The Cardboard Box Adventures - Part 16 (808 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: cardboard_box_Adventures
Rating: 1.94 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <brdn_nkd.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-19 15:36:36 EST
Part 15 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/82549
As I thrust the castle doors open I let out a cry, it wasn't something I planned but as tightly strung as I felt it came as something of a relief to let out a little steam. On either side of the door I saw the guards Pickle had set. I found out really quickly that a sword is not all that easy to use. I ran at the pair of guards on the left waving the sword madly trying to hit one of them. What an unwieldy weapon, I did finally connect with one of them with the flat of the blade and knocked him out cold. The second guard was fighting back using the stinger, all the while trying to hit me with it. I could hear the guards from the other side of the doors running up behind me and turned my shield arm toward them just in time to have them run into it. They had their stingers out in front of them as they ran so when the shield intercepted their paths their stingers were diverted up and they ran into them. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them both fall leaving me with the last guard still trying to get past my sword. When he saw that all of his friends were out he turned to run. I took the shield off my arm and threw it at him like a big heavy Frisbee and was rewarded with the dull thump of the thing hitting him in the back of the head.
I have to admit that I was surprised by this outcome. They are smaller but I'm an old man, I felt pretty good about the fact that I had been able to take out all four of them without a single scratch. I looked at the two that had stung themselves and noticed that one of their masks was slightly askew. I bent over that banger and pulled at the mask until, with a great sucking noise, the mask came free and for the first time I saw the true face of a banger. Even more surprising than the face was the fact that when I finally freed another mask from one of the others the face beneath that one was identical. I pulled the last two masks off to encounter the same face once again; the skin looked fuzzy, like a tennis ball and was a deep blue in color, the eyes nearly square in shape, the nose long and narrow, their mouths were full of pointy sharp teeth and I briefly wondered how they didn't cut themselves up while talking or eating. I wondered too how those were hidden behind a mask.
I finally remembered my goal, my task, when the unconscious bodies of the bangers melted into the ground. I say melted because that is what it looked like but there was quite simply nothing left once they were gone. I realized that I was wasting time, and that I needed to get to Ben, and started for the city. As I ran I considered what little I remembered from their visit to me. How it felt to lose my imagination but more importantly the fact that once all but the last of it was taken by these people I didn't really miss it. I tried to fight them but by then my imagination was already being forced to the back shelf as I learned more in school and was forced to begin reasoning things out. I certainly didn't have any of the power I've seen Ben display here.
Then I saw them up ahead, standing outside the Big Man's castle. Pickle and Ben were talking, I watched as they started for the maze entrance and then I called out to Ben. I continued running toward them and I saw Pickle take off his mask. Seeing that his face was the same as the other four I knew that my conclusion had to be right, Pickle is all of the bangers. I called out to Ben again and was relieved to see him turn and run.
Pickle sent several bangers after me and then led the rest into the maze. I cringed expecting the stinger coming toward me to take me down when I suddenly found myself next to Ben.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
That little snot nosed kid! I can't believe he brought two adults to this place, to his imagination, I've never heard of it happening before. Now the old one is helping him and things are not going well for me and my crew. It's even more infuriating that the little brat was able to conceal the source right in the place we helped him build in order to contain him. When he exposed the face of one of my crew I thought for sure he would obliterate us but apparently neither he nor the old man has totally figured out the score. I gathered what remains of my crew and followed Ben into the maze.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
I think I can feel the path or at least close to it. It almost lights up for me when I think of Ben. Unfortunately it's not terribly reliable so when I have a question about a direction I send one of my crew ahead until I determine the right path and can find that glow again. Unfortunately Ben has set booby traps in the wrong turns so when I make a mistake I end up losing a crew member. The ones who avoid the traps and come back have told me of tiger pits, trap doors with spikes sticking up out of the floor below, flying knives, and explosions. Sometimes I hear the screams of a crew member who fails to avoid the traps but more often than not I just feel the loss as they fade away. I'm losing crew fast.
Finally I reach the center of the maze and it opens up into a courtyard of sorts. I look around and where there used to be only four doors leading out from this place I count more than thirty, so on top of booby traps he's moving things around? That is so unfair. I don't have enough crew left to check out every direction, I will have to find the correct door to avoid losing all of them.
I walk around the perimeter pausing before each door to see if I can pick up that glow again, I walked all the way around twice and couldn't pick up a hint of it. I return to the middle of the courtyard again and survey the doors looking for any hint and finally am able to rule out all but four of the doors, the four that were here originally? I don't know for sure but I know there's something wrong with the others.
I split my crew into four groups and send one group into each of the doors. The group that went into the east door was lost almost immediately, I don't know if I actually felt it but in my mind I saw the flash of an explosion and a consuming fire as that group faded away. The group that went into the west door ended up coming out of one the doors I'd ruled out looking just as confused as I felt. As they all came out the door I saw their faces were covered in some sort of liquid and suddenly they all began to scream. I watched, horrified as their skin began to bubble and steam, suddenly the one closest to me burst into flames, the others following close after, and faded away. This time the loss I felt was painful, I thought I could feel it burning inside me for a brief time until that too faded. The group that went north came out of a different door, as they did I commanded them to stay put. They looked at me as though I'd gone nuts but if something similar happened to them I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I watched them warily while we all waited for the fourth group. While we waited I started to feel a crawling inside me as though something were burrowing through my very being. I returned my attention to the group that had come back from the north in time to see them all scratching furiously at their skin until they ripped it open. I could see writhing bugs streaming out of the wounds and re-entering their bodies as the created new holes in their flesh. When the bodies were finally consumed there was an immense mound of the sickly looking insects crawling all over each other. I watched with growing dread until I heard little popping noises coming from the mass of bugs. I watched until the bugs at the top started popping and little splats started raining down on the floor around the mound. The popping and splattering continued for several minutes more until finally all that was left was a spreading pool of goo. I didn't wait any longer, I ran through the door to the south following after the remainder of my crew.
I walked for quite a while wondering when I would find the end of this path or my crew. As I walked I noticed the tiles beneath my feet growing more and more decorative until a dizzying pattern of blue, yellow, pink, orange and green. When I looked up again I saw my crew standing in a dead end looking bewildered and lost.
"What are you doing?"
"We couldn't find a way out"
"Why didn't you return then?
"We were trying to find out how to get out. "
"Why? It's a dead end."
"There's a plaque on the wall boss"
I looked to where he was pointing and saw a plaque bolted to the wall; I read the words printed on the metal: "Only those of one mind, one body, and one spirit may pass this point."
I thought about the words and as understanding dawned on me pulled the rest of my crew into me to make myself one mind, one body, one spirit. "Alright Ben, it's just me now, what do I do?"
As I said the words I felt myself pulled through the wall and found myself standing in an ornately decorated room. It looked like some sort of treasury. I stared in wonder as I saw the treasure contained here. As I took in the site I saw Ben sitting on a throne and sitting on his right was the old man.
"Hello Ben."
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-04-12 02:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just so you know...yes, I've read each and every one of these so far, and I am scuttling off to the next installment just as soon as a type the period at the end of this sentence.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-03-15 21:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-03 16:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blech...I fucking hate bugs.
Such weirdness in the maze...pretty creepy.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-20 06:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Definite +2 for 'tiger pits, trap doors with spikes ... , flying knives, and explosions'!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-01-20 03:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock the fuck onwards.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-19 20:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-19 20:29:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm pretty new, but through my lurkings have found that much of
the treasure on here is buried beneath the Uber-Elite's garbage.
Good to see a warm reception for something so obviously full of
thought and effort.
--------
I hate you.
I hate your +1.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-19 20:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm pretty new, but through my lurkings have found that much of
the treasure on here is buried beneath the Uber-Elite's garbage.
Good to see a warm reception for something so obviously full of
thought and effort.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2006-01-19 18:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it. and I'll read the next one too.
people here have too short an attention span to follow a long story.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-19 17:07:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
once again, this was absolutely phenominal. i think the maze has potential to be a great buildup to a cl imiatic scene when this becomes a movie.
not really sure what the deal is with ben &grandpa sitting there doing nothing, but i'm sure you'll figure out something to make it work.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pen, that's maybe not a bad idea to get people to look at em though sometimes that draws unwanted attention.
Saffron, thanks, I think this needs a lot of work before I could do that but who knows maybe I'll actually go back and do a rewrite. BWaaahahahahahahaha.
Sorry, it's just that I have had intentions to clean up/re-write survivor and have yet to do so and I wrote that over a year ago. I am so weak when it comes to re-work. I never did it in college and they never seemed to notice but I know there are problems in this and survivor that definitely would need some attention.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have you seen what caes does? He usually starts each of his posts with 5 reviews.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't be a chicken shit. rate the bitch as much as you feel like. WORD
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you thank you thank you for getting the installments out so quickly. I look for these & Piper of the Forest everyday. You never fail to dissapoint.
I still think this needs to be pitched to the Hensen folks. It could be truly spectacular.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark, sorry I am dumb.
Pen goaded me into rating my own post more than I usually do. I don't know that we can really argue about the fiction VS whatever other random writing gets more attention here. It's apparent who reads these and I'm ok with having a smallish audience. I certainly don't expect to have the Tiger Lilly effect happen on any of these.
I do tend to read as much of the fiction as I can find. I rate it the way I feel it should be rated, the only regret I have is that I rarely am able or feel compelled to leave a good review like thecaes(sp?) does.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it will be interesting to see how a child's imagination creates a final showdown.
The whole concept is great.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, I meant end of this post.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Snark I didn't intend this to be the end quite yet. I think there's still a showdown and maybe an epilogue.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whatever, i'm sick of this pointless argument.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's always the way it's been as far as I know. I too think it's unfortunate that some of the very excellent series and shorts on this site get less attention than they deserve.
I've tried spottlighting several series whenever I could and don't know if it ever matters.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah!
Sweet ending.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:09:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
dart, you're SO full of it.
________
If you're refering to grilled cheese and tomato soup, then yes.
But seriously, I just like the whole concept of how people lose their imagination and fighting it. Anything anti-reality is super-duper in my books.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dart, you're SO full of it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:05:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Cardboard, on these shores, is sadly just cardboard.
Wish it had some strange exciting name, but it doesn't.
-Dave
___________________________
figures. i'm going to go hit myself in the head with some breeze blocks.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
well i've been reading every single one of these. pointedly looking for them so i can read them. so nyeh.
still like it. glad for the description of the face.
___
Likewise pen
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm just flabergasted at the pointlessness of these posts. people would rather read a clearly fake story about a guy sticking a thumb up his ass, than anything resembling well tohought out prose.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cardboard, on these shores, is sadly just cardboard.
Wish it had some strange exciting name, but it doesn't.
-Dave
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
besides me there are like 4 other reviewers, and maybe one and a half read it--including mr. x.
does that mean this series sucks, or that uber doesn't appreciate fiction?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know that I really consider myself an author. I write mainly for my ammusement. I do appreciate an audience and appreciate constructive criticism and comments.
Why would I be pissed? you're spamming me with +2s, Maybe more people will look at these. it's like free advertising.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, drop the h
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Johnny, what is "the cube?"
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 16:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
well i've been reading every single one of these. pointedly looking for them so i can read them. so nyeh.
still like it. glad for the description of the face.
____________________
bullshit. i bet there isn't even a face in this story. still one.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:57:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for rating this post even if you didn't read it.
------------------------
oh, what kind of author are you? you should be pissed that i didn't read it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I figured the facial description was about due, I've alluded to thier true faces a couple of times so.....
Is it too gruesome? I don't know I just needed to consume some cannon fodder.
Thanks all for reading AND especially for commenting.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The maze kinda reminds me of 'Cube'...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i've been reading every single one of these. pointedly looking for them so i can read them. so nyeh.
still like it. glad for the description of the face.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for rating this post even if you didn't read it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:50:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
i wonder if cardboard is called something else in britain, like "shit-coloured reinforced papier."
I think there are a couple of overseas users who come to these posts maybe they can tell us
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
davros, rather. i didn't mean to to insult your handle.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever dravros. that makes one. woopdefreakin'do.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it, I read it. It's a porn about homeless people! Right?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:42:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
and if you do get 3 reviews they'll probably be no comments, so that won't prove they read it.
---------------
Ok.
This one took a slightly more gruesome turn than I would have expected.
I loved the description of the bodies of the Bangers being eaten by the Bugs (I also love the word "Goo").
This seems to be winding up nicely.
---------------
See pen, I did read it.
-Dave
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wonder if cardboard is called something else in britain, like "shit-coloured reinforced papier."
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:48:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:47:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
that's okay, it's almost over. Thanks though Pen.
--------------------
thanks for what?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:45:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
no, scratch that...
DOUBLE Woo!
So there!
______________________
you didn't read it.
prove it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's okay, it's almost over. Thanks though Pen.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
no, scratch that...
DOUBLE Woo!
So there!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
see it's dead in here. nobody cares
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and if you do get 3 reviews they'll probably be no comments, so that won't prove they read it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not counting my own reviews, though.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but it's true, though. nobody bothers to read anything. i doubt you'll even get 3 more reviews.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I had people saying that about Survivor too. I'd believe you if I didn't read/rate other people's series myself.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-19 15:37:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
enough of this shit. nobody reads it.
i dare someone to prove me wrong.