Silent, AMuseMent (420 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.12 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Atheist Embryo (View user info) at 2006-01-17 01:50:43 EST
I remember a place that I used to be able to go to whenever I pleased.
I miss the place I could go to whenever I pleased.
I plead to go there tonight, but I cannot, as I am no longer near it.
This place was a high place, I felt high in this place. In this place the breeze was strong and the lights were dim. The stars were visible and the city lights were my horizon. A large water tower always marked south. It was always lit up.
I can remember going up there to listen to my dell jukebox and watch the cars drive by. The home I grew up in was in sight until they built the retirement home. I really didn't like the retirement home, too often ambulances pulled up and the sirens drowned out my music.
How selfish of me to dislike a siren drowning out my music. Then again, what else could a siren be for?
I remember going up there to scream. I wasn't trying to compete with the sirens.
Sometimes a good scream is necessary. I think people forget how nice it is to scream. I'd love to scream right now for no reason, but I cannot, I might wake them up.
My scream is substituted with an inadequate Jack and coke.
Jack reminds me of a movie of a man who grew up too fast.
Sometimes I think I grew up too fast in some ways and never grew in others.
I enjoy putting my cigarettes out so they stand up in the ashtray; I like them to feel tall.
I slouch too much even though I am tall.
People call me stretch sometimes because my arms are too long for my body.
Let's all go for a long scream tonight, I'll go first.
User Reviews
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-17 15:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Arms too long for body suggests something neanderthal-like. Is that what you were going for?
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-01-17 14:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was supposed to be jerky. I don't write here for other people, it's mostly for me.
If you don't like it, give it a -2, I honestly don't care about the rating.
I'm just here letting out random thoughts because it's more entertaining to share them than to keep them quietly in my writing folder. But don't get me wrong, I appreciate criticism and I don't take it personally. The only reason I mentioned the above was in response to your "this is a +1 at best."
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2006-01-17 13:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think in all of our lives, at some point, we find a "place" where we can go to rejuvinate.
I hope that has something to do with your post.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-17 12:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
somebodies got a case of the mondays...
on tuesday...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-17 10:58:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, this is a +1 at best, but everyone goes through this. So +2 to encourage you.
On the actual writing, there are ways to repeat things so that they flow and sound good. You did not do this in this piece. Read other writers to see how repetition should be presented so that it doesn't seem jerky and well....bad.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-17 10:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Offices would be better if they had soundproof Screaming Rooms.
That, and punching bags on each floor.
Come to think of it, houses would be better if they had those too.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-17 09:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-01-17 06:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
righto.
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-01-17 02:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've got nothing to say to that, to be honest.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-17 02:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're young.
Don't worry about what feels right, as far as your environment goes. Focus on you.
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-01-17 01:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just miss home right now, and this place isn't home yet. I haven't found my place yet. I will or I'll leave.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-17 01:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's something about angst or depression that encourages writing.