I decked my little sister at xmas. (1090 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.85 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dave <godless_dave.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-23 18:42:06 EST
Ok well here it goes first post but long time reader.
The christmas just gone we have our normal family get together, you know the type of thing
annoying fucking aunts you cant stand and drunk uncles you wouldnt piss on if they were on fire.
Then you have the immediate family for me its a recipe as suc
2 brothers in the special forces so therefore absolute fucking pyschopaths.
1 Father ex special forces which makes him usually a drunken pyschopath.
1 Older sister who is a materialist slut from the fires of satan himself
Me - Who works in sales and marketing and is somewhat the blacksheep (and the best looking)
1 Younger sister who thinks she can fight and loves to try and show it off every chance she gets.
Now to explain how and why this happen lets take a few things into account
1. I was drinking heavily
2. She started it
3. she said and I quote "come on we are both black belts now we are equals"
She got hers just a year or two ago I have held mine for over 5 years. Equal eh? Ok bitch you call the storm be ready for thunder.
Now it was just after xmas lunch and we were doing the whole drink some drinks talk to people you hate and pretend you give a shit to what they are saying about their latest boat they just brought or someones hip surgery.
So we are standing there and I am doing the ol'clockwatch routine basically waiting for the day to be over and hopefully with incident (the year previous my and my brothers crashed dads new car)
So up comes little sis we will call her "Moron" for the purpose of this story.
Moron: Come on bro spar with me
Me: No.
Moron: Ow come on we are both black belts now we are equals
Me: Do you have a crack addiction we should know about?
Moron: What?
Me: Forget it go play in traffic or something.
So this went on for some time and she eventually takes the leap and while MY BACK IS TURNED she does a knee sweep. Luckily she aimed to low and all it did was buckle my knee.
Now what happen next was pure reflex as I turned around she swept the knee again so spurned by anger at this pyscho fuck gremlins attempt I step one side and let fly a open palm straight left....into her forehead. And as god as my witness I have NEVER seen anyone go Horizontal mid-air before.
Everything in the room stopped then was broken by Morons wails and dads laughter.
So heres hoping I dont get invited next year.
P.s she had a slight concussion from hitting the slate tiles. and black bruise that a boxer would be proud of.
Thanks for reading :)
User Reviews
Submitted by psychodude98 (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for making me laugh
-1 for refering to your sister as "moron"
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:13:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Better recieved than my first post. Watch the spelling errors, and I think you may be able to contribute to this crazy place.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's people like you that take the christ out of christmas.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Your so cool with your internet-bragging it makes me want to shoot myself.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-24 08:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It needed rape with a splintery axe handle.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-24 06:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This needed more rape. Preferably with those plastic things that hold beer cans together used to tie her hands, thus subltly drawing comparisons between enviromental damage and incestial violation.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-24 06:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
All the usual/obvious reasons.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-01-23 21:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I read and read and read and kept thinking "GET TO IT AND DECK THE LITTLE CUNT!"
i got to the second paragraph and gave up.
Welcome to Uber
-2DIE!
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2006-01-23 21:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:29:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rewriting a Mutant Ninja Turtles episode doesn't cut it
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You do need to set your scenes a little more descriptivly. You can see the scene in your head but your reader needs to see it. Use a layout that reads easily so the story flows from one scene to the other so the reader knows who is saying/doing what without having to think about it.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok I read it and I'll give you +1, because it made me laugh and actually is a good first post. Good Day.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok i'll -2 this then go read it. Welcome to uber.
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thats fine dont mind the negatives on first attempt any advice would be appreciated though.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:27:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow a blackbelt who clobbered his sister, I bet the whole cobra-kai dojo is proud of you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was a tad ungracious before. Welcome to uber. It's still a -2 though.
The conversation in particular jumped from one protagonist to the next without building any real flow.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I totally hit your sister, too. I bent her over the trunk of my neighbor's Datsun and had my fill of both her holes while making her sing "Im a Yankee Doodle Dandy."
She's quite the p. o. a., I'll say that much. Got some good pipes on her too.
Oh, wait...
You mean you decked your sister.
Like hit her with a punch.
Nevermind.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, you may want to note... People here are offended by emoticons.
One other thing... Before you submit something, I recommend looking over it for typos like "writting". If you do, you're sure to reduce the amount of people that hate you with a passion by 50%.
Submitted by Godless_dave (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey guys thanks for the reviews.
I will take into account the fleshing things out part and see how we go from there :d
Was first post and I have never been good at recounting things when writting but will give it another crack as I am sure you could imagine my family has had some fairly interesting times.
Also for a note she is 18 i am 22 for those wondering my age :P
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You failed second grade three times and then quit school, right?
Stick to reading...
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, Dave, I just didn't like the way this was written. Take a little more time to flesh out your anecdotes, expand on some of the things you briefly mentioned about other family members etc.
This is probably the nicest review you're going to get on this. I'm in a good mood because I'm leaving my hell hole of a workplace. To go home and work for another three hours, but it doesn't seem like work when you have a beer in front of you..
Good luck, welcome to Uber.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"2. She started it."
How old are you, dude??
-1, I've seen better. I think you'll get better, if you don't get run out from the start.
Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Poor grammar and overused cliches couldn't stop me from enjoying this.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You called the thunder...
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:47:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stick to just reading
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell is wrong with you? +2 for the mental image though.