The 21 Year Old Virgin (1882 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.41 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Atheist Embryo (View user info) at 2006-01-14 00:29:14 EST
My sexual frustration is piled up on the table. The damp and torn up paper coasters shred so easily in my hands.
Bud Light, Miller Light and who knows what else is written on the coasters melt into one tiny self-inspired volcano.
Tonight isn't my night but I'd sure like it to be. In the graceful company of my family I am the center of attention even on someone else's birthday.
"It's my sister's birthday." I tell myself.
Money is no object tonight; I don't care what I spend. These thoughts ripple through my mind as the double tall vodka tonics and random shots appear and just as quickly disappear at our table.
I am waiting for her, some random girl, but still she's someone who has shown a mild interest in me. Two hours later I decide to call her.
"Hello?"
"Hey Nichole, are your nails dry yet?" I ask her in a sarcastic tone.
A quiet laugh and an abrupt response later my hopes are slightly lifted.
"I'll be there soon with my friend." She tells me.
The phone slaps as I close it shut and I'm left waiting for her again tonight. I hate waiting.
Two hours later the alcohol has settled in and my hopes have drained, if she shows up I'll tell her to get the fuck away from me.
At that exact moment of aggravation the most unexpected thing happens, she shows up.
No, not Nichole, but her. The one I am uncontrollably attracted to. The one who owns my every thought even in a drunken stooper. The one whom I have no chemistry with but my attraction to her is undeniable.
"Hey! How's it going?" I ask her.
She sits in the booth next to me and her skinny arm wraps around mine while I am completely enthralled.
The scar on her cheek glares at me through her natural beauty and unnecessary need for makeup. Her small flaws are beauty to me and I am hopeless.
"I'm good how are you?" She says.
The silence wraps its hands around my mouth and I am again without a word.
The conversation is lacking and dull while the crappy jazz band drowns out whatever words I manage to speak.
I now sit in a preoccupied chair writing this and recalling the lonely walk home. The rain has managed to stop and the only thing I can think of is going back and just telling her how I feel about her. Fingers crossed and mind wondering I'll climb into to bed and wonder what my desperate obsession would have been.
This is just who I am, a fucked up self-inspired volcano waiting to shower the world around me in the things nobody would have ever expected or predicted.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2006-01-18 11:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What can i say, plus 2 all the way..
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
www.ubersite.com/m/80337
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I of course didn't mean "How can you last until 19". I meant "how can you last not having sex without blowing your bitches head off and necro-raping the corpse just out of raw sexual fustration?"
Just to clarify...
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:45:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a 19 year old virgin and my god has it built up. But I have a girlfriend and sex isn't an issue. If it happens, it happens.
-=--==-=--===-=-=-=-
How can you last? Honestly, I just can't see how you can do it...
Submitted by Stuch (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a 19 year old virgin and my god has it built up. But I have a girlfriend and sex isn't an issue. If it happens, it happens.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just get used to talking to women without the expectation of sex at the end. When you do that, the pink clam will find a way into your boudoir.
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for honesty, but
-1 for "preoccupied chair "
i mean...what?
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:38:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, sorry about that. I was too lazy to read all the comments. Hit and run reviewing
shaboosh!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:30:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:14:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 08:51:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe in casual fucking.
================================================================
I promise you it does happen
---------------------------------------------------------------
Those aren't my words. I quoted the author's comment- looks like something was lost in your copy/paste.
No one doubts the existence of casual fucking. "I don't believe in it" means he doesn't practice it.
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mate, to place such a high value on your virginity is like investing in a British pension scheme...
you save and save and save and when it is time to retire the government have done a number on you and all you get is £4.25 a week. All you can think is 'I wish i'd fucked that drunk girl at that party. She had lovely parp-a-larps'.
Or maybe it's like bob-sledding............ I don't know
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Misspelling stupor as stooper was actually kinda cute.
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2006-01-15 09:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 08:51:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe in casual fucking.
================================================================
I promise you it does happen
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 08:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First, I'm a virgin however it is by choice and not some other force of nature. I don't believe in casual fucking. I know lots of people do it but I don't. If I wanted to just get fucked I could call plenty of stupid whores that I work with who want to fuck me.
---------------------
OH...now I understand. I'm not a virgin, but I can appreciate your choice and have had looong bouts of "emotional monogamy" with someone I wasn't technically committed to, but couldn't stand the thought of touching anyone else. The challenge of sexual frustration is always there, but giving in would be self-betrayal which is worse than the physical longing. An interesting post, it was.
On another note, that sex toy's freakishly large and lubricated labia are quite disturbing.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-15 03:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There will come a time, Embryo, when you get drunk and fuck a slut. At that moment you will realise you should've started with the casual sex thing way, way sooner.
Trust me.
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-01-15 02:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll now try to explain this post in my drunken state of mind.
First, I'm a virgin however it is by choice and not some other force of nature. I don't believe in casual fucking. I know lots of people do it but I don't. If I wanted to just get fucked I could call plenty of stupid whores that I work with who want to fuck me.
Many times in my life people have asked me how I can be an atheist and at the same time value my virginity.
I'll answer this now the same way as I do when I am asked.
Respect. I respect myself enough to not fuck just some random girl. The confusing part of my life is that I've been in love before but I've never actually had sex. I feel that the feeling of being in love is better than any sexual act could be, unless it is with someone a person is in love with. In all honesty, what's an orgasm compared to stupid happiness?
For now I'll just stick to this, (NSFW) http://www.xandria.com/sex-toys/toys-for-men/masturbation-sleeves/traditional-masturbation-sleeves/Naughty-Nymph-id-2448.html
Now if y'all will excuse me, I'm going to enjoy my pasta and sobering up time before bed.
I didn't write this post because I was looking for advice, I was just venting and thought it might be interesting. Cheers.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-01-15 02:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-15 01:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The silence wraps its hands around my mouth and I am again without a word.
The conversation is lacking and dull while the crappy jazz band drowns out whatever words I manage to speak.
---------------
How is it that you know you have no chemistry- are you sure it isn't just your nerves? It SUCKS when that happens, but assuming you otherwise would have something interesting to say, you need to breathe deep and get through it- that's your time to shine, baby. Show her what you got(verbally).
Submitted by ChurleR (user info) at 2006-01-15 01:40:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Small flaws sometimes make the person.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-15 01:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-14 07:11:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Not as much as I liked this...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
If you are a virg take my advice. Before a date, rub some semen behind your ears. When a girl talks to you, she'll smell semen and it will remind her she's a slut. Then she'll be up for it.
-Dave
_____________
please note:
while reading this review, if drunk, may induce vomiting by overzealous laughter.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-15 01:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go suck a dick.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-01-14 15:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
My advice: kill yourself
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-14 14:09:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice read when i'm sober too.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-14 12:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
If you are a virg take my advice. Before a date, rub some semen behind your ears. When a girl talks to you, she'll smell semen and it will remind her she's a slut. Then she'll be up for it.
---
hehehe
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-01-14 12:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-14 11:21:56 (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, I thought this was going to be about aj.
------------------
hahahahahahah
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-14 11:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh, I thought this was going to be about aj.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2006-01-14 10:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is good in places, stray from overdramatic adjectives though, they tend to slice through reader's sympathy. My advice, coming from a once 18 year old virgin and a born again virgin at 21, is that the only way you're going to lose your virginity is if you're happy with your life even though you haven't had sex yet. Self confidence allows someone to readily see the best in you, and then you can get close and screw. It isn't some months later before both of you sniff out each other's bullshit and break up. It isn't until a month or two after that usually that you stop screwing.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-14 07:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Not as much as I liked this...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
If you are a virg take my advice. Before a date, rub some semen behind your ears. When a girl talks to you, she'll smell semen and it will remind her she's a slut. Then she'll be up for it.
-Dave
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you are a virg take my advice. Before a date, rub some semen behind your ears. When a girl talks to you, she'll smell semen and it will remind her she's a slut. Then she'll be up for it.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like Yams's way better.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-01-14 02:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Something like this happened to me once but I dealt with it differently.
I was a younger man than I am today, less experienced, perhaps, but posessing an incredible amount of energy and desire. I had a 'her,' just as you do. Yeah, sure, she said she'd show up. And maybe she did a few times. But it seemed like she always missed the times that counted, the times I really felt like I needed her.
I remember when she said she'd be there for me weeks on end, never showing up. Haha, yeah, but she did finally show up one week. We took all the precautions. I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. Took her weeks to figure out I'd slipped one past the goalie, and yeah, I did it on purpose.
You can guess what she did. She came over, crying, whining, wondering what she was going to do. I told her I'd take care of her, make sure she would never want for anything. And I did take care of her. I'll close by saying: a shovel can do more than dig, but it can do that damn well too.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-14 02:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn this makes me miss sex.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-01-14 02:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude I'm a self-inspired volcano too (high-five)!
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-14 02:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Little hint for you:
People who think of themselves as "self-inspired volcanoes" DON'T. EVER. GET. LAID.
I'm sorry that you've had to wait this long to have sexual relations with another person, but that is probably the only fault of your social awkwardness and physical unattractiveness - as such it is part of what we intellectuals like to call "natural selection" and is no excuse for horribly cliched and self-indulgent prose.
Capice?
The +1 I'm giving you is solely out of pity. Mixed with just a smidgen of condescending scorn.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a 1.
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I'm a virgin and I'm not really obsessed. Most of what I wrote tonight was true but in all honesty if the girl I was talking about quit working with me I'd forget her name in a month. Sometimes situations are just amplified because of the events of the day. At least they are for me.
But - I'd be lying if I didn't let everyone know that I did walk back to the bar after I wrote this, however she was gone.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
K, few things.
Don't make such a big deal about things, K?
If someone wants to get some lovin', it'll be obvious to you if you don't obsess.
If you DO obsess, it all looks like they wanna get wood, and then your mind says "Well, I know MOST of them don't, so since they all seem the same, they ALL don't."
I dunno, I've just found out in the past 6 months that I seem to have a knack at getting people squared away with their problems in life...
I shoulda been a school counselor or something...
Nah, I'd ass-rape cheerleaders, and that's bad.
Most of the time.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice read when i'm drunk
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM SOBER AND NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry...
drunkeness...
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and note:
if you really are a v-card holder,
best of luck.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-14 00:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just who I am, a fucked up self-inspired volcano waiting to shower the world around me in the things nobody would have ever expected or predicted.
____________
that's some kind of phallic symbol right?
yeah,
sex,
yeah,
no wait...
who needs that shit?