My night (813 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.82 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by doug douglarous <douglar02.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-13 07:56:13 EST
Note I do not care about spelling
True Story
Let me give you a little background on who I am. I first drank a few times back in early high school, but was never anything to crazy. Over the summer my buddies decided to get me drunk, feeding me shots like giving a kid candy for the first time. I slammed shot after shot and for the first time got shitfaced, peed on, vomited, and was a hung over. Loved it.. So I've been partying ever since. Awhile back in October, there was a crazy Halloween party I was looking forward to going too. Now, not only was it going to be just some party, it was also my 18th birthday on the 30th (Sunday). So my buddies and i arrive there at about 10 or so and everyone seems to be either trashed or tipsy. However there are a few sobers lurking about. The first thing I see when I get there is 3 empty bottles, a cooler on the ground, big punch bowl, and the red plastic cups. You know what I mean, the cups you can put anything in and it always seems to mix and everything tastes great. If you are to have any successful party, you must have the red cups. So I grab a beer and cup and start pouring.. Tomorrow will be my special day and I decide to go all out tonight.. So I begin pouring, liquor after liquor after liquor in the cup mixing with beer and other alcohol things followed by slam after slam. By 11pm or so, 1 hour later, id say I was almost gone. The other people at the party are dancing to Boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson and I decide to join in. The next thing blew me away... I don't know about everyone else, but there are always HUGE gaps in parties I have no recollection of the day after.
Cop: I need you to blow as hard as you can.. okay go BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW
Me: whwoooooooooooooooo *gasp*
Cop2: wow
Cop: .24
*Me: what the fuck is going on
That was my first conscious memory that night after dancing. So as you can imagine, there's a fairly big gap.
Me: Whats going on
Cop: Give me a minute and ill explain
Me: How did I get here?
Cop: Just hold on
Me: You know, I was going to be a cop one day...but I dunno anymore you know?
Cop: *nods
Me: shits fucked up right now, am I in big trouble?
Cop: You have no idea
Cop: *Reads Miranda writes and has me sign some shit which I can barley do
He then shows me the 3 tickets I will regret forever, underage consumption, BAC over .08, and the biggie, DUI. I was then placed in a cell (if that's what you want to call it) until my parents got there.. It seemed like I was there for hours.. It was about 1:45 when he was writing the tickets and they ended up getting there around 3am..My mother thought I was on ecstasy because I was laughing at the situation when they arrived. I was sleeping in a cell on my birthday. It was going to be the best birthday ever so far.. Later I had found out I had left for some reason (they let me leave because I said Mike Smirnoff was picking me up) and ended up passing out in a bank parking lot. I was hunched over the wheel like I hadn't slept In days. I'm not even sure if they did the field tests because I was so out of it. Three months and $2200 later I am on probation and the only ticket on my record is underage consumption. The dui ended up getting dropped because I was on private property. I am 6'2, 190.. and have been alcohol poisoned, got my ass beat, and slept naked in a tub, but nothing compares to this night.
Moral: If you are going to drink and drive, make sure to park on private property 
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-18 11:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:17:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more cowbell
Submitted by Remission (user info) at 2006-01-14 10:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a giant cock pillow.
Submitted by douglar02 (user info) at 2006-01-13 18:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where in the fucking story, did i say i was proud of it? I have no idea why everyone is getting this interpertation... I simply told a story of my night.. If i could go back i wouldnt have even gone to that party... and probably told my younger self never to pick up an alcoholic beverage... so you sir, can fuck yourself
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-13 17:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your drunken stories make me cry
So cease your posting, kthxbye
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-13 17:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 cuz ubers full of rabid assholes.
-2 because of this
for the first time got shitfaced, peed on, vomited, and was a hung over. Loved it
You got peed on and loved it. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-01-13 16:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by douglar02 (user info) at 2006-01-13 13:46:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this community is worse then the apollo
-------------
What did you expect, skippy? You want everyone to bow down and suck your dick because you're so awesome that you can get drunk, be completely irresponsible and endanger innocent lives? Not only that; you're such a pussy that you couldn't make it home and ended up getting busted. Finally, you act proud because you managed to get the DUI dropped.
People like you piss me off to no end, boy. It's because of utter idiots like yourself and your complete disregard of human life that I've had to see two of my close friends lying in caskets. An moron just like yourself hit them head-on at an estimated 70 mph. While the driver had only his spinal cord holding the two halves of his body together and the passenger was completely decapitated, the drunk asshole not only survived, he climbed out the window of his car and stumbled home.
Go fuck yourself, shitstain. The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-13 15:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 simply for this: "liquor after liquor after liquor in the cup mixing with beer"
uh.. ew?
Submitted by douglar02 (user info) at 2006-01-13 13:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this community is worse then the apollo
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-13 13:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The other people at the party are dancing to Boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson and I decide to join in.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-13 13:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
too bad you didn't wrap yourself around something on the side of the road while you were out.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-01-13 13:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Note if you do not care about spelling, then I do not care about reading.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I know of a bum who walks around my city with tissue sticking out of his nostrils.
I call him "tissue man".
To see him is like spotting sasquatch.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:39:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:23:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get goatse'd
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Note I do not care about spelling
I, however, do. You're writing this for an audience, I am your audience, learn to fucking care.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
nurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:23:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get goatse'd
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So basically what you're saying is "I'm an irresponsible prepubescent cunt that thinks he's cool because he can do two straight shots of orange juice without getting shitfaced".
Well good for you, bitch.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You know, American's don't seem to be as ashamed at getting DUI's as other nations. I wonder why that is. Maybe when American's get DUI's we should have the cops insert a dildo in their ass that they have to leave there until they are busted out. That would keep people from bragging about getting a DUI.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get goatse'd
Submitted by zerosx (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
In the UK, you would have been banned and jailed for that shit, yet you proudly annouce it on here.
Please tell me it was fake, a story or some other form of bullshit; right??
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You have nobody to blame but yourself. I hope you learned something, asshat.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:47:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:32:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, you sound like a real loser, who takes zero responsibility for his actions and has one helluva future ahead of him.
You also could have killed somebody, you fucking worthless piece of shit.
CONGRATULATIONS!
PS. Don't ever bother posting again.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm guessing you and dino lamino are the same person.
Congratulations on mediocrity.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, you sound like a real loser, who takes zero responsibility for his actions and has one helluva future ahead of him.
You also could have killed somebody, you fucking worthless piece of shit.
CONGRATULATIONS!
PS. Don't ever bother posting again.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There's a time and a place for everything, and that time and place is college. Save it up or you'll be too stupid to do real partying wherein you don't have to worry about waking your parents up when you sneak back home.
College is also a great place to learn to write.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Perhaps you can do us a favor an ingest battery acid.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more cowbell
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Had potential, but you absolutely slaughtered this. And for the future, if you feel the need to actually tell us what the moral of the story was, then you shouldn't submit it.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Note I do not care about spelling
True Story
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Note, I do not care about your bullshit story.
True Story
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
eh...