The world needs more yoga instructors. (1031 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.45 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Dread Pirate Wesley <weasul-at-gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-18 15:21:33 EST
Every man in this world has a list. It may be written down, it may be in his mind, but all men have one. It's a list of the type of girls (or men, for homosexuals) that he must have sex with before he dies. Some men order the list by race or ethnicity, some by profession, some by body type, or some, as in my case, by special talents or skills. I've completed a lot of my list, but there still are many more to go. Some that I have yet to encounter include a "kielbasa lady," a cyborg (doubt that's ever possible), a porn star, a pole vaulter, a circus clown, and many others. I've have conquered the amazing ones - a stripper, a gymnast, a dancer, a contortionist, and a yoga instructor. I refer to the dancer, gymnast, and yoga instructor as the trifecta because they are the holy grail of sexual conquests.
All guys who haven't the fortune of running into one of these fine examples of woman would probably like a quick review. The three dancers I've had were by far the best. They had excellent hip control and really knew what they were doing in bed. The stripper was garbage. She may have looked amazing on a pole, but she was a disappointment sexually. I've banged four gymnasts. One was a little, amazing thing and she would do just about anything. She was mind blowing. The other three were decent, but nothing braggable. The contortionist and yoga instructor were rolled into one girl and she knew what she was doing. The best part about her was the positions. She could bend in ways the human body shouldn't be able to. It is an experience with her that I will share.
Freshman year of college was mundane. I hadn't discovered the wonders of alcohol so I didn't party much, I was stuck with a long distance girlfriend for more than half of the year, and I concentrated too much on my studies. That all changed in April.
All of second semester I kept on seeing this girl from my Composition and Literature and my C programming classes all over campus. Everywhere I looked, there she was. She was this petite girl, about five feet tall and didn't even weigh 100 pounds. I quickly became interested and dumped my long term girlfriend to find out more about this mystery woman, Petite.
Petite and I shared two classes. We both excelled in each class and it wasn't long before a professor had e-mailed both of us asking for our permission to submit our papers to some official school body. I quickly saw the opportunity and e-mailed Petite asking her if she wanted to study for C Programming sometime, since she's such a great student. I included in my signature on the e-mail a Tool quote. That night she accepted my offer with another Tool quote in her signature. There, something we have in common, it should be very easy for Wesley from now on.
I was right. We met up to study and that night I had her in my room. We had sex countless times that night and made more plans for the future. I didn't know a thing about this girl, but I knew the sex was great and decided to keep things going. We eventually ended up having sex multiple times a day and we wouldn't even bother talking. It would be her coming over, we'd have sex a bunch, and then she'd leave. Her sex drive was almost equivalent to mine. It was great.
As excellent as this situation was, it sucked at times. I had a roommate and my roommate didn't have many friends. We'd kick him out all the time and I really started to feel bad. After a few weeks, we decided we'd have to find new places as not to disturb my roommate.
We tried everywhere. The library, all the academic buildings, the maintenance shed, on top of two of the buildings, in trees, you name a possible spot on any college campus or the town of New Haven, we had sex there. She finally got the nerve to invite me over to her house to continue our sexual romp.
The first time I went to Petite's house, nothing was different. She led me upstairs to her room and we had sex. After we finished she told me she'd like to introduce me to her family. "Awesome," I thought, "another 'nice to meet you, I just fucked your daughter.'" We went downstairs and I met her mother, the eccentric teacher. Her mother's first words to me were, "Oh, so you're the Wesley I've been hearing about. From what I just heard upstairs, my daughter really likes you." I didn't know what to do. Her mother just stated that we were fucking loudly and that she knew I just rumped her daughter. Her father, a mildly famous jazz musician, then walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a simple "Hello." Her autistic sister would never mutter a word to me in the months that I went to the house everyday. Meeting her family was an alright experience. They were a little weird, but I dealt with them and went back upstairs for even more sex. It was as I was leaving that night I noticed it. A contortionist magazine, a copy of "Yoga Journal," and a rolled up yoga mat. On my drive back, that's all I was able to think about. This girl was obviously not showing me her moves.
The next day I actually sat down with her to chat. It turned out she had been practicing yoga for years and she was an amateur contortionist. I probed her about trying crazy positions in bed, and she said she would gladly show off. I was ecstatic. Checking two off my list at once is quite a feat.
Sex from that point on was not the same. I would throw her around, I wouldn't think twice about trying to bend her leg this way or that, and I was trying positions I've always wanted to, but could never find a girl who could manage. I would have her put both legs behind her head (simple), I'd have her do handstands, I'd have her standing with one leg pulled up to her head, I even fucked her while she was crammed in the tightest of spaces. It was excellent. I could bend this girl every single way I imagined and she'd bend herself in ways that I couldn't come up with.
While those were amazing, I learned that Petite could turn the normal positions into extremes. The one that stands out in my mind the most took place when we were all alone at her house. We had just finished having sex on top of bubble wrap with a lamp plugged into The Clapper when she went to grab a bite to eat. I followed her downstairs into the kitchen to help out. After a few minutes of cooking, we preceded to go at it again. I was railing her from behind with nothing in front or behind us. I was going crazy and really giving it to her. However, I wasn't paying much attention to her. My eyes were fixated on the deer running around in her back yard. Just as I noticed yet another deer, I felt it. At first I was scared. I thought her dog ran into the kitchen and was licking my balls. That's when I looked down and saw Petite bent way the fuck over and it was indeed her that was licking my balls. I damn near died. I honestly almost fell to the ground in amazement. In all my experiences with this girl, nothing was like this. The feeling and shock value were indescribable. It brought me to climax faster than I thought possible.
It was after that event that I learned of many more of her talents. She was literally able to kiss her own ass. She could easily go down on herself. She had unbelievable strength packed into her 97 pound frame. She stretched the human body and mind to its limits. Unfortunately for me, this wonderfully talented woman had to move to Colorado. I've since thought of so many more positions I'd like to have tried with her, but I will never get that chance.
Guys, if a girl ever tells you that she's a yoga instructor, do anything you can to sleep with her. You can bend their little bodies any which way you please. While it's not the most amazing sex you'll ever have, it is the most fun you will ever have in bed.
And make her kiss her own ass once. It's quite amusing to see.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-19 02:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:07:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so strange.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-18 17:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:49:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't know you were a yogi MF. i lurf me some yoga!!!
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i lurf yogart
MEH.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-18 16:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, so I'm not really an instructor. But my Dad is. Really.
I do yoga though. But I can't do headstands yet, or eat my own vagina. But I'm learning.
Yoga keeps me fit for the rapings and all night subsequent cupcake bakings.
Ommm......muthafuckas!
I love teh yoga. So peaceful.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't know you were a yogi MF. i lurf me some yoga!!!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am a yoga instructor.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh OK. I wasn't aware that there was more than one university in New Haven. My bad.
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:37:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:35:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
You had me until "New Haven." No way you went to Yale. We state school alums can smell our own.
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Never did say Yale. I never said I went to school in New Haven. I said I had lots of sex there. I went to the University of New Haven. In West Haven.
And I just go to UConn a lot to party. I don't attend there.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You had me until "New Haven." No way you went to Yale. We state school alums can smell our own.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:34:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
less words more substance...meh fuck
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you went to UConn. How did New Haven get into this?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:25:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
worth reading
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
worth reading.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-18 15:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was female and could kiss my own arse I'd never leave the house.