Porn: Disgusting, funny, interesting... *NSFW* (6282 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.65 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manda (View user info) at 2006-01-20 16:06:48 EST
Ithyphallophobia is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.
Formicophilia is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals.
Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.
A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.
A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly.
"Venus observa" is the technical term for the "missionary position"
Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up (if you use a condom). It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.
According to a 1996 study, homophobia men show a higher arousal rate when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward homosexuals.
Seventies porn star Annie Sprinkle claims to have had sex with more than 3,000 men. (Roast beef, anyone?)
Brainy chicks are kinkier. College grads have more oral sex than high school dropouts, and women with PhD's are twice as likely to want a one-night stand than those with bachelor's degrees.
(I'm not verifying any of these facts--they could be total shenanigans. I compiled them from a ton of different sources, along with the pictures. Believe what you will.)
Insertsomethingwittyhere.JPG (171 kB) [image/pjpeg]
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-02-12 21:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-09 16:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I didn't rate this back then.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-30 15:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-01-29 18:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Aw, fuck... I KNEW IT!! I'm a Ithyphallophobic Formicophilier!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-23 12:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glad i'm not a bedbug.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-23 12:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wait a minute? you're male with the name manda panda?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 19:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, I agree. I have several pairs of "special sneakers" for the act.
Ahh, skank shoes, I'm surprised you haven't broken my ankle yet.
I think it's because I don't stay on my feet for long once my boyfriend sees that I'm wearing slut heels.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-21 19:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...and you don't need special sneakers!
--------------------
You're missing out.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-21 11:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
WAS THAT ALWAYS LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!
...I'm losing my mind. I could have sworn that the images showed up without clicking a link. Am I crazy? Or is something wrong here??
==========================================
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-21 11:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-21 00:25:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:50:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
"The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour."
---
Then they haven't talked to me, yet.
================================
16 in 1 hour, thats one every 3.75 minutes. I would not be proud of that.
---
Not proud of sexual stamina? Wow, never thought that I'd hear (read) something like that.
========================
I meant being able to get off in less than 4 minutes.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 03:05:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, Rad... I think you're bipolar, but that's okay, cos I still love ya. Besides, you have work to do, I'm sure.
I just finished reading an article from Good Housekeeping. I think I am officially bored. My sweater is nice and soft and made of microfiber material and everytime I move, it rubs against me and gives me the chills and goosebumps.
Yup, it's bedtime.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excuse the fuck out of me for being chopped liver.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to bed. :(
You people are...well...non-existant at 3am on a Saturday.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to post a story about getting a Brazilian wax, but I don't think it would be well received here on Uber. Too much testosterone and all. If I posted it on a women's forum, I would get sympathy +2's just for dealing with the pain for my boyfriend. It was a story of love and getting hurt.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, so it's not just me? I got scared for a moment there. Fearful that I had lost my mind. That's been happening a lot lately.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather like the link.
being at work and all that.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WAS THAT ALWAYS LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!
...I'm losing my mind. I could have sworn that the images showed up without clicking a link. Am I crazy? Or is something wrong here??
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a second...
What happened to my images??
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:10:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, it's not so much the sex act that turns me on.
Actually, it doesn't really turn me on at all.
I just like spanking people. Especially with wooden spoons. *Inside Joke*
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-21 02:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that whole BDSM scene doesn't do it for me.
everything else, however.
I'm a dirty little fuckslut.
{BONUS}
the most obscene word in the world is: cumdumpster.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-21 01:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Again cause I be drunk
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 01:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahaha, Rad, I love you.
I seriously considered becoming a dominatrix.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-01-21 01:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mandas a dirty fuckslut, isn't she?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-21 01:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno... personally, I'd like to meet the man that can shoot 16 times in an hour. Not that I would want to have sex with him, because really, it would just be like:
[Moaning and groaning from both parties] {Correct grammar always applies in bed.}
Me: Oh, yea, baby, right there, don't stop...
Him: Yea, you like that?
Me: Oh yes! Pleeeaaaase.
Him: Oh, wait... I need a tissue/towel/bucket.
Rinse and repeat.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-21 00:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:50:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
"The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour."
---
Then they haven't talked to me, yet.
================================
16 in 1 hour, thats one every 3.75 minutes. I would not be proud of that.
---
Not proud of sexual stamina? Wow, never thought that I'd hear (read) something like that.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no comment that I can really say except that the black toothless guy is far luckier than he deserves to be.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
"The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour."
---
Then they haven't talked to me, yet.
================================
16 in 1 hour, thats one every 3.75 minutes. I would not be proud of that.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:35:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
fro petes aske people, can't you tell the head one is fake? fake legs? see now?
_____________
i thought it was photoshopped, but yeah, i see it.
still funny, though.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ithyphallophobia is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis
===================================
I think my wife must have this disorder
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fro petes aske people, can't you tell the head one is fake? fake legs? see now?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-20 20:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Porn post friday?
Didn't I invent that, ha! I'll do some more if I ever get private web access.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-20 19:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The pictures.
Oh God, the pictures.
Can't...find.......the words...
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why the fuck is somebody rating this positively?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment needed
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour."
---
Then they haven't talked to me, yet.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
====
That makes sense. DHT is an hormone that inhibits hair growth but promotes body or facial hair. It is also responsible for libido.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly.
-------------------------------------------
So that's why I've been sick for a week and a half! I need to get laid!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the last pic is very interesting; i make the same face during sex. for the whole duration of the session. i also only breathe out of my nose, which creates this whistling sound from my nostrils.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-01-20 18:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the tit just about to suck on that baby's face.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pron rlues
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was super way to come home.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:42:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love porn post Friday. Except it's missing menstrual porn.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
I think I beat this in middle school, and lets not mention highschool.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.
~~~~~~~~~
This would be non-consensual? Hahaha, loved this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-20 17:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:37:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think there should be a revival of Porn Post Friday.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I am damn Jealous of Frankenstein's monster.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think there should be a revival of Porn Post Friday.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:30:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
_____________________
I always strive to be above average!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There are approximately 5 calories in a teaspoon of semen.
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons
Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000
Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons
Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour
Submitted by mattseanbachman (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:29:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe a goddamn head fits up there...a full-sized one. JEEZUS.
I can't figure out why get so damn sore w/my little thing. :-P
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The picture from BangBros was completely accidental. I actually was looking at porn, and I came across that... needless to say, the mood was killed.
But hell, it makes for an Uber post, so I guess I can't complain.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Fucking H. Roosevelt Christ On A Motherfucking Crutch.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal. "
Well this explains Batman and Robin.
The gap-toothed negro did it for me.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and you don't need special sneakers!
==============
I beg to differ.
That head in the vag is disturbing. I was talking to a friend yedterday about that photo.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-20 16:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think there should be a revival of Porn Post Friday.