Bed-Wetting Liberal Left-Footers are Ruining This Country! (1297 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: -0.77 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iago (View user info) at 2006-01-13 08:25:26 EST
Heavily plagiarised from Private Eye.
It's a satirical comment on the state of the police force and public sector in general. If you want this nonsense to stop, then don't vote Lib-Dem or Labour!
I hope the Americans can understand this. From what I hear, it's happening over there too. (Equal rights for gays? ABANDON SHIP!! ABANDON SHIP!!)
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POLICE LOG. No. PE94
Neasden Central Police Station
Office hours: 9-12 Mon-Tues (except Tuesday)
Jan 13 2006
7.30AM
Report to canteen for breakfast. The following items were consumed: 1 so-called 'Neasden Sizzler' consisting of :egg, vacon, sausage, fried bread, beans black pudding.
The bacon and sausage were optional items with regard to officers of the Jewish, Muslim or similar faith orientation, and the black pudding was renamed 'Non-White Pudding' to avoid offence to any officers of Afro-Caribbean origin, of which we have none.
9.00AM
Report given that a Miss Jenny Cardigan had committed a very serious homophobic offence on 'Good Morning Neasden', a local radio station, when she stated in the course of a phone-in interview that in her view that many gay men liked Madonna
An Armed response unit was immediately dispatched to Miss Cardigan's residence at 453 George Melly House, where she was interrogated for several hours and then cautioned as to her future behaviour.
12.15PM
Report given from Community Support Officer, Ms Dawn Rayde, that whilst on patrol in the Koft Annan Shopping Precinct she had observed a gang of uniformed religious extremists playing tubas and singing songs of a highly provocative and offensive nature, such as 'Come All Ye Faithful', 'Whilst Shepherds Watched', and 'Silent Night'. The firearms squad was immediately dispatched to secure the high street, evacuate the town and take the terrorist-suspects into custody. The tubas were disposed of by means of a controlled explosion.
5.30PM
All officers not otherwise engaged were directed to proceed by vehicular transport in convoy (i.e. cars) to Highgrove House, near Tetbury, to interrogate the chief suspect in the murder enquiry related to Diana, the late Princess of Wales. Whilst proceeding to the interrogation venue via the fast lane of the M94 motorway, a number of other motorists were killed, owing to the fat that we were travelling at 100m.p.h., and the aforementioned drivers were impeding our investigation.
On arrival at the home of the suspect, we were informed by a Mr Alan Fitztightly that His Royal Highness was unfortunately not free to be interviewed, as he was in Scotland opening a halal butcher's shop in Inverness. On returning to the station, officers opened one Christmas hamper generously provided by Mr A.L Fayed of the Harrod's Food Department.
8.45PM
Report received of an incident involving serious assault, rape and homicide in the George Best public house opposite the police station. Female caller was advised by automatic answering machine that no officers were available to attend her, owing to prioritising police time to in attending other incidents in the locality (see above).
She was further advised that counselling services would be made available to her on pressing the hash button on her keypad.
End of Report.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-03-10 13:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WINNER! http://www.ubersite.com/m/84913
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-21 04:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:43:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by mattseanbachman (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:39:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny!
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Oh god no.
Is he your alter?
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No, but even if he was, why would you care?
It disturbs me that you stalk my posts.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by mattseanbachman (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:39:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny!
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Oh god no.
Is he your alter?
Submitted by mattseanbachman (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:39:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny!
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 17:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, you did lie.
There isnt aything moronic enough to make you look good.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 16:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here ya go.
Okay I lied, what are you gonna do?
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
U R GH3Y!
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No thanks. I've had enough. You win.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, and btw. Godwin's law dosent apply here.
An example would be, 'Ok, so Bush managed to get a standing ovation, but then so did hitler.'
Not 'anyone who isnt PC is branded a nazi'
Your so VERY intellectual mate.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 12:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:55:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well you invoked Godwin's Law on yourself. After that the argument is over and the shit slinging and name calling can begin, right? Besides, there's no point in arguing on the internet to win. I do it for amusement. Calling you names amused me, so I did it. If you want a real argument about this, write something that isn't stolen and make some valid points that don't consist of blowing things out of proportion. Also, put in some links to the examples you gave. I want to find out if you're right in your breif summaries of them. If so, some of them are ridiculous and I'd agree with you for being upset. If this person who got investigated for saying something was also quoted as saying "and we should kill them tomorrow at noon with machine guns at the corner of 12th and Hemlock" then I think it's pertinent to the argument, a valid reason for investigation and a pretty glaring omission from your summary.
Also also, I'm not a pseudo-intellectual. I'm a condiscending know-it-all with an overgrown ego, but I'm also an actual intellectual, not a "pseudo" one.
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Ok, Ive had enough of your bloated sense of self-importance. Theres no need to make excuses for name calling. I know exactly whay kind of person you are. There are more ignorant and egotistical english students at my uni than you can shake a stick at.
Im also sick of having to wait 1/2 an hour for your response. Here's msn msn address : staccers.at.hotmail.com you can continue your rediculous debate here, and on the upside no one will be there to poke fun at you. Except for me.
links to the police investigation of Anne Robinson:
From the Daily Mail:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=362800&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=
From BBC:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/4290624.stm
Carry on.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:58:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:11:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:35:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
It isn't revenge you idiot, its pure coincidence that we both posted shit at the same time.
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i wouldn't go that far there jerky.
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Er? how so? I wasn't giving this a -2 as revenge, my post is certainly shit and so is this...ah who cares
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well you invoked Godwin's Law on yourself. After that the argument is over and the shit slinging and name calling can begin, right? Besides, there's no point in arguing on the internet to win. I do it for amusement. Calling you names amused me, so I did it. If you want a real argument about this, write something that isn't stolen and make some valid points that don't consist of blowing things out of proportion. Also, put in some links to the examples you gave. I want to find out if you're right in your breif summaries of them. If so, some of them are ridiculous and I'd agree with you for being upset. If this person who got investigated for saying something was also quoted as saying "and we should kill them tomorrow at noon with machine guns at the corner of 12th and Hemlock" then I think it's pertinent to the argument, a valid reason for investigation and a pretty glaring omission from your summary.
Also also, I'm not a pseudo-intellectual. I'm a condiscending know-it-all with an overgrown ego, but I'm also an actual intellectual, not a "pseudo" one.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:26:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
"i should be able to practise as a catholic in a mature society and have catholic views WITHOUT being called a nazi."
So wait...you think it's dumb to have the "PC police" make sure no one gets offended but you don't want people to call you a nazi because it offends you? Interesting. My diagnosis: Cranial-Rectum Lodging.
Do you suffer from chronic halitosis and frequent hemorrhoids? In your case, they might just be related.
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Loving it. Pseudo-Intellectials like you really do suck.
It dosent offend me being called a nazi. Not at all.
Its just that anyone with slightly anti-PC views is immedatly labelled as a nazi.
Also loving it that you had to resort to insults before i did.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 11:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"i should be able to practise as a catholic in a mature society and have catholic views WITHOUT being called a nazi."
So wait...you think it's dumb to have the "PC police" make sure no one gets offended but you don't want people to call you a nazi because it offends you? Interesting. My diagnosis: Cranial-Rectum Lodging.
Do you suffer from chronic halitosis and frequent hemorrhoids? In your case, they might just be related.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
go jump off a cliff, bitch
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you even aware than less than half of your posts on uber aren't reposts?
Dude you RULE!!
Thats beyond just plain shitness with computers.
Even monkeys learn from thier mistakes.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
of course, go with grammar/spelling nazism when all else fails.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yawn.
And I'm sure I could find one who could spell attachment.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:08:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:48:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Ian Hislop rape-sues you
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aren't you the person that failed 7 times to post the same drivel?
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Yup, that was me.
Oh the shame of not having a life that revolves around computers...
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Im sure you dont.
But then im also sure i could find a dim-witted 10 year old that can post an attatchment.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:48:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Ian Hislop rape-sues you
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aren't you the person that failed 7 times to post the same drivel?
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Yup, that was me.
Oh the shame of not having a life that revolves around computers...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Of all the groups out there, why the fuck should I be afraid of gay people? You specifically choose a group that is stereotypically weak and unthreatening and say "HOLY FUCK! HERE THEY COME!!!"
Dude get over it. As long as it's not MY ass, they can fuck whatever they want.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-01-13 10:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Awesome post your mum must be proud to have such a son.
Submitted by Dizzle (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this was so boreing...
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Ian Hislop rape-sues you
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aren't you the person that failed 7 times to post the same drivel?
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I see your point. You just don't have that clique of users who will flock to anything you post and circle jerk on it with praise.
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Cheers.
Its because i rate whats worthy, not on the basis, 'If i +2 them, and suck thier balls maybe they'll do the same for me.'
Everyone just wants to do what that have to and get on with it. Homosexuals want to do each other, fine. Muslims want to worship Allah, fine. Jews dont want to eat pork, fine. Catholics dont agree with homosexual lifestyles? fine.
Im glad that inciting hatred is illigal, and is beating up people based on creed/lifestyle is shit-poor too. Im a catholic. i should be able to practise as a catholic in a mature society and have catholic views WITHOUT being called a nazi.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see your point. You just don't have that clique of users who will flock to anything you post and circle jerk on it with praise.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Ian Hislop rape-sues you
Submitted by stuckfix (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It IS satire based on the current state of affairs. Its about the atmosphere of 'political correctness gone mad' that we experience every day in England. I'm all for political correctness, but not when its detrimental for society as a whole.
Every day we have police nailing motorists to the wall for speeding/ violations is they don't have to do a damn thing, as they can automatically fine us through speed-cameras, but wont get off their arses to do any police work.
Where one search one any suspect involves 5 hours of paperwork, to ensure it wasn't 'racially motivated'
I personally don't give a shit about races. But I hate people that draw obvious distinctions by meddling and imposing rules and regulations that they assume to be beneficial. As in we should have the common sense to listen to others before we presume to act in their interests.
Examples include:
£4,000 police investigation when Anne Robinson said the Welsh are 'irritating'
Calderdale hospital banning visitors from cooing at babies at it compromises 'respect and dignity'
Nottinghamshire making officers wear green ribbons as a mark of their respect for Muslims
Attacking Punch and Judy as 'and Impedement of womens rights' and banning it
Allergy advice for lactose on milk and nuts on nut packets
Bath city council have baned the world 'black' from ANY emails
Supermarkets not selling 'gingerbread men" - Gingerbread persons.
THE LIST IS ENDLESS
And I can guarantee that these are the acts of petty-minded liberal town councillors that are desperate to leave a mark on something.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by boomslang (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:35:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
It isn't revenge you idiot, its pure coincidence that we both posted shit at the same time.
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i wouldn't go that far there jerky.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I read it. My question is, what's the purpose for writing it. Usually satire is written to point out some flaw in the current state of affairs, only by exagerating it to the extreme. The thing is, I don't know of any people trying to make it so that offending people is illegal. In other words, why do you consider the rights of non-Christians and Christians, as well as homophobes and gay people, to be mutually exclusive? Most Non-Christians and gays that I know (myself included in that first group) would be more than willing to accept that you're retarded and your view points suck, but you have the right to stick by them anyway. Why can't you just do the same and move on? Is it really that hard to draw a distinction between your right to be a racist, homophobic, Christian rockhead and the government's lack thereof?
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did you even read it?
They send an armed response unit to a homophobe who says 'gay people like madonna'
and offer counselling to a chick thats being raped and murdered.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess it would be humorous if I knew what half of the references in the post meant.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2006-01-13 09:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it. What's the point of this satire anyway?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
partisan politics = unhealthy
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ian Hislop is a jumped up farty squirt of a man. Rather like this post.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:44:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
# Messages posted: 173
# Reviews written: 2486
# Hits: 72803
=average hits =420 per post.
Average rating of all messages: 0.15
Oh sorry dude, obiously i didnt know how much you rock.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Heavily plagiarised from Private Eye."
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It isn't revenge you idiot, its pure coincidence that we both posted shit at the same time.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the -2 revenge rating!
Do you have no balls at ALL?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:32:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, you're definately stupid.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-13 08:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plagerism +2