A Little Math Problem for You (not really though) (819 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.54 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ConorJS (View user info) at 2006-01-18 20:46:06 EST
Why "Romance" you ask? I'll tell ya why.
Here's the problem, see if you can figure it out BEFORE you scroll down and get the answer:
Ready? Okay. __?__ + o=3 = :(
Come on, you can do it. If you can't figure out what the first symbol is (the one between the ? and the :( ), it's a peener.
Got it yet?
IT'S SOAP!
SOAP + PEENER = :(
So I was in the shower this morning, as often times I am, when I got soap in my pee-hole. My initial reaction is one many of you are familiar with... flat-out denial of the truth. I just said to myself "No," in a come, non-chalant manner. I refused to believe it. It wasn't a cry of anguish, it was just that there was no soap inside of my peener, and I knew this to be true.
Shortly thereafter, I felt that first wave of The Sting. That's when it came out. "NOOooo...," I groaned loudly to myself. "God DAMMIT!" Now, it's worth mentioning at this point that this kind of thing is most likely to happen to a circumcised har har peener. I told a few friends of mine this story and two of them, both un-circumcised like a bunch of fuckin' losers, had NEVER HAD THIS HAPPEN TO THEM!!!
OMG!!!
WTF!?!?!
Anyhow, I couldn't continue my shower as I normally would, I wasn't even gonna go through the motions. It was fucking DEFCON 5, baby, and I was ready for action. I tried a few of the old classic maneuvers for this situation, but nothing seemed to work. Here's my course of action from 5:39:21 eastern throughout the morning.
I tried for the Irish Split. You know the move, spread the pee-hole as wide as goatse and flush with as much water as possible. A good standbye if you can get it done fast enough. Unfortunately for me, it was just a moment too late. I had panicked for just a second too long before I took action, and as every veteran knows, if done too late, this maneuver will only highten the damage.
Next, I tried the Lebanese Car-Bomb. You probably know this one, too. It's like jacking off, only you're quite flacid from the pain and you want a different milky white liquid to come out. You grab about half-way up with three fingers (thumb, index, and middle) with the thumb on top and the other two on bottom and you SQUEEZE! You pull as hard as you can until you reach the head half a dozen to eight times, and try for an Irish Split again. Often works, and helped to some degree in my case.
At this point I got out of the shower, working the Car-Bomb until I reached the tissues and began work of the FEMA Oil Spill. In the Oil Spill, you try the Lebanese and then clean up whatever comes out with a tissue. This is a desperate measure, but I had fuck all else to try, okay?
When this failed, I reverted to the Sit in Bed and Cry Like a Little Girl, or the Sibclalg, as the real pros know it. Finally, it worked. I lived, somehow, to fight another day.
And I wanna hear from all you un-circumcised guys out there. Does this seriously never happen to you? Ever?
And now... SUBMIT 'DAT!
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-06 14:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the "names" you used were funny. should have asked the uncut guys about smegma... they must not be cleaning that shit.... nasty.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-01-19 04:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You think that sucks? You should try getting lynx (AXE or something to our yankee cousins, I think) shower gell with that scubbing crap down the ol' japs eye. That shit hurts like all hell.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-19 04:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:51:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is how its written when it's really funny:
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/53348
===
Bah, matt is way overrated.
I like the way this was written.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-19 02:35:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
))<>((
Submitted by joeywankenobi (user info) at 2006-01-19 02:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminds me of a friend who once told me a similar story about using Palmolive. He figured that it may be soft on hands, why not try it out? He had the same result as you, but decide it was best to just grab his little guy and squeeze it till the hurt stopped. He too screamed like a little girl and fell out of the shower with a loud crash. Holding his cock with a death grip while he wailed and whined and writhed on the floor, and his mother came to his rescue. The door was locked to the bathroom, and all he could manage was a girly little pig squeal, telling her to go away, nothing is wrong.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-18 23:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
liar.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:20:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet the answer is -2.
==================================================================================================
NOPE!
And thanks, you rich cunt.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet the answer is -2.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Un-cut guys face an even greater threat. If you try beating off with soap or shower gel and some gets caught between your dick and you foreskin then the motion of the jerkoff rubs the chemicals deep into your skin and gives you very painful, raw red marks.
As for soap in the peehole, your friends are liars. Un-cut guys cop that too.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uncircumsized peener: <=3
Flacid peener: /__3
Robot peener: %=3
Red Rocket: ---=3
Old man's receded peener at the gym: ewww=3
o=3
hehehe...
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hehehe... o===3 hehehe... O=====( )
. . (00)
peener... hehehe...
o=3
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ew if they're uncircumsized and they never got soap in their pee hole then they aren't washing under their foreskins. i hope their dicks rot off cuz that's nasty.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-18 21:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah fuck you guys. I read that one once maybe a year ago (more?). I'm not calling myself Matt Mairoano or however the fuck he spells it, but this is a true fucking story, and one that needed to be shared.
Besides, I really wanted to type o=3.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:51:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is how its written when it's really funny:
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/53348
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-18 20:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is how its written when it's really funny:
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/53348