Jesus is coming...for me at least. (696 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sicosemen <iachini007.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-19 11:47:10 EST
I'm a CMMS operator. That stands for Computerized Maintenance Mangement System. It's not all that glorious as it sounds, trust me. Basically I work with a bunch of rednecks that wear camo and racing hats but I have to admit that they can be comical and amusing at times. My desk sits like an oasis in the middle of the maintenance shop and I get approached with all types of requests. An average job, but needed nonetheless. I transfered from another job in which I was a flammability lab tech. Yes, I was paid to burn the organics out of things. I quite liked that job as it is rudimentary for all man to be attracted to fire. I noticed however, in my transition from one state to the other, namely from VA to PA, the difference between the North and South.
Before I go on I will answer your question by telling you that I had absolutely no prerequisites to take this new job. Basically I BSed my way into it. I would also like to point out the difference in co-worker ettiquette between a typical office and a maintenance shop. My former job involved office type atmosphere and millions of dollars of high tech equipment. Often we gathered around the water cooler for those minutes you try to waste like a Delta Burke poster. Now, however, I don't associate with my co-workers because they don't gather around the water cooler. As a matter of fact, the water cooler is in an unconspicous place and not a good gathering spot. I've watched the mannerisms and studied the red necks I work with. They gather around the tool box for their off color jokes and sentiments for each other insted of the water cooler.
Today, we had one of our balers down and it is my job to put a work order request into the CMMS and have someone come out and take a look. Upon arrival I notice the gentleman to be of Latino origin. No problem there. At least he's not picking beans or pulling apples, or mowing the grass, or in a Mariachi band, or shaking Maraccas or piled up with 10 others in a 5 passenger car, or in the food bank, or SSA office, or collecting food stamps, or wearing a poncho, or calling me Esay, or cleaning houses, or..........
I did notice that his name is Jesus. What the hell is the fascination with Latino's and the name Jesus. Or as it is properly prounounced; HayZues. It was only then that I realized I have been part of a diabolical plan to bring Jesus into my life. The rest of you are too late and sorry to hear it for. I have found Jesus and he wears a uniform not a tunic or toga. Jesus also wears a beanie because it is cold out. He is about 5'8" and approximately 165 lbs. However, Jesus had more questions for me than I had for him. He was really interested in my problem: the baler. Astonished that Jesus could be right under my nose, I came to the epiphany that Jesus has come.
I am sad and loathe the fact that Jesus must leave at some time today. Maybe I'll ask him to take me with him. Who knows?
I give you this:
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80514
Less boring I hope. I humbly linkwhore.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-19 23:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha good picture
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:01:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if Jesus ever jacked off. Seriously, he was a man....so...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Feliz SPT.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-19 14:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i want to hear more about your new job and the hilariousness involved with rednecks and tools.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
for the sign.
the rest was dross.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
From the website: "Have you received an offensive church sign? See the FAQ for more info."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't this weekend...going to Philly...gimme a shout next weekend.
++++++++
shit, in baltimore next weekend...i'll hit you up.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't this weekend...going to Philly...gimme a shout next weekend.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant Stroudsburg.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-19 13:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come up to the UberCon in Stroudburg tomorrow night.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82185
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-19 12:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't forget the hammer & nails - you'll want to give Him a right send-off...
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-19 12:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy SPT.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-19 12:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I fucked Jesus. She's a whore.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-19 12:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indo,
I was in Richmond, VA. They are pretty dark and city there. But you are correct.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, PA is more southern then VA?!?!
There are parts of PA that are pretty hick, but in general VA is way more redneck.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:57:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob,
when you gonna let me buy you a drink at the Shack.
HV,
notice the link at the bottom of the sign.....i don't have photoshop...but thank you anyway.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It wasn't photoshopped, theres a website that does that for you.
I stand by my 1
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For an excellently photoshopped pic
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can Jesus turn water into wine?
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-19 11:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus is coming...
Will you spit or swallow?
Deserves a 1.