Job Interview: Skills Test, Part Two (1200 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.91 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <suburbanator350.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-18 12:47:00 EST
After about ten years of truck driving, I learned to read traffic real well, knowing who was going to pull over to pass and when and for the most part how they would react given the changes in the traffic.
Although my lights were off, headlights of vehicles I passed would illuminate the Countach. I wonder what the reactions of the people driving those cars were when they saw a black blur fly by them in the dark.
Well I know how at least one person reacted; they called the cops. Flashing red and blue lights were on the road ahead and coming behind me. Fortunately Utah uses basket case Crown Vics and Caprice Classics for their patrol cars. The only problem I was going to have is if they chose to use a helicopter or worse yet, some stop sticks.
I weighed my options. None of them seemed good. I wasted so much time in Colorado with getting the NVGs and then fixing the busted fan belt. I had to keep moving from here on out, or I won't make it to Vegas and this whole trip would be for not.
I approached an off ramp that exited to a ranch and two troopers were just about to enter onto the interstate. I had a good lead on them, they were still accelerating, I was already at one hundred thirty miles per hour.
The curves in the road got tighter, the hill steeper, I was losing a bit of speed, not much, but enough for them to give a good pursuit. Why do these guys always seem to get me in the slow curvy part of the road, why can't they start their chase on the straight-aways?
Since it was obvious they knew I was here, I removed the NVGs and turned on the headlights. I just hope no one decides to play hero tonight and tries to get in my way to slow me down to help out the cops.
I always appreciated those guys when I heard of their actions, when most people are apathetic to what's going on around them, as long as what ever is happening around them doesn't affect them they don't care, it's nice to know that there are still people out there willing to do what it takes to help out. Me personally, I like cops, almost all of the cops I know are good people who enjoy their job and genuinely like helping others out. Sure I know a few cops that are real dicks, who hide behind their badge, guys who were picked on in high school so they became cops to go on a power trip and take out their frustrations on the world, but those guys are few and far between.
Honestly, it bugs the crap out of me that I am running from them at this time too. At the age of thirty-two, I have never ridden in the back seat of a cop car, nor have I ever been hand-cuffed, well, not by a cop at least, and the only thing on my record is a trespassing charge that'll be dropped soon. So to blatantly break the law right now, I was having some serious moral issues.
But the more pressing issue was the poison coursing through my body right now. I was starting to feel a bit a chill, not from cold, but from the onset of some kind of sickness. I was getting a bit sweaty and having a hard time swallowing.
If I don't make it, I wonder what the last few minutes will be like. Will I suffer? Will it come suddenly? Will I at least have the chance to pull over? I don't want to take anybody else with me, and I especially don't want to ruin this car. Lacey may have pissed me off by poisoning me, but there's no sense in taking it out on her car, it's an innocent victim in all this. This is a Lamborghini Countach after all. Maybe I shouldn't think about it.
The sirens of my pursuers brought me back to reality. Damn! I had dropped down to eighty miles per hour.
I dropped two gears and floored it, my mind back in the game now. It seems that only two cars were on my tail. I took off from them; they had a more difficult time accelerating uphill than I.
As we crested the hill and started going down, the two troopers were able to catch up, they were right on my tail. I'd like to have given the Lambo a bit more, but the corners were just too sharp. The two Crown Victorias on my tail wouldn't corner as well, so I did have an advantage there.
Down one hill, bottom out, then up the next. Fuck! I missed a shift! C'mon, c'mon, I coaxed the car back into gear. That slight mess up was all the cops need to catch me.
First they tried to box me in, but I was able to accelerate out of the trap. Then they tried the PIT maneuver.
I hope my timing was good on this. An officer performs a PIT maneuver by getting the front end of his car near the back and side of the car he's chasing. The officer then moves his car into the other, and causes the car being chased to spin out. Sometimes it can get a bit ugly, but for the most part it's a safe and effective way to stop a chase.
What these cops didn't know is that I have been taught to not only perform, but also resist a PIT maneuver. I waited for the right moment, when there was no traffic around us, and the other trooper was out of the way.
The trooper moved along side me, his headlight glaring in my side mirror. I even slowed up a bit, to make this a bit easier for him. I wasn't playing with the guy, I just wanted to control the action.
Ready...
Steady...
Just as I could tell the cop was about to hit my left rear quarter panel, I stepped on the clutch, dropped the stick down two notches and hit the brake. The cop went shooting past me, not even touching the Countach.
The only problem with this particular evasive maneuver is that now there is a pursuer in front of me. It might be a bit easier for them to box me in now.
Except my timing was impeccable at this time.
Ever since I was a kid, I have loved, absolutely, loved big trucks. And the bigger the better. I have always loved the trucks in the Pacific Northwest, Nevada and Utah, coz they have some of the biggest trucks out there. One such set up is what is called turnpike doubles. Your standard doubles, generally called "western doubles," consists of two twenty-eight foot trailers. Turnpike doubles, however, are made up of two forty-eight foot trailers. That's a whole lot of long, over one hundred twenty feet, including the tractor.
Located along I-15 in the southern part of Utah, Wal-Mart has one of its largest distribution centers. And because they are legal in Utah, Wal-Mart uses the turnpike double set up to move their freight.
We were approaching such a truck at a very high rate of speed. Even though the trooper who had tried to PIT me was in front, I was still in control of the chase. I knew every time I'd try to go to one side or the other of the front car, he'd cut me off, so I got real close behind him and "pushed" him up to the Wal-Mart truck. Cops don't want their cruisers damaged; it's more paperwork for them to fill out.
Thinking he had me now, boxed in between him, his partner and the truck, he began to slow down. I'm pretty sure he was on the C.B. telling Wal-Mart to slow up a bit.
That was just fine. I had them right where they wanted me.
Slower...
Slower...
I dropped down a couple of gears and was matching pace with Wal-Mart now, roughly seventy-five miles per hour. Hard to believe something that big and heavy could move that fast. But I'm even faster. Through the careful observation of looking at it, I could tell the trailers were empty. Empty trailers tend to bounce a little on each bump and sway a lot more, even when going straight. The trailers being empty worked for me because the top of the Lamborghini is at forty-two inches. The empty ride height of most van trailers is forty-five inches. I just hope this trailer is one of the "most."
I hit the gas and quickly cut the right, passing underneath the back trailer, coming out quickly on the other side. The nose of the Lamborghini, barely clearing behind the trailer's landing gear, and I got a real good look its underside through the sunroof. I rode the breakdown lane for a bit, the rumble strips in the pavement making it hard to control the car.
The back cop dropped back, moved behind the truck and followed me in the breakdown lane, the cop who had been in front slowed up a bit to fall behind as well. They must have thought I was going to try to take the Ranch Exit that was coming up. That's fine, that's what I wanted them to think.
Both troopers were on the in the right side of the truck with me now. I sped up and got in front of the truck, the cops right behind. Those rumble strips gave a nice butt massage, but they were annoying. I moved over into the left lane and dropped back beside the truck again. As the troopers maneuvered their cars to get in front of me, and began to fall back, I swerved under the front trailer; only I didn't come out the other side as before.
Scared shitless at what I was doing, I stayed under the trailer, hoping beyond hope that the driver of the truck didn't hit his brakes.
Thing about truck drivers is, we don't like having to fill out accident paperwork either. I know he was probably shitting himself as well with what was going on around him, and quite frankly, I felt bad for what I was doing. I hate when people get stupid around me when I'm big stickin', and that's just when they cut me off.
When I saw the cop cars move to right side of the truck, thinking I'd be there and they could cut me off, I said a silent apology to the driver, and darted out from underneath the trailer, but back to the left. We were now on fairly level road and I easily dusted the cops.
User Reviews
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2006-04-25 00:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-03-05 10:27:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
I demand more of this story!
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I've been having major withdrawl, where the hell is the next installment?
I'm cold.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-03-05 10:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I demand more of this story!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:50:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
THis is so cool, I can't believe I never read any of the others.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-01-19 19:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This held my attention through a poker tournament. I made an errant call because I was in the middle of a chase scene, and now you owe me ten dollars.
On second thought, never mind. This was worth the money.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-19 18:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, Bandit, when did you trade in the Firebird?
Submitted by LilBastard (user info) at 2006-01-19 18:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This has GOT to become a movie.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-19 10:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best one yet, I reckons
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-19 09:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY AGAIN THAT THIS SERIES FUCKING RULES.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-19 05:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is SO FUCKING COOL
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-19 00:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved it. Great Job. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is like crack. I keep coming on every night looking for my fix. Right on man
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are great!
Next big series.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just finished backreading all the rest of these...this is one fucking hell of a sweet series.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This = the cat's ass.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eeeegggscellent
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice series. Keep 'em coming.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:19:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking awesome...can't wait for next installment.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO OTTER WOO!
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
keep it coming
Submitted by matchoo (user info) at 2006-01-18 13:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nicely done.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely written.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 12:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THis is so cool, I can't believe I never read any of the others.