I can't help but laugh....I'm a terrible person (789 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.33 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LMarie (View user info) at 2006-01-14 01:03:26 EST
Walking into my apartment after work at 10:30 p.m., I found my roomates gone. Working the late shift, I always miss the parties, which is where I figured they were at.
After a few phone calls, I was out the door headed to Breckenridge for a kegger. I called my boyfriend.
"Hey, you wanna go to Breck?"
"Yea, sure, pick me up at the bar."
That I did, beginning a helluva night.
It was the typical snowboard bum crowd binge drinkers, trying their impaired balance skills on top of kegs like those old logger men that balanced on top of floating logs in a river.
After many beers, whiskey shots, and cheap vodka/soda drinks, my boyfriend was rightly plastered, not to mention the Irish car bombs he had at the bar. I only had a couple drinks, as I had to drive back home.
On the way, up a long uphill mountain road, I pulled off to a scenic overlook called Sapphire Point. It was a full moon, and I felt like venturing off into the short wooded path to a great outlook over the whole county.
"C'mon! It's so bright out! It'll be nice."
"mmmm.....ooookay."
I didn't realize how extremely drunk he was until I saw him sauntering back and forth to the sides of the path. He'll be ok. It's not much further off.
We arrived at the open area, greeted by a blast of cold Colorado air. It was a beautiful night, bright and crisp. You could see at least 4 towns from there, Breckenridge, Keystone, Silverthorne, Dillon....literally the whole county.
"You look so beautiful right now, baby." he slurred.
"My back is turned to you, doofus."
"MmmmmHmmmmm."
Laughing at his belligerance, I enjoyed the view myself as he sat on a smooth rock, head slumped down.
Then his arms are around me suddenly, giving me a nice warm hug.
I look into his eyes...he loses his footing, and falls flat on his back, as if a carpet had been pulled from beneath his feet.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!....HAHAH....hahah....ha...uuuuuuuuHA...ha....are you ok, baby?"
Rolling around on the ground, he's moaning and groaning, pretty soon bawling uncontrollably.
Laughter slowly subsiding, I stand over him, and reach my arms out, "C'mon, let's go, babe."
He just rolls away from me, almost off the edge of a nice sharp drop to Lake Dillon.
Giggling, "What are you doing?"
"I think I broke my ankle." Sobbing...
"Well, come on...let's get back to my car."
I tried to lift him up, letting him shift his weight off the bad ankle, so we could get the hell out of the cold.
He promptly fell back flat on his head, hitting a rock.
"Haha...ha...c'mon! Get up!"
"Uuuuuughgh."
I got him to his feet (well, foot) and helped him hobble back down the snow coverd path to the parking area. It took all I had to not let him waver off and fall down into 3 feet of snow. But his drunk dead weight was too much, and he fell like Nancy Kerrigan vs. a baseball bat, flat on his face into a bank of snow. Get this, he just laid there! Face in a pile of snow, ankle all twisted up, just whining! I couldn't help but fall to my freakin knees laughing.
We eventually made it back to my car, accross an icy parking lot, up to the 3rd floor, and into our apartment, where we were met by at least 7 drunk guys my roomates brought home. He was whining like a kid who just got his lollipop taken away. It was too much!
I had to baby him all night, keepig ice on his ankle, comforting him.
He was still so drunk, he kept saying all these crazy things, like, "My ankles fucked...fucked for at least two years. I'll never walk again." "You saved my life *sob* I love you!" "I need a cigarette...don't call 911! Just give me a cigarette!"
I gave him a few Ibuprofen, mixed with a few Benadryl. He was out like a light in no time.
But I couldn't stop giggling.
What a poosay.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2006-01-14 17:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you all in the mountains with your snow, and your cold and your candy houses...
IT'S BEEN 60 DEGREES IN DENVER SINCE CHRISTMAS!
YOU'RE ONLY 80 MILES AWAY, AND IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!
GIMME BACK OUR SNOW YOU SONSABIZNITCHES!
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It's been awesome up in Summit County. We've gotten hella snow, it's awesome riding!
I remember last year Denver got snow, but not this year. Sucks for you guys. I'm sure you'll be sucking our resevoir dry this summer....bastards.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-14 13:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
drunkards...
We live on the 4th floor with no elevator. It's hard dragging a 6'4" dead weight up those fucking stairs. Thank jah it's at least warm and never icy here.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-14 12:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
LOL OMG YOU ARE SO MEAN
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-14 01:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you all in the mountains with your snow, and your cold and your candy houses...
IT'S BEEN 60 DEGREES IN DENVER SINCE CHRISTMAS!
YOU'RE ONLY 80 MILES AWAY, AND IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!
GIMME BACK OUR SNOW YOU SONSABIZNITCHES!