Be Gentle... Use Some Sunflower Oil Pretty Please (1557 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stin (View user info) at 2006-01-22 23:22:53 EST
I'm just going to come right out and throw myself under the bus by stating that this might as well be my very first post because it's been so damn long since I posted, so -2 away because I know you've gotta do whatcha gotta do.
I've been quietly ignoring Uber for quite some time and decided today that I would make it official for my impending 1/4 century birthday in a coupla years time. I've killed many, many, many an hour at work visiting Uber since I stumbled it in May 2004 (told you I've been lurking a while) and can't remember what it was like trying to pretend to work without masturbating furiously under my desk to pictures of Shlongy.
Anyway, I figure for my returning post I would reintroduce myself to y'all so we may become reacquainted. Then at least it wouldn't feel so much like cruel strangers bashing my brains in with insults, but instead loving friends offering genital criticisms (like my vagina being too slack). So, here it goes...
A Little About Stin:
1. I love being a short woman. Although I've never experienced being taller than anybody, I still don't think I would like it. Although the neckache sucks, it's better than the permanent view of dandruff and bald spots.
2. I have a TERRIBLE penis phobia. Not of my penis (I don't have one, silly!), but of touching ANYONES!!! When I tell people of this phobia, they think it's cute to try and tease me by trying to thrust their cock into my mouth. I warn them that if they wave their dongle in my face, I can't be held responsible for the consequences. All of my close friends learned a valuable lesson after the night they witnessed a comrade fall to the ground after I bit off his manhood and punctured both testicles. Hey, I warned him.
3. I think the sound of babies dying is magical. My dad has said I'm the wickedest person he knows, but that's probably just because I'm not afraid to nibble on a newborn for the sake of tasting that young, succulent flesh. He loves to call me "Vampire".
4. I'm an absolute SUCKER for a heavily bearded, butt-ugly chimney sweep in a grass skirt. Ahhhhh... yummy, but it has to be an authentic Hawaiian hula skirt. I have NO FUCKING CLUE how I'm going to deal with being a crackwhore in a few months and being surrounded with them. It's going to be like putting a recovering paedophile in a kindergarten full of innocent kids and dildos to bugger the kids with and telling them to "be a good paedophile and don't molest the cute little boy who's bending over, mkay?". Yeah right, I know me and I'm gonna end up screwing the four year old. Oh well, c'est la vie.
5. I don't care about a whole lot, but what I do care about I would fight to the death for. If you're a friend of mine and I see you being ass-raped on a street corner by some big black biker dude, I'll call the cops rather than stand around laughing like I would do for anyone else... Even if you deserve a good ass-raping. I'm not afraid of anyone, but the only people I won't fight are those guys from Queer Eye because those bitches really know how to do some damage with a handbag and can of hairspray. You're on your own if you get into an altercation with a scorned homosexual... sorry.
So, those are 5 little facts about me. I know you didn't ask and certainly didn't want them, but who gives a fuck... it's my 87th post and I'll do as I damn well please. It's nice to make y'alls acquaintance :)
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-27 11:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Baddum tish!
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-01-30 05:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHA!
I admit it, I got a chuckle out of this.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should learn to like having peener in your mouth a little more I say
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny even without previously reading the post that inspired it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-23 15:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahaha, excellent parody Christina...good to see all that tootling around in the Caribbean has not diminished your rapier-like wit.
I'm sorry to hear about the silvrwolf thing - although quite frankly there's nothing more cathartic than a good 5 or 6 posts on the subject - ask krissi & vulva if you don't believe me...
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-01-23 15:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think I've read this somewhere before...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-23 15:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-23 14:22:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JackalFett (user info) at 2006-01-23 14:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-23 14:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh and stab a few coworkers involuntarily.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-23 13:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well...shlongy is hot
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-01-23 13:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't recall you having a problem touching my penis. In fact, I thought you rather enjoyed the puppet show I gave you.
Oooooh, wait... Carry on then. I'll just get my coat.
Good to see you posting again.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-23 11:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back Stin.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-23 10:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-23 09:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-23 09:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at masturbating furiously.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-23 09:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-01-23 08:53:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2006-01-23 08:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!!! Where have you been dammit?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-01-23 08:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at "Submitted by Stin"
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-01-23 07:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4. I'm an absolute SUCKER for a heavily bearded, butt-ugly chimney sweep in a grass skirt.
WOOOT! Sphagnum's in.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-23 07:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good perody doesn't happen too much on Uber these days.
-Dave
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-01-23 05:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'I' have a penis phobia. There was this one time, at penis phobia camp, that the head bagina said, "Hey, d_r, come here.." so I did and when I got closer she sang, "one of these thingggggs, is not like the others, One of these thingggs - just doesn't belonggg, cannn you tell whi.."
"The peener, in teh pooper."
"Well done, d_r!!" she exclaimed. "We won't be sending YOU home like thorpe and williamson!"
So I got to sit back down with the other heterosexuals and I even got a fairy cake afterwards...
.. wait.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-23 05:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha you have a slack vagina!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-23 04:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny because it's true.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-23 03:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha!
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-23 03:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm sad
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-23 02:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sunflower oil - higher ignition point? *thoughtful look*
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-01-23 02:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"When I tell people of this phobia, they think it's cute to try and tease me by trying to thrust their cock into my mouth."
I do that to people all the time!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-23 02:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhh, the 6ft, amazon, cock-leach returns to Uber to search for purple, man, flesh.
What on earth have you been up to pretty leydeeee?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the hottest thing I've ever read.
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V
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:32:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm touching myself......
.........................RIGHT NOW.
--------------
*touches dying babies while orgasmo touches himself.
o yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm touching myself......
.........................RIGHT NOW.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think the sound of babies dying is magical"
+2 for that line alone.
I love you?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How about "neither", Zol.
I'm a married woman.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Suckin isnt ok (-2) so what about buttsex (+2?) ?
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:01:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
The post that inspired this one ruined my day.
This one saved it.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
long time no see! i'm still on MSN you know. :)
Submitted by Call911 (user info) at 2006-01-23 00:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The post that inspired this one ruined my day.
This one saved it.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know - I always forget to quote the post I'm parodying in the post itself.
DUH!!!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAAHAH!!
I didn't realise this was a parody and was reading in state of horror thinking all the way through:- "What the FUCK happene to Stin?!"
Fucking good job.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posh.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah. my bad stin for bringing it up but I havent been paying attention much.
so whatcha up to now then eh?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob, things with Silvr and I didn't work out, but life is good thanks. I'll have to hit you up on AIM sometimes and tell you all about it.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very interesting...welcome back...well seriously I can't truly welcome you back because I haven't been here that long m'self but no matter.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you kick ass stin.
so hows life with silvr as I have not spoke to you in a long ass time and Im procrastinating?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-22 23:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot to say, inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/82656.