Glass-Eye Lover (1102 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: handicapable_women
Rating: 1.91 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-01-18 14:07:03 EST
To charismatic love I am beholden
From work of God and devil she is formed
Her lips are pink, her tresses long and golden
I owe her all for in her I'm transformed;
What seemed a thousand years, my heart, deformed
Did roam the wilderness of bachelorhood,
It sought to rest, find comfort and decry
The wicked world's ways and its falsehood,
And then one day upon a plain it spied
The heart that it had searched for far and wide:
I met her outside Murphy's Bar one evening,
Her heels both caught the curb and she fell down
I helped her to her feet, then to her Sebring,
And then I saw her eye fall to the ground;
It hit the pavement, rolled without a sound,
I stood, my mouth agape in silent shout,
The little piece of glass was moving fast
I made a break for it, she screamed "Look out!"
But screamed too late - a Ford truck nailed my ass;
My ribs and arm were crushed like shattered glass.
The rest, as people say, is history
That pretty little cyclops stole my heart,
She helped me through rehab and therapy,
Our souls both pricked by Cupid's roving dart.
Now that we're a couple we won't part,
And I must say we do make quite the pair,
I love the way her good eye looks in daylight
And how her glassy one moves here and there,
She's smart and sassy, much to my delight
Like Odin she bought wisdom with her sight.
Gentlemen, I know your minds, I'll tell you
How sexual, how hot, my girl can be,
For she can do some things your lovers can't do
Seek out an eyeless chick, believe you me:
She's flexible to an insane degree
Her lusting often makes her scream and shout
She always wants my money in her bank
She wears a mask or else her eye pops out,
I swear sometimes she croons while sucking crank,
Samantha Davis, Jr. to my Frank.
We scrap, as lovers do, occasionally
I must admit I'm petty in a tiff:
I'll wait until she's soundly fast asleep
Then with my fingers her glass eye I'll lift,
She'll wake to hide it gone and then she's miffed,
My laughter fills our house's many halls
As I sit listening to her bumps and cries
See, she tends to stumble into walls,
She has no depth perception, but she tries.
Forgiveness comes when I give back the eye.
My heart, so coupled, beams with happiness
I love her most of all, so very much,
I'm lucky that I found her - she's the best,
She makes the cold world melt with just a touch,
And so to all you haters I say such:
You can mock that which you think is strange
Neither she nor I care for your talk,
You're missing out, your minds unused to change
So kick back with your attitudes and scoff
You're all just jealous she won't blink you off.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shitfuck is a fucking legend. Think of all the shit he pulls and then look at the fact his rating is 0.92. Think of soups on bitches. Look at how long he has been here and returned from multiple bannings. So many of his works are money. Orgasmatron just isn't at shitfuck's level yet, and to see the "who are you again" being pulled by the upstart noob over the accomplished veteran makes me cringe.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There once was a girl from Korea
Who had broken glass in her urea...
AW FUCK
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll put a big pillow under my shirt, start groping my "fat" all the while making suggestive motions with my hips, ala Elvis. It'll be a blast. Except that I've had some bad experiences with beatnicks. But whatever.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pic is teh eww, but I can't -2 your poetry.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:39:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AND AGAINE
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
touché
for the zero
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuze - Death by fatty, huh? Whatta way to go. You should find a poetry slam somewhere and read it out loud. I'd recommend really getting into it with your gestures, particularly your arms and hips.
D-con - I don't read my posts, either.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I RHYME 2
HEY GURL
LEMME SLAM THAT
GURL LEMME GET AT THAT
GURL GURUL
HELL YEAH GURL
I don't even read your fucking posts anymore, Orgasmatron. Gubbye.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:18:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No verse or rhyme scheme, but I feel obligated to put it here:
I bet I'd feel good today
If I went out and found a great lay
I'm getting kinda desperate for a one night stand
I'm afraid of another night alone with my right hand
I'm going through withdrawals and need to cope
As I'm cruisin' I'm about to lose hope
But I catch a glance comin' my way
From the all you can eat buffet
I loaded her plate with gravy and taters
Fuck all you fatty haters
She wanted my schlong
But I usually dont give it to King Kong
This time though I made an exception
And got a nice erection
Ms. Cleo couldn't see what my future holds
Cus I'm gonna make love to a fat chicks folds
She wanted me to use protection
But I aint in to usin any contraception
I porked her all night and all day
Nailed her so hard I felt obliged to pay
It was so much fun nailin' her
Even better than that time I fucked a pregger
So the morning after, I made that bitch pancakes
But she ate butter the entire land o lakes
And for dessert, she couldn't wait
So she ate my goddamned plate
She asked me to come over and pick at her chin mole
And as I leaned in, she inhaled me and swallowed me whole
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fat girls need love too.
They just have to pay.
Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:34:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your equal-opportunity verses warm the cockles of my heart.
---
I just want the ladies to know that they're bound to be loved, regardless of their condition (be it eyeless, unnaturally tall, or hook-handed...at least I think those are the three I've covered so far).
--------
What if they're fat?
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo, sir.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shamone!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge check your email
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I long to penetrate an eye socket with my man-piece. Truly I do.
You, my friend, are a sick individual. I like that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:34:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your equal-opportunity verses warm the cockles of my heart.
---
I just want the ladies to know that they're bound to be loved, regardless of their condition (be it eyeless, unnaturally tall, or hook-handed...at least I think those are the three I've covered so far).
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your equal-opportunity verses warm the cockles of my heart.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH GOD! There's a glass eye in my taint! IT HURTS!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are so fucked up.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tell you what lightning bolt - it's pretty obvious from the number you strung after your storm that you're not particularly serious about it. And that's a good thing
but that 100 sided dice .. that's EVIL incarnate!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:57:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ridiculous*
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol "I'm a level 67 Orc Shamen, BITCH!" Is something I heard when World of Warcraft came out. It was so rediculous and said with such an obviously serious nature that I burst out laughing and whenever I feel like throwing a curve ball, I say that. The casting lightning storm or whatever is from Bloodninja conversations and if you don't know what that is do a google search for Bloodninja and read about him. Funniest AIM convo's ever.
And I did one time see a 100 sided die, it was a ball with numbers all over it. I asked if anyone really bought these stupid ass things and was told they were a hot selling item. *sigh*
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tru dat, tru dat <sage nod>
uh - not that I've tried...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:48:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry to butt in here, but (heheheh) "Molly wopped" totally beats anything that is cast...no matter what level nerdling you are
---
She's right.
It's difficult to cast a spell of any sort when you've got a penis slapping you about the face.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:43:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron I am a level 67 Orc Shamen, don't fucking mess with me bitch or I'll cast Lvl 1000039456046 Lightning Storm and fry your ass cause your a lvl 3 Druid pussy bitch.
---
Ladies, if you're going to bear children, PLEASE keep 20-sided dice away from them.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry to butt in here, but (heheheh) "Molly wopped" totally beats anything that is cast...no matter what level nerdling you are
oh, and I cast a level 23498758902 poetry something or other...
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron I am a level 67 Orc Shamen, don't fucking mess with me bitch or I'll cast Lvl 1000039456046 Lightning Storm and fry your ass cause your a lvl 3 Druid pussy bitch.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
SEEK NOT TO QUESTION THE ORGASMATRON'S RHYMES, INSECT.
PREPARE TO BE MOLLY WOPPED.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh oh oh. Double B in the center. No then your fine. Yeah you just have to sound out the words to hear the rhyme. It's good.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where? I'm curious. This stupid ABABBCDCDD rhyme scheme got me tied up a few times just keeping it all straight.
'Occasionally' and 'asleep?' I think I was going for the 'ee's in asleep to work with the 'ly' in occasionally.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're really on a roll.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You messed up the rhyme scheme half way through. Not judging just pointing out. Made me laugh and shudder and think about ocular skull fucking.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing better than a socket fuck.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can you stick you penis in and whirl?
That makes you a lucky man to find such a girl!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:21:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha.
Tis badass.
Nice picture to go with.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Make that "She'll wake to find it gone and then she's miffed"
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god! ew!!!!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:18:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Word.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that picture is either much more disturbing than it should be, or much less disturbing than it should be.
and the worst part is that I can't figure out which it is.
Good poem
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-18 14:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You steal me ex-girlfriend, then post directly after me with this? This? You're a real fucking asshole, man.