integrate into our society.) So given all of this...why don't you just fucking stay home ? Oh, right, right....the amazing health care, and absence of communism. Why let gramma and grampa die over in your pestilential country, when all of us Canadians would be happy to pay for that here ? Oh sure, there's this one really cute Chinese girl I work with, with whom I would most gladly consent to spend an evening, rife with witty banter, after which I would again very gladly stretch her out to proper North American dimensions. (There. Requisite male chest-thumping secured).
All that aside, you really have to see it to believe it. The filth, I mean. Not surprising considering a certain city in China (I forget which) routinely disappears from satellite imagery due to the pollution. I, for one, do not relish the thought of living in a petri dish. Most especially when, as an added bonus, I am made to feel as a stranger in my own city. Stupid chinky dinky ratmen.
And a big, pre-emptive FUCK YOU to all the people that will inevitably comment on "the sad state of affairs", and "political refugees". Bullshit. They have the biggest population in the world. You're telling me that if all these fuckers got together for a common purpose, that wouldn't be an agent for change ? Lazy, non- imaginative pussies. I hardly need to touch on the state-sponsored infanticides. Focus some of those plastic puke polymers on contraceptives. No glove, no love, son. You say you can only have one child ? Hey , no worries, you can BUY extra slots for about 18,000 US. Female babies you can just kill; it's kinda one of those cultural things I guess. WTF, dude. W. T. F. (big pauses between the letters, to further convey my disbelief of this truly wacky system). Anyway, all you Poli. Sci. majors can spare me, because until you've lived in Chinatown, you got nothing to say.
End rant.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 05:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm fairly racist too, but I posess the social decency to keep it to myself
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-13 03:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:37:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about Williamson.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-12 23:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2.
I don't like Chinese. They're generally filthy bastards who don't give much of a shit about anyone else. They've never learnt the lesson of "respect for your fellow man".
What pisses me off is that the greatest defense they have against people who are pissed at them is the old "melting pot" excuse. Nothing's fucking melting; the Chinese are keeping to themselves and good fucking luck if we ever go to war with China. We'll be half-invaded before we declare war because of all the chink bastards who don't give a rat's arse about my country (which they enjoy living in, but refuse to support).
Bah!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:46:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
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You slay me, you whimsical fucker!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:46:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:08:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
so is it true asian poon is sideways?
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It's slanted, just like their eyes.
Gotta be a good harmonica player to eat it right.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so is it true asian poon is sideways?
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well, yes, that's true. Also, Asian vaginal secretions hit all the opioid receptors in the penis, generally producing that shuffling walk. Why Asian women also shuffle, I don't know. I have my theories.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:58:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I've eaten more Asian pusada than the rest of you have eaten egg foo yun.
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I doubt that son, badass spent a year in Korea...and a fortune on condoms
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 15:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so is it true asian poon is sideways?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've eaten more Asian pusada than the rest of you have eaten egg foo yun.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
posh.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for sticking to the topic of rant.
+2 because I've been outside of the touristy Chinatown's of 3 cities.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:44:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
I could never be racist because I love me that Asian pussy.
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shut the fuck up and admit that chiggers is hysterical, you little yellow poonanny loving cockfart!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I could never be racist because I love me that Asian pussy.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, and this, roo. "dead, non-economically viable female babies"
poo and dead babies <3
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for just this: feces-filled rhino scrotums basted with diarrhea
That's all it takes, people.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about Williamson.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:33:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, but not the cute woodland chiggers. These ones'll tear a man's sock right off his foot.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chinatown = Chiggers
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-12 14:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. before you guys get started with the, "why don't you move somewhere else? " Trust me, I'm working on it.