The perils of pissed cow tipping (517 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.28 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Wright <badlydrawnchris.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-16 05:52:04 EST
I completed my undergraduate degree in Plymouth in the UK. You know the place where the pilgrims left to eat turkey and shoot Native Americans. As you can imagine there was lots of cheap booze, loose women and really crazy times.
My craziest night at university happened during my first year. The whole floor of my halls of residence (about 30 people) went out drinking to celebrate my friend Robs birthday. We started at the break of dawn, by the evening we were completely 'rat-arsed'. A friend then suggested that we go cow tipping. For all the city slickers follows is a definition of cow tipping;
'Cow tipping is a pastime allegedly common in rural areas, in which participants sneak up on an upright sleeping cow and then push it over for amusement. Some variants of this urban legend state that the cow is then unable to get up.
The appeal of this myth derives from the belief that cows are slow-witted and top-heavy, and the corollary assumption that relatively little force would need to be applied to the top of such apparently precarious ruminants to tip them over.'
Wikipedia et al 2006
Plymouth has lots of rural areas, so we all pilled into a friend's car (designated driver) and went looking for a cow. After 20 minutes of being a restless, pissed passenger we found a large field with lots and lots of cows. This was all going so well until we realised there was a 5 ft high barb wired fenced perimeter around the field. On a normal day a 5 ft fence is easy 'peasy' however after a day in the pub it is a whole 'different kettle of fish.'
Being quite active and physically fit (modest as well) I scaled the fence with ease, as did many of the others. The birthday boy had a few difficulties. He successfully got to the top but didn't know what to do then. He proceeded to ask for help, shouts of instructions followed. People tried to lift him down which made the situation worse. In the end the crowd started to chant 'Jump!' 'Jump!' 'Jump!' Rob attempted the jump but caught his foot on the top of the fence and thumped onto the ground. When he got up we checked him to make sure he was OK. He seemed OK and he felt OK. We didn't dwell on the fall and went to find the first cow to tip.
Many people will tell you that it is possible to tip a cow when it is asleep. We tried valiantly for ages with no result so we all went to a club with our 'tails between our legs'. On the way to the club Rob started to complain about pains, I told him to 'shrug it off, it will all be cool when you have more booze inside of ya!' The whole night Rob was dancing away like a cross between Oscar Wilde and John Travolta, at one point during the night I saw him knock back 10 shots of vodka all in a row. We all had an amazing night.
Rob was fine all the way home until we got to the halls. He started to complain about short sharp pains in both his arms, so I got him a pint of water and let him crash on my sofa. The morning after when I woke up he had gone. I asked around to see if anyone knew where he was but with no luck.
2 days passed without seeing him. I was starting to get worried. Later that day a taxi pulled up outside our halls, out came a nurse followed by Rob. However it wasn't the usual Rob we knew, this Rob had both his arms in plaster held up by metal supports. It looked just like in the movies when someone has a motorbike crash.
It turned out that he had broken his left arm in 3 places and fractured his right arm after falling from the fence, the doctor commented that his alcohol level was extremely high and believes this is how he got through the whole of the night without a single pain killer. I wonder what the doctor would have said if he had seen my friend knocking back vodka with his broken arm!
Rob spent the rest of the year having physiotherapy and eventually had to drop out of university because he missed out on so much work. Now we can all look back on it and laugh (apart from Rob).
So kiddies if you are looking to get a thrill from pushing over sleeping cows then take heed from this story and make sure you aren't that pissed. Evil cows!
Dante
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-16 11:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
rip off of badass australian cows. but the surviving the night with four different fractures was worth something.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-16 10:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked this way better when it was called "Badass Australian Cows."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-16 10:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm surprised no one's mentioned how this sounds an awful lot like 'Badass Australian Cows'.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-16 08:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall....
Submitted by Placid (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, but please stop putting English'isms in quotes.
Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucken hell dude. We gave you constructive criticism and 0's. Be glad you didn't get a torrent of minus twos and all the Uber nerds having a bukkake session with your mother.
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Fair point. Thanks for the criticism all! My mum loves bukkake
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She charges enough for it
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Yeah it keeps me fed and clothed. I cant complain
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:28:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:26:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucken hell dude. We gave you constructive criticism and 0's. Be glad you didn't get a torrent of minus twos and all the Uber nerds having a bukkake session with your mother.
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Fair point. Thanks for the criticism all! My mum loves bukkake
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She charges enough for it
Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucken hell dude. We gave you constructive criticism and 0's. Be glad you didn't get a torrent of minus twos and all the Uber nerds having a bukkake session with your mother.
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Fair point. Thanks for the criticism all! My mum loves bukkake
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:10:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Only my 3rd post! Gimme a break!
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Fucken hell dude. We gave you constructive criticism and 0's. Be glad you didn't get a torrent of minus twos and all the Uber nerds having a bukkake session with your mother.
Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Only my 3rd post! Gimme a break!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-16 06:05:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:58:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Could have been so much more, but wasn't awful
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Agreed. You really need to work on the delivery of your story.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Could have been so much more, but wasn't awful