autumn road (648 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.58 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-01-18 12:10:21 EST
This is part two. A prequel to this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81090
His little hand pressed up against the window, fingers splayed.
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Jack looked back and could see the world outside, the land lining the road, unraveling, spinning out and opening between his sons fingers.
He was a solemn little boy. Always observant, staring at the world around himself wide eyed, trying to drink in as much of it as he could.
Solemn, but when something did catch him , it caught him fully. His already bright eyes would burn brilliant, his cheeks bright red, would push the skin below his eyes up, making them shut a little as if they would burn too brightly
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When he pushed his hand against the window like that Jack would always smile and mimic the movement, placing his own hand against the glass as well...
Was it the cold that attracted his attention? The way the smooth surface stayed so cool, even on hot days, when the wind rushed against it?
He always seemed so uncomfortable and hot in the car seat, squirming and fussing, but once his hand was on the glass, he calmed down.
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Lucy always wiped off the little handprint when they got home.
...part of seeing things through, or maybe seeing through things.
He was the idea man. Flamboyant, big thoughts and plans were his piece of the puzzle. He could start any ball rolling, no matter how big...
She was the one who made sure the ball crossed the line. She always played clean up, closer, to his starter.
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"A balloon, dad."
It startled him, he thought the boy had been asleep." What's that Gabe?" he asked looking back over his shoulder.
"A hot air balloon!"
He leaned down to look out the window next to his son, saw the striped balloon through his sons fingers, rising above the treetops lining the roadway.
As they rounded the next bend in the road the pine stand dropped away and the beach came into view, the long sweeping stretch of the waterfront and the strip of dirty brown sand coming together in a point off in the distance meeting at the horizon.
There were four of them; the boy had just glimpsed the highest one over the tree line.
"Can we stop and watch them?"
Jack looked back, saw the smile on his face and pulled off the road.
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They sat at the side of the road for the better part of the next hour, watching the balloons float lazily across the sky, not talking much.
The light was leaving the sky and the balloons were visible more from the intermittent flares from the igniting gas than by their giant silken globes.
Jack looked back and Gabriel had fallen asleep.
Face red, his hand as firmly pressed to the glass as his hair was to his skull, plastered there by sweat.
He slipped the car in gear and pulled out without taking his eyes off his sleeping son.
He didn't see the bus until it plowed into them.
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After all the movement had stopped he looked over the top of the seat. His sons hand had fallen from the window.
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As he was leaving the cemetery, he had visited almost every day during the last two months, Jack felt the cold seeping in around his door. They had fixed the car after the wreck, but there were little things still wrong, cropping up every day.
He wasn't sure why he hadn't sold the damn thing yet. He turned up the defroster and slipped the car in gear.
As he pulled off the narrow graveyard road, he looked back at his sons grave, and as the fog from the heat covered the windows, a little handprint appeared on the glass...
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-18 20:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and -2ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-01-22 21:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here you go
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-18 18:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
make it a 1.5
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-18 18:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is different than what you normally write.
I have no problem with the breaks or the substance.
I think your transitions were choppy. The writing could also use a bit of a once over or a polish.
I think it'd be a +2 if you had taken more time on it and such.
But that's always my feeling when I hit the submit button.
I now feel like I need to go back and reread your work, to get a better feel for you.
Submitted by Gumbo (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:44:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never seen so much of someones gums exposed when they smile. It's fucking disturbing.
+++++++++
that's because nobody ever smiles to you...OMFGROFL PWN333333333333333D!!!!1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I just did. I haven't even checked that account since before you sent the last mail. Thanks a lot for doing that. I'll read it tonight at home, Cupcake.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In two days, it will be one year since we lost my baby niece suddenly. This really touched me, Scourge.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge check your email.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, Voltage I agree, but where would you have broken it? I had trouble with that one. I actually trimmed it down an awful lot to the point where it is now. Over 2500 words.
This on the other hand is probably the shortest post I've ever written...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's definitely good. But the first part I had to force myself to finish it because the length became rather daunting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks folks.
Voltage- that's a problem I had with the first piece. I talked about it with ghola on the thread there. I just couldn't find a suitable break point in that one. But I think this is going to be longer than three parts anyway. I have two more pieces in my head pretty definitely and maybe a third.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was sad, and touching, and haunting.
I enjoyed reading it.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This needed to be broken up into 3 parts. The first part was 2 parts by itself.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another +2 to fight against
morons.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're good.
Submitted by DeadHorse (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bit the mailman.
He was doing some sort of wizard magic on me.
Either that, or he was just waving.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:19:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gumbo (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:14:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
you made me cut myself you emo bitch
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How long until this fucktard is banned?
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gumbo, cut deeper, you can find the arteries, I have faith in you.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I know. I had the idea to do this last night and wrote it really quick just now. I didn't even spell check, just ripped it out and hit submit button. Thanks for your honesty s_c
Submitted by Gumbo (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you made me cut myself you emo bitch
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
but you've written better.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
had it's moments...