Pubic Hair Pollution (4574 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.97 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Saxon (View user info) at 2006-01-20 01:33:53 EST
Most times I use the toilet or shower I lose a pubic hair, I either see it fall into the toilet bowl or swirl down the plughole in the shower. Now this is natural behaviour as we do shed hair on a regular basis but it's the pubic hair that intrigues me. I would suggest I lose on average 2 pubic hairs a day. That equates to 730 on average annually.
With the average life span being 75 years and the fact that we only had pubic hair for say 62 of those years it would be fair to say that a person living an average life span will shed 45,260 pubic hairs.
That's a fucking lot of pubic hair.
Do you know what the scary part is?
There are 6.5 billion people on earth at the moment. That means on average, 13 billion pubic hairs are set free within a 24-hour period. It is mind boggling to calculate how much pubic hair is dispersed into the world on a yearly basis.
So how much pubic hair is laying around the world at any given moment of time?
Hair like bone doesn't break down or decompose very quickly so this means there is a shit load of pubic hair laying around some place. With the majority of it going into sewers it would be fair to say there is a lot of human pubic hair in our rivers and oceans.
Will surfers and beach goers stride from the oceans with pubic hairs plastered all over their bodies one day?
Will the world be over inundated with pubic hair in the future?
Will future generations have to deal with the problem of discarded pubic hair cluttering up streets and our cities?
Imagine a future where pubic hair is banned and adult humans have to shave by law and put their unwanted pubic hair into special receptacles so it doesn't get into the environment. We might be faced with random groin inspections by pubic follicle police or the PFP, as they will become known as.
"Excuse me miss" flashes badge "My name is Saxon from the PFP, this is a random groin inspection would you mind dropping your panties so I can get a visual please"
That might be a fun job actually.
Is this a problem in the making? Have we as a community gone about our lives all these years letting this problem build and get worse?
Will pubic hair cover the ground one day? Imagine mothers all over the world saying, "Wipe that pubic hair off your shoes before you come in here, I just swept and mopped the floor"
I wonder if this problem will be Armageddon? This may be Gods plan for the end of human civilisation.
Suffocation by pubic hair.
Perhaps there really are six horsemen and not five, Death, Famine, Plague, Pestilence, War and Pubic Hair Fatalities.
I wonder if the churches have theories on this?
So with the interest of mankind at heart I suggest we start a government funded organisation called the Bureau for Understanding the Moderating of Pubic Hair Undermining Civilisation.
Or as I like to call it BUMPHUC.
We will canvas governments all over the world to supply us lavish taxpayer funded offices to operate from. This undertaking will take many years to discover any conclusive evidence; in fact all founding members will be long retired or dead before any results are demanded. Kind of like any government department really.
These offices will be staffed by Investigative officers dedicated to studying the affects discarded pubic hair will have on the earth's future. Explorative expenses will be high but I'm sure all governments of the world would concede the need for such a task and supply generous grants.
I myself will lead a small crack team investigating the life cycle of pubic hair on women between the ages of 20 and 40, this will mean the laborious task of inspecting female groins the world over but it will be my intention to leave no panty unturned.
BUMPHUC needs you.
If you are a young energetic person with drive and motivation and are concerned about the devastating affects discarded pubic hair may have on our world join us now and canvas your local government for a generous grant to aid us in our quest to investigate the possible catastrophic events of pubic hair pollution.
Don't send any money, we will come and collect it. Here is a picture of our crack finance collection team returning with yet another generous grant from a concerned country.
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-22 12:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lots of people don't refer to death as a horse-man although he does have a horse, he prefers to stalk.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-22 11:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:36:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-20 05:02:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
"BUMPHUC"
That sir, is genius.
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:11:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't +2'd this yet?
The fuck?
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Yeah, what all three said.
But um, aren't there just 4 (now 5) horsemen? I'm null-wave today, so who knows...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-01-21 00:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
paying what's due
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-20 05:02:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
"BUMPHUC"
That sir, is genius.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't +2'd this yet?
The fuck?
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
May I suggest making novelty wigs with them. I was a hippy for haloween this year, and my wig could easily have been made out of...wait...THATS why it smelled funny.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I suggest recycling in the event of environmentally catastrophic pubic hair. We can use it to make sweaters, to stuff pillows and quilts, etc. We could make millions, plus clothe the homeless.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:41:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bring it on bitch, I'll cut your ass so deep you'll be begging me to stuff handfuls of pubes down your throat till you die
==============================
Now that's HOT! <diddles self>
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bring it on bitch, I'll cut your ass so deep you'll be begging me to stuff handfuls of pubes down your throat till you die
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:28:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
gross
===============
You and I both know you keep your freshly shorn netherlip locks of love in a ziploc baggie, and sprinkle them on your cornflakes in the morning, dear Jeannneeeee.
I know because I'm planning on Eric D. Riceing you on Saturday.
I'm bringing cupcakes. And a shovel.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:36:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Has the Attorney General been informed? If so, it's only a matter of time before this replaces the bird flu as America's latest pandemic scare.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-20 12:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gross
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Manscaping is good. I trim also. It looks better than wildebeastyness.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:24:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:07:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:01:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:57:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thought of all that pubic hair makes me wanna hurl.
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Oh whatever MF your husband is Italian. We all know Italian guys are hairy.
=======================
He manscapes.
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Oh god. What drives a person to do that?
And don't tell me loved ones cause I won't believe that.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:01:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:57:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thought of all that pubic hair makes me wanna hurl.
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Oh whatever MF your husband is Italian. We all know Italian guys are hairy.
=======================
He manscapes.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-01-20 11:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clarence Thomas would be proud
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GODDAMMIT YOU SWORE IN THE FILENAME!
*sobs*
Someone please discribe what the picture looks like. Thanks!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*gasp*
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you didn't take into account all those people that shave it off all at once. what about them? nice acronym. and hair rots pretty quickly, bout a year if left in the open, it gets brittle, breaks and turns to dust pretty quickly, if it's soggy it seems to actually take longer.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BUMPHUC indeed.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 10:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:57:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thought of all that pubic hair makes me wanna hurl.
---
Oh whatever MF your husband is Italian. We all know Italian guys are hairy.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The thought of all that pubic hair makes me wanna hurl.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post. But that could never happen....or could it ? This review made me laugh pretty hard too...
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Do all races have the same rate of pubic fallout? Troublesome nations may have to be shaved prematurely.
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Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You realize eventually you would have to inspect Urbane's pubic hair right?
That job wouldn't be that fantastic.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-20 09:27:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is why we should all wax that shit.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm worried.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Wipe that pubic hair off your shoes before you come in here, I just swept and mopped the floor"
I laughed so hard at this that I gave myself another hernia.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
starkingly well written
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:15:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That's a lot of pubes.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-01-20 08:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for BUMPHUC and what you would do (for the good of humanity, of course) for the PFP, though I would've simply called it the Pubic Hair Police so when people talk about PHP they get even more confused and disgusted in their daily lives.
"So how did you get the server up and running the way you wanted it?"
"Well, you know, it took an all-nighter or two, a shitload of coffee, and some good ol' PHP."
"You got the PHP to do your server? Your website sells food, you sick fuck! -2 die!"
"-2...die? What the fuck does -2 mean...?"
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH YEAH.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for BUMPHUC and making me scared for our future
Submitted by Quale (user info) at 2006-01-20 07:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-01-20 06:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-20 06:13:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great +2
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-20 06:07:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should collect all your fallout and knit a pube sweater. I swear, I've seen some varsity dorm toilets that could supply Stella McCartneys entire winter collection.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-20 05:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still don't get this fascination for hairlessness.
In answer to the question of pubic hair, it is consumed by microscopic insects just like ordinary hair. At least that's what the documantary on BBC2 said anyway.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-20 05:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"BUMPHUC"
That sir, is genius.
-Dave
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-01-20 04:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not to mention all the shaven cloppers in the world fueling the fire.
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haven't been here in months. Boy, now I know what I've missed.
Brilliant
UW
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:35:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do all races have the same rate of pubic fallout? Troublesome nations may have to be shaved prematurely.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:27:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a laser.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha...nice.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rock on.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FTW, that's what makes Saxon awesome. He's a dirty old Australian man. Yum!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:09:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just looked over the titles of some of your earlier posts...
I see a pattern.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, I love you.
I would prefer that if they mandated being pubic hair-less, that it be by waxing. Shaving doesn't last as long and waxing makes it a helluva lot smoother.
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck pubic hair.
Is it possible for me to get a position in the PFP? I'll only accept work in the hot chicks department.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell is wrong with you?
Submitted by The_T_Man (user info) at 2006-01-20 02:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-01-20 01:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i say we gather it all up and ship it to the chinks to make pillows
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-01-20 01:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know I've said this before but marry me!