Krispy Kreme Poem... (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.18 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (View user info) at 2006-01-20 21:44:07 EST
Here is a little poem I wrote...Ahem:
Entitled: Krispy Kreme
Jesus don't want me for a Krispy Kreme,
Even though they are the sugar extreme,
These donuts are so very low costing,
Though they are good down to the soft frosting,
I really love their sweet taste and icing,
My sharp hunger will be soon sufficing,
How come Jesus can not see the pastry,
As such a good alternative that is tasty,
This is so full of things so bad for me,
That I still have no ability to see,
Jesus can so see this donut I've got,
This is something Jesus clearly has not,
If angles want donuts there's only one hope,
Last weeks Krispy Kreme truck went to the pope,
I know they will soon halt my slow bloodstream,
Jesus don't want me for a Krispy Kreme
And another not so important picture I took whilst on travels.
User Reviews
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-02-15 19:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For finally having a positive score.
Seriously, will you try and write something that's actually good?
Submitted by Hash_brownie_supreme (user info) at 2006-02-15 18:49:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Krispey Kreme is the good stuff : )
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-21 16:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
one day.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-21 11:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I have been cut to the quick! How unfortunate.
I trust that the public will appreciate the well-written response to this post, for it has been oft-documented that I require their validation for my personal well being. Certes, I am but one negative review or comment away from taking a blade to my wrists and shuffling myself off this mortal coil.
I would recommend tightening up the poem's meter a bit, particularly since you want to have it rhyme. While this is not necessarily a rule, I have found that poems with a rhyme scheme flow better if their syllables are evenly dispersed throughout the lines.
Perhaps part of my trouble with this was that I expected it to be a tribute to Nirvana's "Jesus Don't Want Me for a Sunbeam." This, of course, was my mistake, not yours.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-01-20 22:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's as good as anything orgasmatron does. he'll be here soon to -2 you and try to impress everyone else with a poorly worded "poem".
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you have the wrong meter there pal.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/meter
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not -2 worthy, but still shitty.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
heh...thanks
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, this fucking sucks, good job.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-20 21:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ahem...i wrote this a week after the pope died...for this reference.