Back to Business (670 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.44 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (View user info) at 2006-01-17 13:18:31 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82004 - Prolouge
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He wraps the thin ribbon around her neck again and again. Once the veins in her neck begin to bulge and pulsate against the maroon cloth he ties it off, not in the expected bow but instead into a slip knot. Her brown eyes gaze up to his marred face.
"Am I beautiful now?"
"Not yet sweetie," his voice is sandpaper to her ears.
She slowly slides the top of her kimo down exposing her smooth flesh. He ceremoniously removes his wakizashi and places the tip gently under her breast. She shutters slightly and his laughter echoes across the small courtyard.
Crimson sprays across the grass and her flesh lands with a sickening 'thud.' Her screams abruptly stop as he pulls taunt the ribbon around her neck. She hunches over and blood, tears and saliva mix into a pool beneath her. He carelessly drops the string from his hand and sits next to her to watch her life bleed out. He calmly wipes his sword on her linen before sheathing his sword.
"Death is beautiful, yes?"
He glances briefly at the two men sitting on the porch of the shamble behind him.
"Whistle, you're one sick fuck."
The young man had long since turned his eyes from the scene of perversion and was gazing into the sky, his eyes following a soaring hawk.
"Finality lends everything beauty."
The other man's eyes stare at the woman. He frowns and tenderly allows three fingers to caress the handle of the katana at his side.
Eventually the girl stops shaking and she slumps to her side, tongue bloodied hanging out of her mouth, face purple and eyes owned by the pale gaze.
"The whore's more beautiful now than she ever was in life. Fuck your philosophical shit Tyreal."
Whistle almost lovingly runs his hand over her long black hair.
"Think what you will."
The other man removes his touch from the sword at his side.
"I would have rather seen her tending to a garden during spring time, just before bloom."
"You're both sick bastards."
The young man stands and makes for the rotted door of the shack.
"Poor Aiden figures she'd been most pretty if he was buried to the hilt in her wetness. It's not too late y'know, boy."
Aiden slams the old door as he enters, unhinging it and leaving it askew in the doorway. Whistle's harsh laughter tears the remnants of the afternoon's serenity to tatters. A Still moment passes. Whistle's gaze dances along the corpse's body from head to toe. Tyreal sits in his meditative position, his eyes locked to the girl's lifeless sockets as though searching for some hidden message.
Both of the men jump to their feet as Aiden is blasted through the broken door and sprawls onto the grass. A man steps through the doorway, sickly pale, his grey robes flowing loosely about his skeletal figure and a soft violet glow emits from his hands.
"I die, get resurrected, spend seven days scrounging back to this dung heap and I find my merry band of assassins torturing whores like it's some fucking holiday?"
He crosses his arms and leans against the doorway. Aiden lifts his head from the ground grinning.
"Duncan's home."
Whistle spits.
"Let the whore kill you? Better you'd stayed dead. Fucking mages. You leave 'em stone cold, two weeks later you walk into your favorite tavern and the bastards there feelin up your girl."
Tyreal and Duncan lock eyes. The swordsman's lips form a word and Duncan shrugs.
"Broke."
They continue their stare.
"And her?"
"Back to the Ki-miera, I'm sure."
Tyreal nods his head. His voice is quiet and solemn a perfect extension his being.
"We're due in Malisar in two days. Local thief's guilds splitting and heads need removing. The coin looks right."
Duncan nods and gazes to the dead girl on the ground.
"Whistle clean that shit up. We leave in an hour and we do not have time for you to fuck her."
Aidens bright laughter drowns out the other man's curses.
Enough fun and games, back to business.
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-06-21 23:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sweetkisses (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-19 22:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading this first and then the prologue after makes me wonder if you wrote it all as one.
Cold and clever. Very well written. This one reads much better than the first.
"Finality lends everything beauty." -- best line.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-18 22:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh...too scattered for my liking. Half the time I didnt' know who was talking, and the dialogue didn't make much sense to me anyway.
Also, the setting (which is sparsely described) conflicts with the names. It seems like a Japanese setting, but I don't think there is a single Japanese man named Tyreal, Whistle, or Aiden. Or Duncan, for that matter. So that distracted me from the story.
That being said, there were some nice lines in this, and Whistle's character is presented very vividly.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Finality lends everything beauty."
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-18 11:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better after prologue
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-18 10:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Freakin' awesome.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 09:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted to give this a lesser score, simply for the lack of the potential necrophilia, but most posts don't even have potential necrophilia, so +2.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-18 01:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-17 22:40:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
All right, now I actually read it.
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I was wondering if I was the only person who does that.
Submitted by hispaint (user info) at 2006-01-17 22:58:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hit it.
Two times.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-17 22:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All right, now I actually read it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-17 22:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no comemnt
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-17 19:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this without checking out the prologue, which was my own mistake.
If the prologue fleshes it out some, so be it. If not, it doesn't matter because I enjoyed this.
Mas, por favor.
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2006-01-17 14:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"in her wetness" made me cringe. Cliche city there mate.
Otherwise it was entertaining.
Character names could maybe use some work.
Still pretty good though.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-17 13:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I read this and was like "What is this? Some lame attempt at Japanese shogo writing?" But then I read the prologue and remembered it. Made it better.
A 1.5 overall, but I like you. +2.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-17 13:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this seemed odd to me. but i started reading it and then HAD to finish it. in the good way.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-17 13:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my alter. Aren't you?