11 and a half things I learned in Yosemite (1020 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.5 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ScottPeterson (View user info) at 2006-01-14 04:48:46 EST
#1. Ansel Adams was a hack photographer because when I arrived at Yosemite; I found the place to be quite colorful.
#2.Yosemite is how two punk Jews acknowledge each other.
#3. I got lost in the wilderness for three days trying to find Sam.
#4. You can always tell what a bear eats by inspecting their shit:
Black bear shit has leaves, berries and smells a little musky.
Grizzly bear shit has little bells, whistles and smells like pepper spray.
#5. I arrived at Yosemite during the height of the tourist season, but the park rangers confiscated my sniper rifle. They also found my decoys, tied up and naked, when they forced open the trunk of my car.
#6. Yosemite has its own jail.
#7. The gift shop at the Ahwannee Hotel sells over $10,000 worth of mud flaps each year.
I bought some so I could have 6 place settings at home.
#8. A woman, setting up camp in the valley, knocked herself out with a rock when she tried to string up her food to keep it away from the bears.
#9. Cars use to drive thru a Giant Sequoia, known as The Wawona Tree, until it fell down in 1969.
The official Yosemite Park brochure informs visitors from the entire fucking world that the reason the tree fell was; "it was old, it was diseased, and it had too much snow on it that winter"
HOW ABOUT THE FUCKING 7' BY 9' BY 26' HOLE YOU COCKSUCKERS DRILLED THRU IT!
I love American deniability and spin.
#10. I though I saw the last fire fall in the summer of 1967, till I learned how to start a fire with belly button lint.
#11. An elderly couple stopped to take some pictures of some bears in the valley when one of the bears jumped in their car looking for something to eat.
They couldn't coax the bear out so they drove to the ranger station with the bear in the back seat.
When they got to the ranger station the man left his wife in the car, with all the windows up, and went to find some help.
When he and the ranger returned, they found the bear behind the wheel, and his wife still sitting in the passenger seat.
<Whoa! Ultimate Bum Out To The Max, Dude! >
No one was hurt...or arrested.
Now... I... know, an 'old man' can have a real smooth and convincing rap, but could a ranger be that dumb?
I've often wondered as to what that 'poor' old lady did to piss off her husband that bad?
Nah, that's a lie.
I know the answer to that question in Spades.
#11.5. The last time I returned to Yosemite was just after 9-11 and, because of the high security concerns; a curfew of 11pm was being strictly enforced.
A park ranger shot me out of the window of his patrol jeep at 10:45
As I passed him, gut-shot, bleeding and floating down the Merced River in the middle of the valley, I asked him; "Why in the fuck did you shoot me?"
A half a mile down the river, and just before I passed out, his voice reverberated off the granite cliffs in a quiet and beautiful valley I would never see again:
"Fuck Off Scott!"
"I know which cabin in Curry Village you're staying in"
"You wouldn't have make it there in time"
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-22 14:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, JOE....
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-01-22 14:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for...
#9. Cars use to drive thru a Giant Sequoia, known as The Wawona Tree, until it fell down in 1969.
The official Yosemite Park brochure informs visitors from the entire fucking world that the reason the tree fell was; "it was old, it was diseased, and it had too much snow on it that winter"
HOW ABOUT THE FUCKING 7' BY 9' BY 26' HOLE YOU COCKSUCKERS DRILLED THRU IT!
I love American deniability and spin.
--
Regarding the writing proposal... the writing is easy. Selling is a birch. Anyway, toss me a few more details...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-19 17:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my favorite alter
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-01-16 01:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2006-01-15 00:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
N_D.. Yeah, that's something I've been told numerous times to have looked at.
jevoux.. Keep pissing your $ off on dope, it'll serve you well in the future.
C1ndy, Filthy, Coley and Bobby.. Thanks.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-14 16:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-14 16:52:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why has this got such a low rating? I thought it was pretty funny.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-14 16:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#4. You can always tell what a bear eats by inspecting their shit:
Black bear shit has leaves, berries and smells a little musky.
Grizzly bear shit has little bells, whistles and smells like pepper spray.
--------------
its true.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i know someone who read your post and was high and STILL didn't laugh.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-14 06:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Ansel Adams mention- it brought back a memory for me.
I like art and photography as much as the next (wo)man but in small doeses. I once participated in a teaching exchange which involved me living with some mentalist religious fanatics in North Carolina. I spent DAYS at fucking Ansel Adams exhibitions.
Submitted by Nick_Dog (user info) at 2006-01-14 05:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ahhh why did u like bag your own work man?
Anyways i thought it was witty but then again who am i.
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2006-01-14 05:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn picture attachment no go bullshit idiot no skill drunk format fuckoff and doiemotherffkr