Startled (413 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.66 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FistSoup (View user info) at 2006-01-24 02:53:02 EST
"He saw something that startled him," the detective said as he bent down to examine the body. "You can tell by the look of shock frozen on his face, that whatever it was, he wasn't expecting to see it." He knelt down closer the rictus that death had left frozen on the body's face. "Perhaps it was some kind of animal by the side of the road here. Maybe a cougar or wolf. Hell, maybe it was even a bear. I know that would shock the shit outta me if I saw one on my walk." The detective grunted as he struggled to raise his middle aged bulk up off the roadway. "I dunno, this guy looks like he was well prepared for this walk. Just look at his sneakers. Nice, expensive too, if I'm any judge. Those aren't your weekend warrior, putter around the house, maybe a ballgame on the weekend sneakers. Those are top of the line walking sneaks there." He pointed to the telltale swoosh on the side of the, by this time, quite bloody sneakers. "Look at the way he's dressed. Fanny pack, i-pod strapped to the arm, no, I'm gonna say that this guy was an avid walker, a real pro. Nothing along this stretch of road that he hasn't seen many times before." He took a moment to hitch up his slacks, which have slipped down his ass due to the stresses of kneeling down and standing back up again.
"Something startled him alright, but it wasn't anything as mundane as an animal walking across his path. This was something out of the ordinary. Something people aren't supposed to see. This was something that would make a sane man go mad. Something that makes a man shit in his lycra walking shorts and piss down his leg in terror." His cold, grey eyes scan the surrounding woods as if, if he squinted just right, he could see the unnamed horror back in the trees watching him as he was watching it. "Perhaps it was something not of this world, or maybe some throwback from an age gone by, that doesn't belong anymore." His gaze finally rests upon the officer investigating the scene. "We'll probably never know what it was that startled this man, because it looks like, shortly after whatever it was startled him, it killed him. I'm afraid we may never solve this mystery."
"The thing about that," said the officer while looking directly into the cold gray, eyes of the detective, "is that, well, me and the other boys have been doing a bit of thinking about this, and we figure that with the bloody tire marks all over the pavement, and the fact that there's an impression of a license plate and grill work embossed on the torso and head of the body, added to the fact that the troopers have got a guy they found twenty miles away at the highway rest stop trying to wash blood and gore off the front of his truck, we all kinda figure we've got a pretty open and shut case. I think that what startled our friend here and made him piss himself, was seeing several tons of Peterbilt, crossing onto the shoulder, directly into his path. What do you think? You think that seems just a little more plausible than some sort of extra-dimensional being springing into existence and killing our guy here?"
The question hung in the air, like a fart that no one would fess up to.
"You know, just because there's an easier explanation, doesn't mean it's the right one," said the detective.
"If it's the same to you, I think we'll probably stick with our version," said the officer.
"I'm not a very good detective," said the detective.
"Yeah, I kinda figured that out already," said the officer.
"My father knows the governor, put in a good word for me, you know how it goes."
"Oh. Nice. Good job, then," replied the officer.
An awkward silence settled in as both men stared at each other in desperation. One man, desperate to hang onto any shred of dignity that might still be left after admitting incompetence in his job and dreadful observational skills, locked his gaze onto the officer's eyes almost daring him to say something more. The other, desperate to be away from a total fucktard that couldn't detect his own pulse, much less investigate an actual crime, but aware of rank and also aware that he may have pushed his luck a little too far, stood resolutely quiet and stared back. Then, as if by some subconscious signal, both men decided that enough was probably enough, walked away from each other while mumbling halfhearted parting words.
Back in the woods, the thing that startled the walker into running in front of the truck, clicked its pincers in irritation at having lost a meal, and stalked back to its lair.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-27 14:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't a bad first post.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-24 13:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
posh.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-01-24 09:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw 3 large blocks of text and I was definitely Startled...
Holy Fucking WHITE SPACE Batman.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2006-01-24 08:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-24 05:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*expression of vague boredom - slight pursing of lips as a sigh escapes*
Submitted by FistSoup (user info) at 2006-01-24 04:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-24 04:38:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
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That's certainly been done before.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-24 04:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-24 03:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bahaha, "I'm not a very good detective."
I was waiting for them to get it on, then it actually would have been Worth reading (+0).
Bum chicka bum chicka bow-chica-bowwow..."Officer, I'm a bad detective!"
"Maybe I should get out my nightstick and take you to town."
"You're going to have to cuff me, I won't come willingly!"
"Oh, I'll get you to come."
Where am I?