Will Zone On Quitting Smoking (2662 hits)
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Submitted by WiLL ZoNE (View user info) at 2006-01-23 18:46:18 EST
Addiction sure is habit-forming.
So I started smoking on September 11th...coincidently. I had my first pleasurable experience with a Nic-Stick a few weeks before at a bar in NYC...a time when you could smoke in a bar in NYC. My friend Francis was buzzing puffing away on a black cigarette, and in between pints of Guinness I asked him for a drag. I took this cool looking black cigarette and sucked it back with a deep inhale. I didn't cough. After I handed it back to him, I was filled with a light-headed euphoria. I was high. This was the moment I fell in love with smoking.
I took another one from him for my walk from the bar to the LIRR. I got high again. I was hooked.
Mine eyes saw a legal product available at all smoke shops that were accepted my modern man and also got me high. Two days later I went to the smoke shop in my old hometown and got myself a pack of Djarum Black...a clove cigarette. The pack sat in my car until that awful September morning.
When my brother woke me up on Septepber 11th with the quote "Hey Will. You know the Channel 11 buildings in the city? A plane just crashed into them."
We called them the channel 11 buildings for some reason because they looked like an edifice in the shape of the number "11." Well, after I realized that it was a 747 and not a bi-plane, I went into my car and took out the pack. Now's as good a time as ever. That's when I began smoking.
After a move to Brooklyn and a year of casual smoking, maybe a pack or two a week, the euphoria disappeared and I started smoking Marlboro's, simply because they were cheaper and more readily available. Both my roommates smoked, and it was just the thing to do. It passed the time. It occupied my hands. I ate less. I thought, honestly, that it made me look cooler. I was now an addict.
So it's over 4 years later and the thrill is gone, and the habit remained. I psyched myself up throughout 2005 that come the New Year, I'm kicking the habit. The pressure from my parents and my non-smoker girlfriend also pushed me to quit. They were pushy about it, yes, and the only way I'd get them to quit buggin' me was to say I'd quit come the New Year. January 1st I had to put my money where my tarry mouth was. I quit.
It's not as easy as I thought.
Day One, January 2nd, wasn't bad at all. I was so hopped up on pride that it didn't matter. Day One was easy. People were smoking in my face, it didn't faze me. I can beat it. People smoked in my office, my roommates smoked at home...I was above it.
Day Two was when things got interesting. In my mind I rationalized that I deserve a SINGLE cigarette for not smoking at all on Day One. It made sense to me. So, on a break at work, I took a smoke from my boss and sucked it back and there was that euphoria. Mmmm, sweet, sweet dizziness.
As I type this it's Day 22 and for all but Day One and last Thursday, I've had at least one cigarette and as many as 7 cigarettes in one day. Though in my awful defense, I should say that there were many more days closer to one butt a day than there were to seven butts a day.
My gorgeous girlfriend got me a bottle of Wellbutrin, which I've heard from various sources, one being my Dad who swears by it, that it takes the edge off and makes quitting a lot easier. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant. A curious drug to say the least. The days I took it, I felt weird. Was the weirdness the drug? Was the weirdness from not smoking cigarettes? Was it a combination of both those things? Was the weirdness a completely placebo effect to the drug because I kept thinking taking an anti-depressant would make me feel weird? All of the above.
I think it was the drugs effects on me. I came to theory that my happiness level was probably around 90% everyday. For those people who are depressed and who need Wellbutrin, maybe their happiness is around 50%. I believe Wellbutrin brings you to 80% happiness, for most, a big boost, but for me, it brought me down. This theory might be complete bullshit, but I stopped taking it and I feel better...I feel more normal.
Quick-Way-Too-Revealing-Sidenote-That-Might-Need-To-Be-Edited-Out: Quitting smoking is tough if you are ever coked up. Never do cocaine, not even for one night while playing poker with friends, if you don't want to smoke cigarettes like a cancer-making machine.
Back to quitting smoking...quitting drugs is a completely different post for a completely different time. Please, please, Black Baby Jesus is Heaven, please do not let the preceding sentence find its way into my obituary as an "ironic statement."
Of late I've found myself in the sad circumstance of hiding smoking from not only everyone I know, but also from myself. I'm in such denial. How is it possible to hide smoking from myself? It's the insane rationalization process in which I convince myself that if I smoke half a cigarette, it doesn't count. It's the sorry situation when it's late at night and everyone is asleep and I hunt the ashtrays in my apartment for an extinguished cigarette that still has some life left in it...thankfully, this gross moment happened only once.
Yesterday was my saddest moment. My parents came into town to buy me a suit and some new shoes because they are great parents. Being that the rents are in town, I can't smoke at all. I can't sneak one; they'd smell it on me. After picking up the suit, I decided to wait outside for my parents as they finished some personal shopping of their own. Trouble. I'm leaning against a lamp post viciously sucking on a Tea Tree toothpick trying and failing to find a nicotine core in the stick when Mr. Cool nears. Mr. Cool whips out a Pall Mall 100 like a samurai unsheathes his sword. It graces his lips with the delicacy of tippy-toed ballerina. From his free hand comes a roundhouse of fire from his silvery-shiny Zippo lighter. I'm entranced. If I could see myself I would say I looked like a cartoon dog salivating in front of a Main Street Meat Market. Mr. Cool take three deep drags and drops the smoke at his feet and walk back inside.
There on the dirty NYC sidewalk is a perfectly good cigarette that has barely been smoked. I'd say there is still 85% cancery goodness left inside of her. Then, and this is 100% true, there is a gust of wind and the cigarette slowly rolls down the sidewalk and stops, no less than 2 inches from my twitching foot. I'm at a crossroads. I want that smoke soooooooo bad. I want to taste her. I want to feel her in my fingers. I want to control that fire in my lungs.
I'm also kinda grossed out, but it puts up a weak fight.
I decide to get closer to it, still unsure if I'm going to smoke it. I look left and look right; there is no one near me that would see me pick up this cigarette. I lean down and pretend to tie my shoe. My yellow stained fingers are a stretch away. I look around one more time. No one would see me. I grab the smoke in my hands and stand upright. I hold it at my side...battling the urge to put it to my lips.
"What's one drag? It'll take the edge off."
In a hurried motion I put it to my lips and sucked back deep. I felt disgusted...yet comforted at the same time. I flicked the now-community smoke into a puddle as I exhaled.
That is addiction.
That is the beast I'm up against.
Later that night, when my parents left, I bought a pack. I smoked two cigarettes and immediately gave the smokes to my roommate.
It's Monday. A new week. A new attempt at stopping.
Wish me luck.
Oh Uber, "At least I've cut down tremendously." That thought goes through my mind everyday and that thought is the voice of the devil inside.
Will
User Reviews
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-01-24 13:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Side note: I like to drink on coke, not necessarily smoke, but I like to smoke when I drink, so it's bit of a conundrum.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-01-24 12:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76919
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-01-24 12:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for Djarum Blacks
+1 for quitting. i quit cold turkey on 1 January. though i haven't had one, i want one.
bad.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-24 12:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CLOVES ARE DISGUSTING
just quit. i did.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-01-24 12:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I quit before. Try Smoke-Away. It will keep you from
1. wanting a cigarette
2. killing people who annoy you during this sensitive time
Good luck
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2006-01-24 11:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys are pussies, quitting smoking is easy. I quit every day that's how fucking easy it is.
Submitted by sweet_nothings (user info) at 2006-01-24 10:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ex-smokers are the worst when it comes to smoking intolerance. Much like former crackheads turned born again christians.
------------------
Or as my mother would say "there's none so pure as a reformed hoor"
Good luck Will, wish I could do it.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I started smoking way back when nobody gave a shit about lung cancer, cigarette ads were everywhere, and you could smoke indoors, outdoors, in stores, on a plane, on a bus, etc. Smoke was accepted universally and nobody complained or cared. We smoked outside the cafeteria at high school. Hell, we smoked in the high school outside of the auditorium between breaks in the shows.
Whether I was "walking a mile for a camel" or "rather fighting than switching", cigarettes were the thing to have hanging out of your mouth on a warm summer day or a cold winter morning.
both my parents smoked as did my aunts and uncles. It was a smoke filled society hell bent on creating a perpetual haze to look through while you were walking up to roll that next strike or trying to see the next player hit one out of the park.
Cigarettes were cheap and plentiful and I remember as a young boy buying them at the corner store for my parents. The clerk didn't care, he knew they were for my parents. I could have been smoking those bullets at eight years old and he wouldn't have given two shits.
Now, when you smoke, you are huddles with the outcasts, hiding from the PC police like a fucking criminal who has been destined to spend the rest of eternity in the cancer ward in hell. Pretty soon it will be coffee, then ice cream and finally masturbation. Where will
it end, oh where will it end?
I need a smoke.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best of luck!
Start playing Civilization 4. Before you know it, 9 months will have gone by without you even noticing. Of course, then you'll be addicted to that damn game.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:06:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
Cigarettes are the devil. I quit for seven months one time by smoking left handed cigarettes every time I wanted a regular one. I've also quit by switching to chew, but it's still tobacco. Try quiting with someone.
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I tried quitting with my boss once but I ran out of money too quickly.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cigarettes are the devil. I quit for seven months one time by smoking left handed cigarettes every time I wanted a regular one. I've also quit by switching to chew, but it's still tobacco. Try quiting with someone.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-24 06:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apart from the horrifically gay 'September the eleventh made start smoking' fagishness this was a pleaseant read.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2006-01-24 01:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Replace your vice with something. You can't just stop.
Buy shit on eBay, go to the gym, masturbate more. You need something.
+2 for trying.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2006-01-24 00:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should quit...I know I should quit...I just don't want to...and until I want to, I can't
Good luck to you my friend, you are a better man than I.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-01-23 23:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written +2.
Quitting smoking is hard. I did it a few years ago. Admittedly, I wasn't a heavy smoker. You'll beat the beast. I found that running a mile or two whenever I really wanted a smoke helped a lot. It makes your lungs kick out all that tarry shit, and the last thing you want when you are winded is a cig.
I also quit drinking alcohol for good on September 11th. That has been easy.
Now, if I could just quit smoking weed I would be a regular Puritan.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I really woud like a smoke now. For that reason I can't plus two you.
But I feel your pain.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:50:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
good job, bloborama
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awesome. and who are you?
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oreos....hmmm
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLD THE PHONE - YOU MEAN NICOTINE IS ADDICTIVE?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-23 20:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's to manning up, growing a set, and committing to quitting.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I dont know why, your shit just isnt what it used to be.
Now run along and -2 my posts.
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:53:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Smoking is for losers. Cool people smoke crack.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Back in the day of only having 12 TV channels, we used to be able to get channel 11. They always had the coolest cartoons on in the afternoon.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't smoke anyway, so I don't have to go through the torment. Ah well; It's worth it. I get to point and laugh.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I as well have been trying not to smoke anymore,(I quit smoking multiple times everyday, at the end of each cigarette). My fiance stopped a while back, and now she's harping me to stop. Ex-smokers are the worst when it comes to smoking intolerance. Much like former crackheads turned born again christians.
KEEP HOPE ALIVE!
...yeah that was pretty lame, sorry
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Are you quitting smoking cigarettes AND pole or just the ciggies?
Just say no...to quitting cigarettes. It's not worth the agony.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:15:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 quitting!
I started out on cloves, too..and moved on for $/availabilty reasons as well. I couldn't possibly smoke a whole clove today. I'm down to very few during the week- alcohol is the catalyst for me. Coke would be tough without, but booze I just need to stay away from for a few weeks when I quit.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will Zone, knowing nothing of you except what I have read in this post and the comment by Agent_Smith, I would say that a piece on your addiction to food may have been a more refreshing and humorous take on vice.
"I wept softly, my mouth brimming with ham sandwich..."
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-23 19:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My old baseball coach smoked. He said "Quitters never win, but winners never quit."
...
Wait, was he talking about baseball games?
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was hoping you'd get lung cancer.
Submitted by sandimus (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am currently fighting this battle myself. Best of luck...quitter
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smoking is for losers. Cool people smoke crack.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
good job, bloborama
Submitted by GDR (user info) at 2006-01-23 18:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment